“Not the one I wanted.”
“It’s still progress. Last time you couldn’t even do that.”
So I’m slightly less useless than before.
“Yeah, sure. But it still isn’t something I can use around others, or a spell I can rely on in battle.” She paused and heaved a heavy breath. “You want to do me a favor and put that thing out?”
“You mean you’re done, already?”
She knew she should stay, but she could feel her focus waning already. Too many things were on her mind and she needed to sort them out.
“Yeah, I’m going to the walls to clear my head. There’re other things I can practice while I’m doing that.”
* * *
Standing on the worn battlements of the small outpost hidden between a cluster of rocky hills, Ava stared at a gray sky hanging overhead. It looked just as it had every day since the last eruption. The mostly dead land blended into the sky at the distant horizon.
My brother is an idiot, and almost no one else sees it.
People were often so blinded by Tyrus’s knack for strategy, his sarcasm, or his unselfishness that they’d miss his propensity to be a moron. Certainly some disliked Tyrus, but it was usually for the same reasons why most respected him—his ability to make a hard decision, to not pull punches, to stand his ground.
But younger sisters were meant to point out the shortcomings of their older brothers. She had been doing it her entire life and doubted she’d ever stop.
Yet she had said nothing to talk him out of his decision to go with Balak.
Does that make me the bigger idiot? Who in their right mind would volunteer themselves to reenter a life that still haunts them?
The more she thought about him in the army without her at his side, the worse she felt. Despite her brother’s skill, and despite his luck, the odds that he’d survive another war were stacked against him. It was practically a miracle they had made it through ten years of fighting in the first place.
I should be there to watch his back. Dekar and Ira can’t do what I can. Well, what I used to be able to do.
She fiddled with her fingers, trying to ignite a spark in the palm of her hand. It failed. She grit her teeth and tried again. A small pop of white light shone briefly, then dissipated.
It wasn’t much, mostly a parlor trick, but it was a small victory to do something like that with little focus. Her skills were coming back slowly.
Too Ao-be-damned slow. I was doing that trick as a child and with half the effort.
She had managed a stronger defensive spell yesterday, one of camouflage when playing a joke on Nason with his kids. It was good for a laugh in the short term. In the long term, it rejuvenated her spirits. With a bit more work, she could probably provide cover for some of their group should they run across raiders again.
But not much else. She swore. I need to keep practicing to figure out a better way to tap into the distorted power since the artifact erupted.
She wasn’t sure how she’d manage that. Ava practiced almost constantly as it was.
Her nails dug into her palms.
A part of her wondered if Tyrus made her stay behind because she was no longer the asset she had once been. Logically, she knew better. But still she wondered due to her own wilting self-confidence. It was hard to struggle at something that had once defined who she was.
Since Tyrus’s departure, she had turned over the events in her mind and tried to come up with another solution to his decision to rejoin Balak.
She couldn’t.
Try as she might, she was finally willing to admit that decision had been sound.
Still an idiot though. He made more than one decision before leaving.
The area where her belief in her brother’s aptitude seemed to hold firm was in what he had tasked her with.
In the military, Tyrus had given her missions where thousands of lives depended on her success. Yet, never did the weight of responsibility crush her like it did knowing that he trusted her with the lives of the two people most important to him in the world.
Seeing Myra and Zadok to safety with only a fraction of the power she once wielded was not a challenge she relished. To make matters worse, in his absence, she had by default become more than an aunt to them. She could no longer take the easy approach to their relationship as before, talking only to Myra and Zadok through jokes or mostly trivial things because Tyrus was no longer around to handle the weightier matters.
I never wanted to be a parent. And you’ve made me one anyway, Big Brother.
Zadok’s grief ate at her, as did Myra’s anger.
I don’t know where to begin to fix it.
She tried to take solace in knowing that Tyrus had struggled to connect with Myra at first too, but that didn’t help much.
He at least made an effort. The issue had been Myra’s to work through. Now, the issue is mine. I don’t know how to approach either of them. No, that’s not right. I can approach them. I can ask a question. The problem is I don’t know what to do with the answers.
She kicked the wall with her boot. A chip of stone flaked off. Her foot ached.
“Ao’s sweaty teats!”
Now, who’s the idiot?
A throat cleared behind her.
Ava turned.
Damaris looked at her with head cocked. Her blonde hair tossed over a shoulder. “Am I interrupting something?”
“Yes, my slow descent into insanity,” said Ava.
Damaris’s pink lips parted into a grin. “I’d come back later, but Pa wanted me to let you know the meeting is about to begin.”
“Already?”
“We agreed that—”
Ava waved a hand. “I know what we agreed to. I just can’t believe that Rezub is holding us to that bargain. I’d assume he’d be tired of all this as much as we are. What is that, three meetings since my brother left?”
“Only if you also count the little outburst you had in the courtyard that drew everyone over into more of a formal meeting.” Damaris smiled wider.
Ava smiled back. “Of course I’m including that. Can’t let a good speech like that go to waste.”
Too bad I can’t remember what that little lecture was about. I’m dealing with too much already. Get a handle on yourself, Ava.
“Most aren’t describing it as a speech so much as a tirade.”
“Aren’t those the best kinds of speeches?”
Damaris chuckled. “I’ve always thought so.”
“Then we agree.”
She hadn’t really talked to Damaris much before Tyrus left, but already they had shared a few moments while reminiscing about happier times. Ava decided she liked the woman quite a bit. Damaris didn’t judge or carry herself as someone better than others. And she had the right amount of sarcasm to show she didn’t have a stick up her rear.
I used to give Tyrus a hard time about her, but in truth, he really could do far worse. Doubtful he’ll ever get over Lasha though.
“So, the meeting?” asked Damaris.
“Sure. Lead the way. It’ll be good to think about something else for a while.”
Replacing one worry with another.
* * *
Damaris walked a couple steps ahead of Ava as they descended the rough stairs of the small gatehouse. It was mostly dark inside the space, but occasionally a few shafts of light shone in through cracks in the old wall, reflecting off Damaris’s blonde hair.
They reached the bottom and Damaris asked. “Were you thinking about Tyrus?”
Ava furrowed her brow. “Some.”
“Thought so. You seemed wistful.” She paused. “Then there was your kick.”
Ava snorted.
Damaris whispered. “I miss him too.”
Ava shrugged. She didn’t mind talking about Tyrus, but she real
ly didn’t want to talk about missing him. She blurted without thinking. “He’s an idiot, you know.”
Ava swore silently. Now I’m going to have to explain what I mean by that.
She waited for Damaris to make a comment reassuring her that Tyrus was not an idiot, but instead the woman said, “I’m sure you have good reasons for thinking so.”
That took Ava back. As did the silence that followed.
She’s giving me the opportunity to explain myself if I want to talk, or to let the comment go if I don’t.
Ava chose the latter without any protest from Damaris.
I like this woman more and more.
They walked through the courtyard, toward the old barracks.
“Is your Pa ready to stop giving Rezub so much leeway?” Ava asked.
“He’s just trying to be fair to everyone,” she said quickly in defense.
Ava sighed. Another thing Tyrus had asked of her was to help Sivan lead the group in his absence. That hadn’t been going very well either.
Is anything?
“He’s ex-military. He should know that being fair is a great idea, but rarely works. He needs to firmly take charge and do what’s right, not what will make everyone happy. Nothing wrong with giving everyone a chance to speak, but giving others a chance to speak doesn’t mean we have to entertain what they say. Do what’s right, not popular.”
“You sound like you got it figured out.”
“Not much to figure out. You watched Tyrus. That’s how he led and it worked. Why change?”
She shrugged. “You could always take control outright.”
“No one wants me completely in charge. Better I just support your father.”
“You mean you don’t want to lead.”
There was a hint of an accusation in Damaris’s tone that took Ava by surprise. Yet, she couldn’t argue because it was true.
“No, I don’t. Leading small squads with a given objective is one thing, a large group with everything on my shoulders is another. That’s Tyrus’s thing.”
“Only Tyrus isn’t here. . . .” She paused. “And I think you’re right. Father needs to stop trying to make everyone happy. He’s losing control of the group to Rezub because he has too kind of a heart.”
She chuckled. “So you’re saying that I don’t have a kind heart?”
“No.” She blushed. “It’s just . . . I don’t know.”
Curse you Balak for taking my brother away.
She entered the barracks quickly. They were the last to arrive at the meeting. Everyone else, more than sixty men and women, sat or stood in a half circle facing the small fire burning in a wood stove at the back wall. Heads turned as they entered. Expressions on those faces ran the gamut—some blank and indifferent, some angry from waiting, and a few surprisingly happy.
Happy to see me, or just happy the meeting can finally begin?
Sivan stood near the wood stove, facing the group. He and Ava exchanged respectful nods. It looked as though something ate at him.
Maybe taking over command would be doing him a favor. Though no favor for me.
“I think we’re ready,” said Sivan.
Rezub, the former mayor of Denu Creek, was not a physically imposing man, skinny and at most five and a half feet. However, he still held sway over the group thanks to his old position. He spoke with that knowledge. “Can we make this the last of these meetings? We already know what the majority believes. We should—”
The impatience in his voice was obvious and deliberate, no doubt representing a majority who disliked the minority hampering their ability to move forward with a set course of action.
Sivan met the mayor’s eyes. “Be quiet, Rezub. They are wrong.”
The declaration took Ava back. Most of the group wanted to stay at the outpost since it contained a working well of fresh water. They believed it best to cultivate the overgrown garden while catching and raising the wild rabbits for food. This opinion was fueled by the desire to stay off the road. Months of hard travel full of a wealth of trials and tribulations left many afraid to start the process over, scared of what hell they might find out there again.
The minority didn’t feel differently about life on the road. However, they understood that the small comforts of shelter and easy access to food and water could disappear with another eruption from the artifact. Though no one looked forward to more travel, they believed wholeheartedly in Tyrus’s faith that the Southern Kingdoms were not just their best chance for long term survival, but possibly their only one.
“But we’re still looking at the surrounding area,” said Rezub.
Rather than vehemently fight against the passionate majority and prove them wrong as Tyrus might have, Sivan had opted to give them time to disprove themselves. He allowed them to scout the surrounding area for more sources of food, potential farmland, and so on.
Ava thought the idea of potential farmland ridiculous given the lack of sunlight, dark clouds, and the ongoing saga of the world ending.
Sivan asked in a tired voice. “Just how long does it take to scout the same kind of land we’ve spent months traveling?”
“Why are you in such a rush? If this will be our new home, we should take our time.”
“No. The land is either good for crops or not. In this case, it’s plainly not.”
I don’t know what’s gotten into him, but I like it.
“I’d disagree.”
“Molak knows I’ve tried to be patient, but I’m just about out of it. Tyrus said we need to head farther south, not stay here.”
“Tyrus isn’t with us anymore,” Rezub added, hesitantly. “We need to look at the facts and make decisions on our own.”
Sivan grew more agitated. “Tyrus had his head on straighter than anyone here. Regardless of whether you liked his decisions or not, he did the sound thing no matter how difficult it was to do so. But you want facts? Fine. How about looking out a window. Last I checked the sky is as gray as slate and the clouds darker. We’ve got little sunlight, and most plants are dying or already dead around us. Plus, we don’t know what the artifact will do next. I mean we’re less than a few days away from the caves we were stuck in during the last eruption. Yet, that short distance is enough for you to suddenly feel secure? Not me. I’ve had enough, and I know I’m not alone.”
“Are you leaving us?”
“Those who want to head south are more than welcome to come along, but we’ve got to stop wasting time.”
Sivan seemed like he was almost begging for them to see his side of things.
Rezub licked his lips. “So an ultimatum. We can stay, but it will be with less people to guard against danger. Or we can leave, and face more danger on the road together.”
Sivan sighed.
“Will you help us decide?” Rezub begged.
“I’ve already made my case more than once.”
“Just scout with us tomorrow. Point out what we aren’t seeing. Show us why we should leave.”
Don’t do it. Stand your ground.
But Ava could already see Sivan’s face soften. She swore to herself. Say one thing about her brother, but Tyrus didn’t give in to stupidity just because he felt sorry for someone.
Sivan nodded. “All right. We’ll scout in the morning together. Then we make a decision tomorrow evening and leave the morning after.”
“You sound confident we’ll reach the same conclusion.”
“I am.”
This isn’t going to go well. I just know it.
Sivan approached her as people surrounded Rezub and peppered him with questions. “You don’t look happy.”
“Should I be?” she asked.
He frowned. “We’re leaving. I thought you’d like what I told them.”
“I’d have liked it if you had said we were leaving tonight or tomorrow mo
rning. I’d be happier still if we were already on the road like I wanted to be.”
“We had to give people a chance to come around.”
“Why?”
“Because in all this chaos, they want to exert some sort of control over their lives again. They want to be able to make decisions for themselves. I’m trying to let them do that to build trust for later.”
Ava shook her head. “No successful army is run as a democracy.”
“This isn’t an army.”
“Not officially, but Tyrus ran it pretty close to one.”
“Some people resented him for that.”
“Yet they listened to and followed him. That’s all that matters.”
He frowned. “I’m not Tyrus, Ava. Doing things his way just won’t work for me. I know it.”
She saw his pain, his regret, and stress. She realized his decisions were eating at him more than she thought.
Probably second guessing everything he’s doing.
Regardless of my own insecurities, I should have just seized control from the beginning. But it’s too late. If I do that now, I’ll likely split us further. And wound Sivan. She sighed. What’s another day and a half anyway?
“Just convince them of their stupidity so we can get on the road.”
Sivan relaxed some at her softening. “Won’t be a problem.”
* * *
Ava left Sivan as Rezub came up to speak with him about the next day. She could have stuck around and listened to their plans, but she didn’t like Rezub, and all she wanted was to be alone with her thoughts. She was reexamining herself more for not stepping up in the meeting.
Leading was not something she had ever enjoyed, at least not leading in the truest sense where blame would be placed on her shoulders. She preferred to criticize others, offer perspectives they might not see, and keep them honest in her own way.
Let someone else be the one to make the tough decisions.
Big Brother, you definitely are a cut above me in that regard.
She left the barracks and headed back to the steps of the gatehouse, intent on returning to her spot on the battlements from before.
“Are you going off to sulk again?” a voice asked.
She glanced over her shoulder as Myra came up beside her.
Resurrected Soldiers: The Tyrus Chronicle - Book Three Page 5