The few minutes between when we heard her fall and when the ambulance arrived were still a blur. She was barely breathing and unresponsive. Ford was eerily calm as he dialed 911 and stood to the side, watching as I checked Maggie's pulse and respiratory rate. His face was a mask, showing no emotion. Not like he was hiding it, but like he was completely numb.
The paramedics arrived and worked fast to get Maggie into the ambulance. Jumping on a motorcycle that was parked in the driveway, Ford told me to take his truck and go home and he would call me. But I went to the hospital. That way I would be close when he called.
I sat in the waiting room for over two hours until the nurse took pity on me and updated me on Maggie even though I wasn’t family. She had been unresponsive since I found her and was on life support. Maggie being Maggie, she had signed a living will expressly stating that she did not want to be kept alive by machines. It was now up to Ford to pull the plug. I returned to my chair and waited some more. I waited for Ford to call me.
But he never called.
At around 4:00 am, the same nurse came to sit beside me. She quietly told me that Maggie was gone and that Ford had left the hospital. The tears that had run dry sometime around 2:00 am came back full force, and I had to constantly wipe them away as I drove home in Ford’s truck.
On my way to my apartment I drove by Ford’s house, but he wasn’t there. I thought about leaving his truck and walking home but decided against it. If I had it at my apartment he would have to come to me eventually. I had to know that he was okay. I wouldn’t be okay until I knew he was okay.
After a shower and a crying fit that turned into a nap, I began my pacing. Around noon I gave in and called Ford…a few times. He never answered or returned my calls even though I left several messages begging him to just let me know that he was okay. I thought about calling his friends, but I didn’t know them and I didn’t know if he would want me to tell them about Maggie.
It was after 7:00 pm now, and pitch black outside. There was some sort of rain snow mix pelting my roof and window, adding to the feeling of desolation inside my apartment. After peeking out my window and seeing nothing but darkness and Ford’s black truck still parked in my driveway, I fell onto my bed and buried my head under my pillow. I was thoroughly exhausted from the raw emotions of the last twenty four hours and getting hardly any sleep since the night before last.
From my spot under my pillow I heard what sounded like a muffled knock at my door. Bolting upright I leapt off my bed and ran across the room. As I swung open the door, tremendous relief swept through me as I saw Ford taking up the doorway. The relief was short lived as I took in his haggard appearance. He had traded his suit from last night for jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, no coat despite the frigid temperatures. At least he had the hood up over his head.
Ford’s eyes were dry but bloodshot, and the stark pain drowning in those blue depths made my own begin to tear up. He was soaked to the bone, like maybe he had been walking outside for hours. When I grabbed his hand to pull him inside, it was ice cold. I was overwhelmed with a need to take care of him. To make him feel better.
“How long have you been outside? You’re freezing!”
Ford just shrugged one shoulder, but didn’t say anything. I was so glad he was okay, at least in the sense that he was alive, and that he was here with me now. It wouldn’t work to push him to talk when he obviously wasn’t ready. So, first things first. We needed to get him dried off and warmed up.
“Ford, we need to get you out of these wet clothes.” The situation was worse than I thought, because he didn’t even crack a hint of a smile when I basically told him to get naked. He just let me lead him into my bathroom and watched silently as I turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature.
“Once you’re in the shower, I’ll come get your clothes and put them in the dryer,” I said as I turned to leave the room. I waited outside the bathroom door for a few minutes until I heard the shower door shut. Then I slipped in and gathered up his clothes and shut the door quietly behind me, trying my hardest not to stare at the outline of Ford’s body through the frosted glass shower door.
Given the miniature size of my apartment, I was only able to fit a small stackable washer and dryer in the closet off the kitchenette. It would take at least three cycles to dry Ford’s wet jeans and sweatshirt. Hoping it wouldn’t be too much of a fight to get him to stay here with me tonight, I threw his boxer briefs and t-shirt in the dryer and hung his jeans and sweatshirt over the top of the door. I had already spent one night and one day worrying myself sick over his whereabouts and well-being. He owed me a good night’s sleep, and the best way to get that was for him to stay here with me.
Ford stayed in the shower for at least twenty minutes, and I was sure my limited supply of hot water had to be out by now. Finally the water turned off, and I knocked before slipping my arm through the door and offering him his dry underwear and t-shirt.
While he dressed I busied myself with brewing a pot of coffee, decaf coffee. Not even a herd of wild ponies stampeding next to my bed could keep me awake much longer, but I wasn’t going to chance it by drinking caffeine. I heard Ford come out of the bathroom while I was adding soy milk to my cup.
“I made some coffee…decaf, to help you warm up. Did the shower feel goo…d?” My voice stuttered as I turned around and saw a nearly naked Ford standing oh so close to me. He had apparently decided against his t-shirt and only wore his black boxer briefs. Having only known him in the fall and winter months, and with the exception of Halloween, I hadn’t seen much of his body up close and personal before.
Knowing this was not the time for my tongue to be hanging out of my mouth, I quickly turned back around and stirred my coffee way more than was necessary. When I couldn’t possibly stir any more, I took a deep breath and faced my bedroom/living room again. Ford was sitting on the edge of my bed, with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
I could feel his heartbreak from across the room. As much as I missed Maggie already, my heart was heavy with sadness for what Ford was going through. Forgetting my mission to make coffee, I walked over to stand just in front of him. I hesitated, not sure if I should sit down beside him or give him a hug or…
Ford took the decision out of my hands when he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to stand between his legs. He rested his head against my chest and held me tightly. I could tell he wasn’t crying, and from the way his eyes looked when he showed up, I knew his tears had run dry. If I was offering comfort simply by letting him hold me, then I would stay there as long as he needed, with his arms around me and my fingers running through his hair and along his neck and shoulders.
I’m not sure how long we stayed like that or when the mood shifted. The moment when our embrace turned from comforting into something else. My fingers stilled in his soft messy hair, and my breathing was shaky as I became aware of his head against my chest. He could surely hear the pickup in my heartbeat.
Ford’s arms loosened from around my waist, and his fingers dug into my hips as he pushed me away - just enough so he could look up at me. The last time we were in a position like this I had told him not to start something again that he wasn’t prepared to finish. The look in his eyes right now told me he was ready to finish it. I wanted him; I always had. I knew that he wanted me too, even if he had played the friend card before. But now…now it was clear that he needed me, and he was waiting for my permission to take what he needed from me.
He had been right when he said I was a relationship kind of girl. I had always followed the unwritten rules of dating that I thought should apply. Aiden was the only guy I had been with, and I had made him wait almost a year before I slept with him. Granted that was several years ago when I was much younger, but until I met Ford I had always assumed those rules would apply. However, with him looking at me like that and already having had a small taste of what it would be like with him, I wondered why I had ever thought the rules were necessary. Being wit
h Ford would likely blow my mind and break my heart, because he would eventually leave. He would leave town and he would leave me. But right now I just didn’t care.
Leaning down to press my lips against his, I gave him the permission he was asking for. I kept my eyes on his until the last moment, so he would understand what I was giving. My eyelids fluttered shut when I was close enough to feel his breath, and I threw caution to the wind and kissed him.
I parted my lips almost immediately, and I felt the tension leave Ford’s body on an exhale as his tongue possessed my mouth and stroked against mine. His fingers flexed against my hips as he pulled me down to sit on his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and fisted my hands in his hair, kissing him back with everything I had to give. If I was losing my heart to Ford tonight, I might as well give it all I had.
Ford’s hands were all over my body, leaving me breathless in a matter of minutes. One hand held me in place, pressed up against him so I could feel him hard beneath my thigh. His other hand roamed from tracing my jaw gently to running down my side to squeezing my hip. As much as I could feel his need and desire barely contained below the surface, he took his time and moved slowly.
Needing more direct contact with his amazing body, I moved so I was straddling his lap and pressed myself down on his erection. The first sound he had made since entering my apartment came out as a deep groan as he recaptured my mouth with his. Picking me up, Ford turned and laid me down on the bed, pressing me into the mattress with his body.
Oh, God. This was so much better, I thought as I wrapped my legs around his waist and rocked my hips upwards. He was nearly naked, and I was suddenly aware that I was wearing way too many clothes. I began to reach for the hem of my shirt, but Ford beat me to it, pulling it over my head in one swift movement. He reached back to unhook my ankles and dragged my pants down my legs. Kneeling between my legs, Ford paused to rake his eyes over my body. I felt the heat from his gaze as strongly as if he had been touching me.
Thankfully, I was wearing pretty blue lace underwear and bra. Ford ran his fingertips up my legs, over my hips and stomach. I squirmed beneath his featherlight touch, needing more, needing him. A ghost of a smile crooked the corner of his lip up at my obvious impatience. He made quick work of my bra and panties and settled down next to me. As he kissed me deeply again, he cupped my breast and rolled my nipple between his fingers. My back arched and I clawed at his bicep to get closer. When he abandoned the kiss to suck my nipple into his mouth, I whimpered at the sensation. My whimpers turned to moans as he moved his hand between my legs and stroked me slowly. Just as I was about to beg him to go faster he pulled away and climbed off the bed. I had set his wallet on my nightstand and he grabbed it and pulled out a condom. It was only a few moments before he was back, covering my body with his. This time it was him between my legs, and I rocked my hips up towards him.
Ford braced his forearms on either side of my head and brushed a strand of hair off my forehead. Feeling him push into me was the best thing I had ever experienced. He closed his eyes tightly when he was fully inside me and blew out a harsh breath. Dropping his forehead to mine, he began to move. The pressure that had been building before when he was touching me returned, and I moved my hips up to meet him with each thrust. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I encouraged him to go harder and faster. I was so close.
When Ford buried his face in my neck and sucked on the soft skin just below my ear, I lost it.
“Ford!” I cried out, surprising myself. I had never been a screamer, but then again I had never come during sex before. And I had never been with Ford before. I was still riding the waves of my orgasm when he found his release as well.
Collapsing on top of me, Ford rolled to the side so his full weight wouldn’t crush me. Several minutes passed while our breathing returned to normal, the whole time he held me close with no space between us. Eventually he pulled away and went to the bathroom to throw away the condom. When he returned with his t-shirt in his hand I had the chance to see him in all his naked glory. God, that was a sight I would never get tired of. Ford pulled his boxer briefs back on and pulled his t-shirt on over my head before helping me back into my underwear. Grateful I had only dried his t-shirt and not washed it, I pulled it up over my nose to inhale the smell of him.
He gave me a half smile at seeing me sniff his shirt. We pulled the covers back and climbed into bed. It seems he would be staying without me even having to ask.
“Can I stay here tonight?” Ford asked, as he pulled me over to lay on his chest. His voice was rough.
Resting my cheek against his chest so I could hear his heart beating, I said, “Of course.”
After a few minutes, during which I thought he had fallen asleep, he spoke again. “Thank you Poppy. For everything.”
Propping my chin on my hands so I could look at him, I replied, “You don’t have to thank me Ford.”
He nodded. “Are you okay…with this? With what happened here? It wasn’t my intent when I came here…I was just walking around all day, and…I just couldn’t be alone any longer. I needed to be with you.”
My heart squeezed and ached in my chest at the most honest and emotional words I had ever heard from Ford. He wasn’t one to share his feelings, and I felt honored that he chose me. I knew he cared for me, but I didn’t know if it was anywhere close to what I felt for him. Or if he would even recognize it if it was.
“I’m glad you came here. I’ve been worried about you all day, not knowing where you were or if you were okay. You don’t need to worry about taking advantage of me or me doing this for the wrong reasons. I wanted you, Ford. It’s that simple. This wasn’t a pity fuck.”
He flinched at my last words. “Jesus, Poppy. Don’t say that. I would never describe being with you as any kind of fuck. You deserve so much more than to just be fucked. Understand?”
I nodded my head.
“Words like that should never come out of your sweet mouth,” he said, pulling me up to press a gentle kiss to my lips.
He cuddled me back against him, and said, “Let’s get some sleep. It’s been a long day, and there’s more shit ahead to deal with.”
As I drifted off, I thought about the “shit” that lie ahead. I knew Ford was referring to Maggie’s funeral, but I was thinking about the day when Ford would leave me. Because it was inevitable. But, for tonight I wouldn’t think about that. I would just enjoy the feeling of Ford’s warm embrace.
Chapter Twelve
Ford
It was January 3, 2012. Exactly three years to the day that I broke my leg and ended my football career. Today I would be saying my final goodbye to the only other thing in my life that I had loved - my mother.
I stood in front of the mirror in Poppy’s small bathroom with my tie in my hands and stared at my reflection. The same black suit I had worn for Grady’s wedding, a time of celebration, would also be what I wore for my mom’s funeral. Some people said a funeral should be a celebration of the person’s life. I had a real hard fucking time seeing it that way.
Poppy swept into the bathroom and took the tie out of my hands. Without a word, she deftly looped it around my neck, tucked it under the collar of my white shirt and tied it perfectly. I pulled her into my arms and pressed my lips to the top of her head while closing my eyes.
Since two nights ago when we had talked briefly before falling asleep for a good thirteen hours, I had hardly spoken two words to her. She hadn’t pushed me, for which I was unbelievably grateful. Instead she had taken over and handled every detail for today. Since my mom had already pre-planned her funeral, there wasn’t much to do. But Poppy had called all my friends, the church ladies and the only other family I had, my mom’s sister who I hadn’t seen since I was five years old.
She made food and set it in front of me, and then sat with me until I ate it. The one time I broke down and cried yesterday, she sat on my lap and let my tears fall on her shoulder. Last night she drove to my house and packed some of my clothes with
out me even asking. There was no way I was sleeping at my mom’s house again. I wouldn’t be able to walk by my mom’s bedroom and not see her lying on the floor, and Poppy seemed to know that somehow. When I reached for her in the night, she made me forget myself for a while with her touch. If Poppy hadn’t already been in my life before my mom died, I would have said she was an angel sent to help me deal with this.
“We should leave soon to get to the church before everyone else,” Poppy said quietly, taking my hand and leading me out of the bathroom. She was already dressed in a black dress and heels, with her long hair pulled back into a bun at the base of her neck.
Poppy picked my jacket up off the back of the chair and held it out to me. While I put it on, she took an envelope from the table and handed it to me.
"This was in your jacket pocket when I took it to the dry cleaner's yesterday."
I took the envelope containing the extra plane ticket from her and looked at it. Had it only been three days since Grady gave this to me?
"It's...a plane ticket. For you. So, you can come with me to my interview."
"Really?"
"Yes. Will you go with me? Please, Poppy?"
She studied me for a moment, and then said, "Of course I will."
I put the envelope back on her table and took her hand. It was time to get this over with.
We arrived at the church shortly before 10:00 am, when the calling hours were set to begin. Actually there was just one hour allotted for this. Poppy, who had been with my mom for the funeral planning, explained that my mom knew I would hate having to greet everyone, so she kept it short and right before the funeral service instead of a different day or time. She was right about that. This was pure torture, having to play nice with all these people who came through crying and saying how sorry they were. It was almost too much for me to take.
Fortunately for me, Poppy was there, taking care of everything again. She did all the talking, so all I had to do was nod and shake hands. When one old lady said, “Oh, you must be Ford’s girlfriend,” Poppy just smiled and moved her on down the line. I’m sure that’s what everyone thought, and surprisingly I didn’t mind.
Fourth Down Page 12