“Yo, dude,” Grady said, snapping his fingers in front of my face. “Quit ogling her like a fucking stalker and listen to me.”
“Sorry,” I muttered.
“Here’s the thing. With Lindsay being knocked up, my marriage timeline has been moved up. I don’t want us to not be married when this baby is born. I’ve got a plan, but I need your help,” Grady said, looking from Josh to me.
“Sure thing, man.”
“Whatever you need.”
Chapter Nine
Poppy
The fall semester was done, Christmas was thankfully over, and I actually had some free time on my hands. I was still working for Maggie and teaching yoga, but I had a few blessed weeks free of class and homework.
I had stayed at my mom’s house on Christmas Eve, so I could see the madness that was three four year old boys opening presents on Christmas morning. The rest of the day was spent helping Rick assemble an endless amount of Transformers, lego sets and even three bicycles complete with training wheels. By the time I returned to my apartment well after dark on Christmas night, I was exhausted.
I spent the last week recovering and loading music onto my new iPod. Undoubtedly I was the last person on Earth over the age of twelve to have an iPod. It was my gift from my mom and Rick, and I was really having fun organizing my music into playlists. Which is what I was doing on the morning of New Year’s Eve when I heard a knock at my door.
It was kind of early, only 8:30, and I was still in my pajamas. Who in the world could that be? My mind immediately went to Ford, but I doubted it was him since I was scheduled to be at his house in an hour and a half anyway. Ford was helping out his friend, Grady, with a surprise he was working on for his girlfriend, Lindsay.
Since Maggie had grown considerably weaker over the last few weeks, Ford didn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone at all anymore. So, I had volunteered to spend the whole day and night with her until Ford came home. It’s not like I had any hot New Year’s plans anyway. Brooke had tried to get me to go out with her, but I really wasn’t in the party mood.
Ever since the night after Thanksgiving when Ford had let me know in no uncertain terms that we weren’t going to be intimate, he had gone out of his way to be a good “friend”. He completely ignored my request that he go back to being mean to me. In fact, he had been nicer than ever. I knew it wasn’t that he had some sort of nice guy epiphany, because he was still a total asshole to almost everyone else - his mom and friends excluded. But I guess I fell into the friend category now.
It was probably for the best. He was going on that interview for the coaching job at LSU at the end of January, and I fully expected him to take the job. Even if he didn’t accept it yet, his mom would be gone soon. It would be time for him to get back to going after what he wanted. I knew he was watching football again, with enthusiasm, and I could see the spark it brought out in his eyes. Football was what he loved, and if he couldn’t play it, then coaching would be the next best thing.
If we had started something, it would have to end anyway when he left. There was no way I was doing another long distance relationship. Not that Ford had even wanted a relationship with me. He was clear that he wasn’t a relationship sort of guy.
A second knock on my door brought me out of my Ford-induced stupor. I was still in my pajamas with my hair in a crazy bun. Oh, well. Anyone knocking on my door this early would have to take me looking like hell.
Just like when he called me a couple of months ago, Aiden was the last person I was expecting to see standing outside my door.
“Hey, Poppy,” he said, shuffling his feet and looking uncharacteristically unsure of himself. The Aiden I knew was cocky to a fault.
“Aiden. What are you doing here?”
“Um…can I come in?”
“No,” I replied. He definitely wasn’t my favorite person, and I didn’t exactly feel welcoming at the moment.
“Oh, okay. I understand. Listen, Poppy. I wanted to say I’m sorry for calling you before, you know, about the paper. That was way out of line. I’m sorry about a lot of things where you’re concerned.”
“So, did you find someone else to help you cheat? Or are you home for good?”
He flinched slightly. “Uh, yeah. I’m out of Cornell. My parents were beyond pissed when I showed up for winter break with all my shit in my car. I don’t know what I’m going to do now, probably take some classes at the college here.”
My lip curled up in a snarl at his implication that the college I had been attending for the last three years was going to have to do now that he’d flunked out of a “real” school.
“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Whatever, Aiden. I accept your apology. Is that all?”
He seemed surprised at my snarky attitude. When we had dated, I had never shown him this side of me. In fact, I hadn’t shown it to anyone. It seemed Ford had been rubbing off on me.
“Um, yeah. I guess I’ll just see you around.”
“Okay,” I said and shut the door before he had a chance to turn around.
Damn! Now I wasn’t going to have time to finish my playlist before I had to get ready to go to Ford’s house. At least Aiden had just given me some more inspiration for my angry music list.
I jumped in the shower and dried my hair in record time. It was New Year’s Eve, even if I didn’t have any fun plans, so I took some extra time to curl my hair in big loose curls. My favorite jeans and an off the shoulder sweater with a camisole underneath was good for a day at home, with just a little bit of sexy for Ford. He was doing his damndest to keep me in the friend zone, but I couldn’t help wanting to look nice every time I saw him.
I didn’t have to work on homework, so I tucked my iPod and a book in my bag and headed out the door. There was at least a foot of snow on the ground, and the steps were icy as I made my way carefully to my car. I was concentrating so hard on the ground in front of me, I didn’t notice Aiden’s car was still parked behind mine until I reached my car.
I frowned at him as he got out of his car and walked over to me, slipping and almost falling on his ass on the way. A small giggle escaped my mouth, and I quickly clamped my mitten covered hand over it.
He offered me a crooked smile. “I’m glad I can still make you laugh and not just piss you off.”
“Why are you still here, Aiden?”
“I just feel really bad, Poppy. I know you accepted my apology, but it didn’t exactly seem sincere.”
I sighed and took a good look at him. Aiden had always be a good-looking guy - tall with blond hair and blue eyes. All American boy next door. There were dark circles under his eyes now and he looked utterly defeated.
“It’s okay, Aiden. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. Really, it’s okay.”
He nodded. “Thanks, Poppy. Maybe we can get together sometime for coffee. As friends.”
Awesome, another friend. Not that I wanted to go there again with Aiden, but it just reinforced my abundance of friends and complete lack of boyfriends.
“That sounds good. Next time you call me, I promise not to ignore you,” I teased.
Aiden returned to his car, and I got into mine. I turned the key and…nothing. Not even a sputter. I tried again. And again. Shit! I dropped my forehead onto the steering wheel. This was just great. My piece of shit car didn’t even make it through the winter. I really wasn’t looking forward to trudging through the snow for the next two months.
A knock on my window made me jump and squeal. Aiden opened my door and leaned down to ask, “Do you need a ride wherever you’re going?”
“Sure. Thanks, Aiden.”
Aiden and I chatted about local gossip on the way to Ford’s house. It was nice to be able to talk to him again, although I noticed the distinct absence of any attraction I used to feel for him. Apparently I was a one man kind of girl, and all my attraction was focused on Ford.
I thanked Aiden again and waited until he pulled out of the driveway before wal
king up to the front door. It swung open to reveal a grumpy Ford before I could even reach for the doorknob.
“Who was that?” He grumbled at me.
“Good morning to you too,” I said sarcastically as I walked past him into the house. I left my boots and coat in the hall closet and went on into the kitchen. “Is Maggie still in bed?” I asked when I didn’t find her in the living room.
“Don’t change the subject. Who dropped you off? And what happened to your car?”
Seeing the coffeemaker completely unused this morning, I set about brewing a pot for Maggie and me to share after Ford left. Shouldn’t he be going soon?
“My car wouldn’t start. I think it’s more than the battery this time. Unfortunately it couldn’t wait until spring when I wouldn’t mind walking everywhere.”
“You’re not walking anywhere. I’ll take a look at it and get Josh or Grady involved if needed. Until it’s fixed I can give you a ride wherever you need to go. Now, who dropped you off?”
God, he wasn’t giving up on this. “Aiden.”
I was still facing the counter and messing with the coffee filter. Ford’s voice was dangerously close to my ear when he said, “Aiden? Your douchebag ex-boyfriend? What are you doing in a car with him?”
Turning around I found myself in a familiar position, trapped against the counter by a very tall and very angry Ford. I had to tilt my head up to look him in the eyes.
“He stopped by this morning to apologize for asking me to cheat for him, and he was still in my driveway when my car wouldn’t start. He offered me a ride, and seeing as how I didn’t have any other option at the time, I accepted.”
Ford frowned down at me, and I realized I had missed his frown. That might sound stupid, but it was a big part of who he was, and while I liked nice Ford I also liked a little bit of mean Ford.
“I don’t like you being around him,” he stated like that would be the end of the conversation.
“Um, I don’t think it matters if you like it or not.”
He didn’t like that response, and his frown deepened. “I don’t trust the fucker, and I don’t think it’s safe for you to be around him at all. What if he tries something?”
That made me laugh. “Seriously, Ford? Clearly what we had wasn’t all that special since he cheated on me. And that was forever ago. It’s really none of your business what I do or who I spend my time with. If I had a boyfriend who objected to me having contact with my douchebag ex, I would definitely take his feelings into consideration. But you’re not my boyfriend, Ford. You made it very clear that is not a position you’re interested in.”
His head snapped back like I had physically slapped him, and I took that opportunity to push past him to go check on Maggie. She was just getting up and dressed, and I helped her with what she needed. By the time I got her settled downstairs on the sofa, Ford was gone.
Maggie spent the morning watching TV and dozing on and off. Up until the middle of December you wouldn’t have guessed how sick she was. Although she was thinner than normal, she had kept up with her normal activities along with packing up the house. The last three weeks had brought about a huge difference in her. She rarely ate a full meal and slept more than she was awake. Ford and I hadn’t talked about it, but I could see the strain it was putting on him to watch her wilt before his eyes.
I fixed lunch for us, but Maggie ate maybe three bites before she pushed her plate away.
“It looks delicious, but I’m just not hungry,” she said.
“I know, Maggie. It’s okay. I’ll wrap up the leftovers. Ford can eat them tomorrow.”
She reached out to take my hand as I walked by. I knelt beside her.
“What is it Maggie? Are you in pain?”
“He cares about you, dear.”
“Ford?”
She laughed softly. “Yes, Ford. The way he watches you when he thinks no one is looking. After those rocky first weeks, he’s been nicer to you than he is to anyone other than me. I think he’ll leave and take the job at LSU, unless he has a reason not to.”
My confusion must have been obvious on my face.
“He will go, Poppy. He’s had one foot out the door since the day he moved back here. Ford will think that football is the only thing that can make him happy again. I think he’s wrong. I think the one thing that can make him truly happy is right in front of him. Men don’t always do the best job of understanding their emotions. Don’t let him go, Poppy. Not without making him understand what he feels for you.”
Maggie was so sincere in her speech, that I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Ford didn’t feel that way about me. Instead, I patted her arm and said, “Okay, Maggie. I will.”
I did believe that Ford was attracted to me. Hell, I felt the evidence pressed up against me that night in the parking lot. But the thought of him giving up his dreams for me? That was laughable. Not that I would say that to Maggie.
After I cleaned up from lunch, Maggie asked me to take her to visit the hospice facility she would be moving into soon. I was surprised that she wouldn’t have asked Ford. As far as I knew he was doing better with accepting her diagnosis.
“You don’t want Ford to take you?”
“He’s been so busy with work and helping Grady with the surprise for Lindsay, I didn’t want to bother him with this. I’ve taken him there once before, so he’s had a tour. But I think I may need to move there sooner than expected. It’s getting too hard for me to manage the stairs, and I’m going to need more care soon than I want to ask of Ford. I’d like to go in today and sign the paperwork and set a move in date.”
Since the last time Ford reamed me for helping Maggie behind his back, I tried to keep him in the loop on anything she asked me to help with. Wringing my hands, I asked, “You will tell him tomorrow that we did this, right?”
“Of course, I will. I don’t think he will be all that surprised.”
“Maybe not, but it still won’t be easy for him.” That was the understatement of the century. I dreaded the day that Maggie passed away. As I did with all my patients, but with Ford, he seemed to feel things on a deeper level though he kept those feelings tightly locked away. I feared what would happen when he allowed them to flow freely.
I bundled Maggie up in her winter coat, scarf and gloves. It wasn’t until we were at the front door that I remembered I didn’t have my car.
“Uh, Maggie? I didn’t drive here. And you are definitely not walking anywhere in this cold.”
“Oh, that’s okay. Josh picked up Ford this morning, so we can take his truck.”
This only added to my feeling of unease about doing this without Ford’s knowledge. He had flipped when I parked in his spot that first day, so I could only imagine what he would say about me driving his truck. Oh, well. If he was going to get mad, I might as well give him something to be really pissed about.
Ford’s truck sat up a lot higher than my ancient Honda, and I found myself sitting up super straight just to see over the steering wheel. I felt like a little kid stealing my dad’s truck.
The hospice facility was close to the hospital and resembled a nursing home or assisted living facility. The antiseptic smell hit me the second we walked through the front door. We were greeted by the receptionist and waited for the director to get back from giving a tour.
Three of my former patients had gone into hospice and none had lived longer than three weeks after moving in. It seemed once they made the decision to go to hospice, it was the beginning of the end. With Maggie’s quickly deteriorating condition, I doubted it would be that long for her. My heart ached at the impending loss of a friend, and for Ford’s loss.
Maggie stayed with the director to discuss the details of her move and to sign the final paperwork, while the receptionist took me on a tour. I had been here before to visit a patient, but I went along mostly because I didn’t want to sit and listen to Maggie plan out her last days. It was hard for me, harder with her than with anyone before, and I knew it was a million
times worse for Ford.
When she was finished, I drove us home and settled Maggie back on the couch where she stayed until shortly after dinner.
“I really wanted to stay up and ring in my last New Year, but I just can’t keep my eyes open any longer. Can you help me get ready for bed, Poppy?”
“Of course I can, Maggie. Don’t worry, I’ll ring in the New Year for the both of us.”
“It’s a pity such a lovely girl should be alone on New Year’s.”
Yeah, it was a pity. Not that I ever did anything very exciting for New Year’s, but I wished some year soon would be different.
After helping Maggie change and get into bed, I turned off her light and left her door open just a crack. The house was quiet, and the wood floor creaked beneath my feet as I crossed the hallway and stood in the doorway of Ford’s bedroom. The curtains were open, and the light from the streetlamp illuminated the room.
The queen size bed was unmade, and I crossed the room to sit on the edge. Looking around I could see nail holes in the wall and empty spaces on the shelves where personal items probably used to be. Now the room was bare and cold. But Ford's bed, with its rumpled sheets was warm and inviting. I ran my hand over his pillow and the slight indent left by his head.
The gray hooded sweatshirt that he wore so often was draped over the top of the headboard. I grabbed one sleeve and pulled it down. Feeling only a little bit like a crazed stalker I brought it to my nose and inhaled. It smelled like him. Not for the first time since that night after Thanksgiving, I wondered what it would be like to be with Ford. To feel his hands on my bare skin, the weight of his body on mine.
With a heavy sigh, I curled up on Ford's bed and hugged his sweatshirt to my chest. The end of my time with Maggie was nearing, but I had a feeling the end of my time with Ford would hurt me more.
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