by Steven Adler
While Jamie and his pals worked on getting me out L.A. way, I thought this would be a great opportunity to get loaded again, every day, until they needed me on set. I mean, I was willfully going to submit to rehab for who knows how long, and it would have been impolite for me to show up without being in desperate need of help. So I snuck off to call every delivery boy in Vegas to bring me the goodies. But Jamie had headed me off at the pass like never before with a guy who was able to shut me down completely.
We’ll call him the Shadow, and he had the instincts, patience, and physical stamina to stay on me like white on rice. For the next couple of months he not only always knew where I was and what I was doing, but he also kept tabs on every delivery boy, gardener, florist, FedEx worker, mailman, dealer, dealer posing as a friend, and anyone else who stepped foot on the property.
I was desperate to get loaded, but the Shadow must have been one of those people blessed with premonitions, because he was there to head these guys off before they could get to the doormat. He was so tenacious, so amazing, that after a while, I couldn’t help but give the guy props. And the Shadow kept me off drugs up until it was time for me to show up for the folks at VH1.
DR. DREW
Not only do I have a lot of respect for Dr. Drew, but I consider him a friend, someone who is compassionate about helping the addicts he meets and turning their lives around. There are few people in the field whose heads don’t fly up their asses as soon as fame knocks on their door. Most celebrities are massively insecure douchebags, but Doc Drew keeps it real. He may be famous, but he hasn’t let that go to his head.
Although I wasn’t crazy about all the cast members in Celebrity Rehab, they all seemed to like me. I was able to open up and really got a lot out of our discussions. But I think the show is basically flawed, because the motivations are false or completely fabricated. Let’s be frank: if you need to be on a television show to try to quit drugs or drinking, or both, your priorities are fucked. If I didn’t have a special admiration for Dr. Drew, you would never have been able to get me on the show.
Looking back, I actually made enough progress to not consider the show a complete waste of time. The thing I was most excited about after the show wrapped was my thirty-seven days of complete sobriety. There was also serious talk of a spin-off show, Sober House, that would be a reality show follow-up, tracking the progress of the second-season cast members of Celebrity Rehab.
ROCKLAHOMA
Thirty-seven days clean, sober, and excited about playing music again! I couldn’t have been more pumped to get the fuck out of L.A. and sit in with some choice bands at Rocklahoma, a music festival being held in Oklahoma. That was a great time for me because I was sharp-minded enough to realize that music could be a key motivator in my life for staying sober.
When I’m up there on the stage, playing my heart out and giving it everything I have, I get such an incredible natural buzz. I don’t want to disappoint my bandmates with sloppy play, and this begins to extend to everything I’m doing. Stay frosty, maintain your edge, and you will be so much happier. Those few days at Rocklahoma gave me as much or more incentive than all the time I spent on Celebrity Rehab. Just have to keep it going, Stevie.
We got word that the Celebrity Rehab spin-off, Sober House, was green-lit, with yours truly as one of the featured celebs. They were going to shoot it right away, in order to ensure the continuity that they felt was one of the key elements to the look (and success) of the show. Here I was, starring on another national TV show dedicated to my health and well-being. How great is that?
PAST IMPERFECT
Could things be looking up for Adler? Could a new shot at putting my life back together be in the cards? Could we possibly be more fucking deluded here? No.
Why? Because the first thing that I did when I got back to L.A. was slip back into partying, or as I termed it, “celebrating my being on the new show.” And I did that by getting as fucked up as possible. I got so loaded I didn’t even notice how Tuesday, the first day of shooting Sober House, kind of melted into Wednesday and Thursday. I wasn’t sure if I was fooling anyone by that point, but it hardly mattered. That’s because any chance of my kidding anyone was blown to bits when the producers of the new show decided to throw a celebratory barbecue for the cast and crew.
What gave me away? Maybe it was the way I was slurring my words, being belligerent to the point of punching out walls, and being really abusive to the cast. I was so out of control that they were finally forced to call the cops.
Now, when the police arrived, the way it went down, these guys were extremely cool cops who actually considered letting me off the hook with a stern warning. But then, of course, my legendary shit luck kicked in. Evidently one of the police officers found out that Rodney King was a member of our cast. Well, Rodney’s long-running antagonistic relationship with the LAPD totally fucked my goose, because now the cops had to play it strictly by the book. Having the cameras rolling the whole time certainly didn’t help the situation. It all meant I would end up in some deep shit, off the show, and in the slammer.
I was put into rehab, but they kept moving me around, first the Las Encinas and then the Pasadena facility. Fortunately, both centers had some relationship with Dr. Drew; he was probably a member of their staff or on their board of directors. My lawyers cut some deal where I did not have to plead to any wrongdoing until August 20, 2008, when I was going to have the rest of my life determined by a judge. Happy days!
On August 20, I went before the judge, who quickly ruled that the best way to deal with me, at least in the short term, was to stick me back in the Pasadena facility. When I exited the courtroom, some reporter asked me what my next project would be.
I answered truthfully. Steven Adler’s sobriety is my next project, one day at a time, or as I put it to the journalist, “one cigarette at a time.” Staying clean and sober is my present and future project, and that’s all I’m working on until I get it right.
Nothing is more important to me now. And I’ve got a new streak of sobriety going that I’m determined to build upon. I’ve got to do this for Caro and me. And don’t think for a moment that it’s only because I’ve finally seen the light and am trying to change. It’s also because there’s a nasty ultimatum that’s been made very clear to me: one more fuckup, and I could be facing a mandatory three-year jail sentence. That got my attention. Well, maybe.
WRITING THIS BOOK
Staying clean is all about staying busy, and that certainly was a damn good reason for writing this book in 2009. And if my story can keep one rock ’n’ roller away from hard drugs, then My Appetite for Destruction will be a resounding success. While I’m sure many rock musicians have given the same lofty reason for writing about their lives, has any kid ever refused to abuse because of what they’ve read in a book about rock stars? Truthfully? I fucking doubt it. So while that would be nice, my sobriety has taught me to keep it real.
Keeping it real means admitting, at the beginning and end of my story, that I’ve been a selfish asshole. No apologies. And although I’ve learned to be less selfish, I realize you’ve got to please yourself in life. I hate people who go around figuring out how to sacrifice and please others. They usually just end up pissing off the ones they want to please. I say please yourself and you’ll please others.
Appetite for Destruction is often cited as the immortal soundtrack for a whole generation, but that’s mainly because the five of us were only interested in writing songs about our own lives. People thought either it was great or it was shit, but it was our shit. Comprende? And I am eternally proud to be the foundation, the pulse, for that amazing soundtrack: my drumming, my beat, my music, my life. No one can take that away.
The last song I ever played on as GNR’s drummer was “Civil War.” And to borrow a line from that song, I was kicked out because “some men you just can’t reach.” Well, I want to reach people with this book and show them that when you refuse to deal with life, life deals with you, and it’
s brutal. I’ve spent twenty-five years learning that lesson, and I can finally say I’ve earned the right to quote another lyric from “Civil War”: “He gets it.”
I get it. And that doesn’t mean I won’t fuck up again, but I will no longer do it from the dark side. Caro’s love is my light and salvation, and I am going to try harder than ever to deserve it and prosper from it. Our bond has finally given me a family that will never kick me out, a family I can embrace and be a part of forever.
ADLER’S APPETITE GROWS
I’m also determined to keep Adler’s Appetite together. And I’m getting lots of support from Duff, Slash, and Izzy. As I ease into the next decade, I get all choked up just thinking about jamming with my brothers again. When we got together at the Key Club for Appetite’s twentieth, it felt like no time had passed and none of the bullshit had ever gone down.
Everything is going to be great. Staying sober will allow me to tour the world again and again, and thank the millions of GNR fans out there for keeping the faith and never giving up on me. As Freddie Mercury sang in Queen’s epic song “We Are the Champions”: “I’ve paid my dues, time after time” and “I thank you all.”
It’s been no bed of roses—it’s been fudge-packed with myopic judges, greedy producers, parasitic managers, scumbag lawyers, fair-weather friends, and shady promoters.
But you know what? It’s going to take a lot more than that to ruin my appetite!
Acknowledgments
For your encouragement, inspiration, guidance, friendship, patience, and love:
Axl,
Duff,
Izzy,
Freddie Mercury,
Roger Taylor,
Adler’s Appetite,
Steven Tyler,
Tommy Lee,
Nikki Sixx,
Kevin DuBrow,
Dallas Taylor,
Sammy Alianzo,
David Mancini,
Fred Coury,
Lisa Ferguson,
Sheree Barnes,
Ty Estrada,
Bob Timmons,
Vicki Hamilton,
Leo Garcia,
Mauro DiPreta,
Jennifer Schulkind,
Alan Brinkley,
Alan Heimert,
Dennis Dasher,
Richard Check,
Michael C. Rockefeller,
Katherine V. Spagnola,
Sarafino J. Spagnola,
John and Kathy Spagnola,
the DeNadais,
the diBonaventuras,
the St. Johns,
the Camerons/Richardsons,
the Fleischmans,
the Wiedemanns,
the Swifts,
the Kennedys,
and
coaches Maio, Brannon, Mazza, and Restic.
About the Authors
STEVEN ADLER was the drummer for Guns N’ Roses from 1985 to 1990. In 2003, he started Adler’s Appetite, with whom he released an EP and continues to perform live. He participated in the second season of VH1’s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew and the premiere season of Sober House, a Celebrity Rehab spin-off focusing on a sober living environment. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Carolina Adler.
LAWRENCE J. SPAGNOLA is active in film, music, and literature. He contributed to The Billings Collection, a tribute to Lem Billings, a close friend of President Kennedy. He received the 2010 Christopher Award for The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler, a holocaust film starring Anna Paquin and Marcia Gay Harden. Spagnola plays the keyboards and sits in with his favorite band, Mike Dugan and the Blues Mission.
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.
Copyright
All photographs courtesy of the author unless noted.
MY APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION. Copyright © 2010 by Steven Adler with Lawrence J. Spagnola. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
FIRST EDITION
* * *
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Adler, Steven, 1965–
My appetite for destruction : sex, and drugs, and Guns n’ Roses / Steven Adler with Lawrence J. Spagnola. — 1st ed.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-06-191711-0
1. Adler, Steven, 1965– 2. Rock musicians—United States—Biography.
I. Spagnola, Lawrence J. II. Title.
ML420.A275A3 2010
786.9'166092—dc22
[B]
2010016979
* * *
EPub Edition © 2010 ISBN: 9780061995439
10 11 12 13 14 DIX/WCF 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
About the Publisher
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
25 Ryde Road (PO Box 321)
Pymble, NSW 2073, Australia
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com.au
Canada
HarperCollins Canada
2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor
Toronto, ON, M4W, 1A8, Canada
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.ca
New Zealand
HarperCollinsPublishers (New Zealand) Limited
P.O. Box 1 Auckland,
New Zealand
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.nz
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
77-85 Fulham Palace Road
London, W6 8JB, UK
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.uk
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
10 East 53rd Street
New York, NY 10022
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com