Guardian (The Guardian Trilogy)

by Sara Mack

  I give him a wary look, but find myself turning toward him. He wraps his arms around me as I slide over to lie against him. “Thank you for not being angry,” I murmur against his chest.

  He kisses the top of my head and presses me to his side.

  No other words pass between us. He holds me tight as I’m lulled to sleep by the sound of his beating heart.

  Chapter 35

  Warmth on my face awakens me. I lean into it subconsciously, moving my body toward it. I realize I feel skin beneath my cheek and my eyes snap open. I lift my head to find myself wrapped around Dane, one leg and one arm draped across him, my head at his shoulder.

  “Good morning,” he says, giving me a small smile.

  I squint as I look around the room. “What time is it?”

  “Early.” He has one arm circled around me which he moves to run his fingers lightly along my arm.

  I catch the numbers of his alarm clock. 5:48. I try to sit up and Dane tightens his arm around me to keep me in place.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I have to get home.” I’m sure my family is freaking out that I didn’t come home last night.

  His eyes soften. “Stay.”

  I search his face and memories of last night flood my vision. My heart clenches. “I can’t.”

  “Don’t over think this,” he says gently.

  “I’m not.” I try to sit up again and this time he lets me.

  He leans up on one elbow. “You are.”

  I shake my head. “You forget, I have people at home who will be wondering where I am.”

  He gives me a defeated look then turns to swing his legs off the side of the bed, allowing me room to slide off and stand.

  “Bathroom?” I ask.

  He nods toward the door and I move to open it, stepping into the small hallway at the top of the stairs. There’s a room across from me that looks like an office; framed pictures hang on the wall above a computer desk. I look to my right and see another doorway. I enter the bathroom, find the light switch, and seclude myself. I catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror that stops me short. I rest my hands against the countertop and stare at my reflection. Who is this person? Do I even know her anymore?

  After I finish, I find Dane leaning against the wall in the hallway. “Everything all right?”

  I nod quickly. I walk past him and down the stairs as he follows me. I come across one of my sandals at the base of the stairs and bend to pick it up. I search for the other and find it a small distance away. I walk over and grab it. Holding my shoes by the straps with one hand, I make my way to leave.

  “Emma,” Dane says behind me.

  I close my eyes and then turn toward him.

  He steps forward and places his hands on my shoulders, looking me in the eye. His face is full of concern, his hazel eyes pleading. “Please don’t regret what happened. Because I don’t. I know that it seems soon, but I think…I think I’m falling in lov…”

  I press my fingers to his lips, so he will stop speaking. He can’t say that he loves me. Not now. Because I don’t know if I can say it back. I need some space. So I can think. So I can process all of this. I step up and raise my chin to kiss him. He bends down and plants a soft kiss on my lips which starts to grow into something more. I can’t let that happen. Not right now.

  “I have to go.”

  He looks at me and then takes me into his arms. He says nothing, only kisses my hair. When he releases me, I give him a weak smile and turn toward the door. Stepping outside, I notice the sun trying to make its way above the horizon as I head down the sidewalk and to my car.

  Slamming the door behind me, I look over to the passenger seat. I take my phone out of my purse. I have missed text messages. All from Shel.

  Is everything okay?

  Where are you?

  I’m trying not to panic. I will assume you are with Dane.

  CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS!!

  I sigh and put the phone down as tears cloud my vision. I start the car to make my way home. I feel like I want to crawl in a hole and die.

  I stare out over the golf course with my chin resting on the cart steering wheel. It’s been three days since I’ve seen him. I feel like I’ve been in a daze ever since. When I try to sort out my feelings, my mind runs in endless circles. So, this morning, I decided to give up for now and just be a zombie. With Shel gone and between finishing up this last week of work and packing my things to move back to Western, I should be able to keep my mind off what happened.

  Yeah, right.

  Who am I kidding? He’s all I think about.

  When Shel interrogated me after that night, I did a pretty good job of convincing her all that happened was a lengthy argument and apology. I got lucky when I went home; my parents were still asleep, allowing me to sneak into my room. When I play back what happened, my feelings vacillate. I remember his hands on me and my heart races. I remember his kiss, his smile, every kind thing he’s done for me, and I have a hard time breathing. Then the guilt kicks in as James’ face flashes before my eyes, twisting my heart and killing my high from the possibility of Dane loving me. I can’t even bring myself to think about the likelihood that James physically saw what took place. Every time I do, tears immediately jump behind my eyes, and I feel my soul turn inside out. I still love him. But I have some very strong feelings for someone else, too.

  My phone goes off, disrupting my thoughts.

  Are you avoiding me? It’s Dane.

  Yes. No.

  We need to talk.

  I sigh. I know. Go ahead.

  In person.

  Can’t. Working.

  When do you get off?

  6 but have plans tonight with Mike and Kate.

  Tomorrow?

  6 but will be packing and having dinner with parents.

  Friday?

  5. Still packing.

  You’re being impossible.

  I’m not trying to be.

  Saturday? Do you still want me to help you move?

  I can’t leave without seeing him. I don’t want to leave without seeing him. Yes.

  What time?

  Whatever works for you.

  He shows up at noon. I’m helping to lift a box into the bed of my dad’s truck when he pulls up. My pulse instantaneously picks up, and I feel my ears grow hot. I focus on maintaining my composure as he gets out of the car and walks toward me.

  “Dane,” my dad greets him with a genuine smile. He will be forever grateful for what he did for his little girl.

  “Mr. Donohue,” Dane smiles at him. His smile fades slightly as he nods toward me. “Emma.”

  “Hey,” I respond quietly.

  My dad looks between us and his expression registers that he knows something is up. “I’ll go help your mother sort through those extra dishes for you,” he says as he steps down from the bed of the truck. He smiles at both of us as he heads to the house.

  Dane walks up to me slowly. “Where can we talk?”

  I gesture for him to follow me, and we walk into the backyard. He takes my hand as we head out to my mother’s flower garden where there’s a small bench. I sit down and he sits beside me, our legs touching.

  “I’ve missed you,” he says sincerely.

  “I’ve missed you, too.”

  His eyes search mine. “How can we make this work?”

  I look down and shake my head. “I don’t know.”

  “It’s because you still have feelings for him, right?” he gently squeezes my hand. “I understand that, I do. But you can’t feel bad. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

  “I know,” I say quietly. “There’s a huge part of me that wants this, wants you,” I look up at him. “But these other feelings…the guilt. I can’t escape it. It hurts.”

  We sit in silence, his hand holding mine. Eventually, he takes a deep breath and speaks. “I’m willing to help you through it, if you’ll let me.” He looks me squarely in the eyes. “The last thing I want to do is pressure y
ou, but time is running out and there’s something I need to deal with. I need you to give me an answer. Do you want me? Do you think you could ever love me? Because if the answer is yes, I’m willing to wait. However long it takes.”

  I want to tell him yes. So badly. But the truth is I have no idea how long it will take me to get over James, especially if it’s decided that he can handle visiting me. If he even wants to visit me. Does Dane deserve that? To sit around, waiting for me to make up my mind, indefinitely? No. Not when he’s already given me so much. What if I never get over James? That’s not fair to him.

  “I can’t give you an answer right now. I’m sorry.”

  He clutches my hand tightly and then lets it go. He stands to face me. “Why?” he demands. “Why is this so hard for you?”

  I damn the tears that spring into my eyes. He’s never been angry with me before, and I stare at him confused.

  “Yes or no Emma, it’s that simple,” he says, frustrated.

  My voice cracks. “It’s not fair to make you wait.”

  He crouches down before me. “But I’m willing to. Don’t you see?”

  No, I don’t see. Why should he do that for me? If I say yes, the possibility of breaking his heart in the future is very real; the closer we grow the more painful it will be. I would never want to do that to him. No. As much as it kills me, I realize what I should have done weeks ago.

  “No,” I barely whisper.

  “What?”

  “No,” I look him in the eyes as I feel tears escape mine. “My answer is no.”

  His face fills with disbelief and confusion. He looks so devastated that I have to resist the urge to hold him. My tears start to fall faster as I come to grips with the fact that I am causing him this pain. He stands slowly, staring at me as if he doesn’t know me.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say through my tears. “But I told you from the beginning that we could only be friends…”

  His eyes flash at my last word, changing his sad expression to one of anger. “Friends? Are you kidding me?” He looks away, but then immediately turns back. “We could never be just friends!” He pauses and leans toward me, his eyes hard. “What happened the other night…what was that? Last time I checked that’s not what friends do.”

  Ouch. I close my eyes to block out his face for a moment. When I open them he’s turned away from me with his hands on his hips. He shakes his head in disbelief and curses under his breath.

  A car turns into the driveway, distracting us. We both look up to see Matt pull in and park. I hastily wipe at my face with my hands. What is he doing here?

  Matt sees us and heads in our direction. When he gets close, he can tell something is wrong, and his walk slows.

  “Hey guys,” he says cautiously. “I just stopped over to say goodbye before you left.” He looks past Dane and at me.

  My gaze falls everywhere, but directly on his face. I try to force a small smile.

  Dane walks up to Matt and stops. “I’m headed to the airport. Teags will be here in a few hours.”

  “Teags?” Matt asks, surprised.

  Dane looks at me over his shoulder with a twisted expression. “Apparently I’m not needed anymore.” He turns back to Matt. “I’m out.”

  Matt looks confused as he watches Dane leave. “Call me later, man,” he says to his retreating figure and then looks at me, worried. We both watch Dane get into his car. When he backs out and turns into the street, he guns it, squealing his tires and making me jump.

  Matt stares at me. “What in the hell happened?”

  I try to keep it together, but a sob has been building in my chest. I hold my head in my hands and cry as Matt tries to comfort me as best he can.

  I’ve been in my new apartment at Western for a few days, and I’m still trying to decide where things should go. I don’t have much, but I want to be as organized as possible before classes begin. Plus, I’d like to go out and get some stuff to make the place a little homier. Granted, I’m being an over achiever, but I don’t have much else to do with my time.

  It’s very quiet around me now. I check in with my parents daily, since they are still concerned about me being so far away on my own. I keep reminding them that this town is nothing new for me, just the physical location of my residence. I’ve met three of my four “roommates” if you will; one girl, Samantha, shares apartment one with her boyfriend Todd, and Jessica, a girl in apartment three. I haven’t met the person in four yet, but Jessica tells me she thinks it’s a guy. And then there’s me, alone in two. Other than speaking briefly to my new housemates, the only other friend I’ve talked to is Shel, after I received the following text when I moved in:

  WHAT DID YOU DO???

  Of course she assumed that I was to blame for the way things turned out with Dane, and she was right. I explained our fight to her and she proceeded to rip me up one side and down the other. I took it like a champ because there’s nothing I can do. What’s done is done. He’ll never forgive me. I don’t forgive me. I feel absolutely wretched about everything, and I miss him more than I’d like to admit to myself. I can’t wait for classes to begin, so something occupies my mind other than the memory of Dane’s sad and angry face. I’m starting to think I don’t deserve happiness. First James, now Dane. The image of me as the crazy cat lady that James mentioned so long ago comes to mind.

  My stomach rumbles and I realize I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast. It’s almost four. I open the fridge to discover that I have nothing appetizing to feed myself. I grab my keys and wallet and decide to walk to the small market that’s close to me, about two blocks away. When I get there my hunger takes over, and I end up with two paper bags of groceries, plus some new shampoo, conditioner, and a candle that I thought would look nice on my small entertainment center. You find things you wouldn’t normally purchase when you have uninterrupted time to wander around a store.

  I make it back to the apartments carrying both bags without incident. It’s when I’m trying to unlock the door that I have a problem. I look around on the ground for a dry spot to set one of my bags; it rained this afternoon and everything is still wet.

  “Need a hand?”

  I turn around to see a guy approaching the door. He has brown hair that curls a little and his skin has an olive tone. As he gets closer I notice his eyes. They’re a strange mix of blue and green, almost turquoise. I’ve never seen anything like them. Contacts, I immediately think. He smiles at me in a friendly way.

  “Thanks,” I say gratefully and offer him one of bags. He takes it as I dig out my key. “Do you live here?” I ask as I open the door.

  “Yep, just moved in.”

  “I did too. You must be apartment four.” I turn and smile at him, then step inside and hold the door open. He follows me. “I’m number two.”

  “Hello number two,” he says and laughs a little.

  We walk down the short hallway to my place and I unlock the door. I hurry inside to set down my bag while he waits in the hallway. I return to take the other bag from him. “Sorry,” I apologize.

  “It’s not a problem,” he says. “So, number two, do you have a name?”

  I shift my purchases in my arms and extend my hand. “Yes. Emma. Emma Donohue.”

  He regards me for a moment, then smiles and shakes my hand. “That name sounds familiar. I feel like I’ve met you before.”

  I shake my head. “If we have met, I don’t remember.”

  He releases my hand and takes a step back. “Well, we’ve met now. I guess I’ll be seeing you around number two.”

  I laugh. “Guess so. Thanks for your help.”

  He nods and starts to walk away as I begin to shut the door.

  “Wait,” I stick my head out into the hall.

  He stops and turns. “Yes?”

  “I didn’t catch your name.”

  “Oh,” he smiles. “Garrett. Garrett Abernathy.”

  Look for the second book in The Guardian Trilogy:

  Allegiant

/>   Coming fall 2013!

  About the Author

  Sara Mack is a Michigan native who grew up with her nose in books. She is a wife and a hockey mom on top of being trapped in a windowless office forty hours a week. Her spare time is spent one-clicking on Amazon and devouring books on her Kindle, cleaning up after her kids and two elderly cats, attempting to keep her flower garden alive, and, of course, writing. She has an unnatural affinity for dark chocolate, iced tea, and bacon. This is her debut novel.

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  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sara-Mack/377965205649175

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  http://smackwrites.blogspot.com

  smackwrites@gmail.com

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  Excerpt from Allegiant

  Book 2 of The Guardian Trilogy

  Prologue - James

  The connection between them was indescribable. Limitless. It was as if an invisible elastic band stretched between them, and he was powerless to ignore its pull. The band held a soft electric hum that sat in the back of his mind, reminding him of its presence and his duty. Reminding him of her. Reminding him of what was lost.

  There were moments when he felt gentle tugs on the band. Instinctively, he knew which were more important than others. Only once, since becoming her Guardian, did he feel an overwhelmingly strong pull, but he could sense she wasn’t in danger and focused all of his energy on resisting the urge to go to her. She had asked him to stay away, and he trusted her. He still needed time. Time to convince his mind and his heart that he could no longer love her.

  He cursed Garrett under his breath. Where did he go? His guidance was needed now, more so than ever. His feelings for her had yet to diminish. How much more time did he have before The Allegiant stepped in? Before they realized his poor Guardianship and took his memories and love for her by force? They had the power to eliminate her from his life, for eternity.