by Love, Amy
“Adrie! Adrie, stop before you hurt yourself.” Willow waits until Adriana’s head is up and at a safe distance from the table before continuing. “Whatever happened, whatever the reason is that he disappeared without a word, that man has some unresolved issues with you. Haven’t you noticed the way he looks at you?”
Adriana shakes her head, miserably, all she had seen was how he tried so hard not to look at her, like it hurt him to see her. “I can’t see him again, Will.” This is what she’d come to tell her friend that morning, the decision that she’d made overnight. “When Grayson disappeared, it left me in pieces. I can’t go back there, not again.”
Willow looks at her with her no bullshit stare. “You can’t go around avoiding things in case they don’t end well, Adrie. This is your life, and you only get one. It’s not a rehearsal. Don’t shut yourself off from everything. Live a little.”
Adriana absorbs the words of advice, knowing that Willow’s right, that she can’t keep pushing people and opportunities away because she’s frightened of losing them. But it is hard to change a habit that she’d honed so studiously over the past ten years. The rule seems to be that she got left—first her mother, then Grayson, finally her father who had been her rock. But Grayson had come back, did that make him the exception to the rule?
GRAYSON
Once Grayson has showered and eaten enough to feed a small country, he blends up a high protein smoothie to recover from the tough session that morning. A lot of people think that being a top fighter is just about learning the moves and pumping iron. There were way too many fighters he’d seen who had succumbed to drugs to gain that all-important muscle mass. West had taught him that good nutrition was the way to go. So, Grayson is almost religious about making sure that his body gets what it needs.
Sunday afternoons were always downtime for him. There were no training sessions, and he liked to keep the time for himself. He would usually call his mom, see how she was doing but she was on vacation with her new man. Grayson had only met the guy, Brad, a couple of times and besides from having a douchey name, he seemed to be a stand-up guy. He was crazy about his mom and that’s all that Grayson really needed to know. After everything that she had been through, she deserved to be with someone who treated her right, and Grayson had made it clear to Brad that if he didn’t treat his mother with respect then bad things would happen.
What’s shaking dickwad? His cell phone lights up with a message from his sister, Kay.
She was eight years his junior and had been too little to remember what went on in their house when they were growing up. As a result, she was a better adjusted person than he would ever be. She was always cracking jokes, the life and soul of the party. Whenever she came down from NYU to visit him, his friends had thought she was hilarious. He smiles just thinking about her.
Is that the mouth you kiss your mother with? He fires off a response.
Maxed out on my phone bill. Call me. Grayson sighs heavily, as he reads the message. That was the other difference between him and Kay, she went through money as if it were water. As he hits speed-dial, he makes a mental note to send her some more cash.
“It’s only midday, you’re a college kid, aren’t you supposed to be lying in a pool of your own puke somewhere?” Gray grabs his smoothie and ambles over to the garage. It’s not exactly something out of Pimp My Ride, but it does what he needs, for now. Aside from a personal chef, a new all-singing, all-dancing garage was on his wish list for after he wins the fight.
“Ha, ha, very funny Gayson.” She snickers at the name she’d given him when she was an annoying adolescent.
“Real mature, Kay.” He shakes his head, as if she can see him through the phone.
“Ready for the fight? You gonna kick some King Kong butt, or what?” She sounds excited as she asks the question. Kay was one of his biggest supporters.
“Training hard, you know how it is. Shame you can’t make it.” He switches the phone to speaker so that he can work on the Harley that he’s restoring.
“I know, damn summer classes,” she grumbles loudly. “If I was smarter, I’d be able to come see you destroy that motherfucker!”
“Hey, watch your language!” He’s well-aware that sometimes he sounds like Kay’s dad rather than her big brother. “And you’re plenty smart, you just don’t do the work.”
“Yeah, well you know I don’t believe in an education system based on stupid test scores.” He can almost hear her pacing up and down as she talks.
“Those stupid test scores are going to get you into law school so just can the shit.” Grayson shakes his head. He would kill to be even a tenth as smart as his little sister, and she looked at it like it was nothing.
“Someone’s especially grouchy today. What happened? You didn’t get laid last night?” She waits for him to tell her that his sex life is none of her business but no response is forthcoming. “Gray, you alright? You sound…weird.” She sounds genuinely concerned.
Great, he thinks, even my sister over in another state knows that something’s up. “It’s nothing, Kay. I just ran into someone I used to know, that’s all. An old friend.” He turns the wrench hard, snapping off a rusty screw when he should have finessed it out. “Goddammit.”
“Friend…right.” His sister doesn’t even try to pretend that she’s going to just let that go. He takes a sip of his smoothie. “Would this friend have a vagina?” And then, he spews it out. “Woah, you totally like her! Have you boned her yet?”
When Grayson has recovered the power of speech he manages to croak a few words out. “It’s not like that, Kay.” Oh God, he thinks, you sound like a chick.
“Dude, you’ve got it bad! Take some advice—remember as well as being your sister I’m also a girl, incredible I know—call her! If you like her, which you clearly do, then call her. None of this wait three days bullshit. Call her.” Kay is getting worked up as she dispenses the advice.
“Are we still talking about me here?” Grayson frowns, as he wonders if he’s going to have to fly up to New York to kick some guy’s butt for not calling his sister.
“Grayson Christopher Fletcher! Call her. I’m hanging up now. Love ya, bye!” The dial tone chimes signaling that Kay has done exactly as she has threatened. He shakes his head, wondering how he landed such a bossy little sister.
He turns his attention back to the bike. Working on the old rust-pot usually calms him, but today he can’t concentrate, his mind is going in about a million different directions or, more accurately, just one particularly distracting one. He digs into the pocket of his ripped jeans, pulling the napkin out carefully as if it might break apart. He feels like a kid, wanting to text her but not daring to, wondering what she’s going to think about him if he does, wondering if she’ll even reply.
The look on her face when he had mentioned ‘old times’ was enough to make him beat himself up over how he treated her for the rest of his natural life. He can’t let her believe that he hurt her on purpose all those years ago. The very thought of it is like a knife twisting in his gut. She deserves more than him, she always had. He had only left her because he thought it was the right thing to do, because he thought it would be safer. He has to have the chance to explain that to her.
ADRIANA
She couldn’t have looked at her cell with more shock if it had grown legs and scuttled around the coffee table like a tarantula.
Are you free tonight? Would be great to catch up. Grayson
She would be lying if she said that hearing from him hadn’t sent a little thrill through her. He had a unique ability to make her feel alert and completely present, in the moment. She thinks back to the conversation she’d had with Willow that morning. She’d told her friend that she couldn’t see Grayson anymore, that she couldn’t do that to herself. She picks up her cell with the intention of telling him exactly that, but her fingers seem to have a mind of their own.
That would be great, but my car’s in the shop, so rain check?
Sh
e winces at her desperation and pushes the cell away. She knows that she wants to see him; there’s no point in lying to herself. But, in a way, she’s grateful to the idiot that rear-ended her the other day and to the body shop that told her it would only take a day to fix her broken taillight when, in fact, it was taking a week. It meant that she didn’t have to lie about not being able to see Grayson. It meant that she couldn’t see him. It made everything cleaner, more straightforward.
No problem. I’ll pick you up. Where are you?
Adriana stares at the phone, wondering absently why he would go out of his way just to see her. Willow’s words come back to her…unfinished business…that’s what she’d said. Perhaps that is all this is, Grayson needing to get something off of his chest. She believes in closure; it was something she hadn’t had with her mother before she left or when her father died. She is determined to have it with Grayson.
Before she can change her mind, she picks up the cell, typing in her address faster than she knew she could. His response comes up almost immediately, as if he were waiting by his phone. Thirty minutes, she had thirty minutes to get herself ready to meet Grayson Fletcher.
She flies to her bedroom and starts raiding her wardrobe, pulling virtually all her clothes out. But nothing seems quite right. She tries on what must be a hundred outfits, but they all look like she’s trying too hard. That’s because you are, the voice in her head tells her.
You don’t have anything to prove to this man, she tells herself before putting on the shorts and tank top she’d been wearing before her sartorial frenzy. She looks at herself in the dressing table mirror. What she sees isn’t overly inspiring. Her hair is a complete mess; she pulls it up into a high ponytail and pinches her cheeks to get some color back. She swipes the mascara brush over her eyelashes and examines herself again. Before she can come to any kind of a conclusion, the doorbell rings.
“Guess you’ll have to do,” she tells her reflection. She grabs a little jacket from the top of the pile without pausing to second guess her choice and heads towards the door, preparing herself to spend an afternoon with Grayson Fletcher, the only man who she had ever loved.
GRAYSON
Nervous wasn’t really part of his vocabulary, especially not around women. He’d become used to them fulfilling a primal need for him, nothing more. He doesn’t remember the last time he’d had an actual date. But is that what this is? Standing outside Adriana’s front door, he starts to wonder if he should be here at all, if she even wants to see him. As the door opens, he realizes it’s too late to turn back and, besides, he doesn’t think he’d be able to move even if he’d wanted to.
“Hey!” Adriana smiles at him and locks him in with those eyes that she should need a permit for.
“Hey.” Grayson can’t seem to say anything else. His throat is suddenly dry, and the sound of his own heart beating is deafening in his ears. She’s so beautiful that she literally takes his breath away. They stand awkwardly until Grayson regains the power of speech. “Nice place.” He nods over Adriana’s shoulder towards the apartment behind.
Adriana makes a face as if to contradict him. “It’s seen better days, but it’s home.” She shrugs noncommittally. “Shall we head out?” She doesn’t wait for an answer before pulling the door closed behind her and locking it.
Grayson finds himself relieved that at least one of them isn’t having any trouble making a decision. He nods, not trusting himself to say anything else, not when she’s so close that he can smell her. The rose perfume he’d noticed the night before is intoxicating, and he wonders how the hell he’s supposed to drive with her in his car.
He opens the door of his Jeep for her, something he hasn’t done for any woman before. He wonders where this sudden sense of chivalry has come from; it sure as hell isn’t anything he’d inherited from dear old dad. As he settles himself into the driver’s seat, he becomes acutely aware of her presence next to him.
“So, where are we headed?” Adriana looks at him expectantly.
Grayson curses himself. He hadn’t actually gotten that far in his plans. Just working up the courage to see her had taken up most of his thoughts. He says the first thing that comes into his head, a theme that seems to be recurring around Adriana. He’d forgotten how she had made him feel completely tongue-tied. He had never been able to bullshit her, and it seems like that’s one thing that hasn’t changed between them, even if so much other stuff had.
“I thought we could head down to South Beach. You still like to walk?” He grips the steering wheel hard so that he doesn’t reach out to touch the smooth skin on her endless legs. Get a grip, Grayson; it’s not like you’ve never seen a girl in shorts before. But Adriana wasn’t just any girl, she never had been.
She smiles at him with that smile that makes her eyes shine. “Yeah, I still like to walk.” She doesn’t offer anything more, but he gets the feeling that she’s pleased, and the knowledge that he’s the reason for that gives him a warm sensation in his chest.
They drive in silence, and Grayson is glad to be able to concentrate on the road rather than on the girl in the seat next to him. It’s as if his body is completely attuned to her; he’s aware of every slight movement that she makes, and he has to resist the urge to stop the car and ravish her right there. It was the same feeling he’d had the night before when he’d come face to face with her in the club; she did something to him that he couldn’t describe. She awakened feelings in him that he thought he was incapable of having anymore.
He’s grateful when he can finally pull into a parking spot and get out of the damn car; being in such close proximity to her was dangerous and confusing and wonderful all at the same time.
He takes her hand to help her out of the Jeep, and the contact is like an electric shock passing between them. Adriana’s eyes go wide and her perfect rosebud mouth opens in surprise. Whatever the hell that was, she feels it, too.
“So, no work today?” Grayson steps away from her and leads her towards the paved promenade.
“No.” Her voice sounds breathless. He knows the feeling. “Early shift tomorrow though, prepping for surgery on a little girl to remove a tumor.”
The way she says the words makes it clear there’s more to it than a routine operation. “Shit, that’s tough. You care about her, don’t you?”
“I care about all my patients. But it’s always harder when you’ve known them a long time. Casey has been at the hospital longer than I have.” She laughs without humor to cover her emotions. “Poor kid, she’s had more surgeries than anyone I’ve seen. She’s only eleven, you know? How is that fair?” Adriana looks at Grayson as if she’s hoping he can give her some kind of answer, and he finds himself wanting to come up with something that will comfort her. He wants to put his arm around her and tell her that everything will be alright. But he can’t do that.
“It’s not fair.” Grayson shakes his head. “But I’ve learned that not a lot of things in this world are.” There’s a bitterness in his voice that he barely even notices anymore. “Casey is lucky to have someone like you looking out for her, caring about her. When did you decide to become a nurse? I don’t remember you talking about that.”
Adriana gives him a surprised look, as if she’s shocked that he would remember anything that they spoke about all those years ago. But how can she think that he wouldn’t have every second they spent together burned into his memory? Because you left her without a word, genius, he reminds himself.
“No, it wasn’t something I’d thought about until my dad got sick.” Her voice wavers, and she looks out towards the ocean, away from him so that he can’t see the pain in her eyes. “He had a heart condition. I guess on some stupid teenage level I thought that if I became a nurse that I could save him.” She shakes her head at the naiveté of her younger self. “He died a little while after I started at Mercy. I wasn’t even there when it happened.”
Grayson doesn’t stop to think about whether he should or shouldn’t do what he’s about to
; he only thinks about what feels right. And, right now, what feels right is comforting Adriana. He snakes his arm around her shoulders and turns her round to face him. She looks down at her feet, avoiding his eyes.
“Hey, you don’t have to hide from me.” He holds her face between his hands, lifting her head up to meet his eyes. His heart feels like it might break for her, as he sees a tear trickle down her cheek. He chases it away with the pad of his thumb, wishing that he could take away her pain so easily. “I’m sorry about your dad. I know you two were close. I’m sure he’d be really proud of you.” He leans his head down to get closer to her. His face is only inches from hers, close enough to kiss. He feels like her lips are attracting him like a magnet. But no, he can’t go down this road, not with Adriana, not when he knows how hard it was to let her go the first time, he’s not sure he could do it again and he would have to, for her safety. He takes a deep breath and drops his hands.
There’s a flash of something like disappointment in her eyes, but it’s gone as soon as he thinks he’s seen it. She takes a step back from him and starts walking again. “What about your dad? Do you ever hear from him?” Her voice trembles, like she’s trying to recover from whatever just passed between them.