He had to get his life together first. He had to see if he could salvage something of his career—either that or find some new one. He had to face the outside world again, particularly the professional circles in which he moved, and put the disastrous situation with Carter Barnes behind him, once and for all.
And there was her plan to adopt Rico...
He couldn’t make any promises to Laura at all.
But she hadn’t asked, so he didn’t have to say any of those things to her. She’d come into his arms, as hungry for him as he was for her, and Nick felt like the luckiest man in the world right now.
“I don’t deserve you,” he told her when they made it to the bedroom and he clicked out the light.
Laura sighed heavily and put her arms around him. “You know, I wouldn’t call myself an experienced woman by any means, but I haven’t lived like a nun, either. I’ve dated off and on over the years. I’ve met a lot of men. I’ve turned a lot of them down. I think you’re a prize, Dr. Garrett.”
He laughed out loud at that.
“I do.”
“Laura—”
“You’re kind. You can be very gentle. You genuinely care about people, especially the kids you work with. You’re smart and funny and honest. What more would a woman want in a man?”
“Someone who said he loved you?”
“I’d rather have a man who made me feel loved than one who simply gave me the words. And I can wait for those words, because I want to know that once he says he loves me, he doesn’t have any more doubts, about anything.”
Nick put his hand in her hair. He brought it to his face, took in the smell of it, then kissed the side of her head. “You could want someone who has more than a few nights to offer you. Someone ready to make a commitment to you.”
“That would be nice—someday. But I don’t have to have those things right this minute, either. Why don’t you tell me what you can offer me, Nick?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever ached for a woman the way I ache for you.”
She smiled then. “That’s definitely a very good start.”
Nick caught himself thinking too much then. He thought she was one of the most generous women he’d ever met, that she probably spent her whole life giving of herself to the people around her and getting little back in return, taking little back for herself.
And here he was, taking more from her than he had to give back. What did he even have to give her in return?
“You know,” he began, “you’ve changed me. For the first time in a long time, I want someone to believe in me again. I want someone to trust me, to have faith in me.”
“I trust you. I have faith.”
He kissed her softly in the darkness. “I know, sweetheart. I think you dragged me back to the land of the living, because for the first time in nearly a year, I want to put my life back together again, and I have you to thank for that.”
He felt tears on her cheeks then, and he felt a heaviness in his heart, a fullness, a warmth. Emotions came rushing at him, making him crush her to him as if he would never let go.
“I’ll never be able to show you or to tell you how much you’ve helped me, and... hey, don’t cry. Not now.”
He helped her dry her tears, brushed them away from those long lashes of hers and from the softness of her cheeks.
She kissed him lightly on the lips.
He swore softly and kissed her back, then hesitated once again. With every fiber of his being, he wanted her. He wanted to feel the satiny touch of her bare skin against his, wanted to bury himself inside her.
But there were things he should tell her, things she had a right to know. “Laura, I care about you a great deal.”
“I know that.” She touched her fingertips to his lips to silence him. “And I’m not asking for a string of promises from you tonight, all right?”
He hesitated. It wouldn’t be fair to her, but he wanted her so much. She wanted him, as well. They might never have another night like this to be together.
“Nick, it doesn’t have to be that complicated right now. I know what’s between us.”
“What? Tell me. Because I’m having a devil of a time figuring it out myself.”
“I want to be with you. I want you to kiss me and make me warm all over, tie my stomach into knots and take the breath right out of my body.”
“I think I could do that.”
“I know you could.”
“But...”
“No ‘buts.’ Not tonight.”
And then he kissed her. He devoured her with his mouth and his hands and his body, stripping her of her clothes in seconds flat, shedding his own, pulling her down to the bed beside him.
It had been only hours since they’d made love for the first time, and yet it seemed like forever. He wanted her so badly, took her in this wild flurry of white-hot heat, teasing her relentlessly, bringing her right to the brink of satisfaction and then pulling back again, until he thought he might die from the pleasure of it.
Later, when they made love once more, tenderly this time, with agonizing slowness, he told her, “I’ll never get enough of you. Never.”
“Careful,” she told him back as she rested her head on his shoulder. “You said no promises, and that sounds distinctly like a promise.”
“That’s definitely a promise, one I’m absolutely certain I can keep. I will never be able to get enough of you.”
With that, he made exquisite love to her again. And even that wasn’t enough for him.
Chapter 13
Laura awoke to the sight of a dark-haired, dark-eyed man bending over her and calling her name. She sat up quickly, looked around to see Rico sleeping, peacefully at last, beside her in the double bed, then realized what had happened.
In his nightmares the night before, Rico had screamed and cried out for both his mother and for Laura. She’d ended up falling asleep beside him the last time she’d come into the bedroom to comfort him.
Laura rubbed at her eyes, still trying to adjust to the light and to the fact that it was obviously morning and Nick was here.
“What time is it?” she asked. “Is something wrong?”
“No, I haven’t seen anyone or heard anything. But it’s almost seven, and I want to get into town and back early.”
“Okay,” she said, still nervous about the prospect of being alone there with Rico.
“I’ll hurry,” he promised.
“I know.”
They had talked last night and agreed that it would be safer to keep Rico out of sight as much as possible, even if that meant leaving him alone with Laura while Nick went into town.
“You can both come with me, if you want. It’s not too late to change your mind,” he said.
“No. I think it’s better this way. It’s safer. I just...I’m being silly.”
And missing him already. And worrying about him and wishing she hadn’t fallen asleep sometime in the middle of the night and lost out on precious hours she could have spent with him.
She wondered if he regretted it, as well. She hated telling Nick goodbye.
“Come in the other room with me for a minute,” he said.
Laura climbed out of bed and followed him. “Do you think we’ll ever get to spend one whole night together? Or make love in a real bed?”
She thought that would get a smile out of him, hopefully even a kiss, but he looked deadly serious.
“I didn’t sleep much last night—it gave me some time to think. Would you answer one more question I have no right to ask?”
“All right.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday—that you want to adopt Rico.”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been thinking that you’ll want him to have a father.”
“Yes.” Laura made one more attempt to lighten the mood. “Is this some sort of offer?”
He sighed, then cupped her cheeks with his palms, rested his forehead against hers and gazed into her eyes. Laura
knew. This was no offer. This was something else entirely.
“He’s a great kid,” Nick said.
“I know.”
“He’s lucky that he’ll have you for a mother. But he deserves a father, also.”
“I want that for him, but I’m not going to run out and marry the first man I find because I think Rico deserves a father. When I marry, I’ll do it because I’m in love and because the man I many loves Rico, as well.”
For the life of her, Laura couldn’t figure out what this was about. But it frightened her.
Nick looked grim. His hands fell away from her face, and he straightened.
“I care about him a great deal, and I care about you.”
“I know.”
“Laura, I like kids. I work with them every day. But that doesn’t mean...” He stopped, his complexion chalky. “I had a lousy childhood, a lousy father. And I think raising children is one of the hardest and riskiest jobs anyone could take on. In my profession, I’ve seen families torn apart in every way imaginable.”
“I know, but it doesn’t always turn out like that,” she argued, sensing that she was arguing for her future here, hers and Rico’s and Nick’s.
“More often than not it does. You know I’m right about this.”
“No.”
“And you’re starting out with so many strikes against you. Rico in all likelihood saw his own mother murdered. In the time she raised him, she abused drugs, she went off for days on end and left him and she had to relinquish him to foster care because she couldn’t take care of him herself. And he’s never had a father.”
“Which means he needs me even more. He deserves so much more than he’s ever had.”
“I know that.”
“So what are you trying to tell me, Nick?”
“That I know what you and that little boy deserve, and I don’t think I can be the man to give it to you. I could be a husband to you, but I don’t know if I can be a father.”
“You don’t want to be Rico’s father?”
“I don’t think I’m cut out to be any kid’s father.”
Laura bit down hard on her bottom lip, and the pain didn’t diminish the one in her heart. “Are you telling me I’ll have to make a choice between the two of you?”
“No.”
“Because if you are...” It would break her heart.
“I’m just trying to be honest with you. I know what you want, and I don’t think I can give that to you.”
“I think there are a lot of things you aren’t telling me.” She wished she’d asked a lot more questions of him, about his childhood and his father.
“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me,” he admitted. “I don’t think we have time to get into them right now.”
Laura nodded, holding herself as tightly under control as possible.
“I should have told you last night, once I knew Renata was dead,” he said.
She nodded.
Nick swore. “I need to get out of here. I wanted to get in and out of town early.”
“This isn’t over,” she insisted.
“I didn’t say that it was.”
“I’m not giving up on you this easily.”
He paused for a moment. “I was hoping you wouldn’t”
Laura thought he might try to kiss her again, but he didn’t. Instead he said, “I don’t want to leave either one of you right now.”
She was ridiculously happy to hear it. “Go ahead,” she told him, while she was still willing to let him go. “Be careful. And hurry back.”
“I will.”
Once she had some control over her emotions, Laura took a quick shower, then dressed in a pair of shorts and one of Nick’s button-down shirts because she wanted something of his to wrap around her body today. She rolled up the sleeves and tied the ends in a knot at her waist so they didn’t hang halfway down her thighs. And then she waited by the window, watching and wondering when he would be back.
She was certain there were a lot of things he hadn’t told her, and she would make him tell her someday. Now that she had managed to calm down and think with as much objectivity as she could muster, she didn’t believe what Nick had told her.
She could see him being a wonderful father, and if he couldn’t see that in himself, she would have to show him.
Rico woke up a few minutes later. He was disoriented at first and still calling for his mother.
Laura fed him, let him grumble all the way through his bath, then dressed him in some of the new clothes Nick had bought yesterday when they’d stopped.
Rico still looked sad, but he was losing that dazed expression he’d had at the shelter and in the hospital. He was starting to resemble the little boy she knew and loved.
Maybe he was ready to pull out of this self-imposed silence of his. Nick thought he was, and he’d talked to her last night about some simple things she could do to help Rico.
Nick would work with him, as well, but he thought Laura could do a lot, particularly because with children therapy often looked a lot like play. And Rico was used to spending time playing games and doing art projects with Laura.
“You know what?” she said to the boy. “Nick bought some other things for us, too.”
She pulled a plastic bag from the shelf and sat it on the kitchen table in front of him. She found crayons, markers, paints, brushes, construction paper and clay.
“I thought you might like to make something. You can pick whatever you want to use, all right?”
Rico stared at the materials and didn’t move at first. Laura had been advised not to make a big deal out of this, so she started straightening up the cabin.
Eventually, Rico picked up the markers and a piece of paper and started to draw.
He made a monster, a huge, ugly, fire-breathing monster, and he appeared angry when he was done. Laura thought Nick would have been pleased. Anger was a very healthy emotion, he claimed. And he should know; he’d spent the past year bottling up an incredible amount of anger.
Laura put the picture down in front of her, then sat on the chair next to Rico.
“That’s a pretty scary monster,” she said as casually as she could manage.
Rico nodded.
“Can you tell me about the monster?”
He didn’t say anything, though his eyes filled with tears. Laura pulled him onto her lap and held him close.
“I hate him,” Rico sobbed.
“Why, little man? Why do you hate him?”
“I just do.”
“Can you tell me who the monster is?”
“No.”
“Does he have a name?”
He nodded.
“Do you know his name?”
Rico continued sobbing. He knew the name of the monster, but he wasn’t going to tell her right now.
Laura wiped away some more tears and wished Nick were back. She tried one more thing. “Rico, are you scared of the monster?”
He nodded vigorously.
“Well, you know I’m here now. And Nick will be back soon. That monster would have to get through us to get to you now, and I don’t think he could do that. Did you ever think of it that way?”
“No.”
“It’s true. I’d fight all sorts of fire-breathing monsters for you, little man.”
Rico looked a little better. Laura smiled at him and ruffled his hair.
“Now, why don’t you draw me another picture?”
Laura went back to stand by the front window of the cabin and watch for Nick.
Nick hadn’t been gone that long, when Laura heard a car approaching. She turned cautiously toward the window that looked over the dirt road leading to their cabin. Nick had rented the final cabin on this road. The road ended here. If the car was coming down that road and it was too soon for Nick to return, then whoever was in that car was either coming here or he was lost.
Laura wondered what the chances were of someone ending up lost here in the middle of nowhere near this tiny
town and weighed those against the possibility that someone had followed them yesterday when they’d fled from Chicago.
She and Nick had talked it through. No one knew where they were. No one had any way to trace their whereabouts, unless they were followed from the time they’d left Nick’s apartment.
It sounded so reasonable when Nick was there. Right now, Laura knew the odds were in their favor—that no one had followed them—but that didn’t make her feel any better as the car rumbled down the dirt road through the trees.
“Rico,” she called urgently but softly as she scrambled inside the cabin in search of him. “Rico!”
She looked outside, saw a flash of white and black moving through the woods, then went back to her search.
The fear settled heavily into her limbs. It sent her heart rate soaring and made it difficult for her to think. She tried desperately to calm herself, because she had to think. She had to find Rico and get him out of there. Hopefully, Nick would be back soon—
And then she put the next piece of the puzzle together. If the cop had followed them, he might have found Nick already, since he’d left this morning.
Laura froze for a moment, Nick’s face flashing before her eyes; something that felt irrationally like love, the kind that came in a blinding light, settled heavily deep in her heart.
She did love him, even if she’d known him for only five days.
And five days wasn’t nearly enough for two people in love.
Nick wasn’t dead, Laura told herself. This cop hadn’t killed him, as he’d killed Rico’s mother. Laura had to believe that or she wouldn’t be able to go on.
“Rico!” She yelled that time. One frightened little boy stood up from his spot in the corner by the fridge. “Come on. We have to go.”
They ran out the door and slammed it behind them. Laura wished she’d remembered to grab some of their things, like the wallet that held some cash Nick had given her, along with phone numbers for Drew Delaney, in case they ever got separated.
Temporary Family Page 17