Muireann smiled up at him. "In every sense. I have the sheets still, if you don't believe me."
He began to plant a trail of molten kisses down her ivory throat. "My God, I can't believe how lucky I am. You really love me."
"I do, Lochlainn, with all my heart, though I haven't always shown it. But before we get too carried away by our reunion," she cautioned, holding him at arm's length, "there's something else I have to confess to you, something I'm truly ashamed of. You know that house in Dublin I sold to support us here at Barnakilla?"
"Yes, and you came back so withdrawn and unhappy. What of it?"
She looked at him and colored. "It wasn't just any sort of house. It was a whorehouse. Sam and Emma were two people I tried to rescue from prostitution. That was what Augustine had done with a lot of his money. He was taking a share of their earnings, using those people, profiting from others' vices."
"Good God, I don't believe it! Did they hurt you?" Lochlainn demanded furiously, stroking her cheek.
She shook her head. "No, not physically, but mentally. It was awful. I thought I was a woman of the world, knew about such things, but I had never imagined…. The things I saw, Lochlainn, were too terrible for words.
"And I hated taking the money for the sale! Hated it! I loathed the idea of having to profit from those unfortunate souls. But what else could I do? We were all desperate for the money, and the madam and pimp were all too eager to buy the place from me so they would no longer have to share the profits with Augustine or his widow.
"I did offer the prostitutes all a home if they chose to leave. I talked to them, I saw what their lives were like. But for many of them, it was all they knew, that life, and life in Dublin. They didn't want to come to Enniskillen to try to work on the land, only Emma and Sam.
"In the end I could see I really had little choice. My scruples over taking money earned in such a way wouldn't have saved them, and certainly wouldn't have helped the estate here. But for a long time after that I was very depressed, wishing I could have done more.
"It also made me conscious of our own sin. Loving you out of wedlock, well, it's wrong, isn't it, according to what the Church teaches us. Only every time I looked at you, felt you in my arms, I couldn't help myself. I didn't want to reject you, believe me. I was just confused and afraid, about my life here, you, the nature of love, oh, so many things."
"But you're not confused anymore?" he asked softly.
She came over to sit on his lap and snuggle up to him. "Not any more. Love is a rare and precious gift, and I for one am not going to spurn it. I know you better than any other person in the world, and I do trust you. I also know that Barnakilla is very important to you. I needed to be sure you weren't staying with me because you loved it."
He held her hard to him. "I am staying with you because I love you. Wherever you want to go, whatever you want to do, I'll be at your side always."
"‘Til all the seas gang dry?"
"Aye, my love."
"Then you forgive me for Dublin?" she whispered.
"There's nothing to forgive. I don't blame you for being horrified by what you saw. I think I would have been too. I saw the prostitutes in Cape Town and down in Sydney when I was getting off the ships on my journey to Australia and back. It isn't the sort of life I would like to contemplate for any woman, or man. But you did what you had to do to save the estate. To save the people here from one day having to resort to that sort of existence to survive. How could I ever judge you harshly? I love you, Muireann. Whatever you do, I will try to be understanding."
"Really? Because there's one more thing I'm going to have to confess, before we decide what we want to do with the rest of our lives. Well, two things, actually."
He gave her a tiny smile. "All right, I'm listening. But I hope it isn't going to be too shocking. I don't think my heart can take much more."
"I hope the shocks will be pleasant ones. The first thing is that with part of my share of my father's estate, I've bought a new estate. Christopher's, in fact."
Lochlainn's mouth dropped open. "But how? I never thought he would give in so easily."
"Neil put pressure on the debt collectors to call all their bills due, and got them calendared to go through the courts at once. It was either sell or go to prison. So he sold to me, and I discharged his debts."
"That's wonderful news! Now we can really make Barnakilla great again, without having to worry about the wolf at our door. I know you can succeed with both estates, Muireann."
She shook her head. "I can't, my dear, because Barnakilla isn't mine any more. It never was, not really. There was a problem with the will, you see."
Lochlainn put one hand up to his brow and groaned, "Oh my God, you're not telling me Christopher is legally entitled to it after all? Think of all the money, the hard work, the sacrifices you've made! He can't take what you've invested…"
She pulled his hand down from his face to force him to look at her. "No, my love, it isn't Christopher's at all. Father Brennan found papers in the parish records in Dublin. The will that your father left said the estate had to go to his eldest living son. Eldest living son, not eldest living legitimate son. It was only Blessington and that horrible crooked lawyer who allowed Augustine and his mother to seize control while you were so far away in Australia. Barnakilla never belonged to Augustine or me. It's always been yours."
He stared at her for a moment before hugging her close. He cradled her in his lap as though he would never let her go. "Thank you, my love, thank you. If you hadn't come to save Barnakilla, to save me, I don't know what would have become of us all."
She stroked his hair back from his brow tenderly. "There's no need to thank me, my love. I did what anyone would have done. I had to. I had no choice. So now we'll be neighbors, and friends. Equals. You don't have to make any decisions right away."
"Yes, I do," he said, rising from the sofa to swing her up into his arms. "I love you, and I'm going to wed you as soon as I get the chance."
"In that case, it's a good thing Father Brennan has come with me to pay his respects," she giggled as he brought her into her bedchamber and laid her down gently on the mattress.
"We'll need to make preparations, invite everyone-"
"I don't care about any of that. I've already had one fancy wedding, and it was a nightmare. When I stand up with you, Lochlainn, I don't care if we're the only two people there."
Lochlainn's long fingers worked deftly at the buttons of her gown, while she untied his stock. "We will need a couple of witnesses. But that's fine. Best not to make a fuss with things so hard at the moment."
"They're not any more here. We have food and clothes and everything else I've managed to cram into the Andromeda. Neil will help too. He's promised to support me, no matter what. He wants us to be happy, with no more struggles and worries here at Barnakilla.
"He wanted me to stay in Scotland, but I convinced him in the end that this is where I belong, here with you. I sold my share of everything, and my mother was happy to move to Alice's new home along with my uncle and cousins. Neil and Philip are spending so much time with their ships, they need good men to look after the estate. So it's all settled. I have a new home and I can't wait to get started building it up."
"Oh no you don't, my girl," he said, shaking his head. "Now that we are to be wed, we'll restore Barnakilla to its full glory. We can use Christopher's manor house and his cottages to clear out all of the people who have been living in the big house for so long."
"Whatever you like, dearest. I've also found an excellent blacksmith for our new horses, Robert. I think you know him?"
Lochlainn paused in untying the tapes of her voluminous petticoats just long enough to gaze into her eyes. "My old friend? Ciara's old beau? But why-"
"I think he might be just what she needs if she's ever to be happy and leave the past behind her. She loved Christopher, you know."
He stared. "No, I didn't, but now it all makes sense."
"And Tara. I've sent her s
ome money, but I'm afraid she's very ill. She has consumption. I've said she can come home here if she wants to see her old home and friends, but Neil tells me that she sent a letter to the lawyer saying she's gone to the south of Italy. Christopher has headed to the United States, to seek his fortune, with one of Neil's shipping agents to keep an eye on him, and disburse his funds, which he will continue to receive so long as he stays away from Ireland for the rest of his life."
He bared her bosom and then began to roll down her warm dress with sensual sweeps of his hand. "You certainly do think of everything, Mrs. Roche."
"I do try, Mr. Roche."
Neither could hold back any longer, and tugging the last of their clothes off, they gave in to the thrilling sensations which only the other could give. Their frenzied lovemaking, though brief, revealed more than mere words the depth of their love for one another.
"My God, Muireann, it gets better every time I'm with you. I'm sorry I couldn't hold back," he panted, rolling onto his back and pulling her close to his side.
"I don't want you to, Lochlainn," she reassured him, planting kisses all over his face. "There have been too many reservations and uncertainties in our life together. I want all the secrets out in the open now, no matter how unpleasant or shocking they may be.
"As for being ashamed of your being my lover, I've told everyone my feelings for you, and they wish us joy. I can't help myself either. Every time you touch me, it is like a spark to powder, and I just ignite."
"An apt description," he laughed. "I feel like I'm on fire."
"I know I am," Muireann said as she snuggled up against him with a grin.
Then she sobered. "But there is one other thing I have to tell you, and I'm not sure how you're going to take it."
He chuckled. "After all you've told me today, anything else will be an anticlimax, but come on, let's hear it."
"We're going to have a baby."
Lochlainn simply stared at her for an eternity, before swinging his legs out of the bed and tugging on his trousers.
"I'm sorry, Lochlainn. I was hoping you would be pleased," she said in a hurt tone, as he presented a granite face to her.
"Aye, of course I would be pleased if I were certain you were. But you have so many plans, things you want to do with your life, and now I've tied you down. Now you'll have to marry me, as soon as I can arrange it. Well, I suppose it explains why you came back now of all times," he sighed.
She sat bolt upright in the bed. "I beg your pardon! Are you saying I only came back because I needed or wanted you to be the baby's father, or that I am going to demand marriage of you? How dare you! I love you! I want to be with you every day and night for the rest of our lives. I'm not some coward who can't face up to my mistakes or responsibilities. If you don't want the baby, we'll manage on our own."
She tugged the sheet up over her bare bosom and turned her face to the wall.
Lochlainn reached over and grasped her chin, turning her head so that she could look him straight in the eyes. "How long have you known? Or maybe I should say, how long have you been keeping this other piece of information to yourself ?"
"I was so busy with my father's funeral arrangements, it never even occurred to me. It was only on the trip down from Fintry, and especially when I got to Dublin, that I realized. I had been really sick on the boat across, you see, but put it down to simple mal de mer. It was only once I was on dry land and kept getting sick in the mornings, and then did some mathematical calculations, that I knew for sure."
Lochlainn sat down on the bed and hugged her to him. "So you were already on your way back to me?"
She stroked his cheek softly, trying to allay his last doubts and fears. "Please, Lochlainn, I know we've had a hard time, and the road we've traveled together has been a rocky one, but please believe me when I say I love you. Please trust yourself enough to be secure in our relationship.
"I love you. You make me so happy, I can't even begin to find the words. I would love any child we had together unreservedly, whether we're married or not. I hope that any children we may have will bring us even closer together than we already are. Please, no more ghosts from the past to haunt us. I want to start all over again, with no more doubts and misunderstandings."
He sighed and got back into the bed beside her. "Then I have to confess something as well. I wasn't looking daggers at you when we first met because I resented you. I was staring at you because I fell in love with you from the moment I first laid eyes on you. I hated myself for even thinking of you in that way, with you so young and innocent and married to my half-brother.
"I deliberately tried to think ill of you," he admitted with a sigh. "I tried to convince myself that you were a woman of the world who deserved everything you got for marrying such a dissolute wretch. But one look at those incredible eyes of yours, and I would melt. I've been such a fool. I just can't believe my luck, can't be sure I can trust it or you."
She snuggled against his lean, hard frame. "You can, Lochlainn. I've told you all there is to know. I love you. Nothing else matters, nothing, not even Barnakilla. So long as we have each other, what else do we need?"
"Oh Muireann, I've felt for so long like I've ruined your life, taken advantage of your predicament, by not having told you the whole truth. I was the one who had you come to Barnakilla. I've been so scared that you might one day resent me for that, and for all we've shared. You've given yourself so generously. Too generously. I've tried to hold back, to give you your freedom. But the number of times I just wanted to kiss you, to-"
"You were saying?" Muireann sighed as she stroked him boldly, and left him struggling for control.
"You little vixen," he purred, rolling her underneath him.
"I don't want my freedom from you, not now, not ever. I love you, Lochlainn, always."
"And I you, my darling girl. But are you sure, really sure, about staying here? We've had such dark days with the Famine, the poverty--"
"But such glorious nights. Really, dearest, I'm sure this is my home, just as I'm sure of our love for one another," she breathed as she moved against him seductively. "Can't you feel it too?"
Lochlainn kissed her then, knowing mere words were not enough to tell her how he felt. Lifting his lips, he vowed, "Wherever you are, my darling, that's where I belong."
"And wherever you are, that's my home, my dearest love."
Muireann kissed Lochlainn tenderly, an unspoken promise that they their love would thrive no matter what obstacles Fate put in their way, and they would never again be parted.
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