Spirit’s End loem-5

by Rachel Aaron

  Miranda almost declared that she had never been friends with that irresponsible thief, but she caught herself at the last second when Mellinor’s cold water pressed against her hand.

  “I’ll hold out down here as long as I can,” the sea spirit said. “Meanwhile, you have to help me discover what happened. Stars don’t just vanish. Something bad is brewing, Miranda, and I fear it’ll only get worse.”

  “Of course I’ll help,” Miranda said. “I couldn’t call myself a Spiritualist if I didn’t. Even if I wasn’t one, I made you a promise, Mellinor—strength for obedience, power for service. My soul is still your shore, and whatever is happening, I’ll protect you however I can.”

  “I know you will,” Mellinor said, his voice fading. “I have to go. I’ve held against the tides too long. I’m counting on you, Miranda.”

  “I won’t let you down,” Miranda said as the blue water ran away from her fingers. “Not this time.”

  This last part was a whisper, and the words were lost in the sound of the river as Mellinor’s water vanished downstream. The moment he was gone, the emptiness came roaring back almost as strong as when she’d first lost him, and Miranda nearly fell into the water. The river caught her, pushing back against her hands until she was steady again.

  “I’m sorry about before,” Rellenor said. “I didn’t know you were a friend of the favorite. I’m sure the Deep Current simply had business with the Lady. Don’t worry, the ocean’s star will return and your sea will come home. Just keep flowing and everything works out, you’ll see.”

  Miranda nodded and straightened up, but she couldn’t help remembering Mellinor’s insult to the river Fellboro so long ago. Rivers, always taking the easiest route. That snatch of memory almost made her cry again, but she steeled herself, wringing the water out of her soaked sleeves and trousers as she set off up the boat ramp to catch a coach back to the Tower.

  Even if the reason turned out to be innocent, a missing star was worrisome news indeed. It was good she’d already called the Conclave. She had a feeling she would need the whole Court before this was over.

  All these thoughts tumbled through her head as she climbed the steep streets away from the river, and Miranda gave herself over to them completely—planning her actions, making lists, putting things in order—but once she’d found a cab willing to overlook her soaked clothes in exchange for a handsome tip, she collapsed onto the cushions and allowed herself to focus on the one thought she’d been holding back until she was alone.

  Mellinor was alive. He was alive and he’d found her. Shrinking back into the corner of the coach, Miranda finally let herself break down as all the guilt and fear and sadness of the past two days washed through her. The roar of the city covered her crying as the coach wound its way slowly through the packed streets toward the Spiritualist Tower.

  CHAPTER

  4

  Eli woke to the feel of burning fingers stroking his cheek. He was lying on his side, curled under his coat against the cold of the Between. He could feel Benehime beside him, her white body shining through his closed lids like a beacon. He took a deep slow breath and opened his eyes, plastering his face with the warm, sincere smile that worked best with her. The first thing he saw was Benehime sitting on the bed beside him, watching him with the all-consuming love that made his stomach clench into a tiny, icy marble.

  Sleep well? she whispered, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

  “Well enough,” Eli said, clenching his jaw so he wouldn’t flinch.

  I’ve brought your breakfast. She leaned back so Eli could see the breakfast tray on the floor, the enormous platters of sweet meats, pastries, and breads all steaming hot.

  Eli sat up without comment, sliding his jacket back over his shoulders. As usual, his clothes were clean. He never knew quite how that happened, if Benehime changed them in the night or if she simply ordered the dirt to leave. As he pulled his coat square, he sincerely hoped it was the latter. The idea of Benehime dressing him while he slept made his skin crawl.

  When he was fully dressed again, the Shepherdess reached down and picked up the tray. The silver platter practically leaped into her hands, but Benehime didn’t pay attention to its fawning. Instead, she selected a frosted bun and held it out to Eli.

  Eat, she commanded. I won’t have you so thin.

  Eli obeyed. The food came from Zarin, snatched through the veil on its tray with the crest of an extremely prestigious inn stamped into the metal. She always got him the best. Too bad the frosted cake tasted like ash in his mouth under the Shepherdess’s scrutiny. He ate mechanically, shoving the food down and doing his best to look grateful, but as he woke up fully, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong…

  That thought almost made him choke on a piece of ham. Who was he trying to fool? Everything was wrong. He was right back where he’d started, back in the prison he’d worked all his life to avoid. And this time there was no con, no game, no hope of escape. This time, he was here forever.

  Eli shook himself and forced his attention back to the food that was going down his throat before he could get really depressed. It did no good to fret. He was the only one who would suffer if he let himself get bent out of shape over this. Best to make the most of it, he thought, taking a muffin from Benehime’s hand. Be a good dog, stay out of trouble, and maybe if he was boring enough Benehime would forget her obsession in time. He glanced sideways at the Lady, who flashed him an adoring smile. Sure, and maybe he’d be the Heart of War’s next wielder.

  He chewed violently and swallowed, but the food sat like lead in his stomach. Eli closed his eyes. Powers, he wished that feeling of wrongness would go away. If he had to eat, he’d rather not be sick from it.

  When he’d cleared the tray enough to satisfy her, Benehime took his hands and stood them up. The bed vanished the moment they were on their feet, leaving them standing alone in the white nothing. He was about to ask what she wanted to do when he caught the Lady staring at him, her lips curved in a loving smile.

  I’m so glad you’re home, she said, drawing him close. You have no idea how dull life has been without you, pet.

  Eli winced at the endearment, but his face was hidden against her white hair, and she didn’t see.

  It’s just like old times, she murmured, stroking her hands over his back, her fingertips gliding up and down his spine. Just the two of us.

  And that was when Eli realized what was wrong.

  He pushed her away and reached down, pulling his jacket apart. He unbuttoned his shirt, calling out in his mind for Karon. Nothing answered. He cursed and popped the middle button, staring down in horror at his smooth chest, the pale skin whole and unmarred, as though it had never been burned.

  For a long moment, he could only stand there and force the breath in and out of his lungs. Anger like he had never felt before rose in his throat, threatening to overwhelm his well-honed instinct for self-preservation. Across from him, the Shepherdess stood playing with her hair, smiling innocently as she watched him fight for control.

  “What did you do to him?” Eli said at last, grinding each word through his clenched teeth.

  I removed him, Benehime said, her voice light and casual. They could have been talking about the weather for all the care she showed.

  Eli closed his eyes. “Why?” he whispered. “Did I not come when called? Have I not been a good favorite?”

  You are perfect, Benehime said, reaching out to stroke his cheek. And that’s why he had to go. Her fingers traced down his jaw to his neck, following the line of throat to his chest. I can’t have such an ugly burn marring my beautiful favorite, can I?

  “He was my friend!” Eli roared, catching her hand and forcing it away. “Where is he? Tell me, Benehime!”

  Benehime’s smile vanished. Don’t be bossy with me, darling, she said, grabbing his hand and bending it backward before he could react. Eli gasped in pain, cursing himself. He always forgot how strong she was.

  You made the rules
of the game, she said, bending his hand farther and farther. But I won. The time for defiance is over. You’re mine, every last bit of you, forever. I decide who your friends are, what you can do and when, what you eat, when you sleep.

  She stopped bending his hand just before his wrist snapped. Eli clamped his jaw, fighting not to cry out as she loomed over him. Forget the lava spirit, she whispered. My happiness is your only concern now.

  Panting from the pain, Eli glared up at her. Every instinct he had was screaming at him to keep his mouth shut. To let it go. But he couldn’t. Not this time. Not Karon.

  He leaned forward, bringing his face up to hers. “What. Did. You. Do?”

  Benehime sneered down at him, and her grip on his wrist vanished. Without the support, Eli stumbled, falling at her feet. The moment he was down, she grabbed his head, forcing him to look at her.

  I’ve sent him away, she said, her fingers digging into his jaw like claws. He was a bad influence, keeping you up all night with talk of disobedience. She laughed at his startled look. What? Did you really think I’d put you somewhere I couldn’t hear you? Don’t be stupid, love. I heard it all. But you needn’t worry, darling, I’m not mad at you. How could I be? You’re my everything. But I couldn’t let such talk just slide, could I? She sighed deeply. Someone had to pay, love. Someone always pays, and I could never let it be you. And anyway, I couldn’t bare seeing his filth clouding your beauty any longer.

  Benehime smiled down at him and dropped her head, brushing her burning lips against his. I tore him out and tossed him down with the rest of the spirits, she murmured, nuzzling her lips back and forth over his. Now you’re beautiful again. As beautiful as the first time I saw you.

  Eli wrenched his face away from hers. “You sent him out on his own?”

  The Lady’s look grew cold. It’s no longer your concern where—

  “Are you crazy?” Eli shouted. “He’s a lava spirit. They need constant energy. He’ll die without me. Why do you think I offered to let him live in my chest in the first—”

  Benehime’s hand struck his cheek before he could finish, slamming him to the white ground at her feet.

  No more of that, she hissed. I’m what matters to you, not him.

  Eli reached up to rub his throbbing jaw, but his fingers had barely made it before white hands grabbed arms. The Lady lifted him like he weighed nothing, setting him back on his knees as her hands moved up to cup his face again. There, there, love, she said, stroking him, her white eyes soft again. Let’s not fight. The lava spirit’s gone, a payment for your disobedience. It’s finished, everything swept clean, so say you love me and I’ll take you somewhere nice, all right?

  Eli said nothing. He just knelt there, staring at her, his body trembling like a plucked wire. He knew what he should do, of course. He should kiss her, lie to her, tell her she was his everything and then go look for Karon later once things cooled down. That would be smart; that would be best. He knew how to placate her better than anyone, after all. It was a life skill he’d honed to perfection. All he had to do was bow his head, but his neck would not budge.

  Eliton? the Lady said, her voice heavy with warning.

  Shaking with rage, he said the only word he had left.

  “No.”

  The Shepherdess’s eyes widened, but Eli didn’t care. He was so sick of this. Sick of being afraid, sick of lying, sick of her. Before he could think, he was standing up, pushing her hands away.

  “How can I love you?” he cried, backing away. “You’re cruel and petty and vicious. The only reason I came back is because you threatened to destroy everything I actually loved.” He pressed his hands against his empty chest. “If you’re going to punish someone for what I said, then punish me, because those words were probably the only true things to come out of my mouth since you brought me here.”

  He bared his teeth at her, letting all the fury that had been building since Osera come roaring out. “I hate you,” he said. “I would have hated you from the first moment I saw you if I hadn’t been so young and stupid. You’re not my Lady, and you never will be. I wish I’d never met you.”

  His words echoed in the empty white, and for once, it was Benehime who was shocked into silence. She stood perfectly still, her eyes stretched wide, her mouth pressed into a thin, white line. It was several seconds before she could move, but when she did, she moved faster than anything Eli had ever seen. In less than a second she was on him, her weight knocking him flat. The air thickened to cement around his arms and legs, pinning them down as she straddled his chest and grabbed his neck, her shaking thumbs pressing into his windpipe like twin icepicks.

  At that moment, Eli was sure Benehime was going to kill him. Just rip his head right off, or cut off his air and watch him suffocate, but she didn’t. Gradually, her shaking subsided. The rage faded from her face, leaving it tired and drawn as she glared down at him.

  I don’t think you understand how this works, love, she whispered, her voice terrifyingly calm. You blame me for everything, but you made the bet, remember? Do you know how much it hurt when you tried to trick me into letting you go?

  The fingers on his throat relaxed, sliding up his neck to tangle in the hair behind his ears.

  I died a little that day, she whispered. But I took your bet, just like you wanted. I played along, just like you wanted me to, but did you think I wouldn’t be playing for keeps? That I wouldn’t do whatever was necessary to get you home? She leaned down, pressing her cheek against his. Do you think my love is that shallow?

  Eli moved his face as far from hers as he could. “I don’t think you know what love is.”

  Benehime slammed his head into the floor so hard he saw spots. I know more of love than you could ever comprehend! she screamed. I am the Shepherdess! I am the most beloved thing in the entire world! Everything loves me, must love me, and you will, too.

  “Why should I?” Eli snapped. It was suicidally stupid to keep antagonizing her, but he couldn’t stop. He was so fed up with every part of this ridiculous affair, the senseless loss of Karon, the loss of all his friends, his life, everything she’d taken from him. He was going to speak his mind now even if she killed him for it. At least then he would be free.

  “Why should I love you?” he said again. “What have you ever done to deserve it?”

  Everything! Benehime’s voice roared in his ears. I gave you everything you have! Had I not taken notice of you, you would have died that night in the woods. It is my favor alone that makes you worthwhile. You are nothing without me!

  “You’re wrong!” Eli shouted back. “I learned to be a thief on my own. I met Josef and won his friendship on my own. Same with Nico. My bounty is my own! I’m Eli Monpress, the greatest thief in the world, and I did it with their help, not yours!”

  Benehime stared at him, mouth agape, and then she began to laugh. You really believe that? she said, incredulous. Do you honestly think any of those spirits would have listened to you had it not been for my mark? Are you actually egotistical enough to believe you were just so charming that the world fell over for you? She laughed harder, falling across him. How preposterous! Even when you were trying to do things on your own, I was always there. It was never you, love. It was me. It was always me.

  She shook her head and tilted it sideways, her voice growing sweet and patient, like a teacher explaining numbers to a silly child. I protected your pet demonseed from the League, she said. I saved you in Mellinor. I let you make a portal to save your swordsman when you’d sworn never to use them again. I even stopped the Lord of Storms’ blade right in front of your face.

  Eli flinched. “I didn’t ask you to do any of that.”

  But you knew I would, Benehime scoffed. You counted on it. You took those big risks because you knew I would be there to bail you out, just like I always do. I could have called you in at any of those times, but I didn’t. The truth, darling, is that I’ve bent over backward time after time to help you. I’ve healed you, comforted you. I’ve do
ne everything you’ve ever asked of me, and all I asked in return was your love. And yet you still have the gall, the arrogance to say you did it all on your own? The Shepherdess lifted her lip in a sneer. Get over yourself, Eliton. Everything you are is because of me.

  Eli sat up as far as he could with the heavy air pinning him down. “Everything I am is in spite of you,” he said, spitting the words at her. “I never asked to be your favorite. You’ve played me and dangled me like a puppet ever since I met you, and you abused your power over the spirits to do it. I don’t love you, nothing does. The only reason the world obeys anything you say is because the spirits are afraid of you, just like I was, but not anymore.” He lay back, his face breaking into a wide smile. “I’m done being afraid of you, Benehime, and I’m done being your favorite.”

  As he finished, Benehime began to tremble on top of him. When she spoke, her voice was an icy knife. You don’t get to make that decision.

  “Yes, I do,” Eli said. “Because, while you can force everything else in this world to dance for your delight, you can’t make me do the one thing you need above all else. You can’t make me love you.”

  Benehime dug her nails into his head. You will love me, she snarled.

  “If you wanted love, you shouldn’t have killed Nara,” Eli snarled back. “Because you’ll get none from me.”

  The rage on Benehime’s face was a horror to behold, twisting her lovely features into a hideous mask. But then, as fast as it came, the rage was gone, replaced by something worse.

  Slowly, terribly, a smile began to spread across Benehime’s lips. She sat up, staring down at Eli from her perch on his chest. And then, in a beautiful, fluid motion, she rolled off him. Eli didn’t move as she stood, not even to test the bindings on his limbs. He just lay there, meeting her white eyes with his own unwavering glare. Show no weakness, a voice very much like Josef’s whispered in his mind. Hold your ground.