Brothers for life,
James.
Jesse eyes began to tear as he read his brothers letter. “I forgive you.” He whispered to the sky.
Sarah read hers next:
My beautiful Sarah,
It kills me that we couldn’t have a honeymoon. I was looking forward to our life together with JJ. I need you to be strong for him. I can’t be there. Please do me this favor. I need you to help Jamie and those two. They all deserve to be as happy as we were. Also, I want you to find happiness again. Fall in love, give JJ a father; the father I could never be. Also, I’m so sorry I sent you away. I knew in my heart that I wasn’t going to make it and I couldn’t let you stay and see me leave you. I couldn’t bear to see your hurt face as I took my last breath. The face I know you have as your reading this. Please dear, find love and know that I will always love you. From the day I die and all the time after. I will forever love you.
Your truest love,
James.
Sarah had tears rolling down her eyes as she read his final words to her. “I will forever love you, my love.” She said out loud as she held the letter to her chest.
After I had examined the rest of them reading their letters I knew it was my turn.
I slowly and carefully opened the letter.
Dear Jamie,
I cannot tell you or anyone else how truly and deeply sorry I am for everything. I was a despicable, deceitful, and devilish man; just like my father. I wish I could blame him but I can’t. The actions I had were my own. I take full responsibility for the pain I caused you. I take full responsibility in the pain I caused Jesse. I know this could never make up for what you had to loose. I couldn’t leave this earth without saying it. As far as you, I want you to be happy. I hope you made my father suffer for what he did to you. I hope he is dead. And above all, I hope that you are at peace. Make yourself happy Jamie. Follow your heart to whatever man you see fit. Think about them. Take the time to analyze what life will be like with both of them. I’m sure the decision you make will be the best one for you. Jesse and Austin are both great, responsible, family men (unlike me and Bill) Good luck Ami. I hope you live a long and happy life.
Maybe your brother in law, but above all YOUR FRIEND,
James.
I closed the letter. My heart forgave him and felt warm inside. I will miss him immensely.
About 20 minutes after we had all finished our letters we each returned to the table.
“Are you alright?” Austin asked Sarah.
“I will be.” Sarah admitted.
“Where are you going to go?” Jesse asked.
“I think I’ll pick up my son from his aunts…and then…I think I’m going to head to Hawaii. It was beautiful there.” Sarah said.
“Sounds like a plan to me.” Austin said.
“What about you guys?” Sarah asked.
I turned my head.
“We, aren’t so sure yet.” Austin spoke for Jesse, me and him.
“Well, good luck you guys. Austin…could you walk me out.” She asked.
“Sure.” He said. “Umm…I’ll be back.” He said to me.
They walked away.
“Are…Are you okay?” I asked Jesse.
“I don’t really know what to feel right now.” He said.
“I’m sorry about James.” I said.
“He was a hateful, evil person…but in the end…it actually hurts that he is gone.” He admitted.
“You miss him?” I asked.
“Strangely…yes.” He said.
I smiled at him. “You have a big heart Jesse. Not many would forgive…”
“Do you?” He asked.
“What?”
“Do you forgive him?” He asked.
“Strangely…yes.” I said.
He gave out a laugh.
“Where do go from here?” He asked.
“Well, I have some thinking to do…” I admitted.
“You’ll know where to find me…” Jesse said as he got up. He placed his lips on my forehead.
Austin was walking back in. I could see Jesse stop and say something to him. He turned around and left with Jesse. I knew what I had to do. I got up and went outside. I called a cab. Conner picked me up and took me back to my home. I slowly walked the somehow calming woods towards my sacred place. Once I reached it I climbed to the top. The cave seemed more alive than it did last time I was here. I leaned against the wall and began to think.
Jesse was my first. I never stopped loving him. I had spent so much time missing him while I was in Hawaii. He is an amazing partner and I could see myself growing old with him. He would be an amazing father and I could give him the child that we had taken from us; the child that we wanted all along.
Or:
I could leave what I was use to and stay in Hawaii with Austin. He would also be a great husband and an amazing father. I could erase the pain of the past and start over from scratch. Have the life I wanted less than a month ago with Austin.
I decided I needed to speak to them. There was something’s that they needed to explain to me.
I called Jesse first. I told him to meet me at our spot. He climbed into the waterfall with me.
“Hey.” I said.
“Hey.” He echoed.
“Are you still mad at me?” I asked.
“I shouldn’t have been in the first place.” He admitted.
“I love you Jesse.” I confessed.
“I love you.” He said.
“So, you explained mostly everything to me…but I might have a couple more questions.”
“Then shoot…” He said.
“After finding out that I’ve been with Austin…do you still desire me?” I asked.
“Of course…” He confessed.
“If we were to start where we left off…would you accept me being friends with Austin?” I asked.
“It will be hard, but if I knew you didn’t have any regrets about choosing me then I don’t see a problem with it.” He admitted.
“Would you consider moving to Hawaii with me?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s pretty there.” He said.
“Okay…I think that is all the questions.” I admitted. “I’ll talk to you soon.” I said.
He grabbed me and placed his hand on my neck and rested his thumb on my cheek. He slowly pulled me deep into a kiss. Our lips moved rhythmically with each other’s.
“You remember our first kiss in here?” He asked after a few moments.
“I could never forget.” I said.
He pulled me onto his lap and kissed me again. I felt the bulge in his pants as I pulsated on him moving side to side.
“You don’t know how much I’ve missed this, I want you so bad.” He admitted.
“And I want you…” I admitted. “But…I have work to be done.”
I prided myself off of him. “I love you”
“I love you too.” He said as he exited the cave.
I didn’t want to bring Austin here. This was mine and Jesse special place. I took him to the outside of my house and leaned against the wall. I slid down and sat on the grass. He did the same.
“So, who was the man you were arguing with?” I asked.
“You dad…” He admitted.
“When did you discover my name?” I asked.
“About a month after I bought the dolphin ring.” He admitted.
“If I chose you, would you move here with me?” I asked.
“Defiantly, I would need some warmer clothes but yeah, I would love to live here with you.” He said.
“Knowing that half my heart would still belong to Jesse…would you still want to be with me?” I asked.
“It’s hard to think about that, but if you chose me then I would trust you to be faithful to only me.” He said.
“Is it true that you were boasting to Jesse about sleeping with me the night before the wedding?” I asked.
“Regrettably; yes.” He admitted. “I got a bloody nose from it.”
“I think that is all the questions. Would you like to say anything?” I asked.
“I want you to know that I love you. But I will respect any decision you make.” He admitted.
He placed his hand on my neck and rested his thumb on my cheek. He pulled me into a kiss and just like with Jesse our lips moved rhythmically together.
“You’d better get going.” I said. “I have a lot to consider.” I admitted.
“I will always love you.” He admitted.
“And I will always love you too.” I admitted.
He walked away.
I knew a decision had to be made and one of these great guys was going to be hurt…
BUT WHO?
Chapter 19
It had been over a year since everything had happened. Sarah and JJ had moved to Hawaii to my beach house and I had moved back to Niagara Falls into my parent’s house. They stayed in Hawaii and are taking care of Stanly who about a week ago started walking. Cody is content here, since this is where he was born. He loved running freely in the open woods. Everything was perfect.
Today is September 16th. I had turned 21 on August 16th when I was purposed to. The wedding came together rather rapidly but if I know my family and friends it will be just like I dreamt it would be. In my bedroom I stood looking at myself in my full length mirror. I was wearing silver heels with a long beautiful white dress. In the middle was a sparkling silver sash around my waist, I had a beautiful pearl necklace on and the dress was sleeveless. My hair was placed in an elegant bun with small white flowers placed in it and small pieces of hair were curled around my face. I heard a knock on my door.
“It’s almost time baby.” Mom said as she entered the room.
“Is everyone decent?” Dad asked from the hallway.
“Yes Mark, come in.” She said.
My dad walked in and looked at me. His eyes filled with tears as he gazed upon his little girl.
“Are you okay dad?” I asked.
“You’re beautiful.” He said. “You look just like your mother on the day of our wedding.”
“…The first time or this last time…?” I said with a laugh.
“Ha, the first time…” He said.
“Dad, do you think I made the right choice?” I asked.
“I think; you know you did...” He said.
“I hated breaking his heart. The look on his face was unbearable when I told him.” I admitted.
“Do you love the man you’re marrying?” He asked.
“Of course…” I confessed.
“Then that’s all that matters.” He said. “I’m sure he’ll find love again. He is a good looking guy.”
“Dad, you’re not helping.” I said.
“No, but I can?” A familiar face entered the room.
“Kellie!” I cheered as I wrapped my arms around her.
“Girl, I have missed you.” She said. “Look how beautiful you look.”
“I’ve missed you too.” I said. “How is Steven?” I asked.
“Here I am.” He said from behind. He came in the room with a beautiful little girl.
“Aww...” I said. “How old…?” I asked.
“She is a year yesterday.” Kellie said.
“Congratulations girl.” I said kissing the little girl’s head. “What’s her name?”
“Her name is Amilia.” She said. “I thought of you being called Ami… we call her Ami.”
“Excuse me.” Another voice said. “The ceremony is about to start.” Sarah said from behind everyone.
“Thank you Sarah.” I said.
“You’re gonna knock his socks off when he sees you.” Kellie said and kissed my cheek.
“Bye guys.” I said as the room cleared and everyone left.
I looked in the mirror again and placed my veil on. I grabbed my beautiful bouquet of sky blue flowers. I walked down the stairs and out of the back door of the house. A long white trail, with sky blue rose peddles was leading me into the woods. I followed it until I reached my father. He looked striking in his tux and his sky blue tie. I laced my arm in his.
“Don’t let me fall dad.” I said as we began to walk to the wedding march.
He took me down the trail. We approached a hand built bridge right in front of my waterfall. He walked me over it and walked me towards my groom that was waiting for me. As we approached, everyone was standing to their feet. I saw a lot of familiar faces in the crowd; Kellie & Steven, Charles & his wife, My father & mother, Mrs. White & David, Stella, Sarah & JJ, and all of my groom’s and my distant family and friends. He stopped me in front of the altar and kissed my cheek. He placed my hand into my grooms. I smiled up at him. He was wearing black tux and a sky blue tie as well. I looked behind me. My bridesmaids were wearing dresses exactly like my mother’s dress that I wore when I was young. Everything looked enchanting. I said my vows to my groom and he returned them. I placed a silver engraved wedding band on him. It said “Forever yours, Ami”. He placed a silver band on my finger. The pastor said “I now pronounce you man and wife, kiss you’re bride.” I looked upon the most handsome face as our lips began to move together. We pulled apart and smiled at our guests. We announced that there is food and drinks back at the house. Everyone followed the trail to the house. I stayed behind with my groom. I looked up at my waterfall.
“What is it?” He asked.
“Just thinking…” I said.
“You want to go get it?” He asked.
“No, it’s where it belongs…” I said. “It was never truly mine anyway. It belonged to Elizabeth.”
“Come on, before everyone eats all our food in the house.” He said with a laugh.
I took his hand and followed the trail of sky blue rose peddles. We reached the house and just outside the door there was a familiar face.
“Umm…go on in…I won’t be long.” I said.
“Okay.” He said and greeted the man with a small one armed hug.
“Hey…” The man said.
“Hey, it’s great to see you.” I admitted.
“It was a beautiful ceremony.” He said.
“Thank you and thanks for coming.” I said.
“You’re…you’re welcome.” He said trying to find more than that to say.
“You can stay…if you want.” I offered.
“I’d better not.” He said.
“Well, tell me; how have you been?” I asked.
“Good. I’m actually dating Sarah now.” He admitted. “…been going out for about a month now…I’m living with her in Hawaii, in the shack home she bought from you.”
“Oh, really…? She hadn’t told me. That’s wonderful. Congrats.” I said. “I only want what’s best for both of you.” I admitted. “But…I’ll never stop loving you.” I confessed.
“I will always love you to Ami.” He confessed.
“I’d better get inside now…” I said.
“You take care of yourself.” He said. “And warn your husband, if I found out he isn’t taking care of you, I’ll find him and rip his testicles out of his ass.”
“Ha, I’ll tell him.” I said with a laugh. “Bye.” I said as he turned around and walked back towards the drive way. I thought about my decision. I don’t know if I could be any happier with it. My future was now complete and the course was set. Now I could create my family. I looked down at my ring and smiled as I read it:
FOREVER YOURS, JESSE
Dangerous Confessions of the Heart (Dangerous Secrets of the Heart) Page 12