by Jon Chaisson
I'm...
— pushing her backwards, stepping on her own trail of blood, forcing her back. The dagger within her shifted and she felt a death blow to the heart. She screamed, tried to scream, and found no voice at all, only a raspy breath of air. She was dying...she was mortally wounded when she shouldn't have been...she was...
Your spirit is immortal, Ampryss' voice said. You are strength, not only of the One and the Goddess, but those who bore you. You are more alive than you can possibly understand, dear child. You are...
“I am...” she exhaled, and fell to the ground, face first into the snow. The rush of cold against her slowly paling skin felt oddly comforting. She knew she had to die. She had to let go of this old life of hers, of little Amna Ehramanis destined to follow her best friend Denni Johnson around, always taking care of her when things got rough. She could keep that responsibility, but there had been so much more. She had wanted to do so much more! She couldn't die like this! This was...
...this is the reality I have acquired as my past lives. I was betrayed. I was the cause of everyone else’s misery. I was...I was stabbed perilously close to the heart, for I was to follow the One of All Sacred, despite the wishes of my father. Someone attempted to kill me...and now, hours later, they have nearly succeeded. I shall be dead in moments.
“This is...”
This is destiny. This is my fate, and I must choose to accept it. And I shall, Dearest One. You are my friend, my dear Denysia. You are part of my spirit. You are my love, my light, my spirit. I shall return, Dearest One. I shall rise up again to heal everyone’s pain. I shall rise up again...
“I...sh-shall...”
Amna gasped in the air and opened her eyes. She was lying on her futon, bare to the cold predawn air, shivering. She was in her room, safe from harm. She was wide awake and spiritually calm. She felt physically drained, but that didn’t matter. She was alive! Alive! She grabbed the sheets at the end of her bed and pulled them quick over her body. She was out of breath and trembling and deliriously happy to be here and alive!
She was alive! Ampryss had shown her a small taste of what lay in store at her true sehna lumia. She had been given just a brief glimpse of a past life. A violent, unnatural life, but one that had stayed in the far reaches of her consciousness, waiting for the right moment to come forth. She remembered it now. She'd defended the One, even then. All the way to the End.
And she wondered, only briefly, if this was her destiny. If this death she'd witnessed would be her own, sometime in the future. If she would survive the victory of the One over the nuhm'ndah. If a victory was to be had at all.
“Ampryss...” she called out through chattering teeth, hoping the woman would still be there. She felt no presence, but instead felt remnants of emotions, tiny fading ripples of love and empathy, directed at her. Ampryss had left her, had left some time ago. Amna was not angry but she was curious. Why had she been shown this disturbing image of her own death in a past life?
She closed her eyes again, completely exhausted. She certainly was not going to be going anywhere today. She felt a constant buzzing in her head, the aftereffect of her mind running at full throttle for most of the night. She winced, aware only now of its intensity and its audible hum just at the edge of hearing.
Then she felt something, a frenzied ripple within. Amna...?
Denni.
Amna, you there?
“Yeah...” she whispered. “You hear me okay?” She did not have to speak from within to Denni, no matter where she was in Bridgetown, so she chose not to.
Clearly. You feeling all right over there? I'm sensing some intense energies. Did something happen?
Amna rolled over and faced the window. The predawn light was growing brighter, burning off the fog. A quick glance to her night table at the alarm clock revealed that it was close to six in the morning. “Crap,” she said, groaning as she turned back over to face the wall. “Didn't sleep a wink last night, Den. Something's up.”
What's wrong?
“I really don't know. Something about a second awakening, for me alone. I was just talking to Ampryss, about a half hour ago. Something bad is going to happen, Den.” Suddenly aware she was crying, she balled herself up into a fetal position under the covers and wiped at her face. “I need to go to my sehna lumia.”
Amna felt the tingle of Denni's concern rippling over her. Did Ampryss tell you this?
“No...” she sighed. “My own choice. Something I have to do.”
Tell me when you're ready. I'll guide you.
“No,” she moaned. “I have to do this by myself. I can get there by myself, Den. You can come with me for comfort. But not now. I feel like shit, Den. I don't know what it is, but I'm freezing and burning at the same time, but I’m not ill. This is a spiritual thing.”
Denni paused before answering, and Amna felt another wave of concern, this time stronger and directed solely at her. You haven't been fully awakened, she said. You have a sleeping spirit within you. One I have not sensed yet.
“I don't think you can.”
I might, Denni offered. Just give me time. I can feel you from the other side of Bridgetown, for Goddess' sake. And your spirit is the only one aside from Caren's that I can feel so intensely. I'm not sure why, but I know I can sense you, Amzi. I can sense you like you were my own child, as crazy as that sounds.
“Maybe not so crazy,” Amna mumbled, directing that comment solely at herself.
I'm there for you, Denni said. I'll stop by after school, okay?
Amna laughed weakly. “Wasn't a week ago that I'd said the same to you.” She felt Denni's presence waver for a few moments then disappear, leaving her alone in her bedroom. She took in a lungful of cool city air and wiped the rest of her tears away, determined not to let this experience keep her from living her life. She may not have enough energy to go and do much of anything today, but she certainly was not going to let her mind get the best of her.
Eventually she pushed herself out of bed and threw her sweats and tee shirt back on, and walked out into the living room. Her mother, usually up before the sun, chose this day to sleep in, so she scuffled into the kitchen and made herself some coffee. She definitely wasn't going to school today, but she'd be damned if she was going to sleep the day away.
Sipping from the mug, she made her way to the picture window looking out over the small park across the street from her building. She had the same view as Denni, of the street and the other buildings surrounding her, and also of the ubiquitous Mirades Tower, reaching up over everything else.
“You know, don't you,” she said to the Tower. “You know what's going to happen.”
She took another sip of her coffee, watching the sun finally peek over the edge of the ocean, illuminating everything with Light.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Reconnect
Poe stepped out onto the back fire escape, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and lit up his first smoke of the day. Something had kept him awake all night, though he had no clue as to what it was. His muscles were aching with exhaustion, in direct conflict with his singing, buzzing nerves. They ached the same way they would when he pulled an all-nighter, weak and shaky and in bad need of rest. Or barring that, sustenance. Coffee sounded good right about now.
He glanced southward down the back alleyway towards the side street at the end of his block. Few cars traversed this cobblestone back street, it being too narrow for a regular thruway. There was another alley past it, and another one after that, and so on, for blocks. His fire escape was at such a specific angle and height to the alley, he could see nearly a ten whole blocks without any interruption.
Sometimes late at night he would walk down this stretch when he needed solace but could not break away to visit the Crest. Foot traffic was down to a minimum then, maybe one or two people, if that. He could walk down this stretch and make himself believe he was walking somewhere else, perhaps another city, maybe even an outpost town. All he had to do was forget that the Mi
rades Tower was looming just over the other side of these buildings. It definitely wasn't the same as actually being elsewhere, even at the Crest, but it was comfort in a more communal way.
An odd thought crossed his mind — what if, somewhere along this extended alleyway, he found the words here lies fate, pasted somewhere on the ground, or on someone's back wall? He shuddered, wondering where that idea had come from, but now that he'd planted the seed, it stuck there like an annoyance. It was possible, but it made no sense. Why would anyone want to tag this back alley? He finished off his cigarette and ducked back into his apartment, forcing himself to forget that dumb idea.
He was nearly set to head off to work when his ARU comm went off. He glanced at the readout: it was Caren, perfect timing as always. He lit another cigarette and answered. “Poe here,” he mumbled
“Hey you!’ she answered in a chipper sing-song, very unlike her. “Welcome back.”
“Pashyo,” he said flatly, waving a hand in the air.
“Oh, lighten up,” she laughed. “We know you love it at the Ay Are Zoo. Any chance you can pick me up today?”
“Trains are up and running,” he said. “Saves me on the auto charging bill too, I hear.”
“Goddess, you’re grumpier than usual today,” she huffed. “Seriously, I've got some interesting news to share with you.”
At least she was in a festive mood, which was always a plus. “Eight-fifteen sound good?”
“Make it eight,” she said quickly. “We may have to stop for refreshments.”
Poe cocked an eyebrow. “The hard stuff?”
“Geez, no! Just coffee.”
“Eight it is,” he said. He stretched his neck, feeling and hearing joints popping. He yawned again and took another drag. “Anything Kai and Ashan should know about?”
Caren paused before answering. “Not at the moment.”
Why was she being so secretive? “All right. We'll meet them at HQ anyway, if we need to spread the news. See you then.” He disconnected the call and dropped his comm back on his bed. He stood there for a moment, scratching his stubbly chin, feeling uneasy. He wasn't too keen on what Caren might have in store for him. Perhaps he was just irritable from the shuttle back, or the emotional drain from his last day there. Or maybe it was that he hadn't seen Kai in the last few days and missed her something terrible. Not how he wanted to start the day at all.
Caren greeted him with a tight and unexpected embrace as soon as he entered her apartment. She practically threw herself at him, and he shifted balance at the last second to accommodate her sudden, uncharacteristic show of emotion. He took her awkwardly into his arms. Just a welcome-back hug for friendship's sake? Quite unlike her. “Uh...hello to you too,” he said, and tastefully pried himself away. “You've either solved a case or stumbled onto another one.”
“I have a crazy idea…” she started. “Let me preface it by saying we don't need this person for political or business reasons.”
Poe attempted another smile. “I'm listening.”
“We’ve figured out the graffiti,” she said. “It has nothing to do with gang activity at all. It’s a bit more creative than that.” She began to pace as she explained everything she’d learned and deduced over the past few days, walking from kitchen to living room to foyer to kitchen again. Poe chose to stand near the living room couch, well out of her way. She stopped in front of him again, staring up at him. “All we need now is an interview with Councillor James. It still doesn’t explain Saisshalé’s attacks — and they’re only connected in a tertiary way — but it does clear things up. The only people who know all this are first and second team, Kai and Ashan, Christine, and Anando. And Vigil.”
“Huh.”
“Speaking of whom…remind me to tell you about Matthew later on. Interesting story he has for you.”
“That doesn't mean it's already solved,” he said as nicely as possible, in an attempt to bring her back down to earth. Despite the fact that this lead would most likely go nowhere, it still made sense in a weird way. The Councillor had always been forthcoming in all his interviews, and many of his past writings had been surprisingly prophetic. On the other hand, the councillor might not know a damn thing about the current Embodiment. The man was probably in his early teens when the last one arrived.
“Bit of a stretch, but I'm game if you are,” he offered. “What are you expecting to get out of it?”
“I expect to give any useful information to Denni.”
“Are you sure that's wise?” he said quietly. “I mean, sure, she might be able to get something out of it, but let’s be honest. It's a bit much for a teenage girl to swallow.”
“She's moving forward,” she said, a little more forceful than necessary. “She's been visiting Trisanda more often.”
“Her sehna lumia?”
Caren nodded. “Hers and all the former Ones, who have given permission willingly. She's been telling me all about it when she comes back. She's made amazing progress in just two days.”
“Hard not to be proud of her,” he said, warmed by the news. “Still, I think we should hold off with the Councillor's info until we know she can handle it. I don’t want her straying into any dark territory before she’s ready.”
“Fair enough,” she said, disappointment barely hidden in her voice. “Let's go, then.”
“Okay. Uh...didn't you want to stop somewhere?”
Caren shrugged. “I was planning on getting some breakfast on the way in, if that's fine by you. I was running late this morning, didn't get anything made.”
Breakfast sounded like a good idea. Between getting in late last night and getting ready for work today, Poe hadn't eaten anything other than that apple. He suggested stopping at Ryan's Restaurant down the street, and they both donned their ARU overcoats and left the apartment. Caren was about to lock her door when she heard the clicking of the lock next door. Her neighbor Madeleine Jakes stepped out into the hallway, walking cane hooked on one arm and a purse hung over the same. She had turned to lock her own door when she saw the two of them.
“Good morning, Alec, Caren,” she said, nodding and smiling their direction. She activated the last lock and walked up to them, touching the both of them on the arm. “Always a pleasure to see the two of you together.”
“Good day to you, Madeleine,” Poe said, bowing. “Always an honor to please.”
Madeleine laughed and slapped at his shoulder. “Impudent man, you are. Heading off to work?”
Caren nodded. “We're stopping at Ryan's for a quick breakfast. Would you like to join us?”
“Darling, I would love to.” She fell into step with them as they made their way to the elevator, limping slightly. “You'll have to excuse the cane, though. Leg's been acting up.” She tapped her cane against the calf of her prosthetic leg with a louder than necessary clack that echoed down the hallway. Poe was always nervous when she did that, fearing one of these days she'd break it. “Always seems to act up this time of year, you know?”
“Change of seasons?” Poe asked.
Madeleine merely shrugged.
Caren filled the awkward silence quickly. “It's not inhibiting you much, is it? I can always do your errands if you —”
“Never you mind living my life,” she snapped back. “I may be old, but I'm not invalid.”
Caren blushed and hung her head low. “I'm sorry, Madeleine...I only thought —”
As if nothing had happened, the woman's mood softened and she patted her lightly on the shoulder. “Hush, dear. I only meant your focus at this time should be on yourself and your sister. Now...tell me about the case you're working on.”
Poe shot a glance at Caren, who mirrored his sudden discomfort. They had made it to the elevator already, so Caren quickly pushed the button for it. Though she said nothing, the look in her eyes said we'd better tell her or we'll never hear the end of it.
“It’s regarding a possible upcoming…skirmish,” she started.
“Another war,” Madeleine
said quietly and somberly, though Poe could tell that there was a tone of bitter amusement to her voice. “That's one subject about which I know more than I should,” she added. “Let's discuss this over breakfast, shall we?”
“The reason I ask,” Madeleine said, washing down the rest of her second corn muffin with her third coffee, “is because I wish to help you. Now, before you go and say I’m too old and frail, let me tell you this — I can still kick the bejeezus out of either of you on a good day, with or without this damn prosthetic. Now, dear man, tell me everything.”
Poe had barely finished his own coffee when she put him on the spot. He stumbled for a moment, trying to think of where to start. Eventually he told her nearly all that they knew, holding back only when he thought it necessary or when Caren motioned for him to stop. Their conversation continued well after breakfast and Caren had to call in their attendance. Talking with Madeleine was easier than he’d expected; she rarely interrupted, and when she asked questions, they were often informed and unexpected. She knew and remembered quite a lot about the previous Season of Embodiment, and she was quite vocal about it. In a brief lull in the conversation, Poe flagged down the waiter for another round of coffee refills, and used the silence to catch Caren's attention. He had formed a single word in his head when Caren caught his eye and gave him the slightest shaking of her head. Madeleine could soulhear.
“'Here lies fate,' eh?” Madeleine said, after a long pause in thought. “Can't really say that's very original. Twenty-five years ago. You two were just kids, but I was forty years old when the Shenaihu nuhm'ndah stormed the Mirades Tower near the end. It took nearly eight hundred Mendaihu Gharra that day to keep them from acting on their threats. December first, if I recall...early morning. Very early. Sun hadn’t risen yet.”
“Vigil masses,” Caren said wistfully. “I remember going to St. Adelaide's up in Berndette Corner during that time. I never really knew what was going on, except that my parents had this...this shine about them. They took their Mendaihu duties very seriously.”