“How come?” He reached for the bowl of potatoes and helped himself to several pieces. “Did you have too much to eat for lunch?”
Before Heidi could respond, Kendra blurted, “I believe it’s my fault Heidi’s not hungry. She’s upset.” She paused and looked at Heidi before continuing. “I can’t blame her, and I’m sure you’ll be upset, too, with what I have to tell you.”
Lyle’s brows drew together. “What is it, Kendra?”
“I’ve changed my mind about giving up my baby.”
His eyebrows shot straight up. “What?”
Kendra explained the situation and said her parents wanted her to move back home. “I’ll be packing up my things and leaving in the morning.”
Heidi wished Kendra hadn’t said anything—especially during their meal. Her shoulders slumped as she dropped her gaze and stared at her uneaten food. Heidi felt her husband’s eyes upon her, and she couldn’t help wondering what Lyle must be thinking right now. Her heart felt like it couldn’t sink any lower. It’s so unfair. How could this be happening to Lyle and me?
Chapter 2
Lyle placed his hands on Heidi’s shoulders, where she stood at their bedroom window watching the remaining colorful leaves swaying gently in the trees. “Are you all right? You’ve been staring out the window for the last ten minutes. If we don’t get ready for church soon we’re going to be late.”
“It’s our off-Sunday,” she reminded. “We can stay home today and do our own private devotions.”
“I realize that, but I thought we were going to visit a neighboring community today, like we often do between our own church district’s biweekly Sunday services.”
Groaning, she flopped onto the bed. “I don’t feel like going. It would be hard for me to sit and watch other women holding their bopplin.”
“There are babies in our own district, too. Are you going to stay home from church every Sunday because of that?”
Heidi blinked several times, willing herself not to cry. She’d had enough tearful spells since Kendra had moved out two weeks ago.
The bed creaked beneath his weight as Lyle took a seat beside Heidi and clasped her hand. “Don’t you think it’s time to let go of your grief and get back to the business of living?”
She pulled away from his grasp. “That’s easy enough for you to say. You never really wanted to adopt Kendra’s baby. You only agreed to it because of me.”
He shook his head. “Not true, Heidi. It may have been the case at first, but I changed my mind, and was looking forward to being a daed.” Lyle pressed a hand to his chest. “I’m hurt by Kendra’s decision as well.”
She tipped her head. “Really? You haven’t shown it that much.”
“I keep busy with my work and try not to dwell on what happened. Don’t you think it was hard for me to take the crib down and haul it out to the barn? Like you, I couldn’t bear looking at it.” Lyle leaned his head against Heidi’s. “We can’t change the situation; Kendra’s moved out and gone back to live with her parents.” He paused and drew a deep breath. “I’ve reached the conclusion that the adoption must not have been God’s will for us.”
Heidi stiffened. “So are you saying God doesn’t want us to become parents?” Her throat felt swollen from holding back tears, and she swallowed hard to push down the lump that had formed.
“I don’t know if God wants us to have children or not, but if it’s His will for us to become parents, then we’ll be given another chance to adopt.”
“Oh, so you think some other pregnant woman is going to show up at our doorstep and ask us to adopt her child?” It wasn’t right to speak to her husband in such a sarcastic tone, but Heidi couldn’t seem to hold her tongue this morning.
“That is not what I meant.”
“What then?”
“We can put our name in with the adoption lawyer, and …”
“I don’t want to.” Folding her arms, Heidi shook her head stubbornly. “Not now, anyway. Even if the lawyer found another birth mother seeking adoptive parents to take her child, she might change her mind at the last minute, like Kendra did.” Heidi’s voice cracked. “I can’t deal with another disappointment, Lyle.”
He slipped his arm around her waist. “Let’s wait a few months, then we can talk about this again. Okay?”
She lifted her shoulders in a brief shrug. What choice did she have?
“Have you thought about teaching another cooking class? You enjoyed the last one you taught, and your students learned a lot more than cooking from you. It would give you something meaningful to do, and teaching six more classes might prove to be fun.”
Heidi couldn’t deny having enjoyed teaching her first set of students. During the six classes she’d taught, some wonderful things had happened. She would never forget how Ron Hensley turned his life over to Christ and went back to his hometown to make amends with his grown children and ex-wife. Then there was Loretta Donnelly, who’d formed a relationship with their friend and neighbor, Eli Miller, and was preparing to join the Amish church this fall. Heidi had been pleased when Charlene Higgins, engaged to be married, learned how to cook under her tutorage. The young school teacher had gained more confidence in the kitchen, which in turn, gave Charlene a better relationship with her future mother-in-law. Even Kendra Perkins had changed during the time she’d been in the class, focusing on the positive, rather than letting negative thoughts fill her mind.
Despite Heidi’s disappointment over not being able to adopt Kendra’s baby, she wished the young woman well. “Maybe it is time to teach another class,” she murmured. “At least it would keep me busy.”
Lyle patted her arm. “Good for you.”
Drawing strength from deep within, Heidi turned toward the closet. “I’ll change into my church clothes and be ready to leave for church by the time you have the horse and buggy ready.”
He smiled and leaned down to give her a kiss. “You’ll be glad you went once we’re sitting in church and singing familiar hymns from the Ausbund.”
“Jah, you’re probably right. The songs of old, as well as our ministers’ sermons are enough to lift anyone’s spirits.”
Coshocton, Ohio
“Hey, buddy, what’s for breakfast? You’re not gonna give us any leftover stew, I hope.”
“No, Andy, I’m certainly not. We’re gonna have cold cereal this morning.” Bill Mason ground his teeth together. He and a couple of his buddies had gone camping at his cabin for the weekend, and as usual, he’d gotten stuck with all the cooking.
Andy, Russ, and Tom wrinkled their noses. “Come on, Bill,” Russ said. “Can’t you do better than that? If I wanted cold cereal for breakfast, I could have stayed home.”
“Maybe you should have then.” Bill poked Russ’s arm. “Whenever we go camping you guys always want me to cook, but then all you do is complain.”
Tom shifted on his canvas camping stool and leaned toward the fire he’d recently built in the pit outside Bill’s cabin. “Know what I think?”
Bill shook his head. He had a mind to throw his gear in his rig and head for home. Let ’em fend for themselves and see how they like it.
“I think you oughta take some cooking classes. If you started on ’em right away, by the time deer season starts, you might be ready to cook us some decent meals.”
“Humph!” Bill folded his arms. “Maybe you should be the one to take cooking classes.” It was hard not to let his so-called friends get under his skin this morning. Bill hadn’t slept well last night, even though his was the only bed inside the cabin. The other men had bedded down near the fireplace with their sleeping bags on fold-away cots.
Tom shook his head. “Nope. Out of the four of us, you’re the only one who likes to cook.”
“Tom’s right.” Andy gave a nod. “Even if I took classes, it would do me no good.”
Bill grunted. “Well, you’d better get used to my cooking then, ’cause I ain’t takin’ no cooking lessons—end of story.” He grabbed a box of cer
eal and set it on the metal folding table he’d set up near the fire pit. “And by the way, I don’t actually like to cook; we just wouldn’t eat if I didn’t do it, ’cause none of you guys can do much more than boil water.”
Tom threw another log on the fire. “You’re right about that, but even if we could cook a decent meal, you’d probably still do it.” He pointed his finger at Bill. “’Cause you like to be in control of things, since this is your hunting cabin.”
Bill massaged his temples. I wonder if it would have been better for me to go to church today instead of camping with this bunch of ingrates. The truth was he hadn’t been to church in a good many years. More than likely, he’d never step into a church building again.
Millersburg, Ohio
Clutching a plastic container, Nicole Smith ambled across the room and placed it on the table. “Here you go, Tony. Are you happy now?”
Nicole’s freckle-faced, nine-year-old brother looked up at her and frowned. “Is that all I get for breakfast—just some boiled eggs?”
She pointed to the plate in the middle of the table. “You can have some of the bread I toasted, too.”
Tony squinted his blue eyes, and wrinkled his nose. “You don’t have to be so bossy, Nicki.”
She shook her finger at him. “Don’t call me that. My name is Nicole. Do you hear me, Tony? N–i–c–o–l–e. Nicole.”
He puffed out his cheeks and grabbed a piece of toast, then slathered it with strawberry jam. “Mama calls you Nicki.”
“That’s right, and she knows I don’t like that nickname.” Nicole looked at her twelve-year-old sister. “Are eggs and toast okay for you, Heather, or do you want a bowl of cold cereal?”
“I don’t want either.” Heather shook her blond head. “I want pancakes this morning.”
Tony bobbed his head. “Yeah, that’d be a nice change.”
Nicole felt like telling her siblings if they wanted pancakes, they should get out the ingredients and fix them, but that would be a mistake—even worse than if she made them herself. “Listen, you both know I’m not good at making pancakes. The last ones I made turned out all rubbery.” Nicole plopped both hands against her slender hips. “I’m tired of you both wanting something different every day. Can’t you eat what I fix for breakfast without complaining?”
“I don’t like cold cereal.” Tony wrinkled his nose again.
Heather clutched her throat, making a low-pitched gagging noise. “The taste of boiled eggs makes me feel sick to my stomach. You oughta learn how to make somethin’ else for a change.”
“All right you two; don’t give your big sister a hard time. Nicole does the best she can.” Dad came into the kitchen and took a seat at the head of the table. He paused long enough to add some cream to his coffee, then helped himself to a piece of toast.
“She needs to learn how to cook somethin’ besides cold cereal, boiled eggs, and toast.” Heather looked at Nicole. “Maybe you should take some cooking lessons. Then you can make us some yummy-looking stuff like that lady on TV who has the cooking show.”
“Dad doesn’t have enough money to pay for cooking lessons.” Gritting her teeth, Nicole grabbed a hard-boiled egg and cracked it open. Cooking meals for my sister and brother, as well as Dad, shouldn’t be my job anyway. It was Tonya’s responsibility, and she oughta be here taking care of us right now.
Nicole tried not to dwell on it, but there were times, like now, when her anger bubbled to the surface. She was a sophomore in high school and should be having fun during her teen years, not babysitting, cooking, cleaning, and doing all the other things her mother used to do before she started drinking and ran off with another man. The high hopes Nicole once had for her high-school years had died. Everything she did now was an unappreciated chore.
Nicole couldn’t fault Dad for agreeing to the divorce Tonya asked for—especially when she said she didn’t love him anymore and had started seeing another man. But that didn’t make it any easier to deal with the disappointment Nicole, Dad, and her siblings all felt. The responsibilities on Nicole’s shoulders had increased this past year, and it was hard not to feel bitter and let anger take control.
Nicole had given up on her dreams of going to the upcoming homecoming dance that would be held the night before the big football game against her school’s biggest rival. Win or lose, after the game there’d be a big bonfire. Guess she’d be missing all that, too. Well, what did it matter? She had no one to go with anyhow. She couldn’t really blame the few friends she used to hang out with for not wanting to include her when she always turned down their invitations to go places and do things with them. Even after-school clubs like being on the yearbook staff, which she wouldn’t have minded joining, were out of the question now. Nicole always had to get home right away, do several chores, and of course, get dinner going before Dad got there.
Nicole rubbed her forehead and heaved a sigh. Becoming a cheerleader was an even bigger pipe dream—a far-fetched hope that would never come true.
She jumped when Dad placed his hand on her shoulder. “You know, your brother and sister could be right. Taking some cooking classes might be a good idea, Nicole.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You’re kidding, right?”
He shook his head. “It might be fun and even good for you. I think I’ll start looking around to see if there are any classes being offered in our area.”
Lips pressed together, Nicole slunk down in her chair. She hoped if Dad did start looking, he’d come up empty-handed, because the last thing she wanted to do was take cooking classes, with some stranger telling her what to do. Besides, when would she have time for that? Nicole was already on overload.
Canton, Ohio
Kendra gripped the grocery cart, as she pushed it down the baby aisle. Since moving in with her parents, she’d tried to make good use of her time and help wherever, and whenever, she could. Her mother needed a few groceries, so Kendra had volunteered to go—if for no other reason, than to get out of the house for a while. Now, she wondered if it had been such a good idea.
Since early this morning, she’d been having what she thought might be the early stages of labor. A dull, persistent pain throbbed through her lower back, but not bad enough to stop her from doing anything. Kendra wanted to keep mobile and stay busy, to help keep her mind off things, and grocery shopping would do just that.
As the time drew closer to her due date, Kendra grew increasingly apprehensive. What was labor like, and how long would it last? Could she withstand the pain? Would she have any complications? Would her baby be born heathy? Kendra had all the normal questions of a first-time mother, but she had even more important things to ponder. Did I make the right decision to move back home? Would it have been better for my child to be raised by the Troyers and not under my parents’ influence? Mom can be so spineless, and Dad … Well, he’s impossible to please most of the time. He may have invited me back, but I don’t think he’s ever forgiven me for bringing shame on my family.
Already, Kendra’s folks had been suggesting things they thought would be best for their first grandchild. But Kendra did not commit to anything. She placed her hand on her stomach. “This is still my baby, and I have the final say, no matter what Mom and Dad might suggest,” she huffed under her breath. Kendra kept walking when a shopper looked quizzically at her.
“Didn’t you ever talk to yourself?” Kendra mumbled low enough so the man wouldn’t hear her. Then she stopped at the diaper section, which took up a large part of the shelves. Kendra didn’t realize how many selections there would be, and how many different brands of disposable diapers were available for purchase. It was a bit mind-boggling.
Pulling an envelope from her purse, Kendra flipped through the coupons inside to see if any were still active and hadn’t expired yet. “Oh good.” She took out a dollar-off coupon. “Here’s one I can use.” Thankfully, this store carried the brand, and she could save a dollar, at least. After realizing she’d need to buy two packs of diapers to qualify
for the coupon, Kendra made room in the cart to put them. When she grabbed the second pack off the shelf, a sharp pain stabbed from her lower back all the way to the front of her swollen middle.
Grasping her stomach, the pack of diapers fell, and she shuffled over to her cart to hang on. At the same time, a young woman, who was also pregnant, but not as big as Kendra, stopped to see if she needed any help.
“Are you okay?” the kindly lady asked. She picked up the diapers and placed them in Kendra’s cart.
“I—I think so.” Kendra remained still until the pain subsided. “It’s not my due date yet, and I’m hoping these aren’t labor pains I’ve been having.”
“By the way, my name’s Delana.” The woman rubbed her stomach. “I’m not due until the beginning of December, but in the last maternity class I attended, we learned about false labor. Do you think that’s what you might be having?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve had a backache all morning.” Kendra reached around and rubbed the small of her back. “But then, since I’ve grown larger, my back always hurts, so who knows?”
“Okay, well, maybe you’d better finish your shopping and get back home, just to be on the safe side,” Delana suggested. “Would you like me to call your husband or someone else?”
“No, that’s okay. I only live about fifteen minutes from here.” No way would Kendra admit to a stranger that she had no husband. Her situation was no one’s business but her own. Kendra hadn’t even bothered to introduce herself—not even after the woman had said her name.
“Well, if you’re sure.” Delana hesitated a minute. “It was nice talking to you, and good luck.”
“Same to you.” Kendra pointed to the diapers in her cart. “Thanks for assisting me.”
“Sure, no problem.” Delana moved on.
Looking at her mother’s list, Kendra headed for the frozen food aisle. Let’s see … Mom wants four packages of mixed vegetables. This morning, her mother had mentioned wanting to make soup for supper. Luckily the store was having a sale on a well-known brand this week. Ten packages for ten dollars. Sounds like a good deal.
Amish Cooking Class--The Blessing Page 2