by Anne Carol
“But Vinyl Fog is still on tour, and David’s absence is evident. His fans just want to know if he’s okay.”
I again faced this pesky photographer/journalist/paparazzi and said, “Yeah, right. You just want dirt. That’s all you people ever want—dirt! You don’t care about them any more than I care about you, and—”
A screeching car alerted my attention. “BETH!”
In the next beat, Rick, who I hadn’t seen in over two years, was at my side, putting his arm around me. “You need to leave, sir,” he fumed.
The man raised his eyebrows, opened his mouth to say something, and then shut it. “Fine,” he said, regarding Rick—tall and built like a concrete bunker. Sizing up the two of us, he slowly backed away and disappeared down the street.
Trembling from the disturbing incident, I found relief in Rick’s warm embrace. “Thank you, Rick. That was nerve-wracking.”
He clutched me tighter. “Glad I drove by when I did.”
Click.
Rick dropped his protective hold to run after the photographer, who jumped in his car. “Hey, get back here, you…”
But it was too late.
The nosy man with the camera—and now an incriminating photograph—had gotten away.
“Rick and I went straight to Susie and told her what happened,” I said, taking stock of David, who was working on his second cigarette.
“Blasted sods,” he grumbled tightly. “This can’t be good. If there’s one, there’ll be others, and I hate that I’ve left you unprotected.” Rubbing his hand down his face, he swore under his breath.
Maybe I shouldn’t have told him. Stress wasn’t good for his recovery. Nice job, Beth.
“I’ll be careful. I’m sure it’s no big deal,” I lied, wanting to soothe his nerves. My hand grazed his shoulder. “So they have a picture of me with Rick. He’s an old friend, that’s all.”
He leaned his elbows on his knees. Swirls of cigarette smoke drifted heavenward. “Yeah, but you know how those rags like to spin a story.” Straightening up, he continued, “Why don’t you give Morris a ring and let him know? And…just be on the lookout, all right?”
My lap cradled my clasped hands. “I’m sorry, David.” I stared at the ground to avoid his intense gaze.
He lightly touched my cheek. “You did nothing wrong, angel. You were helping a friend.” He clenched his teeth. “This is nonsense.”
I turned to face him. “Is this how it’s going to be? With the band getting so popular, will they ever leave us alone?”
His sagging eyes showed the burden he carried. “I want to tell you no, but I’m afraid with fame comes invasion of privacy. Expect more of this.” He took another drag from his cigarette.
My shoulders slumped. “I don’t like it.”
He blew out a puff of smoke, making me turn away. “You know, we’re in this together,” he said with a gravelly voice. “I won’t let anyone hurt you or come between us. No matter what, we won’t let this change us.”
I smiled at his true statement. Plucking the cigarette from his hand, I said, “This is one thing I’d like to change.” As David gave me a dazed expression, I leaned across him and ground out the cigarette butt in the ashtray. “What a terrible habit.”
He gripped his forehead. “Beth, love, one thing at a time. I know I need to quit, but right now I’m just trying to focus on getting the cocaine and liquor out of my system.”
My insensitivity was glaring. “I’m sorry. Still learning here.”
“I know. Next week when you come, we’ll see my therapist, and he can tell you ways to help me post-recovery.”
“That’d be good,” I said, biting my lip. “I-I’m clueless.” My body tensed when I thought of the challenges ahead of us.
“And frightened?” he whispered, running a finger along my jaw.
“Yes.” Tears threatened to surface.
“I’m so sorry.” He bowed his head and turned away, crouching as if in pain.
Alarmed, I asked, “Are you feeling well?”
“Not really,” he grunted. “I ache everywhere.”
A single tear trickled down my cheek, which I quickly wiped away. Seeing me break down wasn’t going to help him.
“Would you like me to rub your back?”
“For starters,” he said, a smile overtaking his young and handsome face.
I shook my head at him. “Turn around, Romeo, and I’ll see what I can do.” He turned his back to me, and I palmed his shoulders, working the stiffness out of his taut muscles. “You said you’re not sleeping well?” I asked.
“No, I toss and turn every night. First few nights I slept soundly. Last few have been miserable. At least I’m getting some lyrics down.”
That explained the well-used notebook beside the bed. “I’m sorry. I pray it gets easier. Wish there was something I could do to help.”
“You could stay here with me.”
“Um, I think that would go against policy. Plus, your roommate wouldn’t appreciate it.”
“I know.”
Sensing his discouragement, I circled my arms around him. “You know I’d like nothing more than to wrap myself around you and hold you all day.”
“And I’d let you, but—” He glanced at his watch and sighed. “I have a group session in fifteen minutes.”
“Oh, then we should get back.” I tried not to crumble at the idea of leaving him again.
“Before we go…” He rose from the bench and pulled me up, drawing me into a slow dance pose.
“What are you doing, goofy?”
“I know how much you love dancing, and I want to hold you one last time before you leave.” With that, he pressed his cheek against mine, swayed back and forth, and hummed softly into my ear.
“Very telling song, David,” I said, recognizing the melody of The Police’s popular tune, “Wrapped Around Your Finger.”
“This is no mystery. You know I am.”
So am I, my love.
David ducked into the washroom once we got back to his room, claiming he wanted to freshen his breath so we could “kiss properly” before I left. While he was occupied and out of sight, my curiosity got the better of me, and I fetched his notebook from under the bed. Expecting a few pages of lyrics, I instead saw a journal entry. The first words I picked up were “Private Hell.” Hmm.
“You must be Beth.” I dropped the notebook, startled by the deep voice. After returning the book to the same spot under the bed, I turned around to find a short, middle-aged man with scruffy brown hair standing in front of me.
“Hi, yes, and you’re—?”
“Jeff.” He held his hand out to me, and I politely shook it. Studying me for a second, he said, “With the way David talks about you, I expected to see a halo over your head or somethin’.”
I raised my eyebrows. “A halo?”
“Yeah, it’s ‘angel this’ and ‘angel that’ whenever he talks about you.” He leaned in and whispered, “By the way, he’s really been looking forward to your visit. I hope you two had a nice day.”
“We did, thank you.”
Just then the bathroom door swung open and out came David, glancing between Jeff and me. “Are you telling her all my secrets, Jeff?” He winked at me.
“Nothing I couldn’t figure out already.” I smirked.
David closed the gap between us and encircled me in his arms like he couldn’t stand to be apart from me. “Thank you for today,” he whispered in my ear, making my face grow warm.
I cleared my throat and stepped back, not wanting Jeff to feel awkward with our public display. “You should probably walk me out. You’ve got a therapy session in a few minutes, right?”
“Yes. As much as I want you to stay, I have to stick to the program the rest of the afternoon, and I don’t want you driving home alone in the dark.”
“Sweet man,” I murmured, kissing him again.
Turning to Jeff, who was perched on his bed writing, “It was nice meeting you, Jeff. Keep my husb
and in line.”
Jeff looked up and smiled. “On the contrary. He needs to keep me in line!”
We all chuckled as David ushered me out of the room. He grew silent, though, as we walked hand-in-hand to the foyer and then out the door. His fingers had mine in a death grip, telling me how much he dreaded this moment. Unraveling my pinched fingers from his, I took his face in my hands and pecked his lips. “You’ll be fine, brown eyes.”
“I’m worried about you, sweet girl.” His eyes narrowed. “Lousy paparazzi. Please be careful.”
“I promise I will be. Don’t spend your energy worrying about that. Just concentrate on getting clean.”
He breathed out long and heavy. “It’s impossible not to worry about you, Beth.”
“Don’t worry, then. Pray.” I gripped his chin. “I’ve got big plans for us.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Like what?”
“Get better and I’ll tell you.”
“Making a baby?” he said in a low voice.
I grinned. “Possibly.”
His smile made the sun’s rays look dull. “Kiss me, angel,” he whispered, taking me in his arms.
My mouth claimed his, and we kissed deeply, enjoying these final moments of affection. I drew back, noticing his flushed face. Needing one more second of him, I rested my cheek against his, feeling its warmth. “I love you, music man.”
“Love you too, doll.”
This time when I drove away, despair didn’t consume me like it had a week ago. After all, I was that much closer to having him back for good.
Taking in the beauty of the countryside on my drive back, I pondered over how much my life had changed since leaving California. Marrying at eighteen a month after graduation had never been a regret of mine. So what if people thought eighteen was too young to make a lifelong commitment? On the contrary, I couldn’t imagine not marrying David. Within a week of meeting him, I’d known he was special; that I could spend the rest of my life loving him and his music.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t anticipated all the challenges—too many to name. Memories of my miscarriage continued to haunt me, and a part of me still wondered why it had to happen. I feared losing more babies and never bearing David’s children. The image of a sweet little boy with chestnut eyes and a head full of dark hair mocked me. Would I ever meet such a child? I knew God could make anything possible. That was something Grandma Claire had always told me. I just had to pray that I’d know the right time to try again, and then trust God with the rest of the details.
Being around Ricky softened my heart and stirred a desire in me that had long been pushed down. Those longings had stayed under the surface when Vinyl Fog’s bass player, Don and his wife, Brooke, welcomed their daughter, Emma, into the world. It had been too soon after we lost Michael to entertain the idea of trying again. But now, I could no longer ignore the maternal feelings that were sneaking up on me. Of course, now wasn’t the time to try, with David in recovery. Any future baby of ours deserved two healthy parents. I knew, as much of a blessing the baby would be, he or she would add numerous responsibilities that would be overwhelming if we didn’t first heal our physical and emotional wounds. Our marriage had to be strong enough, as well.
I was already anxious about what David’s recovery process would do to our marriage, so I dug out my old library card from the desk drawer and borrowed a few books on addiction and recovery. Not only did I want to understand his addiction, but I also wanted to know how to help him once he returned to normal life. How was he going to stay strong in the rock ‘n’ roll world? Was it even feasible, with booze and drugs so readily accessible? I have my work cut out for me.
My mind longed for rest as I neared my freeway exit. A new romance novel awaited me on the lounge chair in the back yard. Only five pages in, and I was already hooked. Just how I liked them.
Pulling into the driveway of my parents’ blue ranch-style house, I noticed a white compact car in front. Who’s here? I scooted inside and threw my keys on the counter.
“Whose car is that?”
An earthy aroma infused the kitchen as Mom chopped vegetables. When I grabbed a celery stick off the cutting board, she glanced up. “Susie’s waiting for you in your room.”
Her abrupt tone put me on guard. “Is she mad?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so, but she was awfully teary-eyed.”
“Oh, gosh. Is the baby with her?”
“No, she’s alone.”
My shoulders dropped. “Hmm, I’ll go see what’s up.” I took a bite of celery and turned toward my room.
“Hey, how’s David?” Mom asked, halting me.
“Eh, he has a positive attitude, but physically, he’s not great. Says he doesn’t sleep well and he’s got aches and pains. I just think his body is working the junk out of his system. It was hard seeing him like that.”
“We’ll keep praying. He’s only in the first week. It’s bound to take time.” She nodded toward my room. “We can talk later. Go see your poor friend.”
I entered my bedroom to find Susie flipping through an old high school yearbook. She paused on one page and studied it.
“Hey, there,” I said, pulling her attention from the book.
“You guys made a really cute couple,” she mused, her eyes not leaving the page.
“Yeah, and that worked out well,” I muttered, and then slapped my hand over my mouth. “That was a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry.” Hello? I’m talking to his wife!
She shrugged, put the book back, and turned to face me. “I should’ve learned from you.” Tears pooled in her brown eyes, causing a shiver to run through me.
“What’s going on, Susie? And where’s Ricky?”
She sniffed and dabbed at her eyes. “With my mom.”
I held out a box of tissues, and she grabbed one. “And Rick’s at the shop?” Rick worked with his dad at their family’s camera shop.
“Supposedly.”
“You think he’s lying?”
“I don’t know what to think. He’s been coming home late every night, tired and grumpy. It’s not doing much for our love life.” She folded her arms over her chest. “Thankfully Ricky’s a good baby, or I’d be going out of my mind.”
“So you suspect he’s cheating?”
“Yeah,” she said in a cutting tone. “If he and I aren’t…well, you know…then he must have someone on the side. You know how he is, Beth.”
My mouth fell open. “Um, I knew how he was three years ago. But from what you’ve told me, he seems pretty settled now. I doubt he’d cheat on you. There’s got to be a logical explanation.” I hope.
“Once a playboy, always a playboy. How stupid was I to marry him?”
The real question was why did she go to bed with him that night? But no way was I going to approach that subject. Right now, my role was to be a supportive friend by easing her mind. Her suspicions were based on Rick’s checkered past, so I didn’t blame her for assuming the worst. However, since I’d once wrongly accused David of having other interests, I wasn’t completely sold on Rick’s guilt.
“Susie,” I sighed, “I know Rick doesn’t have the best track record, but I think you’re jumping to conclusions. You need to talk to him.”
“I’m too angry.” She clenched her teeth.
“No kidding,” I said under my breath.
Recalling my explosive confrontation with David three years earlier, I continued, “Hey, you want to hear a funny story?”
Susie didn’t respond, just glowered at me, so I went ahead and told her about the time an eager fan came on to David at work and had slipped her phone number into his pocket. When I discovered the piece of paper later that week, I lost it and started packing a suitcase.
She stifled a giggle, unsuccessfully. “You crazy kook—you actually went to the record shop?”
I nodded, wearing a grimace.
“Good for you.” Her voice and expression grew serious. “David’s a different guy, though. He’d nev
er cheat on you. Rick did.”
“Susie, that was a hundred years ago. We were so young.” Seeing her face remain hard, I asked, “Hey, when’s the last time you had a girls’ day out?”
Staring at the ground, she said, “Huh. I can’t even remember, it’s been so long. It’s too hard with Ricky.”
I clapped my hands as my nerves tingled in excitement. “I’ve got a great idea. Do you think your mom could watch Ricky tomorrow for half a day?”
She shrugged. “She’d probably love it. Why?”
“How about we drive up to the foothills and wander the shops? Then we can have a nice lunch before we head home. Just us. I don’t know what’s going on with Rick, but I do know this—you need a day off. Trust me, I need one, too. All this stuff with David is making me crazy.”
Her eyes sparkled. “That sounds perfect. You’re right, I could really use a breather.” She cocked her head to one side. “By the way, how is David?”
“Not great.” Susie frowned at my statement. “Rehab isn’t easy. His body is taking a real beating. I worry about him.”
“I’ll bet you do. He must have been so happy to see you.”
My cheeks blazed. “He was very happy to see me.”
“Please, I don’t need to hear the dirty details.”
I laughed. “Don’t worry, I don’t kiss and tell.”
“Well, at least you have something to tell.”
“Oh, Susie.” I put my arm around her shoulder. “We’ll figure this out. For now, go get your little guy and set up babysitting for tomorrow, got it?”
“Will do.” Giving me a quick hug, she said, “I’ll get out of your hair. I feel bad for slamming you with my problems the moment you walked in the door.”
I shrugged. “It’s what friends are for.”
“I really miss having you around.”
Tears moistened my eyes. After everything we’d been through over the past few years, it meant the world that she still valued me as a friend. A part of me missed being seventeen. It had been ages since I’d seen Melissa—the other part of our trio—and high school felt like the distant past. So much had changed: Susie was now a married mom of an almost two-year-old, Melissa was a dedicated college student in San Diego, and I was the vagabond wife of a rock star.