by Helena Lamb
Until just after 3 o’clock.
His eyes sprang open. A noise had woken him, moaning and muttering, bedding rustling as someone tossed and turned.
Sat up straight, instantly alert. Beth was sitting up now, gasping.
“Beth, Beth, it’s alright.” On his feet, now sitting on the bed in front of her, grabbing her shoulders.
“You’re alright. You’re at my house.”
Beth’s breath was coming in short gasps and she looked at him, wide eyed. Then memories flooded back and she gave another gasp, falling forward onto his chest, clutching at his pyjama top. His arms went round her, holding her close and tight, his hand pressing her head to his chest, his lips on her hair.
“Tom, oh Tom” her voice shook.
“It’s alright sweetheart, it’s alright.” Rocked her gently, smoothed her hair, murmured in her ear.
“Frances” she pulled back and looked at him wide eyed. “She killed Melissa. She was going to kill me. And Charlie...” her voice broke and her chest heaved as she fought for breath and was overcome by a storm of weeping, gasping and sobbing, tears streaming. Tom pulled her back against him, pressed her head against his shoulder, wrapped his arms round her so tightly she couldn’t move.
“It’s over my love. It’s all over. She’s gone and you’re safe.” With a stab he remembered saying those words before. Squeezed her even closer, kissed her hair.
“It’s finished Beth, and you’re alright. And Charlie, she didn’t kill him sweetheart, he was knocked out. He’s at the vets. And he’s a fighter, he’ll pull through.” Desperately hoping what he said was true. But if it wasn’t, well, they’d deal with that when the time came.
He rocked her back and forth, making soothing noises in her ear, repetitive calming sounds as to a hurt child.
At last the sobs quietened and the trembling eased. She lay exhausted against him, still clutching his top, breath almost normal with just an occasional hiccup. Then eased her hold on him and leaned back, a shaky hand wiping her cheeks. Tom reached past her to the box of tissues, took a handful and gently wiped her cheeks and nose.
“Don’t think about it anymore, my love. Try to put it out of your mind.” A stupid thing to say, how could she? But he couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Would you like a drink? Cup of tea? Something stronger?”
Beth shook her head, hiccupped.
“No. Just hold me. Please?”
He lay down on top of the duvet, pulled her into his arms. She lay against him, head on his chest, her hand on his shoulder. Her hair smelt of soap, something light and tangy. He stroked it gently. Gradually her breathing slowed and he felt her relaxing in his arms. His left arm was going numb, his shoulder trapped under her head. He shifted slightly to ease it and she stirred, clutched his shoulder.
“Don’t leave me, please, don’t go.”
A lump filled his throat and he tightened his arms.
“I’m not going anywhere, my love.”
At some point in the night he eased her away from him, climbed under the duvet, then pulled her close to him again.
He woke later. Twisted his head to look at the clock. Seven twenty. Beth still lay tucked under his left arm, head under his shoulder, her cheek resting against his chest. Her arm was flung round his waist, his right arm around her back, her skin warm and soft. She looked peaceful, skin smooth and relaxed in sleep.
He thought back to the events of the night before. He would never forget that moment when he had looked round the doorway, seen Beth, tied and bound to the chair, face white and eyes dark with terror, Frances appearing, the hammer in her hand. He fought back a wave of nausea. Then Beth crying, shaking, in shock. So many tears in her life. So much fear. So much unhappiness. He felt his eyes filling and an overwhelming sense of helplessness. But she was here, safe, in his arms. Alive. Melissa was gone. But Beth was alive and he felt his whole body ache with the need to protect her, love her, make her happy.
He stayed still for a few more minutes, then gently moved his left arm, easing it out from under her, resting her head against the pillow. Then moved his right arm, pulling away, gently placing her arm on the duvet. Until he was able to sit up on the edge of the bed. Much as he wanted to stay there, hold her until she woke, he didn’t want her to wake up with him in her bed, not remembering why, panicking.
Had a shower and shaved then went downstairs to let Tess out into the garden with an apology. He wasn’t going to leave the house to walk her this morning. Made a pot of coffee and some toast and sat down at the kitchen table. The Sunday paper had been pushed through the front door and he sat reading that, sipping coffee, not taking any of it in, just waiting for a sound from upstairs.
Beth woke up just before half past nine and for a split second wondered where she was. Remembered.
She swung her legs out of bed and stood up slowly, imagining her legs would be shaky but they were fine.
She went to the bathroom, washed her face and brushed her teeth. Looked around for a brush or comb and spotted Tom’s, used that, he wouldn’t mind. Then went downstairs, into the kitchen.
Tom had heard the toilet flush, the water running, and looked up with a smile. She walked into the kitchen, feet bare, his T shirt down to her knees, sleeves down almost to her elbows. But looked beautiful. Tom swallowed a lump in his throat, managed to speak.
“Hi. How are you?”
Beth went and sat down next to him, pushing the hair out of her eyes and managing a smile.
“I’m alright.”
“Coffee? Tea? What would you like to eat?”
She shook her head. “Nothing to eat thanks, but coffee would be nice.”
She looked out of the window, feet resting on the bottom rung of the wooden chair. The sun shone and the sky was blue. How could everything look so normal? Tom got up to pour her coffee, popped more bread in the toaster, then put a plate of hot buttered toast on the table.
“Dig in.” He had already had breakfast but took another piece, hoping the hot buttery smell might encourage her to eat some. It did, and she ate three of the slices to his one. He poured them both more coffee, surreptitiously looking at her to see how she really was, if she was pale, still in shock. But her colour was good and her hand holding the mug of coffee was steady.
“Carol phoned earlier. She wanted to know if you needed some things from your house. I said I expected you needed underwear, a clean top, that sort of thing. So she and Ken went round and she’s brought a bag round for you” indicating a holdall by the door.
“That was good of her. What time was that? I didn’t hear the phone, or the door.”
“She phoned at half eight. Said she couldn’t wait any longer to see how you were. I answered the phone as soon as it rang, I didn’t want it waking you. And I thought it might be the police. She and Ken went round straight away so you would have clean clothes for when you woke up.”
Beth felt a lump in her throat. What good friends she had.
“Have the police phoned yet?”
He shook his head. “Not yet, but they will, to tell us if they will be coming here or if we go there.”
“What do you think will happen?”
“They’ll ask us loads of questions, we make our statements, sign them. That’s all, I think, but I don’t really know.”
“And …and Frances?” Beth stumbled over the name. “Where do you think she is? What will happen to her?”
Tom put his large warm hand over hers, squeezing it gently.
“She’ll be in custody. They will be interviewing her; I expect she’s having mental health assessments as well. But you won’t see her, don’t worry about that.”
“Tom. Do you think she was mad? She was so…so calm at times then so weird. She seemed to think everything she was doing was normal, right…” her voice trailed off as her hands round the mug started trembling.
Tom shuffled his chair closer, put his arm tightly round her shoulders.
“Sshh, don’t
think any more about it. Wait until the police talk to us.”
She nodded then stared at him, wide eyed. “Tom! Charlie! I haven’t even thought about Charlie!”
“The vet will phone us as well, tell us how he’s doing.” Swallowed a lump in his throat. Please God let the little dog pull through.
The phone rang twice while Beth was in the shower. Gina, anxious, upset, wanting to know how she could help, asking Tom to let her know when it was a good time to call round. Then the police. They were requested to go to the station to make their statements and sign them. No call from the vet. Was that good or bad?
They drove to the station and Beth was taken to an interview room. Tom had asked to stay with her, but had been refused, told to wait in the reception area. After half an hour he was also taken to be interviewed and sign his statement. Back to the reception area. No Beth. A uniformed constable said she was still being interviewed. Time passed. Tom drank a hot, watery drink without noticing what it was. Sat fidgeting, paced up and down, thoughts racing, heart thumping. Then saw a uniformed officer accompanying Beth down the corridor back to reception, Beth pale but composed. She looked up at him and shook her head but reached for his hand.
They drove home in silence, Tom desperate to ask her how it had gone, what had happened, but waiting for her to begin the conversation. But at least she was calm, showing no sign of tears or shakiness.
As they stepped into the hall, the answer phone was flashing. Tom pressed it without thinking. His stomach lurched as the voice began and he realised it was the vet. But surely she wouldn’t phone with bad news? Please, no. She didn’t. Charlie was conscious, eating and drinking, he would be fine. She was keeping him in another night for observation but all being well Beth could collect him the next day.
They had been standing close together in the hallway, frozen, staring at the phone as they listened to the message. When it finished Beth looked up at Tom. “Oh thank God” she whispered, looking up at him, relief in her eyes. The phone rang again, startling them both. Carol. What was happening? Could she and Ken call round?
What was left of the afternoon passed with phone calls and the visit from Carol and Ken. Then Gina. They didn’t hold a post mortem on the events of the previous evening; Tom had been ready to intervene to prevent it but Carol had already filled Gina in and the three really just wanted to see how Beth was. The phone kept ringing and Tom fielded anxious calls from various people and eventually unplugged it from the wall. The police had his mobile number and anyone else could wait until tomorrow. Beth had already switched her mobile off, unwilling to talk to anyone, except her head teacher. Tom had said she needed to ask for a few days off work. Beth had resisted but, with additional pressure from Carol and Gina, gave in and phoned. Tom began the conversation, explaining briefly the events of the weekend, then Beth spoke to her head, agreeing to stay home until at least Thursday, promising to see the doctor if necessary. He had also phoned Nell, calming her down then passing her to Beth. Nell had wanted to jump straight in her car and drive down but Beth persuaded her to wait until the next day. Nell eventually agreed, reluctantly, to go into work the next day and ask for some time off, saying she would see Beth the following evening.
Carol, Ken and Gina left, promising to call in again the next day. They seemed to assume she would still be at Tom’s, not seeming in the least surprised. Carol had brought round a cooked chicken and some potato salad, stating she hadn’t known what Beth and Tom would have had to eat that day. They had in fact been given some sandwiches at the police station but neither had eaten much.
Tom made a simple salad and opened a bottle of white wine and they sat at the kitchen table, realising how hungry they were as soon as they began eating. By the time they had finished and tidied away, the sun was setting. Tom made a pot of coffee and carried the tray through to the living room, placing it on a small table by the sofa. He sat down on the sofa next to Beth, who was looking out of the window, at the darkening sky and the lights appearing on the island, at the small tents being set up at the water’s edge as the evening fishermen arrived.
He looked at her, hazel eyes anxious. “How are you feeling? Are you alright?”
Beth looked up at him, nodded. “Yes. I’m fine. But I just can’t believe how much has happened in twenty four hours. Already it seems unreal, like a dream….or a nightmare.” She grimaced.
He placed his hand over hers, gently stroking the palm.
“It was a nightmare I mean. But it’s over now.”
She looked at his hand, so warm and strong, hers hidden beneath his long fingers.
“Tom. If you hadn’t come when you did….”
“Sshh, stop there” pressure on her fingers. “I did come, and you’re alright.” He swallowed hard, an image of Frances standing over Beth with a hammer in her hand, flooding his head. “Don’t think about it, sweetheart.”
“Yes, you did. And I can’t thank you enough for that or for the time since then either...” kept her gaze on his hand, seeing the long fingers, short clipped nails, the golden hairs. What lovely hands he had, so strong but gentle.
“Beth, no, there’s no need for gratitude” quietly “I just thank God you’re alright, safe,” his voice cracked. “Beth, I know this isn’t the right time, but I need to say it. I love you, so so much, and if anything had happened to you,” couldn’t continue, a huge lump in his throat, swallowed.
He felt her fingers tense, her whole body go rigid. Closed his eyes as he realised what he had done, frightening her off, the end of his dreams. So stupid of him, stupid, stupid, the word pounded in his head.
Silence. Then felt and heard her breath come in a gasp. Opened his eyes and missed a heartbeat at the look on her face.
“Beth? Beth, why are you looking at me like that?” He looked into her eyes, saw the joy there, registered with disbelief what he was seeing.
“Beth, am I right? Do you...” stumbled over the words. “Could you ever love me too?”
“Oh Tom, I do, I already do.” Her eyes were shining, her lips slightly apart, her whole face glowing radiantly.
He felt a huge wave of relief and joy sweep over his whole body as he let go of her hand and pulled her into his arms, pressing his cheek against hers.
“Beth, oh my sweet love. Do you really mean it?” His heart was hammering, breathing shaky.
“Yes, oh yes.” Trembling, she reached her arms up around his neck and felt his thick, soft hair, as she had dreamed of doing so many times, inhaling the tangy, musky scent of his skin, feeling rough stubble against her cheek. Her heart raced and her lungs felt as though they were bursting out of her chest.
He held her tightly, his cheek still against hers, his arms warm and strong as he held her close, kissed her hair, shuddered with joy and relief.
They stayed like that until their heartrates slowed; Beth pulling back slightly, looking up at him. He smiled down at her, stroked her cheek with trembling fingers and sighed shakily.
“You have no idea how I’ve longed for this. How I’ve wished and prayed for it,” his voice still felt dry and hoarse.
“I can’t believe you love me.” Her voice sounded uncertain, nervous.
“Oh my darling girl, I fell in love with you as soon as I met you. You were so beautiful, so soft and lovely; I just wanted to sweep you up in my arms and never let you go.”
Beth looked at him, her beautiful eyes wide and disbelieving. “I had no idea. I thought you liked Gina.”
“I did …do…like Gina. But as a friend. But you, as soon as I saw you, I fell head over heels for you, knew you were the love of my life.” His voice trailed off, he swallowed and tried again. “But when I found out what had happened, and you were so adamant there would never be anyone for you, I just felt sick, hopeless. But I knew I could never give up, I had to just wait and hope that one day, you might start to feel something for me, might one day love me as much as I love you. Oh my beautiful girl, I love you so much.” His voice shook and Beth felt him trembling
.
“I love you too” she tightened her arms round his neck, pressed her face into his neck, closed her eyes.
“But…” quietly, hesitant, “but suppose I can’t, can’t do anything physical…” her voice trailed off.
His arms tightened. Spoke quietly into her ear. “Sssh, it will be fine, you’ll be fine. I know you’re scared, but we’ll take it very, very slowly, we won’t do anything you don’t like. We’ve all the time in the world and it will be alright.”
“But ... suppose it isn’t, and I can’t… we can’t have a physical relationship. Suppose there is something wrong with me? It wouldn’t be fair on you” her voice was muffled against his chest. From pure joy she had gone to feeling sick with dread.
“Beth, look at me.” He loosened his arms and pulled back, cupping her face gently, looking into her eyes and seeing the fear and worry in their green depths. “There is nothing wrong with you. Believe me, sweetheart. You weren’t much more than a child and you were frightened, hurt, but there’s nothing wrong with you. He blamed you but it wasn’t you. Please my darling, just believe me.” His eyes were anxious, strained, desperate for her to believe him. “And I know it’s left you scared, but we can deal with that.”
She looked down at the buttons on his shirt. “ I want to believe you.” Then, so quiet he could hardly hear “But Tom, I have no idea what to do. I’ve no experience.” She kept her gaze on his strong neck, on the sandy hair revealed by his shirt collar.
He felt her swallow and tightened his arms around her again, pressed his lips against her soft, sweet smelling hair. “It doesn’t matter. Beth, we’ll take it very slowly, one step at a time. There’s no rush. And you don’t need a gold medal you know. Not everyone has loads of experience.”