by Lissa Kasey
“I used to think about it all the time. How I’d die. Never about after. I mean, in the camps they just threw you in a pit and set you on fire.”
Candy’s grip tightened.
“But it was okay, you know. ’Cause it was the end of all the pain and suffering. I got so tired of always hurting, never feeling like the ache in my stomach would end. The thirst was the worst part. We’d go for days without a drop, and then it would rain and we’d be fighting over licking the floor just for the idea of water. It was nasty and toxic.”
“It hurts me to think about the horrible memories you have. No one should live that way.”
“It’s different now. Now I have you and Bart and Paris and DM. The food is good. I never have to think about when I will next get a drink or where I’ll lay my head. It’s safe.” Aki laid his head on Candy’s shoulder. “It’s home. I never had one before the Gem. I owe Paris so much for saving me. Did you know Bart didn’t want me?”
“Bart never wants anyone. Everyone is a burden until they are actually his. It’s how he operates. Terrible old bull. I don’t know how he found companions before Paris came along to make those decisions for him.” Candy kissed Aki’s forehead. “Paris sees what we are. What we can be. He should have taken Bart’s job. I bet he’d own the entire red-light district by now.”
“He wants to help people. That’s more important than money or being the most popular guy in the room.”
“Yeah. We all owe him big. Maybe someday he’ll be president of the United Northern Cities?”
“Oh, then we can say we’ve slept with the president.”
“For a guy who doesn’t care much for sex, you sure think about it a lot.”
“Hello: whore.”
Candy winked at him. “Just wait till the big DM comes around. He’ll show you how good it can be.”
If only. Aki sighed and sat back to people watch. He knew when Candy’s father arrived by the tensing of his friend’s shoulders. They looked nothing alike; Cameron Sr. was a large heavyset man with blond hair. Was Candy naturally blond? In the posted picture, he had light brown hair, but maybe that had been dyed too. Aki couldn’t recall seeing his normal color, and he kept the rest of his body shaved so there really were no hints. He looked good with the dark hair, natural even, so maybe he took after his mom and his mom was dark?
The senator crossed the room to shake hands with a rich-looking couple who offered their condolences. He was alone. Aki held his breath. Did Candy’s mother not come at all? Wouldn’t that just break his friend’s heart? Candy squeezed his hand tighter, but nothing showed on his face.
When the service started, everyone sat to listen in an eerie, somber quiet. A priest came up and said kind things about Cameron Jr. being a good son and how the world was less for losing him so young. Nothing was said about Victoria. Maybe they would just create a clone of her too.
No one seemed to be crying, though Aki sniffed back a tear or two. What would he be without Candy? The first year of his newfound freedom had been spent functioning more as a machine than a person. He followed Paris’s rules perfectly. Serviced customers, but never really stood out. And then Candy had shown up full of life and color. Aki had held back at first, afraid of how the younger man would take his ability. But Candy had always been the more outgoing of the two. He’d demanded to be Aki’s roommate since no one else would room with the psi, and the rest was history.
“Would anyone like to say a few words?” the priest asked.
Candy let go of Aki’s hand and stood. He adjusted his jacket and sleeves, looking very much a peer to all the snooty rich folks, and headed to the front. Claudius took up place behind him, obviously armed, dangerous looking, but close enough to take whatever was thrown at Candy.
“Cameron Jr. was a good friend of mine,” Candy began. “He was kind of a bratty kid. Thought the world owed him everything. He put his nose where it didn’t belong a million times. But he put his family first. He loved his sister, his mom, his dad more than life itself. He would do anything for them. Keep their secrets, beat up their bullies, or even take himself out of the picture if that’s what they needed.” He paused, took a deep breath, then continued, “I believe he would have been a strong and capable man. A leader despite his sexuality.” There was a gasp in the crowd. “If he could look back, he’d wonder why he fought so hard for a family who cared so little for him. He would realize that the only people who mattered in the world were the ones who supported him without judging him. He would use his power, his passion, his heart to change the world, not just make a couple million dollars. Thank you.” He bowed his head to everyone and headed back to his seat.
Aki got up just as he was sitting down. Candy looked at him in question, but Aki just shrugged and went up to the front, Jerry on his heels. He softened his voice for the microphone to keep up the pretense of being a girl. “Cameron was smart, funny, and full of love. I would not be the person I am today without him. I believe he’s in a better place with people who truly love him.” Aki rushed back to his seat, feeling like his face was on fire.
Candy gripped his hand and kissed his forehead. “I am, sweetie. I really am.”
The crowds began to disperse, all going up to shake hands with the grieving family, who was really just his dad. Aki leaned over. “I’m sorry your mom isn’t here.”
“It’s okay. She was sort of a social doll anyway, never really the mom type that you read about in books. Never made cookies or nursed us back to health. She was all about how the world saw her. Being the picture-perfect family. I never fit in that.”
“I’m still sorry. Everyone should have a mom.”
Candy laughed. “You don’t even remember yours.”
“So? Doesn’t mean I didn’t have one. Maybe she was the cookie-making kind.”
“Just means that someday you’ll have to be a great dad, eh?”
Aki shuddered. “No way am I cursing any kid with my genes.”
“You could adopt.”
“Maybe if I ever get to be like Paris.”
“Don’t wait until you think you’re perfect. I think you’re just fine the way you are.” Candy tugged them toward the receiving line.
“Not a good idea,” Aki told him. “What if he recognizes you?”
“Then he’ll know how much he really did lose. I assure you, Cameron Jr is dead.”
Aki gripped his hand while they waited. When it finally got to be their turn, he tensed as Candy reached forward to shake his father’s hand. The man knew. It was in his eyes. The mash of emotion was so strong he seemed to have a hard time holding himself together.
“We’re sorry for your loss,” Aki whispered.
Cameron Sr. glanced at him and nodded. He looked back to Candy and said, “I’m sorry too. Is this what you truly want? Ino said that you preferred this.”
“Your detective is correct,” Candy answered coolly. “I wish Victoria could have been here. Wish she hadn’t been a victim to your greed.” He absently adjusted his necklace, which fell over the top of his tie.
“I agree. I will take the blame. I’m divorcing soon and stepping down. So there will be no other inquiries. But please know if you need anything you can come to me.”
“For a price.” Candy shook his head. “There’s always a price with you.”
“There is a price for everything in life, some not worth paying. Just remember that.”
Candy just shrugged and tugged Aki away, dragging him toward the bathrooms. Aki had to dig in his heels because he was dressed as a girl and he couldn’t go in the boy’s bathroom without causing a stir. There was a family bathroom, though. “Can you check to see if that’s empty?” Aki asked Claudius. Claudius opened the door, looked around a moment, then held it open for them. Once inside they locked the door, one guard on each side, and Aki gathered Candy into his arms.
His friend rarely showed negative emotion. Usually he was all that was light-hearted, smiles, and happiness. So Aki had to struggle to hold himself to
gether while his friend sobbed. Candy’s swirling clouds were dark and stormy while his heart broke. Sometimes letting go was harder than holding on, and letting go of hope was by far the hardest.
Aki left Candy to clean up after a bit and stood in the entry, Jerry at his side, watching people snack and chat like they hadn’t just attended the funeral of a dead eighteen-year-old. What was wrong with these people?
His phone rang. “Hello?” Aki answered, not checking the number since he expected it to be Bart asking when they’d be home.
“Aki….” Detective McNaughton’s voice caressed his name through the phone.
“McNaug—I mean, Shane. How are you?” Why hadn’t he been there when Aki had been released from the hospital?
“There are classes Tuesdays and Thursdays at the ISS to teach basic shield techniques to psis with cognitive abilities. You’ll start attending them. I’ve already called ahead and enrolled you in tomorrow’s session and Thursday’s.”
“What? But—”
“Bart and Paris agree. This is not up for debate. By not controlling your ability, you are hurting yourself. The class is from four to six. You will be there. Manny will take you to class and back home tomorrow. Thursday he will drop you off and I will pick you up. Understood?” His tone was no-nonsense.
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good. I will see you Thursday evening. We have a date.” He hung up without giving time for Aki to ask questions.
Aki stared at the phone in his hands like it was some foreign object. Had that really just happened? He had to go to the ISS for training, then had a date with McNaughton. Like a real date, not a let me suck you off date? Was that okay? What would Bart and Paris say?
Candy returned, his face a little red. “What happened? Why do you look panicked?”
“I have to go to the ISS for training.”
“What? Why? Who said so? Bart?”
“DM.”
“DM? Since when does he have that authority?”
“He said Bart and Paris approved, and then we’re going on a date afterward on Thursday. Like a real date and not a hello let me get you off sort of date.”
Candy smiled. “Aki’s gonna get some.”
Heat filled Aki’s face. “Shush. We’re around norms, you know.”
“Yeah, let’s go. I need to shower to get all the idiocy off me.” Candy pulled him toward the door, followed by Claudius and Jerry. One of the guests turned their way, offering a small wave and a tight smile. Hyeon. Aki gasped and tried to glance around Jerry, who suddenly blocked his sight, but the man was already gone. It couldn’t have been him anyway, Aki told himself. Had to have been his brain acting up again. Maybe he really did need those lessons.
TWENTY
AKI WAS more nervous about the date with DM than his lessons at the ISS. He’d been up for hours, barely sleeping, trying on different outfits, but finally settling on just jeans and a nice sweater with low-heeled shoes. He left his hair down, brushing it back from his face with jeweled hair clips. The pink highlights and subtle lowlights looked good. He liked it. He’d keep up the look for the week. Go to the first class, work hard, learn as much as he could. He’d make Shane happy. Try to be like everyone else.
Manny found him in the companions’ kitchen indulging in maple oatmeal with a side of fresh fruit. “Detective Ino is here to see you.”
“Who?” Maybe he was the guy who’d taken over all of Shane’s cases? Aki had done a little research on his detective, learning the man was sergeant of Missing Persons and only dragged to homicide when they were out of clues. He had a lot of news articles about solving cases, finding people alive that no one thought had a chance, which meant he was good at what he did and must have enjoyed it at some level. It was so very different from what Aki thought he did for most of the time they knew each other.
“This is the detective that was looking for Candy. Paris said you met him at the dinner party before you went into the hospital.”
But Aki couldn’t really recall the man’s face anymore. Just that looking at him had brought pain and then darkness. “He’s looking for me now? Do I have some missing family that suddenly thinks I need to return to them?” Aki had never thought anyone would come looking for him.
“Not sure. I can bring him in here and stick around. Or be just outside the door if you want.”
Aki smiled at the big man. “Here is fine, and stick around.”
Manny showed the man in, and Aki studied the new detective. Something about him felt so familiar, yet distant. Again a wall of some kind seemed to stand between him and whatever the memory was.
Aki stood and bowed his head briefly out of respect. “Welcome, Detective Ino. How can I be of service to you today?”
The man motioned to the chairs at the table and Aki’s unfinished oatmeal. “Can we sit?”
Aki nodded and returned to his chair. His oatmeal needed more raisins next time. He’d have to remember to put that on the grocery list. It was the simple mundane things that kept him focused. Bart had told him to keep calm, and meeting the detective who’d been trying to drag Candy back to his father was anything but calming.
“I apologize for our previous meeting. I fear I might have done something to hasten your trip to the hospital. But Paris assures me you’re well now.” He spoke very formally as he sat down across from Aki.
“I’m good. Recovering. Will start working again soon. If you’d like to schedule a session, I’m sure Bart will work out the details for you.”
“I’m more interested in your genetics, Misaki. May I call you Misaki?”
Aki shrugged.
“Paris tells me you don’t remember your past or your family. Is that correct?”
“I spent a couple years in a concentration camp for psis across the border. I remember that just fine. And the time I spent on the streets before Paris found me.”
“But what about before that? Your mother and father? Any brothers or sisters? The name of a city, perhaps? A street? An old school?” Ino insisted.
“Why is any of that important?” In truth, Aki remembered none of that. The concept of mother and father felt foreign to him. He knew other people had them, read about it in books or saw them on a com screen, but nothing that related directly to him.
Ino set his bag in an empty chair, riffled around in it for a moment, then pulled out a picture. He slid it across the table. “I don’t know what or who you are, but I admit to being curious.”
The picture was of the detective and a younger man. Obviously it was very old since the edges were worn and it was on printed paper, which was never used anymore by anyone but police. The younger man looked a lot like Ino, only smaller, more delicate, short dark hair, bright blue eyes. It felt so familiar, but a throb began behind Aki’s eyes, and he pushed the picture away.
“Who is the young man with you?”
“My little brother. His name was Asaki Ino. He died from a brain tumor a very long time ago. Our parents died when he was just a baby. I raised him myself only to watch him die from something we never saw coming. No one in our family had history of brain tumors. He started having headaches and less than three weeks later was dead.”
“I’m sorry for your loss. But why show this to me? What are you looking for?”
He pointed to the younger man in the picture. “If his hair was blond and pupils pale, you and he could be twins. Odd how you are so similar and yet not. Even your name. Misaki Itou. Yet you remember nothing of your past?” Ino shook his head. “I’ve lived too long to believe that coincidences like this exist.”
“So you think that I am somehow your brother who died a long time ago?” Aki couldn’t even begin to imagine. How long was long ago? A few years, a decade maybe? Ino looked midtwenties, but Shane could pass for late twenties and Aki now knew him to be much older.
“No. You’re not him. I saw his body. He died holding my hand. People don’t just come back from the dead. So that makes me wonder what you are. Some genetic hybrid of a clone
maybe? Or were they experimenting with something else? He was sixteen when he died. Your life began at sixteen. Don’t you find that odd?” Ino glared at the picture.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Detective Ino. I don’t know who the boy in the picture is. I barely know who I am. The stuff that happened to me in the camp was all a nightmare I’d rather forget.” Aki stood up and took his bowl to the sink to be washed. “If there’s nothing else, Manny will escort you out.”
“What if you have a mother and father out there looking for you?”
Aki shrugged. “I’m a whore, hardly someone who makes a parent proud. Maybe if I were contracted as an office worker instead of a sex worker. But life doesn’t hand out easy cards. How would you feel if I were really your little brother somehow brought back from the dead only for you to find out I’m a contracted whore?”
“He died so young. I’d be grateful he was still alive no matter what his profession. I’d want him to be happy.”
“Since he’s no longer of this world, I’d like to think he’s happy, Detective. You know how hard life is. The most any of us can hope for is a peaceful ever after, no matter what our beliefs. Thanks for visiting.” Aki bowed his head and practically ran from the room. His brain was a mess of panicked thoughts again. Was the South looking for him? Was he an experiment gone wrong? Maybe the first class would help. He had to have hope, right? Shane, Paris, and Bart wouldn’t expect him to go to this class if they didn’t think it would help him.
He was a bit shocked when Paris himself arrived to escort him to his first class. “Ready to go?”
Aki stood blinking at him for a moment. Did the Paris think Aki was going to skip out somehow?
“We’re training together. Didn’t you know? I spoke with a Dr. Vitoric, who is in charge of the cognitive psi training division. Apparently the reason you get rain from me and not emotion or memories is because I have minor psi abilities.” Paris smiled and held out his hand, which Aki took without hesitation.
“But Candy….”
“Apparently has abilities as well. He and I have spoken. He’s taking classes at the University that begin in a few days, and later in the summer, he’ll focus on taking some time for classes at the ISS. So far he has nothing disruptive for abilities, so neither of us find it as pressing as your needs.”