by Jo Davis
Everything was fucked-up and he didn’t have a clue how to make it right.
***
Lily sat at the computer, cursing the loss of the file, and not for the first time. She’d made two more covert trips down to the war room, and come up empty. All weekend, watching Liam slink around the estate like a pale ghost while Jude worried himself sick, she’d agonized over what to do. Dietz would be in contact again in a few days, and by then he’d know Jude wasn’t getting the poison.
She had a plan. It was a sucky plan, but better than nothing.
One last time, she tried phoning Michael Ross. When Simon started in with his usual song and dance, Lily cut him cold.
“Listen to me, and hear what I’m saying. If you don’t tell Michael to put his sorry, baggy ass on the phone, I’m going to be on your doorstep in an hour. And if I have to go to all that trouble, I will come in whether I’m invited or not.”
In less than thirty seconds, a tired voice said, “I’ll have you know my ass is not baggy. It’s so tight you could bounce a quarter off it. What the fuck gives, Lily?”
Now that she had his attention, she wasn’t going to waste a second. “You have a traitor in your midst, Michael. And no matter what line of bullshit Robert Dietz fed you, it isn’t Jude St. Laurent.”
“Jude? What the hell are you talking about?”
Lily closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Jesus H., you’re so far out of the loop, you’re on Pluto.”
“I’m in mourning here,” he said coolly. “If there’s a point, get there or hang up.”
“I’m sorry. I meant no disrespect, but we have a serious problem here. And before you tell me that’s why you left Dietz in charge and to go to him, he is the problem.”
“How so?” At least she had his attention now.
“A couple of weeks ago, he ordered me to eliminate Jude. Said he had hard evidence linking him to the theft and sale of a weapon of mass destruction to one of our enemies.”
“But… that theft occurred three months ago. It was kept hush-hush, no press.”
“Right. It was stolen right about the time Jude sent six worms containing information on the theft to six different hard drives. Dietz then had Jude picked up, his brain swept of all memory of being an assassin, or of SHADO. He declared Jude the master-mind behind the theft, but wouldn’t kill him outright because he didn’t know where all of the files had ended up. Jude wouldn’t tell, even under torture.”
“He kept Jude around for insurance?”
“Yes, temporarily. In the meantime, he ordered me to find all the files to keep the press from getting wind of the theft. I’d found four of them and we figured the other two were here somewhere, in his home.”
“So he finally lost patience and sent you in to locate them and eliminate your target.”
“Yes.”
“But now you’re convinced Jude is innocent.”
“Right again. Dietz is getting desperate to see Jude dead, and is getting nasty. He’s already hurt one of Jude’s good friends, a man I’ve come to care for, in order to keep me in line.”
“I see.” He was silent for a moment. “What have you done with the files you’ve found? Given them to Robert?”
“Yes, five of them, which I’m sure he’s destroyed. Actually, I’d kept the last one to try to decipher and he stole it when he orchestrated the attack on our friend. There’s one more, but I have no idea where it could be. I’ve searched every inch of this place.”
“Lily, Robert’s actions are questionable at best. Suspicious. But what makes you so positive Jude isn’t guilty?”
“You’re asking me? He was one of your best.”
“Even the best can go bad.”
“Not Jude,” she said firmly. “I’d stake my life on it. Dietz is frantic to get rid of Jude before the mind sweep breaks down. Jude is already recalling stuff about his jobs and it’s only a matter of time.”
“You realize, without proof, it’s your word against Robert’s?”
“Michael, Robert is the one with the burden of proof. He’s the one hot to kill a good agent, after ruining his sight and derailing his life. What right did he have to make a decision like that without your approval?”
Take the reins. Please, for God’s sake.
“All right,” he said after a long moment. “I believe you. You’re a damned fine agent and so was Jude. Neither of you has ever let me down.”
She sagged in relief. “Thank you.”
“But we have to tread carefully on this. If Robert is the one behind the weapons conspiracy, then we need solid evidence. We need that remaining file, or for Jude’s memory to return. Preferably both.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Get Jude out of the country, fast. Go someplace warm and tropical, hole up for a bit, and try to jog his memory. Carefully, because there’s no telling how he’ll react if he does recall everything. And let me know where you’re going. Only me. If something goes down, one of us will call the other and we’ll meet at the safe house in Tennessee.”
“What will you be doing?”
He gave a humorless laugh. “I’m going to keep an eye on Dietz. And while I’m at it, I’m going to take my company back.”
“I’m glad, Michael.”
“It’s past time, apparently. Get back to me with your des ti-nation as soon as you know it.”
“I will, and thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet. The fat lady is nowhere near the stage.”
He hung up and she set the phone down, burying her face in her hands. Thank God. Finally, someone on their side. That someone being the boss, and one of the most powerful, fair men she knew. Things would be fine now.
If only he could keep tabs on Dietz.
Lily spent an hour on the Internet, researching tropical resorts, discarding one after the other until she hit pay dirt-a fabulous adult-only resort in Los Cabos that catered to the sexually adventurous. The place sounded like heaven.
She spent another half hour on the phone with the resort, wrangling for a last- minute reservation, but in the end wound up with their best luxury suite, boasting a built-in hot tub, a fully stocked bar, and all sorts of other naughty goodies.
Last, she booked a flight for the three of them. No way in hell were they leaving Liam here, since he wasn’t ready to deal with Dev and Geneva. He needed this impromptu vacation as much as, if not more than, she and Jude.
Done, she went in search of the men and found them reclining by the pool in shorts and no shirts. She drank in the sight of them, such a striking pair. Even the bruises on Liam’s back and throat didn’t detract from his beauty. They, along with the head wounds, were already starting to heal, but would take a while to completely disappear.
The inner scars would take much longer.
“What’s up?” Liam glanced at her, trying to smile. His poor voice was still scratchy.
“Los Cabos, that’s what.”
“Huh?”
Jude inclined his head toward her with a puzzled smile. “ Mexico?”
“Bonus points for Edgar.”
“Funny. What about Los Cabos?”
“Reservations. Ours. For two weeks,” she said, taking in their stunned faces. “At a five-star adult resort that redefines the word debauchery.”
“Holy shit,” Liam said, mood lifting. “When are we going?”
“Pack your bags, gentlemen, because our plane leaves at nine in the morning.” She grinned. “And I’m going to be on it with my favorite guys.”
***
Los Cabos gleamed like a jewel, with pristine sands and blue green water, the fresh salty air inviting.
Or at least that’s how Jude imagined it-except for the breeze, the rush of waves on the shore, the call of gulls, lively conversation. Those enabled him to form a better picture. But what was so special about a place you couldn’t see?
The woman you’re with, big guy.
The bellboy rolled their bags to their sui
te and brought them in, exclaiming about how much they’d love their stay, all the fun activities to do, the nightlife, blah, blah. Jude figured the guy wanted a good tip, so he gave him a fat one.
That shut him up and he scurried away, leaving Jude and his companions to explore their new surroundings. Jude had to admit, at first he hadn’t thought this was such a good idea. Well, a great idea with bad timing, maybe. He hadn’t taken a vacation in years, and certainly hadn’t planned on one now.
And then there was Liam. Battered and heartsick, his sleep broken by terror, he was only just beginning to heal. Jude had almost nixed the tropical excursion, but after the way his friend lit up like a Christmas tree at the idea, depression lifted, Jude had relented. This could be just what they all needed.
“Hoo-boy!” Liam exclaimed in a scratchy voice. “I love it here already!”
“What is it?”
“There’s a bowl of condoms on the coffee table! Purple, red, green, blue… ribbed, lubed… flavored!”
“You are such a horn dog,” Lily teased. “You’ll probably have tried them all by the end of our stay.”
“Me? I’m as pure as a nun. Sex, ewww.”
Jude chuckled. This was the Liam he knew.
Lily twined her fingers through Jude’s. “You guys want to change, check out the bar, and get a drink, then walk down to the beach?”
“Great!”
Jude pictured him pumping his fist. “Sounds good. I am a little thirsty.”
Jude brought his cane even though Lily helped to steer him from their suite and through the resort the short distance to the outdoor bar. Here, he discovered, the drinks were served in plastic cups so the patrons could conveniently carry them all over the resort.
They sidled up to the counter and a bartender spoke from directly in front of Jude.
“What’s your poison today, guys?”
Liam didn’t hesitate. “I’ll have a Sex on the Beach.”
“You are so cliché,” Lily said, giggling.
“Am not! They’re good-you should try one.”
“We just got here, cutie. I want to be conscious when the sun sets.” Ignoring Liam’s snort, she addressed the bartender. “I’ll have a Corona with a lime.”
“A rum and Coke for me,” Jude said.
“Coming right up.”
The man moved away to his task, while Liam continued to ogle their surroundings.
“Oh, man. This place is awesome. Thanks for bringing us here, Lily.”
“You’re very welcome. What would you like to-”
“Holy crap! Topless volleyball,” he breathed in reverence. “Can we go down there?”
“We are, in a minute. Hope they’re wearing sunscreen,” Lily joked.
“You want to play?”
“I’ll pass, thanks. Jumping around with my parts jiggling isn’t my thing.”
“But you don’t have anything to jiggle,” Liam said, laughing.
“You little shit,” she replied with fake menace. “Just see if that gets you any nooky.”
“Oh, there’s plenty of that around here if you cut me off.”
“Careful, you have to live with me.”
“Sorry.” He didn’t sound sincere.
Their drinks arrived and Lily pushed Jude’s into his hand. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” He took a swallow, relishing the cold burst of the dark flavor on his tongue. “This is good.”
“Mine, too,” Liam said. “Well, I’m going to watch the volleyball game. Come on, you two!”
Jude heard the barstool scrape and figured he must’ve taken off. Lily laughed, leaning into Jude’s side.
“Good grief. Don’t you ever let him out of the kitchen?”
Jude thought about that. “Not enough, apparently, considering he’s been sneaking around with Dev and Geneva. In fact, I’m not sure he’s ever been on a real vacation.”
“That’s just criminal. If it was up to me, I’d spoil him all the time. I’d spoil both of you.”
Did he detect a hint of wistfulness?
“You two have bonded quite well.”
“And have we? Bonded?”
He reached for her. “Do you really need to ask?”
“Yes,” she said, taking his hand. “I feel… like there’s more going on between you and me than great sex-not that there’s anything wrong with consenting adults playing fair and square. But I…”
“Tell me.” His heart quickened. He very much wanted to hear what she had to say on the subject.
Just then, a man next to them ordered a drink.
“Walk with me,” she suggested.
He let her pull him away from the bar, getting that she wanted a little more privacy. He toyed with his rum and Coke, happy and a little nervous, too.
“This is new territory for me,” she went on. “In my limited experience, it’s not wise to get too attached to someone you care about. To let those feelings grow into more.”
“You’ve been hurt,” he said, squeezing her hand.
“Not in the way you mean.”
He took a guess. “You’re talking about your father again.”
“Yeah. It’s not that I consciously shut out people on purpose. Or at least I don’t think so.” She sighed. “I’m not doing a very good job of explaining myself.”
“You’re doing fine. I think I know what you’re trying to say.” She gave a rueful laugh. “Well, you’re a step ahead of me.”
“Let me give it a shot-you came to work for me, a man who shares your sexual preferences, and you thought you’d won the lottery. But you didn’t expect our fun to develop into real feelings. And that scares the shit out of you.”
“You’re a mind reader.”
“No, I just feel the same way.”
“You-you have feelings for me? Real ones?” She sounded vulnerable, unsure.
“How could I not? You’re smart, beautiful. You blow my mind in bed. But more than that, you’ve been a rock for me. In the short time we’ve known each other, you’ve gotten under my skin like no one else has.” Pausing, he pulled her to face him before going on.
“Do you remember the first time we made love?”
“Yes. How could I forget?”
“You’ll never know how much that meant to me. I want to spoil you, make you happy. Learn all the things that make you laugh. Or make you sad. I’m falling for you, Lily, and I want to let this grow,” he said softly, skimming up her arm.
“Oh, Jude.” Her voice shook with emotion. “I want that, too.”
“But there’s something you need to know up front.” He took a deep breath. “About my nightmares. More and more, I’m convinced they’re memories and if they are… I might be… an evil man. Or at least might have done horrible things. You can walk away now and never have to find out.”
“No. You’re not evil,” she said, brooking no argument. “I’m absolutely positive you’re one of the finest men I know. Period.”
“You can’t know-”
“I do.” She sounded a bit on edge now.
“How?”
“Tell me something.” She paused. “How do you feel in these dreams, when you’re committing these supposedly evil acts?”
“Mostly? Cold. Locked down inside.”
“Justified?”
“I… yes,” he said slowly. “I think so.”
“Anything else?”
“No-wait, yes. Tired. Ready to throw in the towel.” How strange.
“As though the time has come to quit,” she said, sounding certain. “You’re burned-out.”
A chill crept down his spine. “How do you know this?”
“Have you considered that you may have had a second job? Something covert? In that case, you aren’t a monster at all, but a victim of something bigger than yourself.”
“That’s pretty far-fetched.” But even as he protested, he wasn’t so sure.
“Just think about it, all right? And focus on recalling what details you can.”
“I-sure. I can do that.”
“Good, handsome. Kiss me.”
“Gladly.”
Why did it seem like she wanted to distract him? Of course, there were worse ways to end the disturbing conversation. Cupping her head, he claimed her mouth, lips moving against hers, gentle. Then he delved deeper, sliding his tongue inside to taste the beer and lime, salty sweet, and more intoxicating than all the liquor in Los Cabos.
When they parted, she took his arm. “Come on, let’s catch up with Liam. I want to watch him go nuts over topless volleyball.”
He accepted the change of subject without comment, for now. Such a serious issue couldn’t be avoided forever.
“People leaping around half-naked? Christ, what a sport. This part of being blind sucks, big-time,” he complained.
“I’ll give you a play-by-play.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“And a live reenactment, later.”
“Now you’re talking!”
As she led him toward the mad revelry, Jude thought maybe he could luck out. Have everything a man could want or need.
Love. Companionship. Contentment.
Awesome sex.
If only Lily was right, and he wasn’t the monster he feared.
***
Lily had to tell him the truth. Despite Michael urging her to take it slow with him.
Not once had she considered it a real option before now. She’d been too focused on the case itself, not the man. Once the mind sweep failed, and it would very soon, he’d remember his job at SHADO. He’d recognize her name as that of a fellow spy.
And he’d know that, best- case scenario, she’d come here to deceive him. At worst, he might believe she was the one behind the sweep. That she was involved in Dietz’s schemes.
Eventually, he’d realize she was sent to kill him.
He’d never forgive her, and the knowledge slammed her hard. Made her want to spill the whole story and throw herself on his mercy. But she’d lose him anyway.
She’d come so close just now to telling him that he was an agent. That the nightmares weren’t crazy ramblings. Then he’d demand to know how she knew, what the hell was going on, and the rest would unravel.