My parents would not approve. I knew this without a doubt, but I didn’t care. I loved Grady and he loved me. That was all that mattered. Once I was eighteen they had no say in my choices.
Grady leaned up on his elbow to gaze into my eyes for a moment before kissing me. This was what we did every evening - we kissed and held each other, but he had never once pressured me to go any further. Tonight was our last night together until next summer, and I wanted it to be special. So when we got to the point where he always pulled back, I pulled him closer.
“Lindsay,” he whispered against my mouth. I pushed up to kneel beside him and pulled my dress off over my head, tossing it into the grass beside us. His eyes swept over my body, lingering on my lacy bra and underwear that left little to the imagination.
He sat up and took my hands, “Lindsay, we don’t have to do this. I will love you forever no matter what happens tonight.” I believed he meant that, but I also saw the way his eyes darkened with desire as they raked over my body.
I pressed a finger to his lips to silence him. “I know, Grady. But I want this. I want you. I need this memory to get me through until we are together again.”
I didn’t need to say anymore, because he threaded his fingers in my hair and pressed his lips hungrily to mine. As we lowered ourselves back down to the blanket, our tongues tangled in a passionate dance. His fingers trailed fire over my body, over places no one had ever touched before. If I had known it would be like this, I wouldn’t have waited three months.
Grady was so careful with me, even though I could tell from the tension in his body that it was hard to go slow. When he settled between my thighs, resting his forearms on either side of my head, he leaned down to kiss me slowly, lovingly, and asked quietly, “Are you sure?”
I nodded once and replied, “I’ve never been more certain about anything, Grady. I love you. I want to be yours in every way.”
Later we lay entwined together waiting for our breathing to even out. Grady kissed the top of my head and smoothed my hair. “Are you okay?”
I rose up on one elbow and my hair fell over my shoulder and across his chest. I grinned and replied, “I’m more than okay. That was amazing. Why didn’t you tell me it would be like that? I would have given in much sooner.”
He laughed and shook his head. Then I suddenly thought that maybe it wasn’t that great for him, you know, because I didn’t really know what I was doing. I bit my lip and mumbled, “I mean, it was great for me, but I know I didn’t really know what I was doing…” I trailed off when he cupped my face in his hands and made me look at him.
“Lindsay. Don’t ever doubt my feelings for you. Yeah, I’ve been with other girls, but nothing, absolutely nothing, compares with what we just had. I love you. Don’t ever forget that.” I relaxed back into his arms, and against everything I had planned, I fell asleep.
The sun was just rising over the hills surrounding the lake when Grady woke me up. “Lindsay? It’s time to go,” he said quietly in my ear. I shook my head and burrowed under the blanket and closer into his chest. If I focused hard enough on this one moment, maybe I could stop time from passing. He chuckled and sat up, pulling me with him.
Every emotion from last night came rushing back to me and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling as we silently packed up our stuff and rode back to Lana’s house. Grady had breakfast with us and sat in my room while I showered and dressed and finished packing my things. We didn’t speak much, mostly because I was crying too hard to get any words out. After the car was packed, Lana got in the driver’s seat so we could say our goodbyes alone on the porch. I threw my arms around Grady’s neck and wept on his shoulder as he held me tightly.
“Ssshh, Lindsay. It’s going to be okay. We will make it through this. We can make it through anything,” he said gruffly. I pulled back to look up into his light blue eyes, that were shimmering with unshed tears.
“Promise me, Grady. Promise me,” I begged.
He pressed his lips gently to mine and murmured, “I promise you, Lindsay Ross. I will love you until the day I die.”
October 2006
“Lindsay, you know what you need to do. Now do it,” my mother scolded me from the doorway of my bedroom. I heard her sigh before pulling my door shut, and I could imagine her rolling her cold blue eyes at me, but I didn’t look at her. I couldn’t.
A week ago I disliked my mother for all the typical teenage reasons along with the general faults in her character like caring more about money and image than anything else, including me. Now I despised her with everything in my being. She had become the enemy - the reason that I hated my life.
I sat on my bed cross legged with my laptop open in front of me, just as I had been for the last two hours. Instead of sending the e-mail on the screen like I knew I should, I stared out the window at the people running and walking through Central Park and the dense traffic moving down the street. The leaves were starting to turn various shades of red and gold, and I thought about how beautiful fall would be in Penn Yan. I would never know.
Tears had been steadily dripping down my cheeks for what I had already lost and what I was about to lose, but I didn’t have the strength to wipe them away.
There was no other way. I had been racking my brain for days, but I had come up with nothing. So, the only thing I could do was to send the e-mail. I read it one last time through my cloudy haze of tears.
Grady,
We are over. Please stop calling me.
Lindsay
There was so much more I wanted to say, but I knew if I gave him any sense that this wasn’t what I wanted he would fight for me. And I couldn’t let him do that. I couldn’t drag him down with me. At least this way he could get over me and move on. Find someone who would love him just as much as I do.
I took a deep shaky breath and clicked Send.
Then I closed my laptop, huddled under the covers and let myself cry for the last time over Grady Hawke. After today I would lock away my memories of him and our time together. Maybe someday I would be strong enough to think of him again, but at that moment I couldn’t imagine that day would ever come. Alone with my pain, I cried myself to sleep.
Chapter One
Grady
The day started out like any other. I got up early, worked out in the home gym I had set up in my basement, grabbed a shower and headed in to work. My dad and Josh were already at the shop when I got there. I made a mental note to fix the sign outside. The old metal sign that hung over the front entrance was hanging on by a thread. I needed to get new chains or Hawke’s Boat Repair would be face down in the dirt soon. Stomping my cigarette under my boot, I walked inside to get started on a new week.
My dad’s girlfriend always sent him in to work on Monday mornings with a plate full of freshly baked muffins. Today’s selection was blueberry with some delicious looking sugary crumb topping. I snagged one and poured myself a cup of weak coffee. We really needed to invest in one of those one cup coffee brewers. None of us had mastered making a decent pot of coffee in all the years we’d been working together.
Josh was outside inspecting the motor of a new arrival over the weekend, and my dad was busy at his desk with a pile of paperwork. Business had really picked up lately, and it was getting harder and harder to keep up with the repair work let alone have any time left over for anything else. We had already outsourced the bookkeeping and taxes, but what we really needed was an office manager. My dad handled invoicing the clients, and Josh somewhat maintained our pitiful excuse for a website, but we would need to hire some help. And that would have to be sooner rather than later. This shop was quickly growing beyond what the three of us could handle. I guess there were worse problems to have.
The morning passed quickly, and Josh and I went over to the pub for lunch. My dad stayed behind to watch the shop, and I promised to bring him something back. We drove separately because Josh was meeting his wife, Leah, for a doctor appointment after we ate. She was pregnant with their first k
id. Josh was crazy excited about this baby. He and Leah had been together since high school and got married right after she graduated three years after us. Honestly I’m surprised he waited this long to knock her up. But Leah didn’t want to be a teen mom, which is probably a good thing.
After Lindsay broke it off with me, aside from my dad, Josh and Leah were the ones to make sure I ate regularly and didn’t drink myself to death. Between dinner at their house a couple of times a week and dinner just as often with my dad and his girlfriend, I didn’t have to worry about any actual cooking. Ford, the third member of our trio, was still off playing college ball those first few years, and by the time he was back in town, I was back to normal. Or as normal as I was ever going to get.
We scarfed down our burgers and I waited for my dad’s takeout order while Josh left to pick up Leah. I was halfway back to the shop when I remembered Dad asked me to stop by his house and grab his checkbook. Who the fuck uses a checkbook anymore? My dad, that’s who. Squealing the tires on my bike I made a u-turn and headed up the hill.
The first thing I noticed when I turned onto my dad’s street was the brand spanking new Mercedes SUV parked in Lana’s driveway. Lana’s business must be doing really well…or she had company. Just as I swung my leg over the bike and removed my helmet, I saw Taryn Ross walking up Lana’s front walk. The implications of Taryn being here, in Penn Yan, weren’t lost on me for a second.
I had never met Taryn, but she had been all over the news lately. You’d have to be a in a coma to not know who she was. Her father was running for President, and Taryn’s personal life was also a hot topic. I had maybe taken an interest since I knew her cousin once upon a time.
Taryn noticed me staring at her like a fucking stalker and gave me a little wave. The kind of wave that said “I know you’re staring at me, and I’m trying to be polite, but stay the fuck away from me.” A little voice in my ear reminded me that curiosity killed the cat. Yeah, well I liked to live on the edge. And my sense of self-preservation had been missing for a while now - five years to be exact.
“Hey, aren’t you the Senator’s daughter? Taryn Ross?” I called while walking through the grass to stand in front of her.
“Yes.” She backed up a step and looked a little wary at my approach. I better make this fast before her boyfriend bodyguard comes out here and tackles my ass to the ground.
“Are you here visiting Lana?” I asked, nodding toward the house.
“Just for a night. My cousin, Lindsay, is Lana’s niece, and we’re dropping her off for a visit,” she replied.
“Lindsay’s here?” That’s pretty much all I heard from what Taryn just said. It was like swimming through a dark tunnel and the only thing that made it through were those words.
“Um, yeah. Do you know her?” She seemed slightly more at ease since I obviously knew Lindsay and wasn’t some crazy stalker fan of Taryn’s.
I snorted, “Yeah. You could say that. I’m Grady. Grady Hawke.” Taryn looked back at me blankly with absolutely no idea who I was.
“Oh, okay. It’s nice to meet you, Grady. I’d better help Lindsay finish unpacking,” she said stepping up onto the porch.
I could feel the rage in my heart bleeding out and threatening to consume me, so I turned and stalked back across the yard and into my dad’s house before I freaked her out anymore. FUCK! I slammed the front door shut behind me and kicked it hard with my boot. Pacing the small living room that I grew up in, I shoved my hands through my hair repeatedly. Why is she here? After all this time, why is she here? It’s been five years for Christ’s sake!
I realized two seconds too late that I just slammed my fist through the wall next to my dad’s favorite recliner. Grabbing my dad’s checkbook off the kitchen counter I left the house before I did any more damage and raced back toward the shop, nearly running over Mrs. Wilson on my way. That old lady needed to the stay on the goddamn sidewalk.
Instead of heading directly back to the shop, I found myself heading south on East Lake Road toward my house. Leaving my bike in the driveway I sat on the grass between the house and the lake and dropped my head into my hands. Why now? What does she want? I have a good thing going here with my work at the shop, my house and my friends. On a good day I can almost convince myself that I don’t miss her with every breath and wish that she was here by my side. But obviously what we had didn’t mean that much to her if she didn’t even tell her cousin and best friend about me.
Blowing out a breath and a string of curses I dropped onto my back and stared through the branches overhead. This girl has been fucking with my head from three hundred miles away for the last five years, and now she’s back to do it in person.
October 2006
“Put the damn phone down, Grady, and get back to work,” my dad grumbled at me from under the boat. How the hell can he see what I’m doing? Maybe because I’ve been staring at my phone for the last three days, willing it to ring or beep with a text or e-mail.
Three days. Three fucking days! Since I met Lindsay in June, we haven’t gone more than three hours without communicating in some way, let alone three days. Something is not right. I was about to jump on my bike and drive across the state and show up on her front porch, or front door, or whatever the hell you call the outside of a penthouse in Manhattan. Then my phone beeped.
Stepping into my dad’s office for privacy, I dragged my thumb across the screen and smiled like an idiot when I saw an e-mail from Lindsay. Then I read the e-mail.
Grady,
We are over. Please stop calling me.
Lindsay
I swear my heart stopped beating for at least a minute. It’s a fucking miracle I didn’t drop dead right there. It would have saved a lot of damage and a hell of a lot of pain.
My phone was the first thing to go, crushed beneath the heel of my boot. Next went the desk and everything on it, upended with a roar of rage I barely recognized as coming from me. My dad and Josh rushed in at that point, but they weren’t able to keep me from repeatedly slamming my fist into the wall, destroying the drywall and ripping my knuckles apart. I barely registered the pain above the blood rushing in my ears and the tightness in my chest.
What happened after that is foggy. Several days of a whiskey induced haze and several years of picturing light blonde hair and bright blue eyes with every girl I fucked. Time hadn’t made her betrayal any easier; I had just learned to hide it better. But knowing that she was here, less than a mile away, I could feel my carefully constructed control slipping away.
Everything I had worked so hard to put behind me had just been brought to the forefront. When I woke up this morning, I had no idea she was so close. Now that I knew Lindsay was here, in the house next door to my dad’s house, how was I going to be able to function? It was like my world had been turned upside down, and I had no idea what the fuck to do. Jesus Christ, why is she here?
Knowing I had been gone way too long, considering the amount of work waiting for me back at the shop, I decided to grow a pair and pushed myself off the ground.
When I stalked back into the shop and tossed my dad’s checkbook onto his desk, he raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. Josh didn’t have the same courtesy or common sense.
“What the fuck crawled up your ass?” Josh asked from across the room where he was touching up the paint on an ancient sailboat.
“Did you know she was coming, Dad?” I asked, ignoring Josh completely.
My dad leaned back in his chair and linked his hands behind his head. The frown on his face told me what I wanted to know, but I waited for him to answer. “Lana just told me last night, son. Apparently this was kind of a sudden decision.”
I nodded and turned to pace the open area of the warehouse where we repaired and customized all types of boats. Josh caught on that something was up, and he dropped his gear and came over to us. “What are you talking about? Who’s here?”
Her name had not been spoken in my presence in five years. My dad and my friends knew be
tter than that. But Josh had asked, and I braced myself for the onslaught of emotions that pummeled me when my dad said, “Lindsay. She’s here to visit Lana…for a while.” Hearing her name spoken aloud was like being run over by a bus.
Josh swore under his breath as I clenched my fists by my side. My dad noticed and said, “Calm down, Grady. We don’t need any more damage done to this place.” He was referencing my tantrum when Lindsay broke up with me, but it reminded me of something else.
“Yeah, about that. Sorry about your wall at home, Dad.” His frown returned but I cut him off before he could respond. “What do you mean ‘a while’? How long is she here for?”
My dad shifted uncomfortably and leaned forward to rest his forearms on the desk. “I don’t know exactly. From what Lana said it’s an open ended visit. Apparently Lindsay’s been going through a rough patch and needed to get out of the city.”
A red haze of fury clouded back over my vision. “A ROUGH PATCH?” I roared, causing my dad to flinch. “She’s going through a rough patch? And she comes back here to get over it? Why the fuck can’t she go to a beach somewhere? Somewhere on the opposite side of the fucking world from here? Goddamn it!” My fist slammed through the wall dividing the work space from my office.
I heard Josh say something to my dad, but I could barely hear above the blood rushing in my ears. My blood pressure had to be through the roof. Only her. She was the only person who could ignite such raw emotion in me.
“Come on, man. Let’s head over to the pub and have a drink…or ten,” Josh said pulling me with him out the door, leaving my dad shaking his head at the hole in the wall.
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