by Debra Doxer
I appreciate the gesture, but it seems a little extreme. “Leave our phones on all night?”
He nods. “I have to know you’re okay, Ray.”
Then, unexpectedly, he moves forward, pinning me against the truck. I inhale sharply as his body presses into mine. He leans his forehead against me. I can feel his warm breath on my face. I freeze when his lips whisper across my cheek. He stays this way, crowding me, surrounding me. Every place his body touches mine feels like it’s on fire. My heart begins a punishing rhythm. It seems like forever, waiting for his next move, wondering if he’ll kiss me, needing him to. Finally, he does, hesitantly at first as though he’s waiting to see if I’ll stop him. When I don’t, the sudden pressure of his lips against mine feels so perfect that I moan softly. He hears it, and now he has all the encouragement he needs. He deepens the kiss, instilling it with all his pent up want and desire as his tongue caresses mine. I’m still braced against the truck, my back digging into its hard surface. But I hardly feel it. I only feel how much Lucas wants me, and underneath it, I also feel a dull pain, his pain. I reach my arms up to wind them around his neck. I gather my energy, letting it build, before sending it out to him. I can feel the moment it reaches him. He stills, and I know the swelling in his face is already diminishing.
“Ray,” he breathes his nickname for me, and he kisses me again, but this time it’s harsher, more demanding. The weight of his body, molded to mine, is making me crazy. An aching need grows deep within me. His hand moves down my side, and he grasps the back of my thigh, pulling my leg up, and hitching it around him. When he presses his hips against my mine, I fist my hands in his hair and gasp at the pleasure that moves through me. His warm fingers are beneath my sweater now, sliding against my exposed skin, and suddenly it just isn’t enough. I want his hands on me everywhere. My whole body is aching for him.
“Get a room!” someone yells. Then I hear peals of laughter pass by.
We both hear it, but it takes a moment to sink in. We’re standing in the middle of the street, and Lucas nearly has my sweater pushed up to my shoulders, but I shamelessly continue kissing him. Finally, he has the presence of mind to slow us down. He eases away from me, gently lowering my leg and smoothing my sweater back into place. My breathing is heavy in my ears, and I can see his chest rising and falling as he brings himself under control. My eyes slowly focus on him. Calm and cool Lucas looks as shattered as I feel.
His hand reaches up to explore his now perfectly healed cheek and lip. “Thanks,” he says with a disbelieving smile, like he’s still getting used to what I can do.
“My pleasure,” I grin back, surprised that I can manage a grin after everything that happened tonight.
“Mine, too. That was some kiss,” he says slyly, running his fingers over his lips. But then his eyes regain their focus, and they sharpen on me. He takes a breath before he says, “Look, I need to know we’re on the same page here. I don’t want to see you in school tomorrow and be back to square one. I’m not fighting this anymore. Are you?”
His voice holds a challenge, like he’s daring me to deny what’s between us. But I can’t imagine fighting it now either, not after what just happened. Doing so would be dishonest because he’s already won my trust again. It’s only my fear holding me back now. But I don’t want to give into fear anymore. “No.” I shake my head, still feeling overheated.
“Good,” he nods, looking relieved.
Then I remember the way he walked up to me in school and threw a possessive arm around me the day after our driving lesson. I recall the unwanted attention it brought me, and then the sympathy I got from Gwen when it ended so quickly. I would really rather not deal with either of those reactions again.
“But in all honesty Lucas, I don’t want the drama that public displays of affection will bring us. I’m not really into that anyway. So, maybe we could just play it kind of cool when we’re in school,” I suggest.
Lucas does not look pleased with my request. But then he smirks at me. “It might also put a crimp on your lesbian lifestyle. You want to explain that one?”
I sigh, still feeling badly for lying. “I wanted Chad to stop asking me out, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. So, I told him I was a lesbian.”
He tries not to laugh, but some chuckles slip out. “And he believed you?”
I nod, unable to prevent my own embarrassed smile.
“About Sophie,” he begins, running a hand down his rough cheek as his good cheer evaporates. “She thinks I’m taking her to the prom.”
“I know.”
He seems surprised at first, but then he just nods. He’s probably assuming I heard it through the busy school grapevine. “I’m going to tell her that I can’t go with her. I want to go with you if you’ll let me take you.”
This is what I thought I wanted, to go to the prom with Lucas. But accepting this way doesn’t feel right. I spent most of my life with a woman who was incapable of following through on anything. In an effort to be nothing like her, I’m pathologically determined to honor my commitments. I need to know Lucas is someone who believes in doing that, too. Besides, this afternoon I overheard Sophie talking to a group of girls about how she’s been looking forward to her senior prom since her first day as a freshman. As much as I would enjoy dressing up and spending a romantic evening with Lucas, the prom itself holds no real significance for me. If I hadn’t moved here, I’m sure Lucas and Sophie would be going to the prom together. I’m also pretty sure Hailey started the Chad rumor, not her. If Lucas cancelled on her now, it would be a real slime ball move, and I don’t want to be the reason behind it.
I brace myself for his reaction. “You told her you would go. I think you should take her as planned.”
He doesn’t disappoint me with his incredulous expression. “You want me to go with Sophie?”
“No, of course not. But it’s not right to back out.”
He blows out a frustrated breath. “I always wanted to go with you. I was going to ask you, but I was still trying to get you to forgive me. Then Sophie told me you were going with Chad, and I was pissed about it. That’s when I said I’d go with her. It was never some romantic proposition.”
“I was never going with Chad.”
His face fills with regret. “I know that now. Both Myles and Gwen told me.”
I hold firm. “But still, you said you’d take Sophie. So, you should.”
He shakes his head and laughs in disbelief. “Jesus, Ray. Are you seriously this selfless or are you still punishing me?”
I cross my arms and direct my eyes down to the sidewalk. I’m surprised by how much that hurt. It suddenly feels like he doesn’t know me at all. “I’m not punishing you, Lucas.”
He mutters a curse before his arms come around me. “I’m sorry. I know you’re not. You’re a good person. You’re better than I’d ever be. And that’s kind of unfortunate for me right now.”
I understand his frustration. “You can leave early and we can do something after,” I suggest.
“You’re not going to go then?”
He’s nuzzling the side of my head, and I can feel his warm breath in my hair. I lean into him. “No. I don’t care about the prom.” I notice the cars on the street starting to disperse. “What time is it?” I ask.
Lucas pulls out his phone. “Shit. It’s nearly ten.” With that, he ushers me into the truck, and then walks around to his side to get us on the road.
“We’ll start the call before you go inside,” he says as we easily navigate the quiet streets. “If Jarvis talked to Kyle, we should know that pretty quickly.”
I release a sigh. I was hoping he’d forgotten about this. “Just so you know, I’m not bringing the phone into the bathroom with me.” I watch Lucas, expecting a grin, but he’s in serious mode.
“Yes, you are. Just mute it if you’re embarrassed. But don’t forget to un-mute it. If you do, you’ll find me knocking on your window in the middle of the night.”
I try not t
o smile at how seriously he’s taking this. I know I should be, too, but I can’t seem to muster up any fear of Kyle. I hope I’m not being naïve about him.
When we arrive at the house, the outside lights have been left on for me as usual. While we’re still inside the truck, Lucas calls my phone, and I leave it on as he walks me to the door. It’s been another whirlwind of an evening with him. All the time we spend together seems to be extreme in some way. I wonder if we can be so volatile and still work. I know one thing…we won’t ever be boring.
“Goodnight, beautiful,” he says before leaning down to kiss me. I expect a chaste kiss, like last time, in case we have an audience. But I get a hungry, demanding Lucas, coaxing my mouth open and plunging his tongue inside. It takes me a second to catch up, but when I do, I eagerly meet his needs with my own. When he abruptly pulls away, he leaves me both stunned and trembling.
After a moment, he raises his eyebrows and gives me an amused smile. I realize I’m just standing there staring at him rather than going inside. “Talk to you later,” I mumble, feeling my cheeks grow warm as I turn to go in. Then I can’t help but look back over my shoulder and watch him walk away, admiring his long-legged confident stride and the way his jeans hug his narrow hips. He can almost make me forget the turmoil that brought me here and still surrounds me.
The house is quiet, and it appears that everyone is asleep. I turn off the lights and I’m about to head downstairs when I hear Chloe. “You smell like cigarettes.” She’s standing on the landing above me, dressed in her bathrobe.
“I wasn’t smoking.”
She squints at me. She doesn’t believe me. “I wanted to tell you that Alec and Linda are coming over for a barbecue on Sunday. We’d like you to join us. You don’t have other plans, do you?”
I shake my head.
“Good. This is just for family. No other guests.” She watches me, waiting for my agreement.
“Okay,” I reply, knowing she’s telling me not to invite Lucas.
Chloe says goodnight, and I disappear downstairs realizing Lucas heard our conversation. I know Chloe isn’t exactly thrilled that I’m here. I’ve always felt that. I suppose sometimes it’s hard for her to pretend otherwise.
“Not a real warm and fuzzy lady, is she?” Lucas’s detached voice startles me.
“She’s okay,” I reply softly. “Are you home yet?”
“Just walking in now.”
I hear shuffling and some static from his end. “I’m putting you on mute now; I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.” I use the bathroom. Then I get changed and brush my teeth. I have a pile of homework waiting for me but I’m too tired to tackle it tonight. I lay the phone on the nightstand beside me and plug it into the charger so the battery won’t run down. Once I turn out the light and lay down in bed, I un-mute the phone. “You there?” I ask.
“Right here. Everything okay?” his deep voice asks in the darkness.
“So far. So good. Can I ask you a question?”
“You just did.”
I smile in the dark. “You’re a wiseass.”
“Was that your question? Because it sounded more like a statement.”
I giggle. “Yes, that was me stating the obvious.” His quiet laugh carries through the phone. “Now, here’s the question. You said you didn’t know I found my mother. So, what do you know? What did Chloe say when she came over to Myles’s house that day?”
“Let’s see,” he begins. “She said the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen is going to move here and she’s going to knock me on my ass.”
I chuckle softly. I like this playful side of him. “Right. Why don’t you try that again? This time don’t forget to use your bullshit filter.”
“Hey, that was me stating the obvious.”
A pleasant warmth flows through me. I’m about to tell him that it goes both ways. But then I realize something. “Are you avoiding the question?” I ask. “What on earth did she say? Was it that bad?”
I hear rustling. “This was before she met you. I’m sure she,” he pauses, “you know, sees things differently now.”
I sit up. “After that disclaimer, you have to tell me what she said.”
There’s silence on his end.
“Lucas, please.”
“Okay. But she only knew the facts at that point, that you’d been in and out of foster care, that your mother was an alcoholic and a drug addict, and that your life had been pretty unstable. She was afraid you were going to be some messed up kid who would be a bad influence on Penelope. But obviously you’re none of those things. She had nothing to worry about.”
I bite my lip, but it’s not surprising she would assume that about me.
“I think it’s pretty fucking impressive,” he says.
“What is?”
“That you’re not the person Chloe expected. That you’re so well-adjusted despite how you grew up.”
I laugh. “I wouldn’t exactly say I’m well-adjusted.”
“Well, you’re not the delinquent you could have been. You know, aside from joy riding in stolen cars,” he teases.
I laugh softly. With Lucas’s teasing and flirting voice flowing over me, my annoyance at Chloe doesn’t take root too deeply.
“Are you going to sleep now?” he asks after a time.
“I guess I’m going to try. You?”
“Trying, too. Goodnight, Ray.”
“Goodnight, Lucas.” The moment those words leave my lips, I start to wonder what he sleeps in. I’m picturing form-fitting boxer briefs. Since I’ve never seen him shirtless, but I’ve felt the hard ridges and planes of his chest and stomach, I’m filling in the blanks quite nicely. I roll over and stifle a groan. How am I ever going to get to sleep when it feels like he’s right here in my bedroom with me?
Nearly an hour later, I’m still turning restlessly under my covers.
“Ray?” Lucas whispers.
“Yeah?”
“Can’t you sleep?”
“No.”
There’s silence on his end. Then he says. “I have an idea.” I hear a rustling noise, and I assume it’s him getting out of bed. Then I hear soft music begin to play. I recognize the mellow sounds coming through the phone.
“Did I just make things better or worse?” he asks.
“Is that M83?”
“Yeah. Is that okay?”
I smile in the darkness. “It’s nice.”
“Let’s try to get some sleep.”
“Okay.” I close my eyes and let the music nudge away the tension. The soft melody flows over me like a gentle breeze. It seems that Lucas is having trouble sleeping, too, and maybe it’s because of his awareness of me. I can hardly process the way I’m feeling as I lay there, listening to the same music as him, knowing that he’s with me even if he’s not actually with me. Soon, I can feel myself slipping into slumber.
At breakfast, Kyle asks if I want another driving lesson after work tonight. Chloe woke up early and made pancakes for everyone, which is unusual for a weekday when we’re all in such a rush to leave. Kyle even delayed his departure to have some. Everything feels fine, better than fine this morning, and I decide that Lucas’s fears have not come to pass.
I offer to do the breakfast dishes. Once I’m done, I head outside and find Myles waiting for me. Since his falling out with April, Myles has been getting rides to school, and I’ve been walking on my own. My suspicions are immediately raised when I spot him on the sidewalk.
“Good morning, California girl,” he greets me.
I arch a cranky brow at him. Even though I finally did fall asleep last night, four hours of slumber do not make for a happy morning disposition. “You’re cheery today,” I comment.
He shrugs, a smile still lingering on his lips, and he starts heading toward school.
“Why are you walking this morning?” I ask.
“I always walk.”
“Not for the last few days.” I point out. “Did someone ask you to walk with me today?”
/> Myles glances at me and flashes his dimples. “I’m glad you two worked things out.”
I roll my eyes. This is Lucas’s doing. I know Lucas would not reveal my secret to Myles or tell him about our encounter with Jarvis, which makes me wonder what exactly he said to him. “Why does he think I need to be escorted to school?” I ask.
Myles shrugs. “He told me you guys were good now but that he’s still stuck going to the prom with Sophie. He said he told you last night, and he wanted me to make sure you’re okay with it. You know, feel you out. But don’t tell him I told you that.”
I decide it’s a plausible story. “Tell him I’m fine with it.”
He eyes me curiously. “Are you really?”
“Yes. I understand the position he’s in. Tell him it’s fine. Are you going to the prom?”
Myles scoffs at that. “It doesn’t look that way. I offered to take April, but she already asked some guy from her church.”
“You could bring your new guy.”
His eyes widen. “Yeah, right.”
“How are things going with that?” I ask.
Slowly, his lips curl upward.
I laugh. “Wow. That good, huh?”
He nods, looking embarrassed. “Yeah, it’s good.”
I stop right there and look him in the eye. “I’m happy for you,” I tell him.
“Yeah, me, too. For you and Lucas.” He shifts uncomfortably. “About what I said to you, you know, about stringing him along. I’m sorry. I was out of line.”
“Yes, you were.” But not necessarily completely off base, I think. “And it’s okay.”
I’m shocked when he gives me a quick hug and then trots up the main lawn to the school.
After parting ways with Myles, I walk inside and go straight to my locker. I’m transferring books and notebooks for my morning classes, when I hear a familiar voice say, “Hey.”
My senses are immediately heightened, and the butterflies swarm inside my belly. I still can’t believe what his nearness does to me. “Good morning,” I grin, straightening and hoping he listened to me yesterday when I told him no PDA in school. I decide he did because he doesn’t physically touch me when I close my locker and turn toward him. Although, the way his eyes are drinking me in, he might as well be caressing me.