by Debra Doxer
I glance away and take a breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding. I can’t maintain eye contact with him when he looks at me that way, with a hunger I know I must be misinterpreting. For all I know, he’s angry with me again for no good reason. That’s when I notice Sophie pressed against his side.
“Oh my god,” Kellie screeches pointing at my wrist. “You’ve got a bracelet. You’ve got to get us some lemon drops. Those are so yummy. Right, Soph?”
Sophie frowns at me. “Yeah,” she answers. Obviously, she wants a drink. She’s just sorry she needs me to get it for her.
I shake my head. “I’m not getting anyone drinks.”
Kellie’s mouth drops open. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to.” I’m really starting to regret using my fake ID to get in here, but it’s the only piece of identification I have. I’m not completely opposed to drinking. I’ve had a drink or two at a party. But my experiences with my mom have obviously influenced me. I would never buy alcohol for her when she asked, and I won’t buy it for anyone else either.
“How did you even get that bracelet?” Kellie sneers as she begins reaching for it.
Before she can touch me, a large hand wraps around her arm and stops her. “Leave her alone,” Lucas says.
Kellie yanks away from him and lets her glare travel between us. Then she mumbles “such a fucking waste” and steps back, dismissing us.
Lucas disengages himself from Sophie and takes my wrist in both of his hands. Gently, he slips his fingers beneath the bracelet and begins to tug it downward. My eyes flick up and catch his. “Make a column with your fingers,” he says. His face is only inches from mine.
I squeeze my straightened fingers together and Lucas manages to slide the bracelet down and off. He shoves it in his pocket and rubs my wrist.
I clear my throat and try to find my voice. “You keep saving me from rabid blondes,” I tell him.
“You keep pissing them off,” he answers.
“Well, thanks…again.”
“Why did you get it if you don’t want it?” He arches a curious brow. We’re nearly eye level with each other. He’s still a few inches taller than me but he’s leaning down, creating an intimacy between us in the crowded club.
“My only ID is a fake one. Haven’t you heard, Lucas? I’ve got a checkered past.”
He tilts his head at me. “Yeah, I’ve heard. But I think you’re a good girl at heart.”
I can feel his warm breath on my face. He’s looking at me like he knows me, and I smile to cover the nerves that are making me jittery. “Don’t tell anyone. You’ll ruin my rep,” I reply.
His eyes, so dark in the dimly lit club, shift to my lips.
My breath freezes inside my lungs. When his gaze moves up again, what he sees in my eyes makes his nostrils flare. I wonder if the attraction I’m feeling is written all over my face. Suddenly, he squeezes my hand and releases it, leaning away from me.
“Come on guys,” Myles says, jolting me back to earth where I realize our friends are standing there watching us. “Isolation is on.”
I allow myself to be herded toward the stage again. But my racing heart won’t quickly forget what it’s like having Lucas so close, looking at me like the connection I feel to him is real, and he feels it, too. Gwen is beside me now, and I soon lose track of him. The place is too packed to get close to the stage, but we stake out a spot in the middle of the crowd and watch as the band strolls on.
A thundering cheer erupts, and I grin as the energy in the room skyrockets. I figure out who Chad is right away. He swaggers up to the microphone, his guitar swinging down past his hips. His tank shirt displays the tattoo sleeves I’ve heard about, and his bald head reflects the stage lights. He yells a countdown into the microphone and on four the music begins to pound. Chad takes his place in the center. When he opens his mouth, I’m amazed at his voice. Everyone was right. The band is really good.
The crowd begins moving, and fists start to pound in the air. Gwen turns to me expectantly. I smile and nod at her. My gaze flicks from Chad to the rest of the guys on stage. He’s flanked by two more guitar players. When my eyes land on the bass player, they widen. I recognize him. His long stringy hair is pulled back into a ponytail. I can only see his profile, but I know I’ve seen him before. I continue moving to the music, my eyes staying on the bass player until he finally turns in my direction. I gasp and take a step back, bumping the person behind me who gives me a little shove back. I know where I’ve seen him. But how can it possibly be him? I stand frozen in place not sure what to think.
“You okay?” Gwen yells at me.
I don’t answer. I stare at the man I saw talking to Apollo in front of our building in San Diego. But I need to get closer. I need to be sure. Rudely pushing through people, I inch my way forward. I vaguely hear Gwen calling me, but I keep moving, ignoring the dirty looks and the aggressive shoves. I’m only a few feet from the stage when I feel hands on my arms urging me back.
“What are you doing?” Gwen yells in my ear.
The crowd is rougher up here. They’re forming a pit, and Gwen slams into me nearly knocking me down.
“Let’s move back,” she pleads, tugging on my arm.
“Do you know the other guys in the band?” I ask. “Do they go to our school?”
She shakes her head. “I think they’re older.”
When I get slammed into again, I decide there’s no need to stay up here. I can wait until they’re done and then try to talk to him.
As we move back, I begin to pick out familiar faces from school. Hailey and Tucker are here with Tucker’s friends from history who spoke to me that first day. In front of them is Lucas. He’s not watching Isolation though. His eyes are panning the crowd. Beside him is Sophie who is leaning into him. I dart my gaze away from her and ignore the pang I feel. Next to them are Jake and Kellie. Kellie is sitting piggyback on Jake, her chin resting on the top of his head. I glance at Gwen, and her slumped shoulders tell me she sees them, too. It appears we both have crushes on guys who are taken. But while Jake seems perfectly content with Kellie clinging to him, Lucas is paying no attention to Sophie.
I take Gwen’s hand and lead her toward the edge of the crowd. I want to be near the door when the band exits the stage. We stand listening to the music for nearly another hour. The room is considerably hotter now. Condensation lines the walls, and my back is moist with perspiration. Finally, after a finale that rocks so hard, the entire clubs shakes, Chad yells “thank you” to the cheering crowd and heads to the side of the stage.
In the sudden quiet, my ears begin to ring. I squeeze against the wall to get to the door before the band disappears through it. The bass player is the last one off. When he passes, I reach my hand out and grab his arm. He’s dripping with sweat, and my fingers slide over his skin. Finally, he turns. He glances at my hand on his arm and then up at me. He stops moving, and his eyes grow wide. I can see it in his face. He recognizes me, too.
Before I can say anything, a thick arm wraps around my waist and hauls me backward. The bass player seems to regain his senses, and he quickly disappears through the open door. I struggle to push the arm down and off me. “Let go!” I yell in frustration. I’m carried back to the bar area and unceremoniously dumped on a stool.
“No touching the band,” the bouncer says, pointing his finger at my face. “Unless they ask you to.” Then he winks and turns away.
I immediately stand. “What the hell was that, Raielle?” Gwen demands. Behind her, I see the rest of the group moving toward me. Most of the crowd is shifting the other way, in the direction of the exit now that the show is over.
“If I was going to throw myself at one of them, it wouldn’t be that skanky guitar player,” Kellie grimaces.
I ignore them all and start moving toward the stage door again. This time, it’s Lucas’s hands on my shoulders that stop me. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“I have to talk to the bass player.” I t
ry to move around him, but he moves with me.
“Why?” He’s leaning down, placing his face in front of mine.
This time, I avoid eye contact with him. I don’t know what to tell Lucas. Just saying that I recognize the bass player from San Diego wouldn’t justify my reaction. But he reacted the same way to me. His reason for being outside my old apartment building has something to do with me. I can feel it.
“He wasn’t interested in you. Get over yourself,” Sophie says to me, tugging on the waistband of Lucas’s jeans in an attempt to pull him away.
Lucas clenches his jaw and removes her hand. “We are not a couple, Sophie. Please stop acting like we are.”
She gazes up at him, and her eyes fill with tears. Lucas sighs heavily.
“Nice going,” Kellie snaps at him. Then she puts her arm around Sophie and leads her away.
“I’m going to catch a ride back with them,” Jake announces before following behind the two girls.
“Well, this has been fun,” Myles quips.
Lucas scrubs a hand over his face.
“You ready to go?” Gwen asks me.
My gaze shifts back toward the stage door. Then I nod. It might be better to find Chad at school and ask him who his band mate is. It’s obvious he knows who I am. It would probably be wise if I tried to find out more rather than storming in there and making him talk to me right now.
As we head for the exit, behind me I hear Lucas ask Gwen, “Where are you parked?” After she tells him, he says, “We’ll walk you.”
Once we step outside, the muggy night air feels cool on my damp skin. My boots click on the pavement. Gwen and I lead the way with the three of them trailing close behind.
“Why did you and Sophie break up anyway?” I hear April ask.
I try to keep pace with Gwen, pretending I’m not listening intently to the answer. After a long silence, I think Lucas isn’t going to respond. But then he says, “I was never going to feel the way she wanted me to. It wasn’t fair to be with her.”
“Wow, that sucks for Sophie,” April says. Then she giggles.
I glance back at her wondering if she somehow got her hands on a few drinks.
When we finally reach Gwen’s car, she turns and gives them all a little wave. “Thanks for walking us.”
As I move toward the passenger side, Lucas steps up beside me. “Are you going to tell me what that was about?” he asks quietly, so only I can hear.
“Kellie and Sophie were rude to me, as usual,” I answer glibly.
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
I reach for the door handle wishing I could tell him. Wishing I had someone I could trust. Knowing all too well that I don’t. “Goodnight, Lucas.”
He face tightens with annoyance. Once I’m seated, he closes the car door for me. Through the side mirror, I see him standing there, watching us as we drive away.
“Where would I find Chad Bleeker at school today?”
Myles just stares at me.
“What?” I ask.
He runs a hand through his hair. “Why do you want to know? Are you becoming another crazed Isolation fan girl?”
We’re almost to April’s house. I want to wrap this conversation up before we get there. “Look, I just need to talk to him. I’ve never seen him in school, and I have no idea how to track him down. I promise you that fandom is the last thing on my mind.”
“Fine,” he says, shaking his head like it’s against his better judgment. “He’s probably feeding his nicotine habit down by bleachers.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you later.” I speed up and wave to April as I jog across the street. Once the school is in sight, rather than heading up the front steps, I detour around to the back. Sure enough, down on the field behind the school building, there is a group of smokers congregated on the bottom step of the bleachers.
I spot Chad surrounded by three guys who look similar to him, all wearing a sort of emo-punk fusion style with lots of visible tattoos at their wrists and necklines, and black skinny jeans that disappear into biker boots. They all stop talking to watch my approach. With tunnel vision, I see only Chad, who is eyeing me as white smoke spills smoothly from his nostrils.
I stop in front of him. “Can I talk to you?”
Someone beside me whistles. “Bleek’s got another groupie. She’s the hottest one yet.”
“Talk,” Chad orders, looking me over.
“In private,” I add. More whistles sound. I roll my eyes at his friends as I wait for his answer.
He tosses his cigarette onto the ground and begins walking around to the other side of the bleachers. I follow behind him, assuming he’s not trying to escape me. Once we’re away from his smoking circle, he turns to me abruptly.
“If I decide to fuck you, I don’t want to hear from you after. Okay? One and done. That’s the deal.”
I stare in disbelief and then try not to laugh. He’s decent looking in a badass way, but he’s mostly just an ass with ashtray breath. “That’s a really interesting offer,” I reply calmly. “But I just wanted to ask you a question.”
He slants his head at me like he’s not sure he heard me correctly.
“I was wondering if you could tell me about your bass player, the guy with the long ponytail.”
Now he’s squinting at me. “You mean Rob?”
I nod as though I know who that is. “Yeah, Rob…”
“Jarvis,” he finishes for me.
“Right. I know him from somewhere, but I can’t put my finger on it.”
“Did you fuck him?”
My shoulders tense with the insults I’m holding back. “No,” I reply with a hard to maintain neutral expression that is actually hurting my face. “Is he from San Diego?”
Chad barks out a laugh. “Hell no.”
“Has he traveled there recently?”
“I’m pretty sure he’s never left the state,” he replies, growing impatient.
“Are you sure? Maybe he was in California visiting a friend or something. Maybe he was traveling for a job?”
He shakes his head and laughs again. “I don’t think janitorial work requires much travel.”
“He’s a janitor?” I ask surprised.
Chad shrugs. “That’s just his day job until we get a record deal.”
“Where does he work as a janitor?”
“Don’t remember,” Chad replies, and his eyes zero in on my chest. “Why are you so interested in him? Maybe we wouldn’t have to keep it to one time as long as you didn’t get too clingy or expect anything from me.”
Chad’s outrageous offer barely registers as I’m beginning to second guess myself. Is it possible the bass player is not the person I saw talking to Apollo? “Well, thanks,” I reply, “I’ll think about it.” With that, I quickly walk away, wondering when my next opportunity to take a shower is.
When I arrive in history, Lucas is already there. “Are you free to go to the DMV after school today?” he asks just as I’m sitting down beside him, my thoughts still on my conversation with Chad.
“Go where?” I ask, confused.
He faces me. “The Department of Motor Vehicles, to get what you need for your learner’s permit.”
“Right, the driving lessons.” I nod. “What does getting a learner’s permit involve?”
“You need to fill out some forms, get the study book, take an eye test, and pay a fee,” he rattles off casually.
“How much is the fee?”
“Around eighty bucks, I think.”
I begin chewing on my pen. “I don’t think that’s going to work.”
I see understanding dawn on his face. “I can pay—”
“No way,” I interrupt him. “Thanks but you are not paying the fee for me. Once I’ve gotten a few paychecks, I’ll go get it. Okay?”
“You have a job?” he asks.
I nod. “I start tomorrow, at Scoops. The new ice cream place in town.”
He thinks for a minute. “Okay, then. We’ll fast for
ward to the driving part after school today.”
I agree to that, and all too predictably my nerves send my heart racing at the thought of being alone with him. But my mind is still on other things. I spend the rest of the morning in a state of distraction, still wondering about the guy I now know to be Rob Jarvis, and how I can find out more about him. Whether I’m mistaken or not, I can’t just let it drop without knowing for sure.
Luckily, Kellie ignores both Lucas and I in our next class. I assume she and Sophie are still angry with him. When it’s finally lunchtime, I’m surprised to find Chad Bleeker standing by my locker.
“Hey,” he says, leaning his shoulder casually against the locker beside mine. “I was wondering if you wanted to eat lunch with me at one of the tables outside.”
“Eat lunch with you?” I repeat, wondering if I heard him correctly.
“Hi,” Myles says, appearing on my other side. His eyes widen when he sees who I’m with. “How’s it going, Chad?”
Chad hardly spares him a look. “It’s going, Giles.”
“Myles,” he corrects him in a tight voice.
“Right,” Chad says, uninterested. “What do you say, um, sorry what’s your name?” he asks me.
“Raielle,” I answer, trying not to laugh at him, but failing.
He misunderstands and grins back at me. “Raielle, do you want to eat lunch with me?”
I don’t want to eat lunch with him or do anything else with him. “My friend is already waiting for me in the cafeteria,” I explain. I’m shocked when I see a flicker of disappointment in his face. “But you could join us,” I quickly add.
Chad glances from me to Myles before answering. “Thanks, but I don’t really do the caf. Maybe we could do something else another time?”