by Debra Doxer
I quietly hold his gaze, deciding to let him steer the conversation. He doesn’t appear angry, or nervous, but he does look determined. “Have you always been able to do that?” he asks. When I don’t answer right away, he clarifies himself. “Heal broken bones?”
If I’m going to deny it, now is the time to do it. It will be ugly, and he’ll know I’m lying, but that’s the smartest course to take here. Instead, inexplicably, I find myself nodding at him.
He doesn’t appear to be surprised, but he tenses, and the muscle in his cheek jumps. “Is it just broken bones, or can you heal other things?”
While he waits for me to answer, a part of me wants to jump out of the truck and run away. This is my last chance to shut down and shut him out completely. Instead, I can hardly comprehend how badly I want to let him in. I don’t want to be alone in this anymore, but I can’t trust him, not completely, not with the way he acted before. I have never wanted to be close to someone the way I want to be close to Lucas. I don’t understand it, but every part of me wants to let go and embrace it.
“Ray?” he prompts me, using my nickname in that tender way he has. That alone is enough to weaken any resolve I’m still grasping at.
“It’s not just broken bones,” I finally say, feeling like I’m stepping off a cliff.
He watches me expectantly.
“It’s just about everything, I think.”
He leans toward me. “Everything? You think?”
“I don’t use it much, my ability,” I hesitate before continuing. “My mother told me it was a curse, and that using it always came with a price. That it was safer not to use it. But I’ve seen her do amazing things and terrible things, too. I know I could do those same things if I let myself.”
Lucas squeezes his eyes shut and scrubs his hands over his face. I have no idea what he’s thinking.
He lowers his hands and blinks at me in the darkness. “Your grandmother’s name is Cora, isn’t it?”
I stare at him. “How do you know that?”
He takes a deep, shaky breath. “My father took my mother to see her. Your grandmother claimed she could heal people. This was a long time ago, right after Liam was born. My father paid her five-thousand dollars to cure my mother’s postpartum depression.”
“What?” I whisper, his words sinking in slowly.
“Nothing could snap her out of it, my dad said. He took her to a bunch of specialists, but nothing worked. People told him that this woman in town, Cora, could help people even when doctors couldn’t. That she’d cured them of everything from the flu to cancer. So, he took my mother to her.”
I can feel myself sinking lower in my seat, leaning away from him, not wanting to hear what I’m afraid is coming next.
“She got rid of the depression,” he states, bitterness straining his voice now. “But she destroyed her in the process. She turned her into what she is now. Your grandmother is the reason my family is so fucked up.”
His hard eyes zero in on me, and I can see the accusation in them. I begin to sink under the weight of his glare. I can feel the sob building inside me, and suddenly I can’t pull enough air into my lungs. I reach for the door handle and close my fingers around it. Then I push the door open and watch Lucas’s eyes widen in alarm just before I drop down onto the wet pavement.
I land hard on my hip and catch my upper body with my arms. Sheets of cold rain pour down on me as I lift myself to my feet. The need to flee is strong and without any rational thought, I begin to run over the bridge. I hear the sound of the rain pounding around me, but I now know that my mother’s words were the truth. Our ability is a curse, and my grandmother used it to hurt people. This is my legacy. This is what I come from, and I can’t accept it. I don’t want any part of it.
A hand grips my arm, and I try to pull against it.
“Ray, stop. Stop!” Lucas yells.
And I do. My legs stop moving as my sudden panic flees, leaving behind a twisting knot of misery. I slump to my knees, and Lucas follows me down, kneeling in front me. He’s soaking wet. We both are. His warm hands cup my cheeks, forcing me to look at him.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him in a strangled whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
He lifts my face back to his when I try to turn away. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
When I don’t respond, he leans in closer to me. “Listen to me. I shouldn’t have told you that way. I only just figured it out myself. I never really believed the story my father told me until I saw what you did today. I wasn’t blaming you. I know you’re not your grandmother. You’re nothing like her.”
My heart fills with sorrow for Lucas. I may not have done it myself, but it’s the power my family wields that took his mother from him. I can’t help but wonder how many other people my grandmother may have hurt, how many lives she ruined for money. I can’t hold it in any longer. The sob rips through me as my tears mix with the rain streaming down my face.
Lucas’s arms come around me, and he presses me to him, murmuring quietly to me, telling me it’s going to be all right. But I’m not just crying for what my grandmother did. I’m crying for my mother and for how much I’m missing her. I’m crying for a terrible legacy that I want no part of. I’m crying because I’ve been in the dark for so long, and I’m now just realizing how innocent that darkness was. Lucas is holding me tightly. I can feel how much he cares about me, and I can’t understand why he would, especially with what he now knows. With that terrible thought lingering in my mind, I’m suddenly all too aware of the cold, wet night, and I start to shiver, my teeth chattering uncontrollably.
“Jesus,” Lucas mutters. “Let’s get you back inside the truck.” His arm shifts around my back and the other winds beneath my knees. I feel him lifting me up, and I want to protest but I can’t form the words. Somehow, he gets the driver’s side door open and places me inside, following behind me. As I’m sitting myself up on the seat, he reaches in back for the blanket, unfolds it, and wraps it around my shoulders. Then he cranks the heat to its highest setting before pushing his hands through the wet hair hanging down into his eyes.
“What’s Kyle going to think when I bring you back like this?” Lucas says, his lips twisting up into a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “This is not going to get me into his good graces.”
He’s trying to lighten the mood, and I can’t help but appreciate his efforts despite their failure. “My grandmother is catatonic now,” I tell him quietly. “Completely out of it. I’m so sorry for what she did.”
“You don’t need to be sorry for her. I mean it, Ray. Don’t do that to yourself.”
I pull the blanket more tightly around my shoulders, appreciating his words even if I can’t do what he’s saying.
“Can everyone in your family heal?” he asks.
My shivering eases as the dry blanket and the warm heat begin to work on me. “I don’t know. I already told you about my mother. As for the rest, I haven’t mentioned it and neither have they.”
“Do you know why you’re like this? Where this power comes from?”
I smile sadly. “I don’t know very much about it, Lucas.”
He reaches out and takes my hand from under the blanket. “Don’t you want to know?” he asks.
“Yes…and no.” I glance down at my hand inside his. “I touched my grandmother when I visited her. I took away her senility, and I talked to her.”
His eyes widen with interest.
“When I realized what she was, what she wanted from me, I gave it back to her.”
He furrows his brow at me. “What do you mean?”
“She wanted to go back into business, healing for money with me by her side. She said if I didn’t agree, she would expose me and my abilities. So, somehow, I stopped the healing energy that was running between us, and I pushed her own energy back at her. I’ve never done that before.” I tilt my head at him. “Just like I’ve never had a vision when I healed before. Not until today when I healed you.”
Lucas releases my hand. “A vision?” he asks.
I nod. “I saw how your arm got broken. I saw your mother with the bat.”
His lips narrow into a straight line. “You what?”
I’m slightly relieved by his angry reaction. I was afraid he’d seen it, too, and I would hate to have made him relive that with me. “Has she ever done anything like that before? She can’t be allowed to hurt you. Is she getting any help at all?”
He moves away from me. “I don’t know what you think you saw, but…”
“Lucas, don’t,” I plead. “I’m being completely honest with you. I’ve never spoken about my abilities this way to anyone before. Please be honest with me, too.”
He closes his eyes. Then he rubs his hand through his hair again and nods slowly, as though he’s resigning himself to the fact that I know his secret. “The new nurse my dad hired screwed up. She mixed up the medication. That’s why it happened. But it’s fine now.” He runs his hand along his now healed forearm. The tone of his voice tells me it’s not fine despite his words. “Visions?” he whispers like he can’t quite believe that little wrinkle. “You saw her do it?”
I nod.
“And that’s never happened before?”
“No. Never.”
“Did your grandmother say anything else?” he asks.
I pull my chilled arm back under the blanket. “She told me that my mom met my father here and not in San Diego like I thought. She said that he could heal, too.” I shake my head. “I don’t even know if the person who lived with us when I was a kid, the person she told me was my father, really was or not.”
“What about Rob Jarvis? Did you find anything out about him?”
I shrug. “I don’t know anything definitive, but I’m guessing someone in my family met him at the nursing home and hired him to find us. I know Kyle had been trying to get custody of me for a couple of years. It makes sense that he might send someone to watch us, to maybe get some evidence of my mother’s lack of parenting skills.”
“We could track him down,” he suggests. “Ask him to tell us what he was doing there.”
A few minutes ago, I was completely alone, and now the words we and us are slipping out of Lucas’s mouth like it’s a normal everyday thing. I feel a sense of relief flood through me. “Okay,” I reply. “I’d like to talk to him.”
“Can I ask you another question?”
His hesitant tone gives me pause. “It seems there isn’t much I won’t answer tonight.”
He leans in closer. “Why did you do it? Why did you heal me despite what your mother told you and knowing that you’d be revealing yourself to me?”
I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, trying to form my answer. His eyes drift down to my lips, making me very aware of them as I try to explain. “This energy builds inside me when people are hurting. I have this deep need to help. I can’t watch you in pain and not want to take it away for you.”
Something in the way he’s looking at me changes, and I recognize the building heat in his eyes. I recall the taste of him and the feel of him, and I also remember the cold shoulder he gave me afterwards. I can feel myself hesitate. If I give into him, and he turns his back on me again, it will devastate me. I can’t lose this closeness we’ve reestablished tonight. Being friends is safer, and it’s better than nothing.
I break eye contact to look at the glowing numbers on his dashboard clock. “It’s getting late. I told Kyle we wouldn’t be gone long. We should probably head back.”
He blinks his eyes, and the heat in them flares once more before fading into something that resembles disappointment. But he quickly shutters his feelings. The feigned indifference he wears like a mask is back in place, and I’m beginning to understand what’s beneath it. Right now, it appears to be regret.
“You’re not going to tell anyone about me, right?” I ask, needing to make that clear.
He shoots me an annoyed look. “Of course not.” He grips the steering wheel and turns the key. “So, when I get you home, how are you going explain the fact that you’re soaking wet?” he asks as he backs the truck down off the bridge. “And is there anything you can tell Kyle that won’t make me look like a dumbass?”
“I’ll say that we went for a walk and got caught in the rain.”
He raises his brows at me. “I guess that’s a no.”
When we arrive back at the house, Lucas wants to walk me to the door, but I convince him to stay in the truck as I dash through the raindrops. Kyle and Chloe are sitting in the kitchen when I poke my head in to say goodnight. Their eyes widen as they take in my appearance. “We got caught in the rain,” I say with a shrug because there really is no better excuse, and then I head downstairs to change. I hear them talking to each other as I descend the stairs and I’m pretty sure I hear Lucas’s name, but I don’t stay to eavesdrop. I continue down, anxious to slip out of my wet clothes.
I have a hard time falling asleep that night as my thoughts continue to tumble through me. I reluctantly recall the feeling I had laying here after being with Lucas that night in the bleachers. I was so sure we were starting something that was going to be amazing. But then he freaked out on me. He decided to end us without consulting me. I understand why he did it, and I know he regrets it, but as much as I’d like to regain that thrilling feeling of jumping into something with him, it’s going to take time to trust him again.
I think about those goodnight texts I got from him when we first admitted our feelings for each other, and I reach for my phone. There are no texts tonight. But why would there be? He tried to open that door again, and I basically slammed it in his face. But I can’t help the disappointment I feel when I allow myself to scroll through the those early texts, thinking I should delete them, but knowing that I never will.
The next day at school, I turn the corner on my way to class when I see Lucas and Sophie standing by his open locker. There’s only a trickle of students left in the hallway, and Sophie’s voice carries easily to me. Rather than walking past them, I find myself ducking back around the corner, waiting for them to leave. But they don’t leave. They continue their conversation.
“Are you going with someone else?” she asks him, but it sounds more like an accusation.
“I’m not going with anyone right now,” he replies, sounding much calmer than her. I feel a bite of annoyance at how unflappable Lucas usually is.
“Then why won’t you go with me?” Sophie states with disbelief. “I’ve talked about the senior prom with you all year. The plan was always to go together. We can just go as friends if you want. We used to be good friends, Lucas.” Her voice softens.
“I know, Soph. That doesn’t have to change, but other things do.”
She harrumphs loudly. “It’s because of that new girl, Rachel, or whatever her name is.”
“Her name is Raielle,” he corrects her, and my pulse kicks up, waiting for Sophie to begin badmouthing me.
“You’re making a fool of yourself over her. You know that, right? She’s not interested in you.”
“And how do you know who she’s interested in?” Lucas tosses back. “Last I heard, you two aren’t exactly BFFs.”
Sophie laughs, but she doesn’t sound amused. “If you’re planning on asking her to the prom, you’re too late. She’s already going with Chad.”
My mouth drops open, and I only hear silence from the hallway. Then Lucas finally responds. “Who told you that?” he asks, his cool slipping slightly now. I inch closer to the edge of the wall, wanting to hear the answer to this myself since it’s news to me.
“It’s all over school, Lucas. Everyone knows,” she states smugly.
“You’re telling me he asked her and she said yes?”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you. She’s already got a date. Wouldn’t you like to go with me? You know we’ll have fun.” Sophie practically purrs the last sentence. “Lucas, come on.” There’s a beat of silence, and I have a terrible feeling that she’s touching him n
ow. “It’s our senior year,” she continues coaxing him. “I don’t want to go with anyone else. It’s always been you and me. We were friends first. Good friends. Can’t we be that again?”
After a long silence that has me clenching my jaw, he replies. “Fine, we’ll go,” he bites out.
My hands curl into fists.
Sophie does seem put off by his less than enthusiastic agreement. “Of course we will. That’s how it’s supposed to be,” she says with satisfaction. “We can share a limo with Kellie and Jake. I’ll get the tickets today. We’re going to have so much fun.” She sounds giddy.
“I’ve got to get to class,” Lucas states. Then I hear his footsteps echo down the hallway. A moment later, I hear Sophie’s heals clicking away in the other direction.
I hug my books to my chest as my throat tightens. Sophie lied to manipulate Lucas into taking her to the prom, and it worked. He believed that I would say yes if Chad asked me to the prom. I have no right to be angry with him. I know that. I gave him no encouragement last night. What did I expect? But I know the answer to that. I’m an idiot because I expected him to keep trying, and I expected myself to eventually begin to trust him and give in. What I failed to remember is that Lucas doesn’t need to keep trying to win me when he has so many other options, and at least one of those options is willing to play dirty.
When I arrive in class, I get a tight smile from Lucas as I sit down beside him. If I hadn’t overheard his conversation, I’d probably be torturing myself, wondering why he seems so standoffish again this morning. We walk together between classes, and I make a conscious decision to just be normal around him, and not to mope or inform Lucas that I’m not going to the prom with Chad.
“I was thinking,” I begin before we reach history, still working hard at the normalcy thing. “You’ve given me an opening to ask Kyle about my grandmother’s healing business. If I want to find out what he knows, I can now say that you told me what my grandmother used to do and then see how he responds. Before, I couldn’t mention it without giving away the fact that my grandmother told me herself.”