by Misty Malone
They briefly explained what had happened earlier, so Sam was up to speed on the situation. When Maria came out with a big plate of pot roast Sam stopped her. “Maria, do you know where Cheyenne is?”
“No, not exactly. She came down earlier this afternoon and put an envelope at Ty’s place at the table and went back upstairs. She told me she wasn’t feeling too good and asked that you eat without her tonight.”
Sam thanked her as the men moved toward the table to see what she’d left for Ty. “Sounds like she’s pouting again,” Clay said.
Sam agreed. “Are you going to let her get away with pouting, Ty?”
“Not likely,” he said as he opened the envelope and took out a letter. His expression changed as he read the letter she’d written him.
Dear Ty,
I’m really confused right now about a lot of things, but one thing I’m sure about is that I love you, and I hate that I disappointed you. I know I should be working on my paper, but I can’t concentrate because I’m so mixed up right now. The one thing I knew would help is if I’d do what you keep telling me to do. Namely, come to you if I have a problem.
Now, before I go any further let me explain one thing. I know I went shopping after you told me expressly not to, and I know I’m going to get spanked for that. I’m not trying to get out of that. In fact, although I never thought I’d say this, right now I actually think I need you to spank me because it’s the only thing I know of that will get rid of the guilt I’m feeling right now.
But here’s what I need your help with. After thinking a great deal about why I went shopping this morning, I realize I’m angry. I’m frustrated with that class and with myself for struggling so much with it, and I wanted to do something fun to take my mind off that frustration. I thought shopping would do that, but now I see the problem it caused and I know it was wrong. At the time I went, as hard as it may be to believe, I never thought of it as doing what you told me not to do. I see now that I did it because I’m really afraid of being weak and letting myself be brainwashed again. So I think without realizing it, I was rebelling against you telling me what to do or not to do.
Thinking about it, I realize you were trying to help me when you said not to shop until the paper’s done. I also know it was good advice. But I was frustrated and feeling weak because I don’t get that class, and I’ve been thinking about how easy it was for my mother to tell me what to do and how to feel, and I did exactly what she told me to do. I was determined never to be that weak again.
I didn’t come down to eat supper because my stomach is just too upset right now.
So there it is. I don’t mean it as an excuse. I will accept the spanking you’ll be giving me, but will you please help me sort out my feelings? You’ve always been able to do that when I can’t, and I need your help right now. Thank you.
Love, Cheyenne.
Ty paused to think a minute, then read the letter again. Both Clay and Sam were watching him anxiously. Clay pushed. “So? What’s she up to?”
Ty looked up at his friend. “Clay, I think your sister’s growing up. She’s confused by the feelings she’s having and her stomach’s too upset to eat. She wants me to help her try and make sense of her thoughts.”
Clay looked a bit doubtful. “Are you sure she isn’t just trying to get out of a spanking?”
“She said she knows she earned a spanking, and she’s not arguing. But her thoughts are all jumbled in her head.” He turned to Sam next. “I’d like to go talk to her because I’m sure she won’t want to eat until we do. Do you mind if I take a tray up for us? I have a feeling after we sort out her thoughts, and deal with her shopping trip, she’ll be hungry. It may take a while, though, so I don’t want you two waiting for us.”
“That sounds like a good idea, Ty. If you think it’ll take a while, though, you may want to let Maria keep your supper warm while you talk. You can come down to eat later, or take it up there if she doesn’t feel like coming down.”
“Thank you. I think that’s a good idea.”
“Ask Maria, but I’m sure she’ll be happy to keep it warm for you. Good luck.” As Ty turned to leave, Sam stopped him. “Can I ask one thing? Does her confusion have anything to do with this whole brainwashing business?”
“Yes, sir, I’m afraid it does. She was doing much better, but since she’s been struggling with this class it’s been a problem for her again. I’ve got to find a way to get her beyond this for good, or every time she struggles with anything she’ll be fighting these feelings again.”
“I was afraid of that. Let us know if there’s anything Clay and I can do to help her, Ty.”
“I will. I think I’ll call Randy again tonight and talk to him. I may suggest Cheyenne talk to him, as well, or someone locally, although I’m not sure she’ll want to do that.”
“Probably not, but it might help her,” Sam agreed.
“I’ll see after we talk today. If she needs more help, my first step will probably be to talk to Randy again.”
“Sounds like a good place to start.”
Ty talked briefly to Maria, then went up and knocked on Cheyenne’s door. “Cheyenne, it’s me. Can I come in?”
She opened the door quickly and invited him in. “Ty, you can’t be done eating supper yet.”
“I want to talk to you first. We’ll eat together later, once you’re feeling better.”
“You didn’t have to wait,” she said. She looked up at him, looking into his eyes. “Ty, I’m really sorry I went shopping this morning.”
“So am I, honey. Let’s talk about that, and what made you go.” He sat down beside her on her bed and took her hand in his.
She looked at her hand in his. “Does this mean you’re not too upset with me?”
“Honey, I’m not happy about what you did. I want to know why you went shopping after I told you not to until your paper was done. However, I love you and I’m concerned about you. The letter you wrote makes me think there’s something going on under the surface here. If there’s something bothering you, I want to help you with that.”
She looked from his face to their joined hands, but didn’t say anything.
Ty tried again to explain. “Honey, I love you, and because of that my first concern will always be your safety and happiness. No matter how upset or disappointed I am, my main concern will always be you, and making sure you’re safe and happy. So, with that in mind, why don’t you tell me why you went shopping today.”
Cheyenne sighed, and took a minute to collect her thoughts. “I’m going to try to explain this, but I’m not sure I can explain all my feelings, mostly because I’m not sure exactly what all I am feeling, or why I feel some of the things I feel. That’s why I wrote that letter.”
Ty wasn’t sure he understood what she was trying to say. “You wrote the letter because you were unsure of your thoughts?”
“You told me when something’s bothering me I should talk to you about it. You said you have wide shoulders and I should turn my problem over to you and let you help, instead of doing all the worrying myself. When you went back out to work I was so mixed up I couldn’t work on my paper, so I wrote that letter, in essence turning it over to you. I knew you’d be able to help me work through my feelings. It worked because I was able to work on the paper then.”
Ty kissed the top of her head. “I’m glad you did that, Cheyenne, and I’m glad you were able to get some work done on your paper. I wish you would have talked to me before you made the decision to go shopping, though.”
“Yeah, I do, too, now. But at the time, it never occurred to me.”
“Maybe we’ll come back to that later. Right now, let’s just start with why did you go shopping?”
“Ty, I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but I never thought of it as doing something you told me not to do. Lynelle and I had this planned for the last two weeks. They had a sale that started today, and we planned on going early this morning so we’d be back in time for me to go to my class. Lo
oking back on it now I know I should have done my paper first, but at the time I think I kind of panicked.”
“Panicked?”
“Yes. I’m very frustrated from this class, and lately it seems like it’s controlling my whole life. When we’re together, we spend more time studying that than enjoying each other. I spend more time studying that on my own than my other four classes together. And I have nothing to show for it. If I had an A going in the class I’d feel like all my time is worth it, but I’m barely passing it.”
“Honey, the important part is that you are passing it. And I’m sure if we keep working on it, one of these days it’ll all fall into place in your mind and you’ll get it.”
“I know, you’ve told me that, and believe it or not, I believe you. But at the same time, I feel like it’s something I can’t control. And not being in control of my life is something that scares me. I’m so afraid I’m going to allow someone to brainwash me again. I was starting to panic, feeling like I’m letting something else control my life, and I just couldn’t let that happen. I felt like I had to follow through with my original plans to prove I was in control of my life.”
Ty followed what she was saying and was concerned. She really was having trouble getting past this brainwashing episode. He took her in his arms and pulled her to him. She immediately clung to him, just like she always did after a spanking. He rubbed her back gently and assured her everything would be okay, and kept it up until he felt her calm.
He waited until she relaxed before he said anything. “Honey, you said in your letter that now you know you should have stayed here and worked on your paper.” She nodded, but didn’t say anything. “Why do you say that?”
“Because now that this happened, I see things a little differently. Now I’ve missed my class, which won’t help me any, and my paper’s still not done, which isn’t helping me any, and I’ve disappointed you.” Tears started falling from her eyes as she said that last part. “That’s the part that hurts the most. And I never even thought of that before I left. I was panicking, and I never once stopped to think about how disappointed you’d be.”
“He ran his hand gently through her hair as he said, “Honey, I’m not as disappointed in you as I was. I thought you plain ignored what I told you and did what you wanted. Now I see it more as a problem we need to address and work through. Let me ask you a few questions so I’m sure I know how you’re feeling, and then we’ll talk a bit about these feelings you’re struggling with, okay?”
They spent the next hour talking about her feelings. Afterward, it was obvious to Ty that Cheyenne was feeling a little better, but was fighting some strong feelings of guilt. He said, “Okay, Cheyenne, I think we’ve talked about why you felt like you had to go shopping, but we haven’t talked about how you feel now.”
“Now?”
“Yes, now. Now that you’ve gone, how do you feel? Do you feel liberated, satisfied, happy that you went?”
She quickly answered, “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because now I see that I just made a mess of things.”
“How?”
“I disappointed you, I disappointed myself, I missed another class, my paper’s not done, and I got Lynelle in trouble.”
“Okay. First things first; Lynelle got herself in trouble.”
“But I talked her into going.”
“But she didn’t have to go. Clay told her she wasn’t to take you shopping until your paper was done. You may have told her you wanted to go, but she didn’t have to agree. She’s just as guilty as you are.”
“But I feel bad that she’s in trouble with Clay now, because of me.”
“The situation may involve you, but she’s in trouble with Clay because of what she did.” He tilted her chin up so she was looking into his eyes. “Did you warn her Clay’s upset?”
She looked into his eyes as she answered honestly. “No, I didn’t. I didn’t want to disappoint you any more than I already had.”
“Thank you, Cheyenne. Now, I think it’s time we deal with this guilt you’re feeling, don’t you?”
She looked down at the floor for several moments. Then she took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and looked back up at Ty. “Yes. I’m sorry, Ty.”
“After our talk I believe you are sorry, honey. But now we need to take care of the consequences for your bad choice this morning. Hopefully this spanking will remind you to stop and think before you act impulsively the next time. Stand up, please.”
To her credit, she stood and allowed him to pull her in front of him. He reached for the snap on her jeans, and asked, “Okay, Cheyenne, why are you about to get a spanking?”
“Because I went shopping this morning instead of working on my paper.”
Satisfied that she was well aware of why she was being spanked, he lowered her jeans and pulled her down over his knee. He wasted no time, but pulled her panties down, and started the spanking immediately. He watched as she stoically accepted the spanking, not fighting like she usually did. That told him she was indeed resigned to receiving this, and, in fact, needed it to help rid her of the guilt she had bottled up inside her.
He gave her a dozen or so solid smacks before starting his talk. His words affected her, and she soon had tears running down her cheeks. That was what Ty had been waiting for. He knew once the tears started flowing she’d be releasing her guilt along with them.
He continued talking while he kept up the spanking. Try as she might, she was no longer able to keep from squirming, or voicing her complaints. “Ow! Ty, I’m sorry. I’ll listen to you next time. Owww! Oh, it hurts!”
Ty hadn’t been spanking as hard as normal, but this spanking was lasting longer than usual. He wanted the pain to build slowly, giving her time to release the guilt she was fighting. When her struggling slowed, he knew he was about done. He paused a few moments. “Cheyenne, I think this all comes down to you feeling confused and panicking. What are you going to do the next time you feel like you’re in a panic?”
“Talk to you.”
“Good. That’s the lesson I want you to learn from this spanking, Cheyenne. The next time you feel panicky or confused, come to me and tell me. We’ll talk it through. We’ll work through it together.”
“I will, I promise.”
“Okay, sweetheart. I’m going to finish this up now, and that’s what I want you to concentrate on while I finish it. Come and talk to me next time instead of panicking and acting on impulse. Do you understand what I want you thinking about?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, good.” He gave her ten more smacks, all on her sit spots, before helping her up to sit on his lap. He wrapped her securely in his arms as she lay her head on his shoulder.
When she’d calmed enough to talk, he had to check on his precious little lady. “How are you feeling, honey?”
“Other than a really sore butt, much better. Thank you.”
He smiled as he kissed the top of her head. She was accepting his spankings now and allowing them to help her, as he meant them to. He was glad she was accepting his help, but a little concerned about how to help her get over this brainwashing issue. He held her while she calmed, and they talked quietly for another fifteen minutes before she felt ready to go down to the kitchen for supper.
After supper, Cheyenne told Ty she was almost finished with the first draft of her paper. “Why don’t you finish it while I make a couple phone calls,” he suggested. “I’ll come back and read it and we’ll work on any corrections you may want to make.
“Okay, as long as one of the calls you’re going to make is to see when your grandfather is coming to visit.”
“That’s the first call I’m going to make, yes.”
“Good. Tell him I said hi, and I’m anxious to meet him.”
“Will do, brat. Finish your paper and I’ll be back shortly.”
True to his word, he called his grandfather first. After talking with him a few minutes he called Randy and told him about t
he conversation he’d had with Cheyenne, and his concerns. Ty asked for his advice. “Do you think I should try to convince her to see some kind of therapist?”
Randy hesitated momentarily. “What do you think her reaction would be to such a suggestion?”
“She won’t want to do it,” Ty admitted, “but I’m concerned about her.”
“I appreciate your concern, Ty, but if you don’t think she’ll be too amenable to the idea, I suggest you keep talking to her yourself. The thing about brainwashing is that it affects everyone differently, and what will ultimately help one person will be different from someone else. Basically what I’m trying to say is there’s no way to know what specific words will help someone. You know her better than a counselor or therapist, so she’ll more than likely be more receptive to what you say. What’s most likely to happen is eventually you’ll say one thing that will somehow click in her brain, and she’ll start seeing the whole thing differently and be able to accept what you and other people have been saying to her.”
“So just keep talking to her, say anything that comes to mind that may help?”
“Absolutely. Keep encouraging her, telling her it wasn’t her fault, she was simply being what she thought was a good daughter, following the example given to her by her mother. It’s hard to guess what words or thoughts will be what she needs to hear.”
They talked a few more minutes, and Randy suggested a few words or ideas he may want to try. Ty thanked him for his help. He took a few minutes to consider what Randy had said, before going to see Cheyenne again.
They spent the rest of the evening going over her paper, and talking about his grandfather’s upcoming visit. She was excited to hear he would be arriving in three days.
***
Monday afternoon, Cheyenne and Ty were at the airport waiting for his grandfather’s plane. She was nervous, switching back and forth between anxious to meet him, and afraid he wouldn’t like her. Ty watched her pace in front of him as he tried to convince her she had nothing to worry about. He was sure his grandfather would love her, but he couldn’t convince her of that.