by Ivy Sinclair
“Life moves a lot faster in the city. It’s easier to be distracted, and you don’t have time to dwell on things that you can’t change.”
“Sounds lonely,” I said before I could catch the words.
“Maybe, but I managed,” Lukas said.
The door had been opened, and so I decided to be bold and walk right through it. “Tell me about your past relationships. Having to pull up your roots and come back to Greyelf would be disruptive to them.”
“Greyelf has defined and been defined by the shifter movement, no doubt about that,” Lukas replied. I wondered if he was going to dodge my question. “I dated here and there before and after college, but I knew that it was kind of pointless to get too attached to anyone. At some point, my past would come calling. I always figured Markus would ask me to come back home. I didn’t expect that coming back would mean claiming the alpha role because he was gone.”
“So you weren’t well-prepared for what has recently happened.” I didn’t want to lead his line of thinking. It was often better to get my interview subjects to open up on their own and just keep them talking. I always found the best parts of the story popped out unprompted.
“Who would ever be ready to lose their brother?” Lukas said harshly. He looked away from me then. “I lost my parents when I was so young that I barely remember them. Markus was my parent. Aunt Bea tried her best, but I wasn’t particularly receptive to her either. When I first moved here, I just wanted things to be the way they were before. It was a difficult adjustment. Markus was barely more than a kid himself. Then he became this symbol for an entire species, and he focused all of his time and energy on that part of his life. I’m proud of him and what he accomplished, but I was a real shit to him when I was a kid because I didn’t understand it then.”
That was all information I already knew, although I had never heard Lukas articulate it quite that way. He had rebelled because he wanted attention. It didn’t matter if it was positive or negative attention. In the end, he had been far more successful at getting negative attention, and that seemed to be what he chose to stick with for the duration of his teenage years.
“It must have been a wonderful thing for you then you reconciled with him.”
“I wouldn’t call it a reconciliation. It was simply a relationship that finally matured to one of mutual respect. It took us awhile to get there, but it was solid. It’s hard to believe he’s gone.” Lukas’s eyes unfocused over my shoulder as if he felt the pull of his brother’s memory. I heard the sadness in his voice.
“So now you’re the alpha,” I said, turning the tide of the conversation. “It wasn’t a position that you were able to take on without some conflict.”
Lukas snorted. “Conflict is the shifter’s way it seems. After spending ten years getting to a place where I was okay with myself, I had to come back here and face all of that judgment and negativity all over again.”
“So why come back at all? Why not rescind the claim and go back to your old life?”
“That wasn’t even an option,” Lukas said. I heard what sounded like a growl in the back of his throat. “Markus wanted me to be the alpha. If he had told me that he wanted the sheriff or anyone else to be the alpha at any point in our conversations, I would have stood aside. I wouldn’t have fought it. But that wasn’t the case.”
“It seems like you have a hard road ahead of you, especially with the Summit starting tonight.”
“I can handle it,” Lukas said. “I’m ready, and the clan is my number one priority right now. If anyone thinks otherwise, they can go fuck themselves.”
I had to smile. Every once and awhile, the Lukas that I had once known showed through his carefully polished exterior.
“What’s next for you then?”
“I will declare my mate,” Lukas said. His voice dropped lower. “Markus freely admitted that he thought it would have been easier for him many times through the years if he had a mate. He just never found the right one.”
I felt a flush rise on my cheeks. My fingers slid up to the spot on my neck where under my sweater his bite marked my flesh. I saw his eyes follow the movement of my fingers, and I quickly moved my hand back into my lap. His lips curled into a smug smile. He had gotten under my skin, and he knew it.
“Tell me more about that,” I said lamely.
“About my mate? Or about the mating process?”
I squirmed in my seat and tried to think about how to change the subject without making it so obvious. I couldn’t come up with a segue that would make sense. I also had to admit that I was more than a little curious about what I had signed up for in agreeing to be his mate.
“Both.”
“It has to be a thoughtful decision,” Lukas said. “A mate that is weak won’t support you in the important decisions of the clan. She needs to be strong and well-respected because she is an extension of my authority. In the event that I am called away or unable to advise on a situation with the clan, then that duty falls to my mate.”
“What about the council?” Suddenly I was feeling more than a little nervous. The role of the alpha’s mate sounded a lot more important than I had originally thought. “Aren’t they in charge when the alpha is away?”
“Markus created the council when he first set up the structure of the clan as more of an advisory function for the alpha. I think that was one thing that I always appreciated about my brother. He was brilliant, but he never pretended to be omnificent. He knew that he could be just as blind as the next man when it came to matters that were emotional or complex. It’s important for someone with that level of responsibility and authority to have a safe place to bounce ideas and discuss different options. But given Markus didn’t take a mate, the council here within this clan ultimately had more authority than perhaps it should have compared to others.”
I had a feeling that was one landmine that I wasn’t ready to walk into quite yet. There were so many layers and so many questions to the story that I wanted to ask. This was only going to be the beginning of what would likely be several long conversations with Lukas.
“So your mate…” I prodded to get him back on track.
Lukas smiled. “Naturally, she would be beautiful.”
“And having a mate who is also a shifter?”
“Not important from my perspective,” Lukas said. “It might be important to others within the clan, but for me it is much more important that my mate is intelligent and kind.”
I flushed again. Is this something I was really ready to do? I hadn’t been smart about this situation at all. What if Lukas decided he wanted to mate with someone else down the road after he found out what he wanted to know and was done with me?
“Tell me about the mating process,” I said.
Lukas leaned closer to me, and his fingers touched my wrist. He slowly ran them up my arm, and I felt shivers run down my spine. “The mating process is one of the most intimate experiences of a shifter’s life. It begins when the male marks the one that he has chosen.” His fingers made their way up to my collarbone where they grazed the place where he had bitten me. “It is a sign to the female that she is desired and has drawn the male’s eye. But as with most relationships, it is up to the female to decide if she wants the male as her mate as well.”
“How does she do that?” His touch was distracting me on every level. I tried to keep my thoughts clear, but I felt as if he was drawing a line of fire across my skin as he lazily began to draw looping circles over my shoulder and arm. It didn’t matter that there was a layer of material between us. It might as well not have existed at all.
“She bites him back, of course,” Lukas said. “But that’s just the beginning. The mating process is like a dance. There is a give and take, a question and then a response, attack and then a surrender. All of it culminates in an act of joining that when initiated is so much more than sex. It is a declaration of a commitment that will span their lifetimes. Because once the mating ritual is complete, there is no going bac
k.”
I blinked again trying to draw my shallow breaths deeper. “What do you mean there is no going back?”
“Bears mate for life, Maren.” The words were almost whispered, but they carried with them a stunning revelation.
“I…I…I don’t think that’s something that I understood,” I said. I stood up. I wasn’t sure what to say.
Lukas picked up the tape recorder and turned it off. “Isn’t that what every woman wants to hear? That they will be with someone who will be there forever?”
“Lukas, you asked me to step in and help you find out what happened to your brother. You said that I needed to be declared as your mate to do it. But surely you don’t intend to go through that entire process.” Lukas got to his feet. As he approached me, I took a step backward. “I haven’t seen you in ten years. You don’t know me. I don’t know you. Why would you ask me to do this?”
“Do you really want to know the answer?” His face tightened. “It seems like every time I think we’re going to have an honest conversation about this, you run away from me.”
“Because it’s absurd.” Laughter bubbled in my throat. “I practically threw myself at you for the better part of my teenage years, and you never looked twice at me the way I wanted you to. It was always some other girl that had you all tied up in knots. Then one night you show up on my doorstep, and you were so sweet and so upset. When you kissed me, I thought I had finally broken through, and you understood what I wanted and wanted the same thing. And then you were gone. Now you show up, and I’m so confused about what it is exactly you want from me. Do you want the friend and confidant? You said you wanted somebody you could trust. Trusty old Maren to the rescue. But then last night you kissed me, and today you are looking at me like you want to devour me. But I don’t know who you are anymore, Lukas. You say you trust me, but I can’t trust you. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
My chest heaved as the words spilled out of me. They were the words I had been waiting ten years to say to him. I wanted to trust him, but he hadn’t proved that he was worthy. At least, not yet.
“You can’t just expect me to give up my entire life and jump into this thing with you, especially not forever. I’m willing to help you. I told you that I would. I think for now, it’s better that we stick to the story that I’m helping you document the history of the clan. This mating thing - we need to forget about it.”
“What if I don’t want to forget about it?” Lukas’s voice was definitely closer to a growl than anything else.
“You have to,” I said. “You said that the female has to choose you back for the mating process to continue. I’m choosing not to do that. I can’t, and it is unfair of you to ask me to.”
It killed me to see the expression of pain that crossed Lukas’s face for the briefest instant. I wondered if I was doing the right thing. For the better part of my life, I had wanted Lukas Kasper. Now, when it seemed as if I had the chance to have him, I was turning him down. Maybe there was something seriously wrong with me.
I thought he was going to leave me then, but instead he crossed the room stalking me. I retreated, but he didn’t give me any time to think. My back pressed flat against the wall, and he took my lips in a hard crush as he pressed up against me. My body instantly burst into a hot molten need of desire that threatened to overwhelm me. He took hold of my hands and pressed them up over my head.
I should have fought him. It was as if he hadn’t listened to a goddamn thing that I said. But the way his lips claimed mine told me how badly he wanted me. I opened my mouth willingly at his insistent probing, and his tongue danced against mine stroking it until I whimpered.
Then he used one of his massive hands to keep both of mine snug against the wall above my head while his other hand drifted down my arm and the side of my ribcage. As it settled on my hip, he pulled me against him. I felt his hard need against my thigh.
“Tell me you don’t want me,” he rasped against my lips. “Convince me you don’t want this too, Maren, and I’ll leave you alone. But I chose you, and I’m not going to let you go this time. Not unless you convince me you don’t want me too.”
My mind was a jumble of incoherent thoughts, especially when his hand wandered down further and grazed my bare skin of my leg below the hem of my dress. His hand pushed upward underneath the skirt. All I could think was that I should stop him, but I didn’t want to. He was right. He was the one I wanted. He was the one that I always wanted. Now he said he wanted me. He was saying all of the things I wanted to hear and was doing things to me that I had only dreamed about. But that wasn’t enough. At least, not yet.
“Lukas, stop,” I said. My breath came in short gasps as I turned my head away from his lips. “Please.”
His hands stilled, and then his body was gone from mine. My hands floated down from the wall. I looked in his eyes, and I saw that primal part of him still there.
“I’d never take advantage of someone who didn’t want me,” he said flatly. “If you’re telling me no, then I’ll accept that.”
“Lukas, you’re not listening to me. I’m telling you I am confused,” I said. “I never said I didn’t want you.” There. My secret was out in the open. I was exposed for him to see. “But I need to know that this is something different than before. Jesus, you’re asking me to make a pretty big decision. I’ve barely gone on more than three dates with a guy in my entire life. If I’m committing to something bigger than that, it can’t just be for lust and a good story.”
“Tell me what you want,” Lukas said. “What do I need to say?”
“Lukas, if I agree to spend the rest of my life with someone, I want to be in love with him and for him be in love with me. I want to be so crazy in love that I do stupid, irrational things to be with him. I want to be able to trust him with every part of me. I want to know that he’d never leave me.” The only thing that I didn’t say was that I was already in love with him. It didn’t matter that ten years had passed. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and let him have his way with me.
“You want to take things slow,” he said. “You need to trust me.”
My heart withered then. For some crazy reason, I thought that Lukas was about to profess that he did love me, that he had always been in love with me. It should have made me feel better about my decision to stop him, but instead it made me feel worse.
“I can’t throw my life away for you,” I said. I wasn’t going to cry in front of him. “When you’re done playing house with me because you got what you wanted, I need to be able to walk away.”
His expression was unreadable. He opened his mouth, and then the doorbell rang.
“Guess I am about to be saved by the bell,” he said. Then he turned on his heel and left the room, leaving me with my mouth hanging open at his gall.
CHAPTER SEVEN
When I heard Billy’s voice coming from the direction of the foyer, I quickly settled myself back on the sofa and smoothed my skirt and hair. I had forgotten that Lukas had summoned Billy to the house before the evening festivities got into full swing. Then I frowned and looked at my watch. If I was going to the gala that evening, I needed time to get ready too.
I threw my stuff back in my bag and stood up just as Lukas escorted Billy into the living room. Judging by the look on both of the men’s faces, this was one conversation that I felt okay sitting out.
“Where do I need to be tonight?” I asked after giving Billy the briefest nod. I could tell by Lukas’s expression that he didn’t want me to leave at all. “I should start typing up these notes, and I need to change.”
“Meet me back here at six,” Lukas said.
“Fine.” I brushed past him and showed myself out before he could try to convince me otherwise. Once I was back in my car and headed back toward town, I had a good pep talk with myself well underway. I was doing the right thing. I was glad that I hadn’t given in to Lukas’s seduction play. Using my tape recorder, I started lining up my questions for our next interview. I had to s
tay focused on the job. I wasn’t going to let Lukas railroad my heart again, and I sure in the hell wasn’t signing up to be some alpha bear’s mate if it meant there was no exit strategy.
As I navigated my way down Main Street, I saw my dad’s car parked at the Greyelf Gazette’s office. Even though it was Saturday afternoon, he was working like he always did. I considered not stopping, but I had looked at my phone when I left White Oaks. He had tried calling me five times. I couldn’t avoid him forever. I pulled the car into a spot out front. He didn’t know anything about what had happened with Lukas, and I wasn’t sure how he was going to react to what I was willing to tell him.
I got out of the car slowly and then made my way to the door. I could see the bald spot on the back of my dad’s head reflecting through the glass of the front window. I couldn’t help but shake my head with a smile. Dad always complained that there wasn’t enough natural light in the office, so he got as close as he could to the window.
I pushed the door open and stepped inside. As expected, my dad was sitting in a small armchair that he had dragged from his office out into the empty space in front of the window. He was using one of the other office chairs as a footstool. He looked up as I entered.
“Where you been, kid?” My dad wasn’t one for pleasantries. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you all morning. There’s going to be a lot of overtime this week with the Summit going on. You’re going to have to pull some extra shifts for coverage.”
“Yeah, about that,” I said slowly. “I’ve got a new angle for the story.”
That got his attention. My dad loved new angles. “Hit me.”
“What if I told you that I was going to be able to attend the opening gala?”
“We’ve got media passes,” Dad said, his eyes dropping back to his laptop. “We’ll have the list of who’s here and who isn’t once we see them arrive and go inside. But that won’t get us inside the tent.”