Never Change

by Anne Carol

  I bolted for the nursery and slipped the cassette into the player. The soothing sound of an acoustic guitar, along with my husband’s smooth tenor voice had my heart fluttering. My mom came in, holding Christine, and my daughter’s sweet face lit up into a huge smile. She knew her daddy’s voice.

  “This is wonderful. Did David send it to you?” Mom asked.

  I nodded, concentrating on the lyrics. He was singing about his role as a family man. The words were beautiful.

  As glad as I was to receive the tape, listening to his voice made me miss him all the more. It took everything in me to keep from jumping in the car and driving to Sonoma County, but I wanted to respect his wishes. So instead of giving in to my crazy side, I went to my room and wrote David a letter. In it, I thanked him for the tape, and then begged and pleaded for him to come home before Christmas.

  …Your daughter is learning to eat solids, and it’s a riot seeing her face while she tries out the different flavors and textures. I wish you could be here to see it. She’s also working on sitting up on her own with no support. She’s a strong little girl. You’ll be amazed at her developments…

  With that letter mailed, I prayed for peace of mind. He’d come home when he was ready, and not a day before. He was just that kind of man. But as time passed, the gap in my chest grew.

  One afternoon, I was bathing Christine in the kitchen sink after a messy experiment feeding her spinach. She’d had green muck all over her by the end. I wasn’t sure any of the spinach actually made it to her stomach. While she was splashing and kicking in the water, I glanced up to see a dark figure coming up the front steps. The very familiar man was carrying a satchel and a guitar case.

  He was here.

  The sounds of a gurgling baby and splashing water had me dropping my luggage and hurrying into the kitchen. Beth gasped as I picked her up and spun her around. Her familiar scent electrified me.

  “Oh, you’re cold!” She shivered, but I couldn’t ignore her beaming smile as she fingered my cheeks. “David.”

  “I’m here.” I smiled back, stroking her hair.

  I kissed her lips and then turned to my baby girl, who was now wildly kicking her legs and giving me a toothless grin. Not caring how wet and soapy she was, I hauled her out of the bathtub and clutched her to me. “My baby,” I breathed.

  Christine squirmed in my arms, at the same time making sounds I’d never heard from her. “Is she laughing?”

  Beth nodded. “She just started doing that. She’s happy to see you.”

  Carefully laying her back in the warm tub, I rubbed bubbles over her belly. Hearing her tiny giggles made me never want to leave her side. She seemed to be healthy and thriving in her grandparents’ home. I’d resisted the separation, but being here had been the best thing for them, I could see that now.

  I looked at Beth. “She’s well, then? Completely?”

  “Yeah, she’s been teething, but other than that, she’s fine.”

  “I’m blown away at how much she’s grown.” I kissed the top of her head, getting a mouthful of suds. Beth chuckled as I wiped away the soap. “Daddy missed you so much.”

  “Believe me, we missed you, too,” Beth said, grabbing the open flaps on my jacket and tugging me closer. Much to my delight, she wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my chest. “How I craved the smell of leather.” She kissed the exposed skin above my collar line, making my heart race. “Why don’t you take off your jacket and stay awhile?” She pulled the jacket off me and draped it over a chair. “Much better.”

  I rolled up my sleeves and, between the two of us, we finished bathing our daughter. Christine’s squeals spoke volumes: she was happy to have both her parents here. I vowed to never put this kind of distance between us again.

  While we were diapering and dressing the baby, Sharon walked in the door, lugging sacks of groceries. She did a double-take when she saw me. “David?”

  I kissed Christine’s belly before turning around and giving Sharon a hug. “Yes, the prodigal son has returned.”

  “Beth must be in seventh heaven. When did you get here?”

  I pointed to the bags by the door. “Just arrived.”

  Beth picked up Christine, who was now dressed in a long onesie. I still couldn’t get over how much hair she had. And it was growing in dark like her daddy’s. My little look-alike.

  “Doesn’t he look good, Mom?” Beth pinched my cheek, sending sparks down my body.

  “He does,” Sharon agreed, reaching for Christine. “Let me take her so you two can have some time alone.” She shooed us away and began unloading groceries with the baby on her hip. I wasn’t going to argue with her because I was dying for alone time with my wife.

  Beth helped me move my bags into her bedroom. I noticed her desk was scattered with stationary and stamps. My stomach dropped at the realization she must have missed me terribly. It had been the longest seven weeks of my life.

  “So you’re all better?” she asked, sounding hesitant.

  I was alone with her for the first time in almost two months. Talking was not foremost in my mind. She was like an illusion. I’d dreamed of this moment for weeks, and here she was. Without thinking, I drew her close and buried my hands in her hair, putting the soft tendrils to my face. Deeply inhaling her floral fragrance, I whispered, “I missed you so much.”

  But then she backed off and speared me with a look. “David, you didn’t answer my question. You finished the detox program, right?” Her tone revealed her wariness.

  I stuffed my hands in my pocket, unable to be near her without loving on her. “Of course. I’m clean if that’s what you’re asking. I feel like a new man.”

  Wearing a tight smile, she asked, “What happened?”

  “You know what happened. I slipped up and checked myself into rehab just before Thanksgiving.”

  “I know, but why did you start drinking again? What triggered it?” She sat on her desk chair.

  “I—well, it was…” I gripped the back of my neck. “I found out you were with another man. I lost it.”

  “What?” She jumped to her feet. “How did you—were you having me followed?”

  “Do you really think I’d leave you and my baby unprotected? I wouldn’t have been able to sleep at night. I didn’t as it was.” I paced the room, suddenly restless.

  She stood arms akimbo, her face reddening. “Well, you might have mentioned it to me. Are we talking 24/7 surveillance? How much did that cost?”

  “Not 24/7. I hired a retired policeman to keep watch during the day, to make sure nobody bothered you. These paps have ways to hunt you down to get whatever they want. I refused to leave you unprotected.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “So this cop must have followed me to the restaurant that night. The guy…his name is Aiden. He’s sort of an old friend from high school. He also happens to be the pediatrician that took care of Christine. He’d invited me to hang out with a bunch of folks from high school. That’s it.”

  My jaw tensed. “He kissed you.”

  She squeezed her eyes and glanced away. “Yeah, he came on a little strong that night.” She faced the floor. “It actually scared me a bit. He made me really uncomfortable.”

  Heat rose up my neck. Wherever this guy was, I wanted to hunt him down and throttle him. “Were you frightened when he drove up while you were strolling Christine?”

  She gazed at me. “You knew about that, too?” Shaking her head, she continued, “He apologized. And then we talked about Christine and how she’d been fussy the night before. That’s it.”

  My muscles flexed, itching to shake this man. “Have you seen him since?”

  “No. He’s invited me out with the high school group, but I didn’t want to be around him.”

  That’s a relief.

  “Why didn’t you just ask me about him? Why freak out and start drinking again?”

  I shrugged, not sure how to answer. “I don’t know…with you gone, I was muddled and out
of sorts. You know how easy it is to blow things out of proportion.” She nodded. “Anyway, I figured since I hadn’t phoned you—which I couldn’t help—you were cross with me. And then I heard you were with another man. In my twisted thinking, you were flirting with temptation. I fell apart and raided the mini bar.” I gripped my forehead. “Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I was hurt and lonely, and it was easier to numb myself and concentrate on my music.”

  “And then you started hanging out with that woman,” she added.

  I faced her hardened expression. “Nothing happened between me and Shannon, I promise you.”

  “Why did you even let her in your hotel room, alone? Talk about flirting with temptation. And on top of that, you were drinking?” Her eyes now brimmed with tears. “Anything could’ve happened.”

  “No.” My blood was pumping. “I wouldn’t have allowed that. You should know me better, I was lonely and needed someone to talk to. She listened to me, so I repaid the favor by helping her work out issues with her boyfriend.”

  She huffed. “Sounds cozy.”

  “Where is this coming from? Just a minute ago, you were happy to see me. You confuse me, Beth.” A chill swept over me.

  “David, I’ve been miserable!” She burst into tears. I went to her, anxious to take her in my arms, but she pushed me away. “You were gone. I had to deal with a sick baby, all while missing you and worrying about what you were doing without me there. And then Brooke called and told me you were spending time with a gorgeous woman.” Sobs broke up her speech. “I didn’t know what to think.” She wiped her eyes.

  “Beth, I know it looked bad the night you phoned, but I swear I did not cheat on you. I didn’t even touch Shannon. I’ll admit a few groupies got handsy, but I quickly put a stop to that.”

  “What? Anything else you want to tell me?”

  Great job, David. “No. Now let’s just start over, please.”

  “When that woman answered the phone in your room, I was ready to divorce you.”

  I felt the room spinning. No. Her words were as damaging as getting hit by a train. How could so much bitterness dwell inside this woman? Had she felt angry the whole time we were apart? What was I to do? I couldn’t change what I’d done—not the drinking or spending time with Shannon. Her lack of forgiveness hurt me to the core.

  I held up my hands in surrender. “I know you’re upset, but I literally can’t listen to this anymore. It’s destroying me. You need to calm down. I’ve already apologized for my mistakes.” I swung the door open and charged out.

  I wasn’t a crier, but Beth using the d-word tore me apart. The lump in my throat made it hard for me to breathe. When I turned the corner, I saw my baby sitting against a line of pillows, playing with blocks. Sharon sat beside her, speaking softly with her.

  They both glanced up as I walked in. Christine smiled up at me and made a cooing noise. She was my healing balm. I reached down and picked her up. Holding her closely, I sat in the rocking chair and breathed in her sweet scent.

  “I couldn’t help overhearing,” Sharon said.

  My jaw ticked. I was still fighting tears. It had been such a long seven weeks, and then this horrible argument…I broke down.

  “She’s tired, David. She’s been a mess the whole time she’s been here. Just give her time.”

  “She’s just so angry. I know I’ve let her down, over and over again. I just can’t seem to do right by her.” Christine looked up at me with her big brown eyes and touched my face. There was nothing as humbling as bawling in front of your mother-in-law and baby daughter.

  “Your little girl is sure happy to see you. Beth probably needed to let off some steam, you know how she is.”

  I smiled. “Yes, I do.”

  Sharon looked away, tapping her chin. “I have an idea, something to help your cause with Beth.”

  “I’m all ears.”

  “Here’s what we should do…”

  A firm tap on my door startled me awake. I rubbed my eyes and checked the clock. I’d been asleep for three hours. Apparently unloading on David wore me out.

  I pushed myself off the bed and opened the door. My pulse quickened when I saw my husband standing there, decked out in a black suit and holding a red long-stemmed rose.

  “What are you doing?” I couldn’t help my smile.

  He cleared his throat and smoothed down his jacket, all formal-like. “I’d like to ask you to dinner tonight.”

  The poor guy was really trying, so I decided to tease him a little. “Oh, I don’t know. I’ll have to check my calendar.” I made like I was going back into the room.

  “Wait, I have something that might sweeten the deal for you.”

  Turning back, I put my hand on my hip. “And what’s that?”

  He returned to the guest room and came back carrying a stunning little black dress on a hanger. Not just any black dress, but the one I’d seen at the department store last time I was there with Mom.

  “H-How did you know?” I stuttered before it dawned on me. “Did my mom put you up to this?”

  “She may have helped a bit. So what do you say?”

  A weight lifted inside, so I threw my arms around his neck and kissed his lips. “Does that answer your question?”

  “Oh, sweet girl.” He gave me a peck on the nose. “I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

  “You don’t need to apologize anymore. I shouldn’t have said all those things. Of course you wouldn’t cheat on me. And I’m proud of you for going back to the rehab center.”

  “And about the surveillance? You aren’t cross with me?”

  “No. I mean, it’s nice to know if Aiden had tried anything more, he wouldn’t have gotten far. Thank you for protecting me.”

  “I’ll always protect you.” He brushed my hair off my forehead and kissed me.

  “I know.” I ran my hand down his face. “Let’s start over, okay?”

  “Gladly.” He backed out of my embrace and held out his hand. “Hello, I’m David. Would you like to get married and have a baby with me?”

  Playing along, I shook his hand. “I’m Beth, and I’d love to. But first, we should probably go on a date.”

  We laughed, easing the earlier tension, and then joined together for another kiss.

  Rosie’s buzzed with activity, probably with holiday get-togethers and shoppers rewarding themselves with a nice dinner. I craved a steaming plate of fettuccine at my favorite restaurant along the water, but the packed house made me uneasy. A few patrons stared at us, whispering and pointing. And then the hostess gaped at David the same way I would a piece of strawberry cheesecake. My fettuccine craving died on the spot. I should have known he’d be recognized. Being back in my hometown and away from the limelight, I’d forgotten about the price of fame.

  When the young brunette flirtatiously asked us to follow her, I gripped David’s elbow and froze in place.

  “What’s the matter?” he whispered.

  “David, I don’t know about this. People recognize you.” I eyed the hostess, who watched us curiously.

  “What would you suggest, love? I could be recognized elsewhere.”

  “Not if we grab takeout and go park out in the country.”

  His eyes widened. “I’m game.”

  “Excuse me, but we won’t need the table after all,” I informed David’s young fan. Her face fell as David pulled me out the door.

  It wasn’t long before the car smelled like soy sauce, yet the bags of chow mein sat untouched. For now, I only feasted on David’s warm skin as we snuggled under a blanket in the back seat. I kissed his bare chest. “You’re awfully quiet.”

  He squeezed me. “I’m relaxed. It’s amazing to be with you again. I missed my sweet girl.”

  “I missed you, too. All of you.” I nuzzled him, high on his woodsy scent.

  “How could you think for a second I’d want anyone else?” He kissed my forehead.

  “How could you think that?”

  “Being apart, it’s
not good. I can’t be away from you.” His voice was thick.

  I pushed myself up and met his gaze. Chestnut eyes sparkling with moisture made my heart quicken. “I hate it, too. But how do we get around it, I mean, in your line of work?”

  “We just do. I can’t go more than a week without seeing you. Besides, I don’t even know what’s going to happen now.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Hmm…why don’t we eat, and then we’ll chat?”

  “David?”

  But he ignored me, digging into the takeout bags. My stomach growled and my mouth watered, so I didn’t press him. Instead, I swiped a container and opened it, giving in to my hunger. That first bite of savory noodles made my taste buds sing. “Mm…”

  “Good?” David grinned, chuckling.

  I nodded, swallowing. “I cannot wait to introduce Christine to Chinese food. She has so much to look forward to.”

  “Yes, she does.” He looked down at his food. “I’m afraid I’ve missed quite a bit.”

  “I journaled and took lots of pictures. But I know it’s not the same.”

  “I’m not going to be away from her anymore, Beth.”

  “So, you want me to go back on tour with you? I mean, I’m okay with that. She’s a little older now and healthy—”

  “You don’t understand,” David interjected. “I’m out. I quit.”

  “What?” I said, nearly choking on a bean sprout.

  “Before I left for rehab, Trevor threatened me. Told me if I left the tour, I was out.”

  My head was swirling. “So that’s it? Who’s taking your place?”

  “They have a long-term replacement for the remainder of the tour, and then I’m not sure.”

  “David.” I was confused and shocked. “Have you lost your mind? This has been your dream since you were a teenager.”

  He took my hand and kissed it. “My dream since I was eighteen was to be with you, and I’ve failed you multiple times over the past several years—all because of my music career. I need a break so I can be a family man.”

  “And I love that idea, but what about your music? It’s a part of you.”