Dangerous Confessions of the Heart (Dangerous Secrets of the Heart)

by Johnson, Michele

  “Of course...” He said.

  “You didn’t need to take notes or learn what I liked to make me to fall in love with you.” I admitted. “I was already in love with you the first day we met…hell, I was transfixed on you.”

  He smiled.

  “Truth is…I still am.” I said with a smile.

  He grabbed me and pulled me in to kiss me but just as our lips touch I heard someone clearing their throat. I pulled away and looked up. It was Austin. He had changed his clothes from the bloody suit to jeans and a shirt.

  “Hey…” I embarrassedly said.

  “Your parents told me to tell you that dinner is ready.” He announced.

  I didn’t know what to say. How much did he hear? I didn’t want to break his heart this way. I remind silent.

  “Thank you Austin.” Jesse said as he looked at my face. “Come on. I’m sure they will want to talk to you.”

  I rolled my eyes as Jesse got up. I took his hand and reluctantly walked to the dinner table where my parents were. Sarah had changed from her blood soaked wedding dress into jeans and a shirt from my mother as well.

  “Here Jesse, I’m guessing these will fit you.” Mom said handing Jesse a stack of clothes.

  He walked into the other room and changed as well.

  We sat down at the dinner table. Mom had made my favorite: medium steaks, mash potatoes, rolls, green beans and macaroni & cheese. It smelled delicious.

  As we began to eat, dad and mom explained the story that Jesse just told me. They said they moved here not long after they were discovered in Florida and had the baby. The word baby struck Jesse.

  “Oh…The baby? Where is the baby?” Jesse asked.

  “…” I hung my head.

  “What happened?” He asked.

  I could feel everyone staring at me waiting for the answer. “The night…that Bill and James got me… Bill offered me a deal to leave and never return…I refused of course…” I began the story of my worst night ever. “But…because I refused…James was ordered to “take care of the baby”…he repeatedly kicked my stomach after throwing me down a flight of stairs.”

  My eyes started to tear as I thought about the pain of that night.

  “I lost the baby…James put me in the hospital with a new identity and some cash. Once I was out he ordered me to leave and call me when I got where I was going… I couldn’t refuse; he said he would kill me if I didn’t go. I thought I had lost everything: mom, Jesse, the baby, I thought I even lost my father…” I confessed.

  “You…you never told me any of this…” Austin whispered interrupting me.

  “…One of my best kept secrets.” I admitted as tears rolled down my checks.

  Jesse’s blood began to boil. “I’ll kill him…he killed my baby. He is the reason for all of this.”

  “Jesse. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him…” I tried to get him to see.

  “Damn right I wouldn’t. I would be at home, with you, and newborn baby.” He said.

  “But if he hadn’t left that wedding announcement, I wouldn’t have gone back to look for you.” I admitted. “I would have stayed here, most likely married Austin and had a few babies here.”

  I realized the sting of my words as they flowed out of my mouth. I looked at Austin. His face looked wounded.

  “And he did help you escape the church.” Sarah pointed out.

  I looked away from Austin. I couldn’t think about the pain I had just caused him.

  “He loved you…whether he showed it or not…he was looking out for me and JJ.” Sarah tried to defend her husband.

  “I guess I understand…I would have done the same thing if it were Jamie.” He admitted.

  “Speaking of James…are we heading back soon? I need to make sure he’s okay. And you obviously don’t need me anymore.” She said.

  “I’ll go with you… We’ll all go.” I spoke up.

  “Well, your father and I have to stay here with Stanly, but you four, be careful and we will see you when you get back.” My mother said.

  “Thanks Helen.” Jesse said.

  I hugged my parents and kissed Stan. “I love you guys.” I said embracing them tightly.

  “We love you.” They said.

  I didn’t want to leave their arms. I spent several minutes in them. I couldn’t believe this had happened, my mother was safe. My father was safe and I had a new little brother. Everything was great… ”well almost everything…” I thought as I looked towards the road at Austin’s mustang.

  “I’ll be back soon.” I told my parents.

  I climbed in Austin’s mustang with the others. Austin drove while Sarah sat up front with him. Jesse and I were in the back.

  “So, is your friend with the jet still there?” Austin asked.

  “I called him a few minutes ago; he said he never left…he’s got the jet fueled up and ready.” Jesse said. “I really have missed you.” He whispered to me and gently slid his hand against mine.

  “I missed you too Jesse.” I admitted in a whisper so Austin couldn’t hear.

  He began to feel my finger as I realized I was wearing Austin’s ring.

  He pulled it up and looked at it. “What is this?” He whispered hatefully.

  “Um…I was going to tell you…” I whispered trying to keep it between us.

  “An engagement ring…? You’re wearing his engagement ring.” He said out loud.

  “Yes but…” I started.

  “Just…just don’t.” he said.

  I turned my head towards the window and he did the same. We sat in silence as we drove to the airport. I could tell Jesse was angry, but he wouldn’t let me explain. I had no idea he still wanted to be with me.

  We boarded Johnny’s jet; Jesse sat up front with Johnny in the copilot seat and Austin, Sarah and I sat in the back. They were up towards the front and I was sitting alone in the back trying to figure out what to do. I fiddled with the dolphin ring then removed it. I placed it back on my chain necklace. I noticed Sarah walking toward me.

  “Hey.” She said.

  “Hey.” I repeated.

  “Whatcha thinking about…?” She asked.

  “I…I don’t know what to do Sarah.” I said.

  “Regarding?” She asked.

  “I have two great guys…How do you know who is right for you?” I asked.

  “Believe it or not…I was in that same situation.” She began as she sat in front of me. “Two guys…”

  “What did you do?” I asked.

  “Your heart…will eventually tell you.” She said. “It’s hard… you really don’t know. But then one day…it hits you”

  “So…you just…knew?” I asked.

  “Well no…I made my decision based on the paternity of my baby.” She said. “JJ…I didn’t know if he was James’ or Jesse’s until he was born.”

  “So…you still love them both?” I said.

  “Yes. But I knew where my heart truly belonged when I heard the doctor say it was James’” She admitted. “You see…I don’t believe things just happen. Everything has a purpose…Fate will always intervene.”

  “But how does that help me? I’m not pregnant.” I said.

  “I’ll tell you something... it might make the decision harder or easier…if you’re interested…” She began.

  “Go on…” I said curiously.

  “Jesse searched franticly for you…he even went to Florida because he thought you were there. He would go to the ends of the earth to have you back… that’s why…when he found out about Austin…He tried to kill him.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “He had a fist fight with Austin on this very jet… over you.” She said. “Austin was, kind of boasting about sleeping with you the night before my wedding.” She said.

  “Wow…” I said in disbelief.

  “But…like I said… this could make or break your decision.” She said. “Do you have any idea who to choose?” she asked.

  “Honestly…I
wish I did.” I said.

  “Well, good luck.” She said as she got up.

  “Hey Sarah?” I asked.

  “Yeah?” She said.

  “Why did you sell my mother’s sky blue dress?” I asked.

  “I’m sorry.” She admitted. “I did a lot of things I’m not proud of…I don’t expect you to forgive me.” She said. “I didn’t expect you to even talk to me but here we are…”

  “I’m not the type to hold a grudge.” I admitted.

  “Thank you…and I truly am sorry.” She said.

  “You’re forgiven Sarah.” I said.

  She walked away.

  I laid my head against the wall as she walked away. I began to drift into a coma like state. I wasn’t asleep, but I wasn’t awake. I stared out the window and watched the clouds as they passed in the dark sky. About 2 hours had past. Jesse crossed back towards me.

  “Hey.” I said.

  “Hmm” He said moving his head in acknowledgement.

  My heart broke as he walked right past me to the bathroom. I stared out the window while he was in there. Tears began to trail down my cheeks. After he exited I grabbed his arm.

  “Please, sit with me…talk to me.” I said.

  “Jamie…”

  “Please!” I urged.

  “What do you want to say?” He said sitting down in front of me.

  “I didn’t know you wanted me…I put on his ring when I got home from being rejected from what I thought was you.” I admitted in a whisper. “I love you.”

  “What about him?” He said.

  “I…I…” I didn’t know what to say.

  “You love him…” He said.

  “…well…yes” I admitted.

  “Where do we go from here Jamie?” He asked. “I was expecting to find you and continue our life we planned…does none of that matter to you anymore?” He asked.

  “It matters….It matters a lot.” I admitted with tears falling.

  “You want that life…kids, husband, dog, beautiful house…but you don’t know who you want it with…” He said.

  “Jesse…I wasn’t planning on falling in love with him…It just happened.” I admitted.

  “I get it…don’t worry about it… Why did you come back with us?” He asked.

  “To see James…and give you support…” I said.

  “I love you Jamie…but I don’t think I can share your heart…I want all of you, not just half…you have to decide who you want…” He said as he got up and walked away.

  “Wait….” I said.

  He ignored me and continued to walk back to the front.

  I leaned my head against the window and began to cry harder. My heart burned. I wanted both of them but I knew I couldn’t do that. What was I going to do? I closed my eyes and began to think but before I knew it I had cried myself to sleep.

  Sarah had fallen asleep right after me. Jesse had come to the back of the plane and was sitting in front of Austin.

  Austin looked over at me as I was sleeping. Jesse noticed.

  “Don’t even think about it.” Jesse warned in a whisper so he didn’t wake us up.

  “Are you second guessing her feelings for you?” Austin asked.

  “Honestly…” Jesse said. “No.” He lied.

  “And if she picks me…” Austin said.

  Jesse paused. “Then…” He took a deep breath. “I’d let her go…” Jesse admitted. “That’s why I’m trying to keep my distance…I’m letting her choose.”

  “She thinks your pushing her away because of me.” Austin said.

  “I…I just don’t want to think about her and anyone else…I love her.” Jesse said.

  “And you think I don’t” Austin said quickly in return.

  “I don’t know…” Jesse said.

  “I found out after I bought the ring that she wasn’t who she claimed to be…” Austin said. “Using a fake name…I learned her whole story after I planned to ask her to marry me.”

  “…Fake name?” Jesse asked.

  “Yes. The name she told me was Ami Anderson.” He said.

  Jesse smiled with a small laugh.

  “What?” Austin asked.

  “Anderson…that’s my last name...” He said with a smile and a little confidence.

  Austin rolled his eyes. “I was warned not to get involved with her…Mark told me “My daughter’s heart belongs to him…” But did I listen?” Austin said.

  “Well, we’ll just leave it up to her.” Jesse said. “…How about that?”

  “Sound’s good to me.” Austin said.

  “Or, you cut this deck, highest card wins.” Jesse said.

  “Sure.” Austin said.

  Austin cut the deck.

  “Ready?” Jesse said.

  “Yeah.” Austin said.

  “1, 2, 3” they said in unison.

  They flipped the cards over. Both were Aces.

  “Let’s try again.” Austin said.

  “No…We’ll let her decide. Let’s play some poker instead.” Jesse said as he began to deal the cards.

  Chapter 18

  Jesse and Austin played cards until we finally landed in Niagara Falls.

  “I’ll give you a call if I need you again.” Jesse said to Johnny. “Thanks again.”

  We found where they had parked Sarah’s car and we got in. This time I decided to sit up front hoping that Jesse would drive. But sadly I was mistaken; Sarah climbed into the driver’s seat and the two guys got in back. I hung my head. I needed to make things right with Jesse. I needed him to know that my heart longed for him. But, I had spent so much time with Austin. I had disappointingly falling for two guys. Now I know what you might be thinking; it would be awesome having two guys fight over you. But trust me; it isn’t.

  I stared at the window as we all drove in silence to the hospital. I watched the familiar scenes and faces as we drove through. I missed Niagara Falls. I think I am ready to be back here; back home, where I belong. Hawaii is beautiful but my heart is here. But would Austin ever leave Hawaii? If that’s who I decide I want to be with. There was a lot to do. I still had many questions for both guys, but this time, I think I know the answers.

  We parked at the hospital and walked inside. Jesse and Sarah led the way to the room. We walked towards the room where he was but a nurse stopped us.

  “Hello, Mrs. Anderson?” she said.

  “Yes?” Sarah and I said in unison.

  I had been so use to being called that in Hawaii.

  “Oh…I mean this one.” She said pointing to Sarah.

  “Yes, how is my husband?” She asked.

  “Mrs. Anderson…I’m… I’m dreadfully sorry to tell you...” The nurse began.

  “No…no” she said with a whimper.

  “Yes…Your husband…he didn’t make it.” the nurse said.

  Sarah fell to her knees and began to cry. Austin reached down and put his arms around her. She pulled herself into his chest.

  “He did however… have time to write these.” The nurse said handing Jesse four envelopes.

  “Thank you ma’am...” Jesse said.

  About thirty minutes had past when we finally got Sarah off the floor. Austin carried her bridal style down the elevator towards the cafeteria. He placed her on a booth while Jesse and I got the food. He ordered four hamburgers and four fries. We brought them to the table along with drinks and begged Sarah to eat something.

  My heart broke when I looked into her eyes. They were red as blood from the crying. She had lost her husband only a day after their wedding. Austin held her tight.

  “Sarah…” Jesse said.

  “Yea…” Sarah weakly answered back.

  “James…left these with the nurse.” He said as he pulled out the envelopes. They each had a written name on them. Sarah reached for hers. The one underneath that was Austin, he grabbed his. The next one was Jesse, he picked up his. And the final one was Jamie. I slowly picked it up.

  “If…if you guys don’t mind,
I’d like some privacy.” Sarah said.

  “Sure, yeah.” We said in unison as we all got up.

  “Actually, let’s all take some privacy.” Jesse said.

  We all went to separate parts of the cafeteria.

  Austin gently opened his:

  Dear Austin,

  I didn’t know you very well but by the looks of it; you were great for Jamie. Thank you for all of the support you gave her. God knows she needed it. I feel terrible about the baby and Jesse. I hate myself for the role I had in it. But if it hadn’t happened then she wouldn’t have met you. If she chooses you, you will treat her with respect, honor and decency. If you don’t, I will haunt you from the grave until the day you die. HAHAHA just kidding. But please, take care of her, or any woman you will ever have. I took mine for granted; I hope she finds happiness again. I hope the best for all of you. In these last few hours I have grown to accept the road that lies ahead. Death is staring at me and I’m ready to accept it.

  It’s been a pleasure,

  James

  Austin’s folded his letter and placed it in his pocket. He was happy that James thought about him in his final hours.

  Next was Jesse:

  He gently slid his opened and began to read it.

  My dearest Brother,

  Words cannot describe the pain I have in my heart as I think about what I have done to you. From the time we were little until now I have not been a brother to you. I have deceived you, dishonored you, tried to destroy you, and taken everything from you. It would be easy to place the blame on our father but I can’t do that. It was me; I had the choice to be like you. I had the choice to run from our father’s wickedness, but I chose greed, money, and power. I slept with Sarah when I knew she was with you, I conceived JJ and for that…I cannot say I’m sorry for. But I am sorry for the part I played in making you lose your baby; I shouldn’t have done what dad had said. I killed your baby. For that I am truly sorry. I don’t expect this to make up for anything but my dying wish was to apologize to you and Jamie. Because I realized I don’t have much time I wrote these letters. I wish I could’ve said this all in person. I love you brother. I couldn’t have asked for a better one. I don’t have to ask you to take care of Jamie because I know you will, but please dear brother; I ask you, if she chooses him…let go.