by Meg Xuemei X
“I believe I’m the most accommodating mother. I’m only asking you to keep your options open, or at least give Sha Sha an equal chance.” She smoothes her short hair back from her high forehead after her son breaks the embrace, having pacified her. “I think Xi here . . . shouldn’t be intimidated by a healthy challenge if she thinks she’s good enough to compete for you.”
“My name is Xirena. I’m not intimidated by anyone or anything, and never will be.” I try to be as polite as I can, for Kai’s sake. “It’s understandable that you don’t like me. That’s fine with me. But I want you to know I would never hurt Kai. He’s the only person in the world who has the ability to see the real me. And he thinks much higher of me than I’m worth.”
“You’re worth everything, Xire,” Kai says fiercely yet gently.
I look into his eyes that have turned golden desert in the moonlight, and the chilly room no longer feels cold.
“It’s getting late, Mom. I’m taking Xirena home.” He walks back to me, his lips brushing against the top of my head before he goes to collect his guitar and backpack.
For a brief second, I consider bidding good night to his mother, but then decide against it—the heat of her resentment is still thick in the air. So I brush pass her quietly instead. I’m used to aggression, but somehow her rejection gets to me, more than I’d like to admit. I sigh inside. After all, she’s the mother of the boy I’m with, and she obviously loves him very much.
“I’ll come back to guard the house tonight.” Kai stops at the stairs. “And Mom, there’s a wolf around here. Don’t leave the house before I come back.” Then he helps guide me down the stairs.
“I’m fine, Kai,” I say. Like a creature of the night, I have good vision in dim light.
At the bottom of the stairs, a male figure approaches. I can’t clearly see his features, only that he looks tough. Kai recognizes the man. “Hey, Dad,” he greets, not happily. Evidently, he wanted the night just for us as much as I did. “Mom’s upstairs. I’m walking Xirena home.”
I expect hostility, but the old man regards me with a kind look. “Hello,” I greet him as I pass by him. He nods with a smile.
“Good night, Dad,” Kai says.
“Aren’t you taking your bike, Kai?” his father asks.
“No, Dad,” Kai says. “We’re going to call a rickshaw on the main road.”
We tread on the pine-adorned trail, moving away from the brick house. After thirty yards or so, we start heading down the slope. Kai holds my hand. Under our feet, the distant town glows like thousands of lighted lanterns strung together. Regardless of the lovely sight, the vast blackness and the depth of field separating the moon and the town arouse only an empty feeling and a rush of anxiety in me. Soon, I dread, I’ll have to return to my mother’s place. She’ll undoubtedly interrogate me on my whereabouts and reward me with a few punches. I can only hope they aren’t heavyweight.
Unaware of my mood, Kai chuckles as if relishing the most amusing evening. When I don’t respond, he turns somber. “I’m sorry about my mom.”
“Any mother would say the same thing. I’m not upset with her,” I say. “Thank you for standing up for me.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do much. My mom has hypertension and I didn’t want to get her all worked up,” he says. “I’ll talk to her in private when she cools off. She’s gotta learn to respect you because you’re in my life now and you aren’t going away anywhere.”
It’s sweet of him to try, but I don’t think he can persuade his mother. The town has been set in its ways for thousands of years. Tradition is all the townspeople can hold on to, to feel safe, worthy, and a sense of belonging.
But a faint smile curls up at the corner of my mouth, as I recall his mother’s eyes widening in displeasure at the sight of me occupying her precious son’s lap.
“I think my dad likes you,” Kai says. “He used to be a pilot.”
“How did your family end up here?” I ask.
“For some bizarre reasons that no one had a damn clue about, my dad dragged us to this small, backwoods southern town,” Kai says. “I was six then. I used to hate him for his poor choice. Well,” he gazes at me with a thoughtful expression, “I’m not mad at him anymore. I met you, didn’t I?”
“Maybe it wasn’t a good thing to meet me, like your mother said. But she judges me before she knows me.”
“Oh, she knows you.” He laughs, stealing my line back. “When rumors about us reached her ears, she warned me of you.”
“Warned you of me?” I frown. “Now I’m a wretch whose passion in life is to corrupt her son?”
“More than that. You try to make the big wolf boy give you a foot massage,” he says.
My mouth drops open. The twins did tell him about our confrontation! Then he must have heard much worse stuff about me. I’ve been waiting for the axe to fall, and now it comes. My throat suddenly feels dusty dry. No wonder his mother highlighted the word ‘reputation’ when she tried to sway her son’s opinion of me.
“So?” I say in a husky voice, awaiting his verdict.
“I’m interested in hearing your side of the story,” he says.
“I don’t have my side of the story,” I say. I’ve vowed I wouldn’t defend my honor. I’ve never bothered with my honor since my family wronged me when I was six and a half.
He casts a sidelong look at me before turning back to the road, his features stoic.
I can see how it’ll go from here. After tonight, Kai will no longer be mine. Evidently, he’s a nice guy. He’ll take time to explain why he can’t be with me anymore. He brought me here in order to give me the time of a century before sending me away, out of the kindness of his heart. Ironically, the night he wanted to give me as his last gift has been spoiled.
A sudden assault of dizziness makes me stumble, but Kai stabilizes me.
“Damn rock!” I kick away a few dry leaves on my path.
Kai halts, turning me to face him. My face must look like a corpse’s, for I feel the blood draining.
“Ta Sha told my mom about you. And I’ve heard rumors from your school.” He meets my gaze. “I warned Ta Sha not to circulate the nasty rumors about you. I told her if I hear more, both she and Sha Sha will no longer be welcome in my studio.”
“What if those rumors are the truth?”
“I don’t care. They’re your past. You were just a little girl.”
“What did you hear?”
“Xire, I know it’s hard for you to be on the spot every day, but the vicious gossip will eventually die out.”
“What did you hear?”
Kai hesitates. “They say you’re the crook on the road. That you even steal from your own family.”
“Aren’t you worried that I might steal from you? What if I’ve stolen something from you?”
“Xirena,” he lays his guitar on the ground and holds my face and looks down at me, his features turning sharp, “anything you want, take it, or ask and then take it. Either way is fine with me.”
“Did you check to see if anything was missing from your studio after you heard those things about me?”
“Xirena, I’ve never suspected you of anything and I never will,” he reproaches. “I’ve given you my heart. What else won’t I give you?”
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE THIEF AND THE LAMB
“I was six and half,” I tell Kai. “Someone snuck in and took a few bucks from my father’s pocket while he was asleep. It was believed to be an inside job. My mother gathered her three children and demanded a confession. But no one volunteered. My brother and sister just stared ahead with innocent, stony expressions. And I smiled at them. I smiled a lot before I turned seven.”
My mother shifted to a soft tone. “Whoever admits to taking the money won’t be punished, but will be rewarded with a peach.”
“I took it!” I declared, glad I was clever enough to act before my sister and brother could. The sweet, juicy peach would be mine. “I took the money!” I sho
uted.
“You stole the money?” My mother narrowed her eyes.
“Yes, yes!” I grinned. “Now, where’s my peach?”
My mother’s hand landed square on my face. Stunned, my hands flew up to cover my face. The slap hurt, but I wasn’t ready to let go of the promised fruit. I stumbled, blinked, and protested. “But Mother, you said peach —”
“You’ll get that peach when I’m finished beating the thief out of you!” my mother answered with more smacking. I began to see stars and realized there’d never be a peach. What had gone wrong? I turned to my brother and sister with a pleading look, but all I saw was contempt and gloating in their eyes.
“A thief!” my brother smirked.
“Once a thief, forever a thief!” My sister held up a pinkie before my face. Wiggling her pinkie was her signature. “Remember!” she emphasized.
“Where’s the money?” my mother asked. “Tell me where you hid it, Xirena, and all will be forgiven.” She was more concerned with the whereabouts of the lost dollars than my thievery.
“I . . . I didn’t take it. But when you said a peach, I . . .”
Losing her patience, my mother pinched my ears and lifted me up into the air. “A thief is like the crook in the road,” my sister’s high-pitched voice and my brother’s puberty-cracked voice joined in. “She steals from her own family.” My mind went blank.
How I regretted shouting, “I took it.”
When my mother’s hands let go of my ringing ears, I glanced over at my brother and sister in great sorrow—my lovely sister was a star student, and my brother was one of the coolest kids in town. I, on the other hand, was born with a pair of slanted eyes that struggled to see the world. No sane person would believe one of them could be the thief instead of me.
“Xirena has a thief’s eyes.” My brother stood over me like a tower.
I wanted to shrink away into nothing, but my mother still had a hold of my left ear.
“She’s always sneaky. She even walks like a little mouse!” my sister added. “I don’t even want my friends to know we’re related!”
Under my mother’s interrogation, it didn’t take me long to further confess the crime I didn’t commit. In a mist of tears, I told them all of my indoor hideouts.
I spread my arms wide and let them frisk me first. My mother’s hands were rough with me, but I didn’t complain. I just wanted it to be over.
They proceeded to turn over every inch of the house to locate the money, until there was only one place left—the deep, dark corner under a heavy wooden bed I shared with my sister. Two sides of the bed were against the walls; a heavy chest blocked the other side. So there was only one way in.
My mother and brother were too big to crawl under, so the task fell on my sister. She barely made it under the bed. After she crawled back out, empty-handed, with spider webs hanging from her silky hair, she glared at me. I didn’t glare back, considering the circumstances.
“She must have spent it all,” said my brother, “on candies or maybe a peach.” He turned to me with a hint of a condescending smile. “Admit it, Xirena, and you can go and play.”
Fleeing the fray was all I could hope for. “I . . . I admit,” I said. “I spent it all . . . I bought plums.”
“Where are the plums?” my sister demanded. Plums were her favorite fruit.
“I ate them all before I came home. I knew you’d take them from me if you saw them,” I say. “You’re a bigger girl.”
My sister pursed her lips.
“And I swallowed all the seeds . . .” I added. The seeds of Chinese plums were tiny. I had swallowed some of them before to see whether the seeds would grow inside me and turn me into a plum tree.
My mother struck me again. My cheekbone hurt. I sobbed, terrified that this punishment would never end. But I quickly came up with an idea. “Forgive me, Mother . . .” I repented, slapping my sooty, tear-stained face hard, so she couldn’t continue whacking me. “Please don’t hit me again.” I gave myself two more hard slaps. “See, you’ve beat the thief out of me!”
My mother couldn’t help but laugh. She released me. My brother joined the laughter; my sister shot me a disdainful look.
The matter didn’t drop. As word spread, anyone who lost something would consider me first and come to me demanding I return their goods.
I lived in the west side of town, but that didn’t stop the townspeople from the east from traveling to seek me out. Sometimes I would be accused of something as ridiculous as stealing a goat that weighed more than me. It got really tiresome the way they talked to me as if my small hands and little legs could work magic when it came to stealing, as if I had flown to their houses and through their windows to take their animals, food, or any other valued items. I couldn’t comprehend the simple-mindedness of the townspeople, but amid them, I became the number one thief in town.
* * *
“Who took the money?” Kai asks.
“I carried on my own investigation,” I say. I learned to spy on everyone, starting with my family. But I can’t tell Kai what I found out about my brother. The most prized thing locked in his drawer wasn’t money, as I had hoped, but instead, a leather-bound, handwritten pornographic novel that circulated among the small town boys.
“My mother kept her secret money between the cracks of the wooden bed boards under her mattress,” I say. “My father had no clue.”
I can’t tell Kai my father’s secret either. It was a bottle of medicine hidden inside his old socks. Even though I looked in the dictionary to check out the word “impotency,” I never quite got the meaning.
“It was my sister who took the money,” I say. I skip the whole story about how I had a spare key to her vault and read her journal before my mother broke the lock, found the diary, and read it in public just for entertainment.
But my sister didn’t hide the money in her vault.
“I followed her to the woods,” I say. I excel at trailing people. “She hid the money in a small wooden box and buried it under a tree.”
Hiding on top of a leafy branch, I cupped my hand to my mouth and imitated a wolf’s howl to drive her away. There was no wolf in the woods, but my sly yet ignorant sister didn’t know better. She ran away before she completely covered the box with dirt and leaves.
“I dug up her box and took all the money inside—four dollars and eighty five cents.” I omit the part where after I took the contents of the box, I refilled it with dog dung and buried it the exact way my sister had.
“But you never cleared your name,” Kai says.
I shrug a shoulder. I chose money over my reputation, for I had lost faith in my family. My sister would just deny everything with a dignified, innocent look. Everyone would rather trust her anyway. In the end, I’d not only lose the money, but also provide them with hard evidence against me. I wasn’t that dumb to let that happen.
But I underestimated the town’s memory. It never forgives. So Ta Sha could dig up dirt on me from all the way back to my childhood. They had pinned things I didn’t do on me, but for the crimes I actually committed, no one had a clue.
“So all these years, no one ever came to your defense?” he asks.
I laugh loftily. “Came to my defense?”
He pulls me into his arms as if I am a wounded bird, which feels like an insult to me. I struggle free. “I’m a survivor, not a victim,” I say in a soft, clipped voice.
“I know. But I would come to your defense. I’ll always come to your defense, no matter what.”
“I’ve defended myself fine.”
He laughs. “They say that you fought like a dirty scoundrel when you were a kid. I can picture that. I’ve seen how furious you can get.”
“I’m not a brute.”
“I never said you were,” he says. “A brute could never have the gentle, sad look that you sometimes have when you think no one’s watching you.”
If I do have the gentle side, I don’t want to dwell on that quality. “I’m a strategis
t, Kai.”
He laughs more. “When my mom described how you handled the twins and their minions, I couldn’t help but laugh. My Xire takes crap from no one.”
“But you held back on me.” I throw him a baleful look. “And made me nervous.”
“I made you nervous? I have that kind of effect on you?”
“Devastating,” I nod with a grumble, “not to my taste.”
A delighted look sparks in his warm, now honey colored eyes.
“I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop,” I say.
“I didn’t want to upset you more than necessary.” He shifts his guitar case and his backpack on his shoulder, so he has more room to pull me closer to his side, and I fit myself against him. “I hate that they try to hurt you. But it won’t happen anymore. I’ve warned Ta Sha to stay away from you.”
What Sha Sha said about why Kai took an interest in me suddenly parrots in my head. “Do I remind you of a small wounded animal?” I ask.
“Your skeptical nature surfaces again. If you could see how I see you, you’d understand. The first time you turned your icy gaze on me, I didn’t freeze. Instead, I had this strange déjà vu. I became helplessly curious about you.” He pauses to turn my face to him, looking deep into my eyes. I hold my breath. “You were known as the ice girl who never smiles, but when you smiled at me for the first time, you branded me. I felt like I was burned by a solar flare, only it was a good burn, and I was a goner. You’re both ice and fire, and I can’t get past that.” He strokes my cold cheek, his gaze caressing me intimately, as desire lights his darkened bronze eyes. My lips part, my pulse quickens, and my knees go weak, for that’s the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.
But instead of surrendering myself to him, I swallow, telling myself not to trust any man one hundred percent, even though a mingled sweetness and ache has tightened my chest.