“Well, what do you think is happening, sweet pea?” Warner laughed. “You’re in labor.”
“But it’s too soon. We’re not ready.”
“Apparently they are.” Warner patted her belly.
“Somebody get her a chair,” Ian shouted. “Or a bed. What should we do with you?” He looked to Shelby for sage advice. “I’ve never done this before.”
“I’m a little new at this myself.” She thought for a moment. “But, here’s the plan. First, someone needs to call maintenance to clean up this mess, then someone should take me to the ladies’ room so I can clean myself up, then someone else should get on the phone for me.”
“I’ll make the phone calls.” Warner clapped. “Whom should I call first?”
“Matty. Then Lauren. Then my parents. Then Irma Weiner…”
“Perhaps it might be useful to add a doctor to the list?” Ian suggested.
“Right. Of course. Call Dr. Kessler at North Shore and ask him what the hell I do now?”
“Aye, aye, Captain Shelby,” Warner saluted. “It’s all systems go.”
But after ten minutes of working the phones, Warner feared the launch might have to be postponed. “Who’s on your B list, honey? I can’t seem to reach anybody.”
“What do you mean?” a rapidly breathing Shelby returned from the ladies room.
“I called Matthew’s office and his secretary said he’s on his way to Connecticut to see his daughter. Lauren’s not home and isn’t answering her cell. Ditto with your parents. I paged Irma Weiner twice and she hasn’t called back yet. And Dr. Kessler is away on a camping trip. But not to worry because the office said his partner is on call.”
“His partner!” Shelby nearly fainted at the memory of her first examination with that dreadful man. “I hate that pompous son of a bitch. He’s not laying a hand on me…Oh, my God. What am I going to do?”
“Don’t vorry a think, darling. The great Warner is here.” He gently placed his arm around her shoulder and grabbed her pocketbook. “I’ll drive you to the hospital now, and I’m sure by the time we arrive, everyone will have gotten word.”
“Thank you, Warner.” She let him lead her toward the elevator. “You’re such a doll I’m only sorry I didn’t think to fix you up with my brother.”
Chapter Thirty-one
Even though Shelby and Matty only attended two Lamaze classes before Shelby went into labor, she had learned enough to know she was in trouble. Not because there were any immediate complications, or even ominous signs. It’s just that when she’d mentally prepared herself for this day, she never envisioned coming in four weeks early.
Nor did she expect on that day the intense heat and humidity would result in the mother of all thunderstorms. By 4:00 P.M., the sky was designer black, with lightning striking at close intervals rivaling, coincidentally, a pregnant woman’s contractions.
Nor did Shelby expect to be alone with Warner in the birthing room. Seems Dr. Kessler had taken off to the Berkshire Mountains for a male bonding camping trip with his son. Her parents were spending a few, relaxing days at their Westhampton beach house. According to her son Brad, Irma was en route to an elder hostel in New Orleans with her new love, Norman. Lauren was treating Jordan to a day in the city to see the “biggy” dinosaur museum. And as for her future husband? Of all days for him to drive out to Connecticut to visit his daughter, Emily.
“This is a nightmare.” Shelby was transfixed on the IV lodged in her forearm, wondering if the sight of the needle made others want to pass out, too. “No one is here yet, and with this weather, they may never get here!”
“Oh believe me, they’ll get here, or my name ain’t Warner Lamm.” He mopped his brow while studying the fetal heart monitors. “Uh-oh,” he shivered. “Here comes another one.”
“I need drugs! Lots and lots of drugs!” Shelby shouted in pain as she squeezed his hand.
“I’m with you, babe. Although I think I heard the nurse say you’re only two centimeters…”
“No way.” She thrashed around. “Only two fucking centimeters? But I’m already dying…”
“Ooh. Sorry. False alarm.” Warner took back his sore hand. “There are so many ding-dongs on this stupid machine, I thought it was a contraction. Where’s the damn doctor? Isn’t there an easier way to have a baby?”
“No.” Shelby blew in and out. “That’s why we must castrate men and make do with the people who already exist…Do you hear that?”
“Do I hear what?”
“The music. ‘Silent Night.’”
“In June?” Warner stood very still. “I don’t think so.”
“I’m not kidding,” Shelby closed her eyes. “I hear it loud and clear. And it’s so strange because that was what my mother sang to me every night when she tucked me in.”
“‘Silent Night’?” Warner laughed. “But aren’t you Jewish?”
“Yes, but she didn’t care. She thought it was a great lullaby. ‘Holy infant so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace,’” Shelby sang. “You sure you can’t hear it?”
“I have better hearing than my dog, but no.”
“Well I do, Warner. What do you think it means?”
“What do you think it means?”
“Oh, please. Don’t give me any of that latent, repressed, subconscious shrink shit. I hear the music, and it’s not in my imagination.”
Warner nodded. “It means, darling, that she’s with you. Spirits often try to reach us with smells and sounds and sights. It’s their loving way of letting you know they’re here with you.”
“Mommy?” Shelby started to cry as she looked around for another tangible sign so she didn’t have to commit herself to a padded room when this was all over. “Are you here?”
Then suddenly the power cut out, shutting down the lights, the monitors, and the clock.
“Holy shit,” Warner ran out to the hall, only to discover Shelby’s room was the only one without electric. “She’s gooooood.” He ran back in, at the very instant the power returned.
It was perhaps no more than a ten-second blip, not enough time for the emergency generators to kick in, but long enough for Shelby to realize that even though her family had not yet arrived, she was not alone. And maybe never had been.
“Oh my God. In my life…” Shelby gripped Warner’s hand. “You really think that was her?”
“Don’t you?”
“I don’t know. It looks like the end of the world out there. It could have been the storm.”
“Hitting just your room?” Warner raised his eyebrows.
“Oh my God,” Shelby whispered as she sobbed into her hands. “I’m so happy.”
I’ve always wanted to do that. I’m just glad I waited until she would understand…
“When is everyone going to get here?” Shelby asked an hour later. But by the time Matty, Lauren, Danny, and her parents received word Shelby was in active labor, and raced over to North Shore, she was experiencing such painful contractions, all she wanted to know was when everyone was going to leave. “I want to leave too.” She squeezed Matty’s hand. “This hurts so bad.”
“I know. But at least it’s dry in here, and you’re doing unbelievable, honey.”
“When’s Dr. Kessler getting here?” she asked again.
“The roads are flooded, Shel.” Lauren rubbed her feet. “I’m sure he’s doing his best.”
“But he said he was coming, right?” She took two deep cleansing breaths.
“Yes,” Lauren repeated. “Lucky for you his son got poison ivy, or you’d be stuck with Dr. I-Hate-Women. Has he even been in to see you yet?”
“Once.” Shelby cried out in pain. “But he tried to do an internal, and I told him to get the hell away from me.”
“Shelby, you have to let him examine you.” Matty laughed. “Or else he won’t know how far along you are.”
“Yeah, well if he’s so smart he should know where I’m at just by looking at me!” She collapsed. “That one was the wor
st. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”
But Shelby was about to learn lesson number one of giving birth. Never ask when will labor end, for one will invariably find out. Not soon enough. In the meantime, she was able to gauge how much time had passed by observing the nurses had changed shifts.
Nurse O’Malley began her ten-hour tour of duty at 7:00 P.M., gasping when she marched into Shelby’s birthing room for her appointed rounds. “Hold it, hold it, hold it!” She counted the number of people hovering over the bed. “What are all of you doing in here?”
“What do you think we’re doing?” Shelby cried out. “We’re trying to have a baby.”
“I sure hope so; otherwise, you’re about to go through hell for nothing. But only the mother and the coach are allowed in this room. Everyone else out!”
To Nurse O’Malley’s dismay, her words fell on deaf ears, for Matty, now in charge of watching the fetal heart monitors, tracked a new contraction, and warned Team Baby to man their stations. “Pant and blow.” He pushed Shelby’s bangs out of her eyes. “You can do it, sweetheart.”
With each subsequent scream, Roz fed her ice chips, Lauren massaged her, Danny counted the seconds of the contraction on his stopwatch, and Warner got Shelby to remain riveted to her focal point, a stuffed collie that bore a strong resemblance to Laz.
Finally, the contraction subsided, and everyone cheered, proud of their continuing contribution to the labor process. Shelby was at five centimeters now, and with their love and support, was somehow managing to hold on. Even in spite of her incessant cries, and her vacillating between begging for warm socks and wanting to rip off her hospital gown, only once did she demand a chaser of Valium and vodka. Then settled for a nice, soothing epidural.
“I swear to God, Cookie”—Larry wiped his brow as if he’d just suffered through that last contraction himself—“being here to watch you give birth is an absolute miracle.”
Not swayed by paternal sentiment, or any sentiment, the determined Mrs. O’Malley barked orders. “Okay, we’ll do this by process of elimination. Who are you?” She pointed to Lauren.
“Me? I was going to be the mother, but now I guess I’m more like the surrogate.”
“Oh, really. Then who is she?” The confused nurse pointed to the woman in labor.
“I was going to be the surrogate,” Shelby groaned. “Now I’m going to be the mother.”
“So you must be the proud grandma.” She pointed to Roz.
“No, technically I’m the aunt and stepmother of both the mother and the surrogate, so that makes me the great aunt, and the stepgrandma of the babies. I’m definitely qualified to stay!”
“And you?” She tapped Larry on the shoulder.
“Can’t you tell?” he leaned on his cane. “I’m the proud grandpa. And, I might add, the recent contributor of a sizable donation to this institution in appreciation of the extraordinary medical staff. I doubt the board of directors would like to hear I was kicked out.”
“We’ll see about that!” Mrs. O’Malley was even more determined to pare down the crowd. “Who are you?” She pointed to Warner.
“This is your lucky day.” He kissed her hand. “I am the great and powerful Warner Lamm.”
“Really?” Her face lit up. “The astrologer from the New York Informer?”
“The one and only.” He bowed. “And also in your midst”—he pointed—“is famed investigative journalist and Pulitzer prize nominee, Shelby Lazarus.”
“Did he say Pulitzer prize nominee?” Larry asked Roz.
Roz shrugged. “Sounds to me like that’s what he said.”
“Well, I’ll be.” Mrs. O’Malley shook Warner’s hand, not even acknowledging he’d just introduced her to an esteemed colleague. “I read you every chance I can, and you’re amazing!”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Matty kissed her. “My girl’s up for a Pulitzer prize! Wow!”
“Oh, yeah.” Shelby grabbed hold of the metal bar on her bed. “The nominations are being announced tomorrow, but Warner got a heads up…Owwwww!!!”
“Mazel tov!” Her family offered up hugs and kisses. Could this day possibly get any better?
Mrs. O’Malley wondered the same thing. “We rarely have celebrities on the floor. Would you mind very much if I told the ladies that you were here?” she asked Warner.
“I’d rather you told the guys.” He winked. “Actually, I must be going….”
“No stay. Please,” Shelby reached for his hand. “I can’t do this without you.”
“I don’t know how to break this to you, darlin’. But with or without me, those cute, little buggers are coming out. Tonight’s a full moon!”
“Jesus and Mary!” Mrs. O’Malley looked up. “Thanks for the warning. Things get crazy around here at full moon time…Okay, back to you.” She eyed Danny. “What’s your story?”
“Honestly? I’m not sure.”
“Well, are you related to either the mother or the surrogate?”
“I hope to be one day.” He smiled at Lauren.
“Then let me guess.” She sized up the attentive man at the patient’s bedside. “You must be the lucky husband.”
“Nope.” Matty swallowed his now-cold coffee.
“The father?”
“Not biologically speaking.”
“Then I’m afraid you two will have to park yourselves in the waiting room down the hall.” She pointed to him and Danny. “This party is for families only.”
“Actually, I think I can remedy that.” Matty looked around at everyone’s fingers. “Who’s got a ring I can borrow?”
“Oy gutenu,” Larry shouted. “I almost forgot. Roz, get the ring!”
“Coming.” Roz slowly made her way to the chair where her pocketbook was stashed under shopping bags full of deli sandwiches. “I put it in here somewhere.” She ransacked the contents.
“What ring?” a groggy Shelby asked.
“Found it!” Roz handed the diamond in platinum setting to her husband.
“What ring, Daddy?” Shelby wasn’t exactly her normal, patient self.
“Matthew?” He beamed. “If you are about to ask for my daughter’s hand in marriage, I would be honored and privileged if you would present her with this ring.”
Matthew studied the beautiful stone. “It’s perfect.” He smiled. “Where did you get it?”
“Let me see that.” Shelby grabbed it from Matty’s hand.
“It’s gorgeous.” Lauren peered over her sister’s shoulder. “I’ve never seen it before.”
“Yes, you have.” Her father looked down. “You just don’t remember because you were so small. But girls, this was your mother’s engagement ring.”
“It was?” Shelby clasped it in her hands. “Oh, my God. I can’t believe it. Mommy’s ring?”
“She would be so proud of you, Cookie. For coming to Lauren’s rescue, for being so brave through this whole ordeal. And now look at you. You’re enduring the worst kind of pain imaginable, and I know from pain, believe me. I thought if you wore it, it would remind you how much the two of you were alike. So much courage, intelligence, strength…”
“I love it,” Shelby cried. “Thank you. But how did you know Matty was going to ask…”
“I didn’t. It just so happens a few weeks ago I made the decision to give it to you for good luck. I thought if you wore it on your finger, you’d feel her looking over you…”
“Thank you, Daddy,” Shelby said softly. “I do feel her presence. Before you got here I kept hearing ‘Silent Night’, and Warner said that’s her way of letting me know she’s with me.”
“Isn’t that something?” Her father nodded. “The day of the accident I was totally knocked unconscious. But somehow I kept seeing her face, and I knew I was going to live.”
“Oh my God.” Shelby grabbed his hand. “The same thing happened to me. The day of the accident I was sitting in Lauren’s car in the hospital lot because I was too terrified to walk in here. Then I happened
to look in the vanity mirror, saw her reflection, and completely freaked.”
“What do you think of that, Mr. Lamm?” Larry asked. “Pretty incredible, am I right?”
“So many unevolved people, so little time,” he cried into Matty’s shoulder. “Of course it’s incredible, but visits from the other side happen every day. Loved ones who pass over are even more alive than we are, just not in a physical dimension. Come on people. Get with the program.”
“Isn’t he incredible?” Nurse O’Malley swooned, letting her professional guard down for a moment. “Now where were we?”
“I believe I was about to propose.” Matty took the ring from Shelby’s hand. “May I?”
Shelby gripped the side bar and panted. “Yes. Don’t let me stop you.”
“Shelby?” He went down on bended knee. “I love you with all my heart, and I am eternally grateful that you chased me like a lunatic on the Hutchinson River Parkway. Right now I have never been happier or more fulfilled, and I hope you feel the same. So, if you don’t happen to have any other major plans for the rest of your life, I was wondering, would you be willing to spend it with me?”
“You lost me.” Aunt Roz nudged him. “That was your idea of a marriage proposal?”
“Yes.” Matthew laughed. “But just so there’s no confusion, Shelby, will you marry me?”
Shelby screamed loud enough to rattle the windows, a sign she felt another contraction coming on. Then she quickly panted.
“Is that a yes?”
Shelby squeezed his hand so hard he winced.
“It’s a yes!” he shouted, carefully placing the diamond on her finger. “It’s a yes!” he announced to Mrs. O’Malley, then kissed his beloved. “That makes me her fiancé. Now I can stay.”
“Mazel tov.” They all cheered and hugged, grateful for all their bounty and good fortune.
“Oh, forget it.” Mrs. O’Malley rolled her tearful eyes. “I can see I’m not going to get any cooperation in here.” She walked out sniffing in a tissue. “Just keep it down to a roar!”
A Little Help from Above Page 36