by Debra Doxer
“We ordered pizza,” Kyle says when we make our way back to the living room. “Alec will be over around seven tomorrow night. He said he had some things to take care of first. Personal business to see to.”
The simple act of ordering pizza seems incongruous in light of what’s gone on tonight. “I don’t think it will be instant,” I say, understanding what Kyle is implying about Alec’s personal business. “You won’t lose Alec right away. At least I don’t think so.” I don’t know this for sure, but I believe he will have however much time Penelope has left.
Kyle sinks his hands deep into his pockets and disappears into the kitchen. The next hour passes slowly. Lucas calls his brother to let him know he’s having dinner at my house. We all sit and pick at our pizza in strained silence. Chloe feeds Penelope cut up pieces. Penelope is subdued and her listlessness breaks at my heart.
After dinner, Lucas reluctantly goes home after I assure him, multiple times, that I’ll be fine. Then I disappear downstairs, hoping that Kyle won’t seek me out for another conversation about their monumental decision. I’m relieved when he doesn’t make an appearance. In the silence of my room, I have all night to spend alone with my anxiety. It makes for miserable company as I toss and turn restlessly, fearful of what tomorrow may bring.
The tension in the room is so thick, it’s hard to breath. Getting through this interminable day has been excruciating. Although now, I hardly remember any of it. I know I went to school, and I know that Lucas found several opportunities to get me alone, to make sure I was all right, and to let me know that he would help me talk to everyone and call off what’s about to happen tonight if that’s what I wanted. But I’ve purposely not dwelled on what’s coming. Kyle and his family have lived this day with renewed hope. I couldn’t imagine taking that away from them now.
“Where do you want everyone?” Kyle asks. “I think Penelope will need to lie down on the couch.”
“That’s fine,” I agree. “Alec and I could sit in front of her in a couple of chairs and the rest of you could maybe go outside.”
“I’m not going outside,” Lucas predictably says.
“Why outside?” Kyle asks.
I let out a deep breath. “I’ve never done this before. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“What does that mean?” Chloe asks. “What could happen? How much worse could this get?”
“She’s saying she doesn’t know,” Lucas answers for me. “She’s just trying to keep everyone safe.”
“We’re staying, too,” Kyle says. Then he walks into the dining room to retrieve the chairs.
A loud knock sounds just as the front door opens. Alec lets himself in and finds us in the living room. The moment I see him I can feel my body tensing. I glance at Lucas, and he looks like a volcano about to erupt.
“Are we ready?” Alec asks, glancing around the room. He appears anxious, but undeterred.
“Does Linda know?” Chloe asks.
Alec shakes his head. “I saw no need to upset her.”
I nearly scoff at his reply. He can have my mother killed, but he doesn’t want to upset his girlfriend?
“You don’t have to do this, Dad,” Kyle says
Alec gives his son a sad look. “Yes, I do.” Then he turns to me. “How do we start?”
Before we begin, Kyle and Chloe take turns hugging Alec and thanking him. Lucas embraces me. “You can still change your mind,” he whispers. When I shake my head, he says, “You’ll do fine. Trust yourself.” Now that the moment is here, I’m ready for it. And I do trust myself. I have a strange confidence that I can’t explain.
Kyle carefully places Penelope on the couch. “Do I sit here?” Alec asks me, pointing to the chairs.
I nod as I walk out of Lucas’s arms and take my place in the chair beside Penelope. Alec lowers himself into the chair next to me. Behind me, I can hear Kyle’s erratic breathing, and I know he’s heartbroken. He’s getting his daughter back, but losing his father in the process.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment to both calm myself and focus my concentration. I wait for everyone in the room to settle. I can feel the anxiety in the air, and I try to block it out. Once I’m ready, I pick up Penelope’s small hand at the same time I hold out my other hand for Alec’s. I try not to wince when he grips it.
The feeling is the same as the first time I touched Penelope. The energy is there, but it’s weak. I have to fan it like an ember. I focus my attention on the tiny spark, and soon it begins to build inside me. The coil of energy swirls and gains momentum before it gradually unwinds and travels down through my hand and into Penelope’s. Like before, she becomes more alert, and her curious eyes find mine. I direct the energy up to her brain, but before it can hitch and try to turn back, I force it along her entire nervous system, down her spine and out to the tips of her fingers and toes. I fill her with it, sensing it flow through her. The energy resists my commands. It tries to return to me. The feeling that this is wrong, seriously wrong, permeates me, but I ignore it. Instead, I dig deep and push harder, until my entire body vibrates with power. I’ve never felt it this strongly before. All my nerve endings seem to spark inside me.
I squeeze my eyes shut as I chip away at the tumor inside her brain, dislodging its hold on her. Even as I’m focused on it, I can feel the rest of her disease lying in waiting, sealed inside her, planning to grow new tumors that will steal more of her away from us. And I push harder, going after every last bit of it.
When I hear a gasp, my eyes open causing my focus to return to the room. I suck in a breath when I see that Penelope’s body is several inches off the couch. She’s suspended in the air, and I’m holding her there. I pray that I’m not hurting her, that this is working as it’s meant to. Once I know the energy has touched every part of her disease, I start to bring it back to me. There is no exhilaration in this healing. There is no euphoria. Everything about the way this feels tells me not to complete the process. The energy doesn’t want to remove this terrible thing inside her. I pull harder on it, feeling the sweat begin to trickle down my back. My body starts shaking so violently the chair legs beneath me bang against the floor. I vaguely register Lucas’s worried voice, and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up, when the coil suddenly snaps back at me, retreating from Penelope’s body and burrowing deep inside me.
Penelope drops down onto the couch cushions. I grip Alec’s hand firmly as I try to push the energy toward him. But it’s fading, slowly smoldering, as the disease spreads inside me, crawling under my skin and drifting down my spine. My body is absorbing it too quickly. I can’t harness it. I have no chance to grab it and move it out of me. Suddenly, something becomes very clear. I’m Penelope’s family. She’s my niece, and I am the place where the disease has found its new home.
I release both Penelope’s and Alec’s hands.
“Is it done?” Chloe asks, hovering behind me.
I slowly nod.
Penelope turns her head toward her mother. Then she slowly sits up and smiles brightly. “Hi, Mommy,” she says.
Chloe cries out in relief, dashing to her daughter, and pulling her into a hug. Kyle’s there, too, embracing his family with tears in his eyes. “Can I have some milk?” Penelope asks, and I hear Chloe laughing softly at this simple request.
Lucas crouches down in front of me. “Are you okay?”
I don’t answer. I turn to look at a confused Alec.
“That’s it?” he asks, peering down at his hand.
In that moment, I decide not to tell him. He doesn’t deserve to know. Then I decide not to tell anyone. “It’s done,” I say. When I try to stand, my knees buckle. Lucas grabs me, his face sharp with worry. “You’re not okay,” he states.
I feel the need to wipe his concern away. I push at him as I straighten my legs and show him that I can stand. I’m shaky, but I’m doing it.
Kyle approaches us, and he wraps his arms around me. “Thank you, Raielle. Thank you for giving her ba
ck to us.”
I don’t say anything, but I return his embrace. It’s the first embrace we’ve given each other. When he releases me, Chloe surprises me with a quick hug of her own, before once again gathering her daughter to her.
“How are you feeling?” Kyle asks Alec.
“Okay so far,” he replies.
Lucas is hovering over me, and I just want to be alone. “I’m tired,” I tell everyone. “I’m going to lie down.”
Kyle appears unsure as he thanks me again. I can see that he believes his words are wholly inadequate for what just happened. Alec also offers his appreciation even as I’m turning away from him.
Lucas walks me down to my bedroom. He pulls me close as we stand in the darkness, not bothering with the lights.
“You’re amazing,” he says. My head is resting on his shoulder. I can hardly believe how calm I am. Already, I can feel something inside me pressing against my lower spine.
“She was in the air. You had Penelope levitating. It was un-fucking-believable,” he laughs softly, and I can feel his warm breath in my hair. He leans down and kisses me. When he tries to deepen it, I pull away.
“I’m sorry, I just want to lie down,” I say, backing toward the bed.
His brow furrows, but he quickly smoothes it out. “Of course,” he says. “After what you did tonight, you’ve earned some rest. You’re still okay with this, right? You don’t have any regrets?”
I smile and shake my head because it’s true. I don’t have any regrets about saving Penelope’s life. Considering what I had planned to do, this outcome is the right one. I’m not a killer. I’d been fooling myself because I wanted to help Penelope so badly. Now I believe things worked out as they were meant to.
When Lucas leaves, I change into my pajamas and sink down into my bed. My hands tremble as I pull the covers up to my chin. I’m frightened of what might be happening inside me, of what tomorrow will bring, and if I’ll even wake up in the morning. My lower back aches too badly to get comfortable, and I close my eyes, attempting to use my energy to assess the damage. My eyes pop open in surprise when I feel it ignite. I’ve always needed the touch of another person to build the power inside me. I’ve never felt it on my own. I’ve never been able to muster anything when I had cuts or bruises that I tried to heal. But my power has been changing. I’ve felt it change. Somehow, it’s been getting stronger. Without questioning it further, I push the energy toward the tumors in my back. When I immediately feel them start to shrink, I laugh softly, confused but overcome with sweet relief. I release a sigh into the night.
Just as my exhausted body begins to fade to sleep, I hear someone padding down the stairs. I don’t open my eyes. I don’t want any more gratitude tonight. Somehow I know that it’s Kyle standing there watching me. I can feel him breathing quietly in the room. I can sense his bittersweet joy. After several heavy, silent minutes, he turns around and slowly heads back upstairs.
My eyes open gradually to the sunlight streaming into my room. As I slowly come aware, the events of last night hit me all at once. Penelope is cured. I smile at that. Alec is not going to get his punishment in the form of her disease. My smile fades when I think of him. Today, I’m going to call the detective who interviewed me back in San Diego. I’m going to make Alec pay the right way, at the hands of the law.
I rub my eyes and take a deep breath. Then I sit up slowly and grunt in pain. It’s my lower spine again. My chest tightens at the realization that the tumors grew back overnight. I didn’t heal myself. Not only that, I can feel two more lumps under the skin of my arm just before my wrist. I’ve grown new tumors. I try to slow my breathing to staunch the panic. Then I lie back down and repeat what I did last night. I concentrate and try to call up the familiar energy inside me. Once I feel it, I send it out to the pain. It works again. The tumors fade, but now I know, it’s only a temporary fix.
I sit up in bed and stare sightlessly across the room. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t know how long I can do this. I don’t know how fast the disease will progress. Will it get so bad that I can’t control it anymore? I have no idea what this means for me. I sit there listening to the morning routine occurring in the rooms above me. I know I can’t just stay in bed all day. The last thing I want is for Kyle to learn what really happened. I need to survive the next three weeks, to finish school, and then leave with everyone still believing it all worked as planned. I want Penelope to have her happy family. I want that so badly for her. So I do the only thing I can. I get ready for school, deciding to stick to my routine until I can figure something else out. When I go upstairs for breakfast, everyone is there. I pause in the doorway.
Kyle notices me first. “Sit down. Chloe made pancakes.”
“Mine have chocolate chips in them,” Penelope says, craning her neck around to look at me.
I sit down and take a sip of the juice that’s already been poured for me.
“I know our gratitude makes you uncomfortable,” Kyle begins. “So, we’ll just say this one more time as a family. Thank you, Raielle. “
“Thank you,” Chloe smiles at me.
“Thank you!” Penelope screeches, holding her fork above her head. Then she drops it and giggles when it clanks on the floor.
I smile at her mischievous antics, and I can feel the tears building. “You’re welcome,” I say. Then I take a deep breath and eat a few bites to appease them before heading out the door.
At school, I’m able to act as though nothing is wrong around everyone but Lucas. Somehow, he always sees through me. At lunchtime, I tell him I’m going outside to call the police in San Diego. When he insists on coming with me, I blow up at him. He’s been scrutinizing my every move all day, and I finally lose my cool.
“I can make a phone call by myself. Will you please leave me the fuck alone for two minutes?!” I yell at him. The hallway is filled with students, all focused on me now.
His jaw clenches. He opens his mouth to say something. Then he snaps it shut again and storms away.
I’m a wreck when I finally make it outside. First, I look up the main number of the police station. When I call it, I ask for Detective Brady. Then I get transferred to his voicemail. I leave my name and number and the reason I’m calling. Then I stay outside by myself for the rest of lunch. Just as I’m heading back in, my phone rings.
“Ms. Blackwood?”
I immediately recognize the voice that spoke to me on that traumatic day not so long ago. “Hi.”
“I’m putting a recorder on. I want you to repeat everything you said on your message. I might interrupt you with some questions, but I need to tell you I’m recording this conversation.”
“Okay.” Then I tell him everything I know about Rob Jarvis and Alec Dean. Of course, I leave out the motive. I can’t mention my ability to heal which is the reason my mother was killed. He listens quietly, asks more questions about my mother’s relationship with Alec, which unfortunately, I don’t know much about. I make sure to stress that Kyle was not involved and knows nothing about this. Detective Brady answers noncommittally and tells me he’ll look into everything I’ve told him.
Since I’m now late for my next class, I do something I’ve never done before. I skip. I start walking home. On my way, I call in sick to Scoops. I’m going to blow off the rest of my day to lay around in bed and wallow, or try to think of a solution, a possible loophole to my problem.
When I get home, I’m relieved to find the house is empty. The mail is spread across the entryway floor below the mail slot. I scoop it up and find a large white envelope hand-addressed to me. I gasp when I recognize the messy block letters as Apollo’s handwriting. I recall it from the scraps of paper he used to give me with the names of the people who owed him money.
I carefully open the envelope to find another envelope inside. This one is addressed to me at our old apartment. It’s from UCLA. My heart rate kicks up. They sent it to the wrong address, and Apollo forwarded it to me. How on earth did he know my ad
dress here?
It’s a large envelope and that seems like a good sign. I rip it open and read the very first line before giving a little yelp and jumping up and down. Faster now, I start thumbing through all the paperwork that came with the acceptance letter. I quickly see that I got a full tuition scholarship. It’s everything I wanted, everything I’ve worked for. But finally receiving the news today feels like a sucker punch to the stomach. I sink down to the floor with the letter clutched in my hand. I used to imagine myself moving to LA, finding an apartment, starting a new life, a life of my own that no one could take from me. Now, the image is blurred with uncertainty. It truly feels like the dream it always was, a dream that’s more out of reach than ever.
Chloe and Penelope come home to find me still sitting on the floor holding my acceptance letter. When I show it to Chloe, she smiles brightly and tells me congratulations.
When Kyle gets home, he picks me up and whoops loudly. I’m completely flustered by his enthusiasm, and I find myself giggling. Before dinner, we sit down at the kitchen table to go through all the paperwork together. As my legal guardian, he needs to sign some forms and so do I. I let myself enjoy my dream for a while, signing my name with a flourish, laughing and accepting my brother’s praise and attention.
Kyle and I are alone when we finish filling out the last form. Chloe is down the hall giving Penelope a bath. “We’re a lot alike, you know?” He smiles, putting down his pen. “We don’t express our emotions much. Chloe says that giving birth was easier than getting me to talk about my feelings.” He chuckles to himself before taking a breath and turning more serious. “But there are some things I really want to say to you, and it’s long past time I did that. Raielle, I’m proud to have you as my sister. I want you to know that. I’m so glad that after all this time, you’re in my life. Once you leave for school, I don’t want us to lose what we’ve started building here. I want you to come back for your holidays and breaks. I want you think of this as your home, too. We’re your family. You have a family now, and your family loves you.”