by Jo Davis
“He has,” she said around the lump in her throat. “Part of that is my fault.”
“Oh, I don’t know. When you trace this thing back to the root-Dietz and his greed-I think there’s plenty of blame to go around. We all accepted him, answered to him as our second- in-command. Even when the signs began to show, no one did anything. The problem was overlooked until… well, this.”
This was Lily, shot. Jude lying pale and still, lashes rested against his cheeks, dark smudges under his eyes. His hair spilled like blood around his head. His sleep was unnatural, his chest barely rising and falling.
Perching on the edge of the bed, she checked his pulse. Too fast and shallow. He might recover at this point, or he might not.
Look what I’ve done to you.
“You guys want something to drink? I can check the fridge,” Blaze offered.
“No thanks,” she said.
“Me, either.”
“All right. I’m going to stand watch outside. Oh, take this, just in case.” He pulled a SIG from the small of his back and laid it on the nightstand. “Yell if you need me.”
When the agent was gone, Liam looked her straight in the eye, no trace of his warmth or humor present. “I think it’s time you told me a story, don’t you?”
“I deceived you both, from the start. I was sent to kill him.”
Liam sucked in a shocked breath and hung his head. He didn’t say a word, just listened as the whole fantastic, ugly truth came to light. Weapons theft, espionage, Jude finding out one of the bosses had done it, then his being framed, his mind swept. Liam knew the rest.
“You’re telling me Jude is some secret agent for this SHADO group? An assassin?” He shook his head.
“Yes. When you think back on everything, I’m sure you’ll see the pieces fall into place. The trips, how he’d come home in knots afterwards.”
“Why didn’t he ever tell me? I thought he trusted me,” he said in a hurt voice. “I never would’ve said a word.”
“Oh, sweetie, he didn’t want to see you hurt. If you didn’t know about his other life, you had less chance of being used against him. Now that you do know, he’s going to worry.”
“He might send me away.” His chin quivered.
“No, I don’t think that will ever happen. Even if you make up with Dev and Geneva, he’s not going to let you go far. He and Dev will protect you.”
“You think so?”
“I’m positive. We just have to focus on getting him better right now.”
Liam swallowed. “What if these SHADO people decide I’m some sort of threat because I know about them? They could ice me and no one outside your agency would know.”
“You watch too much spy stuff. It doesn’t work that way-the agents at SHADO are the good guys, in spite of how this all looks to you at the moment. It’s like working anywhere else; we have our problem employees. In Dietz’s case, a bad one slipped through, and he convinced a few to follow him. But he’s the exception.”
“So you protect citizens?”
“Yes. We wipe out terrorist threats long before the media ever gets wind of them. We stop the bad guys short of their goal, or we die trying. Sounds a bit corny, but it’s what we do.”
“It doesn’t sound corny at all.”
“Liam, I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but I want you to know how terribly sorry I am that I didn’t question Dietz’s orders sooner. We’re trained to follow orders, period, but that doesn’t erase the fact that I was wrong. You were hurt, and so was Jude.”
“I know you did what you had to do,” he said carefully. “You’re not a bad person.” He didn’t say he forgave her. Didn’t embrace her.
The pain was almost unbearable. “I’m a cold person. I’m hard, and have been for a long time. It was easier not to feel, and I don’t know how to change.”
“Funny, you weren’t hard and cold at all when you were with us,” he said quietly. “You were warm, and you seemed to care for us. I don’t think anyone could fake the passion we all shared in bed, either. I thought you were falling for Jude, too. I wonder who the real Lily is.”
The question cut deep.
The answer was, she had no idea.
Sixteen
I love you. Please forgive me.
Jude didn’t awaken so much as he ascended from the depths of hell. His teeth chattered. So cold. He hurt so bad, his internal organs giving up the ghost. It was like he could feel his system winding down, like the lights in a house being turned off one by one.
Death would be a blessing.
After all these years of living on the edge, expecting a bullet in the head, to go out like this, in a sneak attack, was a rich irony. He’d lived hard and played harder, and he’d die with barely a whimper.
Focusing on his surroundings, he listened. He could have sworn Lily was talking to him. Saying she loved him and asking for his forgiveness.
Was it as simple as that? Could two people fight past something like this? Could he trust her?
Did it matter?
Seeking some relief from the pain, he rolled to his side. As he did, footsteps approached on a hard surface and Lily spoke softly.
“You’re awake. I won’t ask how you feel.”
“Where are we?”
“ Tennessee, at the safe house.”
He digested this.
“How many men have you eliminated with the poison?” He hadn’t intended to ask, but some perverse part of him wanted to know. “I’m not accusing you. I know it’s your job, but I’m just curious.”
“That’s macabre.”
“Humor me.”
“Two.”
“So few?” He was surprised.
“Well, you know as well as I that it’s not wise to use the same method too often. Unlike you, perched atop a building somewhere with a scope, I go in close. People remember.”
“Who were they?”
“You know I can’t tell you that. But they were working with terrorists. They were a threat to all Americans.”
“So I was in good company, then.”
The legs of a chair scraped and she leaned close, caressing his face. “No. I thought so at first. I have to believe in a target’s guilt to my bones, but with you… looking back, I know I never really believed. I didn’t want to. I tried to tell myself I was going soft, letting my attraction to you cloud my thinking, responsibility to the job. But my heart was telling me that you couldn’t have done what Dietz said.”
“Lily…”
I love you.
But he couldn’t say that now. The timing wasn’t right.
“I forgive you.” He knew she needed the words. Her scent enveloped him as her arms came around him, a kiss brushing against his lips. “Thank you. You can’t know how much that means to me.”
“I know how I would feel if I learned I’d killed an innocent target,” he said. The idea sickened him.
“That’s always a possibility in our work.”
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
“So true. Who wrote that?”
“Spider-Man, I think.”
“Seriously.”
“I am ser-” A spasm of pain shook his limbs and he knew he had to get out his request before he lost his nerve. “Lily, if our doctors can’t help me-”
“No!” she blurted, voice hitching.
“Listen-”
“I already know what you’re going to ask, and forget it.”
“You’d want me to suffer? I can’t live like this, if there’s no end to this agony. Say you’ll help me,” he entreated.
“Jude-”
“For me. To bring me peace.”
She didn’t answer for a long moment. When she did, he knew she was crying. “For you. But only if there’s no hope at all, which is unlikely. You’re going to recover.”
Reaching out, he skimmed her shoulder to her neck, then up to her face. Searched for the damned tears, wiping them with his thumb. “It means everything that
you’d take care of me.”
Pop had cared for him, too. Had loved Jude enough to protect him from the human monsters of the world. He’d have done the same thing Lily had just agreed to do if he were still around for Jude to ask.
He’d flip open the cap on the old Zippo, cup his hands around his cigarette, and light up. Then flip the lid closed, put the lighter back in his pocket. He’d pin Jude with his piercing stare and say, “Whatever is best for you, boy. That’s all that ever mattered to me.”
Jude almost smiled at the image of Pop and that old lighter. His thoughts ground to a halt.
The lighter…
Jude ran a hand down his body to find he was still dressed in the same clothes he’d been wearing in Los Cabos. A check of his pocket revealed his grandfather’s beloved lighter resting there, as always.
And just like that, the rest of the puzzle fell into place.
“My God,” he said. He dug into his pocket. Pulled out the Zippo and rubbed the worn surface, smooth and shiny with age.
“What?”
Unbelievable. Maybe he was smarter than he’d thought. “What would you give for proof of Dietz’s theft of the weapon and his dealings with our enemies?”
“Anything. But-”
Smiling, Jude said, “Give me your hand.”
“Okay.” She sounded interested, but unsure.
He pressed the lighter into her palm, curled her fingers around it. “A gift from me. Keep it in case anything happens to me.”
“An old Zippo lighter?”
“Flip open the lid and look underneath, very closely.” He waited.
“I don’t see… wait. Is that-shit! Is that what I think it is?” she asked, excited.
“A microchip. With the sixth file on it.”
“How?” she asked in wonder.
“The chip is basically a wireless hard drive, not unlike what you’d find in a BlackBerry. It served the purpose in a tight fix.”
“I know. I mean, how did Dietz miss this?”
“I can only guess that when one of his men gathered my things in the motel room where they caught me, he glanced at the lighter, maybe even checked to see if it really worked, then discarded it as unimportant. He never looked under the lid, just tossed it into my bag, where it stayed.”
“Yes!” She launched herself, caught him in a fierce hug. “You’re wonderful, Agent St. Laurent.”
Tension thrummed between them, and his mouth found hers. In spite of the ghastly pain, he wanted a kiss. Even if he couldn’t do anything about finishing what they started right now.
She rubbed against him, taking the kiss deeper-
Suddenly, gunfire outside shattered the near silence and he jerked away from her, heart in his throat. “Where’s Liam? Do you have a gun?”
“In the kitchen, and yes. Stay here!”
“No fucking way.”
But she was already gone, footsteps receding rapidly. Ignoring the agony, and the fact that he didn’t know his surroundings, he pushed out of bed and staggered after her.
***
Lily ran through the house, SIG at the ready, shouting at the top of her lungs.
“Liam!”
When she made it to the open living area, she saw him standing in the kitchen near the fridge, a can of soda suspended halfway to his lips, gray eyes wide.
“Get to the back bedroom with Jude! Go!”
But the front door burst open, slamming against the opposite wall. She barely had time to register Liam ducking behind the bar when a man she’d never seen before rushed inside, Dietz on his heels. She had a split second to wonder what they’d done to Agent Kelly when the first man swung his weapon toward her and opened fire.
Wood splintered near her face and she ducked, using a stuffed chair as a poor shield. Bracing herself, she took aim and returned fire, putting a hole in his forehead. He crumpled into a heap.
But there was no time to savor her victory. Dietz fired several shots, the bullets piercing the chair and going all the way through to hit the wall behind her. No way could she hold out for long. If he improved his aim, she was dead.
She popped out from behind her cover, fired two quick shots, and was rewarded by the sound of his weapon clattering on the floor.
Lily rose to finish him off and realized he’d faked her out. Or he carried a backup. His weapon was trained on the doorway behind her, and her heart sank. She glanced around to see Jude standing there, his face murderous.
“You’ll want to drop your weapon before I blow a hole in your lover’s head, Lily dear.”
“Fuck,” she spat, letting the gun fall from her fingers.
He almost sounded pleasant. “I was going to kill you first, but I’ve waited too long for this moment.” With that, he focused on Jude.
Slowly, she inched from behind the chair. She needed a clear path.
“You want me? I’m right here, you son of a bitch,” Jude said. “This is between us.”
Now. With Dietz’s attention on Jude, she lunged forward and delivered a kick, knocking the gun from the man’s hand. Shouting in pain and anger, he tackled her. Took her to the floor and grabbed a handful of her hair. Slammed the back of her head into the floor, hard, as she cried out.
Her vision burst and her brain swam as she tried to fight him off. But in hand-to-hand combat, she was no match for his greater weight and bulk.
Snarling, Jude hurled himself at them and succeeded in knocking Dietz off her. The men clashed together, the impact sending them crashing over furniture, knocking over a lamp. They rolled, each struggling for the upper hand.
Jude’s rage was palpable, his need to pummel the man who’d taken so much from him an unstoppable force. Lily scooped up her gun and kept it trained on Dietz as best as she could, fear for Jude fueling her adrenaline. She couldn’t fire without hitting the man she loved, and the knowledge made her crazy. She wanted to end this quickly, but the two men intent on killing each other prevented it.
Jude got on top of Dietz and planted his fist in the man’s face. However, his second punch glanced off the man’s shoulder and Dietz turned the tables. No doubt Jude was a good fighter, but fighting blind put him at a serious disadvantage.
The noise of an approaching helicopter, perhaps more than one, droned outside. Michael, hurry.
Dietz rolled with Jude, putting him on his back, and delivered several blows to his face. During his struggles, Jude kept rising upward, swinging his fists, putting himself in Lily’s line of fire.
Her finger itched to pull the trigger.
Hold steady. Not yet.
Then the unthinkable happened. Somehow, Dietz got Jude turned, pinned on his stomach. Dietz fumbled with something and before Lily could react, he brought his clenched fist down on the back of Jude’s neck.
“Gotcha.”
Dietz released his grip and Lily saw it. The needle sticking out from Jude’s neck. Jude went limp, unmoving.
All of this in the space of five seconds, and she heard herself scream, the gun bucking in her hand.
Dietz jerked and went down just as Michael Ross and a team of several men rushed in, converging on the fallen traitor, dragging him away from Jude.
Jude. The gun slipped from her fingers. She ran to him and dropped to her knees as Michael and one of SHADO’s doctors, Taylor McKay, yanked the needle from his neck and gently turned him over.
Jude’s eyes were closed. He was unresponsive. Too still. McKay placed two fingers on his neck and shook his head.
“Oh, no, please,” she whispered.
“Jude?” Liam appeared, kneeling beside her and grasping her arm with his shaking hand.
“He’s alive, but just,” McKay informed them, voice full of remorse. “I’ll give him the largest dose of the antitoxin I’ve got, but it’s a crapshoot at best.”
Lily brushed her fingers through Jude’s hair. “Hang on, handsome. I love you.”
“He won’t die,” Liam said with a choked sob. “He won’t.”
“He’
s strong, so we’ll see.” McKay slid a black bag closer to him, pulled out a vial and a syringe. Quickly, he drew the medicine and injected the fluid into Jude’s neck. Done, he placed the used needle in a hazard-proof plastic container.
“What now?” Liam asked, fighting back tears. Letting go of Lily, he took Jude’s limp hand.
“We get him out of here and fly him back to the compound as fast as we can get there,” Michael said, standing. To a couple of his men, he barked, “Get a stretcher for Agent St. Laurent and get him loaded in the medical chopper. How is Dietz?”
“Hanging in, sir,” one replied, bent over the man in question. “Was plugged a good one in his shoulder, but he’ll live.”
“Make sure he does. I’m going to take great pleasure in making sure he survives to face his punishment. Take him back to the compound as well and keep him under guard while he heals. After I review the evidence, if there is any, I’ll decide what to do with him.”
“Yes, sir.”
“There is evidence,” Lily said, pulling the lighter from her pocket and handing it to Michael. “It’s the last file, hidden in a microchip under the lid. Jude gave it to me right before Dietz arrived.”
Was that only minutes ago? It seemed like a lifetime.
Finally, Michael smiled. “Son of a gun. I knew he’d have one last trick up his sleeve.”
“We’re ready to transport,” McKay said. “We’re moving Agent Kelly as well. He took two bullets. His flak jacket stopped the one to his chest, but I’m worried about the one that grazed his head. Gotta fly. Meet you all in New York.”
Lily watched helplessly as McKay and a couple of agents hustled Jude out to the waiting chopper. A part of her soul went with him, willing him to live.
She did not want to keep her promise to him. Didn’t know if she could, if it came to that.
“Can’t we go with him?” Liam begged.
“Not enough room, sweetie.” Lily hugged him close. “McKay will take good care of him.”
“He’d better.” Liam pulled back, glaring at Michael. “I’m going with you guys to this compound whether you like it or not, just so you know. I’m not leaving Jude until he’s better.”
“You’ll ride with us, and you’re welcome to stay until he’s well,” Michael reassured him.