Shit.
“Parker? What is it?”
Shit.
He released a groan; it sounded a little like a wail to his ears. “Damn it, Kaitlin, I forgot to use a condom.”
“A…condom?”
“I’m sorry. I always do. Always.” It mortified him to ask, but he had to. “You’re on birth control, right?”
Her expression blanked. Horror skirled in his belly.
“You are on birth control. Right?”
A tiny shake of those red curls sent dread skittering along his veins.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“There was never any need…”
Right. Because she was a freaking virgin.
Releasing her, he collapsed on the pillows and scrubbed his face. What a disaster. What a travesty. He’d been so careful for so long, only to have this woman waltz into his life and steal his heart and make him feel and forget everything—
Her palm on his chest scuttled his thoughts. Completely interrupted his self-flagellation.
“Parker.” And, when he didn’t respond, “Parker.” She pried his hands from his face. “It’s going to be okay. Relax.”
“I can’t relax, Kaitlin. You just don’t understand.”
She sent him a sardonic look. “Don’t I?”
How could she? Psychic or not, how could she understand? How could anyone?
“So tell me.”
“I made a vow. A vow, Kaitlin.” A sacred vow he knew he could never break.
“A vow to always wear a condom?” It was annoying the way her lips tweaked, as though she found this amusing. This. The greatest disaster of his life. And he’d had some pretty big disasters.
“A vow to never have children.” Pain and regret flooded him in an unexpected wave. A little girl with bouncing red curls and impish green eyes? Or a brave boy he could protect and teach how to be a good man? “I’ll never have children.”
She stroked his chest. “Never?”
He kissed her forehead. “I can’t. I just…can’t. What if it turns out I’m like him?”
Her smile warmed him, but did not chase away the shadows. “You’re not your father.”
“I could be.” He bunched his fists. “I could be like him. If I let it out.”
“It?”
“The passion. The emotion.” He was scared to death one day he would wake up and see his father’s face in the mirror.
Kaitlin’s expression went fierce, which was adorable on her. “You’re not like him.”
“How can you know that?”
She grinned. “First of all, I’m psychic.”
He snorted a laugh.
“If there was anything truly dark in your soul, I would know. I would see it. I sure as heck wouldn’t be here now. But it goes far beyond that.”
“What-what do you mean?”
“Remember what Patrick said? About judging a man by his actions?”
“Yes.” It was a good standard. Sometimes the only standard.
“Even if I couldn’t see what a good, gentle, loving man you are—a true pure soul… Even if I didn’t see that in your aura, I would know.”
He wanted to believe her.
Oh, God, he would give anything for her to be…right.
“How would you know?”
She wrapped her arms around him, as though preparing for a rough ride. She turned her head away, so he couldn’t see her face. He suspected she needed to, so he didn’t turn it back.
When she began, her voice was low. He had to struggle to hear. “There was a night in college. A long time ago. A party. Wild. Crazy. Loud. You wandered upstairs—probably to get away from the noise—and discovered a bunch of your frat buddies had a girl trapped in a room. A silly girl. A stupid girl who’d gone to the party because it sounded fun. She didn’t expect that their kind of fun was very different from hers.
“Those boys took the girl to a remote room in the house and wouldn’t let her leave. They were going to…r-rape her.” Her voice broke. “But you made them stop. You didn’t hit them or threaten them. You just said ‘Leave her alone.’ Do you remember that?”
He shook his head, then stilled as a memory enveloped him. It was blurry—he’d been drinking then—but he remembered. A slender girl with brown hair, her fragile chin trembling, her wide doe eyes, frightened. He’d seen that look before—on his mother’s face—and it had infuriated him to see it again. His gaze flicked to Kaitlin’s. “I do. I do remember.”
“A violent man would have fought them. A bastard would have let them keep going. But you saved that girl.”
He pulled her closer. “You really are psychic, aren’t you?”
She drew in a breath and peeped up at him, her fragile chin trembling, her wide doe eyes filled with tears. “I was that girl, Parker. I’m the one you saved.”
“But…” He stroked her hair.
“Mmm.” She nestled closer. “I was a brunette then.” She cracked a grin. “It was during my rebellious phase.” Her palm skimmed his cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered, pulling him down for a kiss. “You saved me. You are my hero, for now and forever.”
Her words warmed him, renewed him, thawed something deep inside that had long been encased in ice.
He was someone’s hero.
Holy God.
“You’ll be a wonderful father one day, Parker, if it ever happens. You will be magnificent at it. I know it.”
He allowed himself to relax, to sink into the possibility. Long-held fears and worries and regrets slipped away, evaporated before the force of her conviction. It was miraculous, having someone who believed in you. It changed a man, deep, inside where no one could see the scars.
“Thank you, Kaitlin.” He kissed her.
“Thank you, Parker. You’re the one who saved me.”
No. She’d saved him.
Chapter Fifteen
They spent the rest of the night and most of the next morning in bed, making love and talking and soaking in each other’s presence. Parker didn’t want the weekend to end, but he knew it would.
He sat with Kaitlin and her friends on the ferry on the way home and enjoyed the easy camaraderie, laughter and jokes. He also enjoyed their acceptance. Even Drew seemed to be warming to him. A little.
Mostly, he enjoyed sitting on the hard banquette by the window with his arm around Kaitlin, staring out at the water as the ferry sliced through the Sound. An eagle soared over head and he caught her eye. They shared a smile.
When the Seattle skyline came into view, she dragged him out on the cold deck, in the whipping wind and the spattering rain, so they could watch it loom closer. It was a beautiful skyline. A beautiful city. Even under dark clouds. Perhaps because of them.
He wrapped his arm around her and they stood and watched until the warning horn blared and a garbled message came over the loudspeakers urging them back to their vehicles. He walked her to the lower deck and kissed her before helping her into her car.
The ferry landed with a lurch. Engines started up all around him.
He leaned in through her window and kissed her again. “I gotta go,” he said.
She smiled. “See you tonight?”
“Of course.” They had plans for dinner. Chinese again. He was going to teach her how to use chopsticks if it was the last thing he did. With a smile, he left her.
The week that followed was a blur. During the day he dealt with briefs and meetings and the occasional irate call from Tucker. But at night, it was all Kaitlin.
That he loved her, insanely and passionately, was never in doubt. She’d said the words to him, and now he wanted, rather desperately, to say them to her. But he didn’t know how. It needed to be something spectacular. A declaration she would never forget. He worked through scenario after scenario in his head, but all that did was make him antsy. He’d never told anyone he loved them before—not since he was five. He wasn’t sure how it was done. And it scared him as well.
On Thursday he got a call from Kaitlin, aski
ng him to meet her client at a bookstore south of the city, in Tukwila. It was an odd place to meet, but Parker understood the need to be clandestine. This woman, the client, didn’t want to expose herself in a place she might be seen by someone who knew her, or her husband.
So he drove to Tukwila.
It was a new age bookstore, filled with self-help CDs and crystals and essential oils. The trails of incense hung heavy on the air. He made his way to the back where the proprietors had set up a rustic coffee shop. His mood lifted when he saw Kaitlin.
She stood as he approached. Her body was tense, her features tight. It was so unlike her, it caught his attention. He kissed her. “Is everything all right?”
“Oh yes,” she huffed. “Of course. I… We… This is nerve wracking for her.” She gestured to the woman sitting hunched at their table, facing the wall. Her hair was an unnatural brassy blonde and tumbled over her shoulders in a contrived fall. Parker suspected it was a wig. “Come and meet her.” Kaitlin tugged him over and waved at the open seat.
“Susan, this is the man I was telling you about. Parker. Parker, this is Susan.”
The woman reached out a slender hand, which trembled as she looked up at him. His gut tightened. Yellow bruises covered her face, along with cuts and scars. But it was the expression in her eyes that devastated him. He’d see that expression before. Frightened. Defeated. He’d seen it many times.
In his mother’s eyes.
“Susan.” He took her hand. Gently. “Nice to meet you. Kaitlin tells me you could use a lawyer.”
She nodded. “Yes. Thank you-thank you for coming.”
“My pleasure.” It was. For once, he could do something with his knowledge. Something that mattered. Something that could make a difference. For one woman, one child at least.
He pulled a folder out of his briefcase and a pen from his suit pocket and tried to make his tone as matter-of-fact and comforting as he could. “Shall we start with the basics?”
She nodded.
“Okay. Great. What’s your name?” He poised the pen to write.
“Susan Talbot.”
He nodded and scratched that in the first box of his intake form. But then his pen stilled.
“But my married name is Tucker.”
His heart thudded, hard. His throat constricted and a nauseating snarl rose in his belly. “Susan Tucker?”
She nodded.
He glanced at Kaitlin, who sat quietly on the other side if the table, hands folded. “Susan Tucker?” She nodded as well.
“Parker…what is it?”
Panic roiled, remorse swamped him. Goddamn it. He’d really wanted to help this woman. She was so like his mother but—“I can’t help. I have to leave.” He pushed away from the table, collected his things and strode from the shop.
“What?” Kaitlin’s cry followed him. She followed him. She caught him at the door. “Parker, what are you talking about?”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “Shit, Kaitlin. My firm is representing her husband.” The brute. The guy who nearly killed her…and her daughter. Fuck. “I can’t be her lawyer.”
The expression on her face made him want to die. Sink into the ground. He’d disappointed her. Let her down. He felt, somehow, like less of a man. “I am so sorry, baby, but I can’t do this.”
“Parker, she needs you.”
“I have some friends I can recommend.” He fished for his wallet. For business cards. Something. A dark cloud dimmed his vision. “Don’t say anything more. Don’t tell me where she’s staying. Don’t tell me anything.” He found a card for a friend from another firm and shoved it into her hands. “I have to go, baby.” He kissed her. Please God, let her forgive him for this. “I’m so sorry.”
This time she let him go. He stormed to his car and threw his briefcase in the back and slumped into the driver’s seat, covering his face. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. What were the odds that she would be Tucker’s wife? And now that he’d seen, with his own eyes, what the bastard was capable of, how was he going to defend him?
Well, he couldn’t. What Tucker had done was indefensible. Parker was going to have to recuse himself. Let Nate take the case. There was no way on God’s green earth that he was going to represent Tucker.
It meant his promotion, of course. Probably a hit to his entire career. But he didn’t care.
He didn’t care.
Damn Tucker. Damn him to hell.
And all the men like him.
He felt ill by the time he made it back to the office. His stomach was churning and the pain had reappeared at the base of his head. His mind was in turmoil. The nasty traffic hadn’t helped.
As he drove back from Tukwila, he realized Kaitlin’s friend had been right. Lawyers were not very nice people. He ran through the greatest cases of his career, thought about the things he’d done and the things he’d hired people to do.
Nothing had mattered, but the win.
Nothing.
But now, a woman and her child stood at risk. People who had a lot to lose because of men like him.
And he hated it.
How many other lives had he ruined by being a phenomenal, dispassionate lawyer? How many?
His phone rang as he dropped into his plush chair in his plush office. He glared at it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone.
But he had to. It was his job.
He sighed and picked up the receiver. “Rieth.”
“Hey Parker,” Gilley’s voice wafted over the line.
“Hey buddy.” Parker scrubbed at his temple. The pain had migrated there. “What’s up?”
“Great news. I found her.”
His heart lurched. “What? Who?”
“I found Susan Tucker. She didn’t skip the country after all. She’s been holed up in a women’s shelter in downtown Seattle. One of my guys saw her getting into a car this afternoon and gave me a head’s up.”
Fuck.
She’d been spotted. Coming to see him. One thought burned through his brain. He had to warn her.
“Can you sit on it for a while?” He could lose his job, just for asking, but he didn’t care.
Silence crackled over the line. “Well, I could have. But I thought there was a rush on this, so I already called Tucker.”
Oh God. Something bitter tickled the back of Parker’s throat. “You did?”
“Yeah. Bartsow gave the go-ahead. Pretty insistent about it too. Tucker has the address. He’s heading over there now.”
Parker’s heart stopped. Pain filled his chest. He gasped for breath. Hell. Tucker was on his way over to the shelter. And Kaitlin was there. Panic raged through him.
“That’s not a good idea, Gilley.” He hated the warble in his voice. “Tell him that’s not a good idea.”
“Yeah, I told him. Have you tried telling him anything? He’s convinced she’ll escape again if he doesn’t get her now.”
Get her now.
Shit.
A vision flamed through him of a man, storming into a women’s shelter, a shelter that had taken them in—he and his mother after one of his father’s rampages. He’d ‘gotten them.’ Dragged them home.
A day later his mother was dead.
“Give me the address.” He scribbled it down and glanced at his watch. How much time did he have? Could he get there before Tucker? “Where was he coming from?”
“How the hell should I know?”
“Yeah. Right. Thanks Gilley.”
“And Parker—”
Parker disconnected the call. He should never have hired Gilley. He was too damn good. But he hadn’t known. Hadn’t realized.
Madly, he scrambled for his cell and punched in Kaitlin’s number.
“Hello Parker.” Her voice was soft, sweet, lyrical. She had no idea. No idea what was coming.
“Kaitlin, where are you?”
“We just got back.”
“Are you at the shelter?”
“Yes. What—”
“Get them out of there, now
.”
“What?”
“Get Susan and Lily out of there. Tucker knows where they are. He’s on his way.”
“Oh no--” The line went dead. Parker could only hope he’d given her enough notice. Only hope that she could spirit Susan and Lily away before Tucker barged into the shelter. Regardless, he had to leave. Leave now. Go to her. He couldn’t bear the thought of Kaitlin facing that brutal man all on her own—
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” An infuriated voice snarled through his office. Parker looked up to see Barstow in the doorway, hands on his hips. “Did you just tip off Tucker’s wife?” Incredulity wafted from him.
Parker stood and collected his things. “Yes,” he said, as he rushed past.
“Rieth!” The bellow stopped him in his tracks. His boss stared at him with a piercing glare. “You are not the man I thought you were.”
Parker fought back the manic urge to laugh. “No sir, I guess I’m not.”
In a rush, Kaitlin bundled Susan and Lily into her car and drove them to her house. There wasn’t time to arrange something else Susan’s husband would never track her here.
Her heart was filled with gratitude toward Parker for the warning. He hadn’t needed to call. In fact, she worried that he might get in trouble at work for tipping off the client’s quarry. But a woman’s life was worth more than a stupid paycheck. She loved that he recognized that.
Glancing over her shoulder, she hurried Susan and Lily through the back door of her house. She didn’t know why she was so nervous. Probably the adrenaline pumping in her system. Her life was calm, uneventful, filled with peace and healing. She wasn’t used to drama. She’d certainly never run away from a threat.
Her paranoia was irrational. No one could know where they were. But she pulled down the shades, just in case. She didn’t feel safe until she threw the bolt on the front door. And even then, her pulse hammered in her throat.
“Would you like something to eat? Chocolate, perhaps?” she asked as she opened the cupboards and pulled out a large bar. Her craving was strong. Susan glanced at the bar and then looked at Kaitlin quizzically. “It helps,” she explained. “I have soup too.”
“Soup would be fine.” Susan moved into the kitchen and nudged Kaitlin out of the way. “Let me cook.”
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