by E. S. Carter
I can see a resemblance now between Liam and Nate, similar build and height, same hazel eyes, similar colour hair, only Liam’s is cut a little shaggy and left a little longer.
I close my eyes and try to visualise Jake with similar colouring, trying to will the memory of him into my brain. It doesn’t work though, since that episode at the bar in Italy, the only eyes I picture when I close mine are of the deepest blue I have ever seen.
Giving myself a mental shake I focus instead on the words of the last bouquet Jake had sent me.
The flowers were beautiful, if a little unusual. When Stella arrived with them the day after the court case, she told me how he had requested Daffodils before handing over the most stunning arrangement I have ever seen. Gold, pale lemon and almost cream coloured Daffodils, were strewn throughout pretty daisies and gorgeous hellebores, finished off with lilac, lavender and scented narcissus. The bouquet not only looked like spring but it smelt like all things new.
New day, new beginnings, new life and a new hope.
Emma,
When I was a small child my mother would read to us every night before bed.
Nate’s favourite story was Treasure Island but mine was Peter Pan.
As an adult I cannot remember why I loved the story so much but I do remember this,
‘Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting’
This is me not saying goodbye.
J x
I have kept his last note, as I have kept all the others. The connection I feel to a person I do not even know, a person I cannot even remember the face of, is so strong, even now, my heart beats quicker just thinking about him.
Is he here on the island for Accede’s opening night? Will he remember who I am? More importantly will I remember who he is?
Think Emma think!
‘Wake up sleepy head, your phone has been buzzing on and off for the last fifteen minutes!’ I feel a light shove to my arm and I force my head from the uncomfortable position I must have dozed off in.
‘Thanks Liam, how long have I been asleep?’ I wipe my face, conscious that I might have been drooling.
‘I don’t know, I took a nap too but your bloody snoring woke me up.’ He grins down at me.
In one smooth motion, that surprises even me, I scoop the cushion from behind my back and sweep his legs straight out from under him with a solid hit.
‘Oh shit! Sorry Liam.’ I can’t control the giggle that bursts from my mouth at the sight of him sprawled across the terrace floor. ‘Who’s swan diving now baby?’ I offer him a hand to get up, still struggling to control my laughter.
‘Three words Jules, My. Little. Pony.’ he bats away my hand and gets up in one fluid motion.
‘You wouldn’t bloody dare!’ I make to hit him again with the same cushion and the doorbell rings just before I strike.
‘Saved by the bell you git.’ He laughs in my face before pushing me out of the way and running for the door.
‘Bro! Bloody hell man it’s good to see you.’ Liam throws his arms around whoever is on the other side of the door, catching them in a bear hug.
‘Hey squirt, you’ve grown and what the hell are you doing in my bar managers apartment?’ Liam releases his brother and stands to the side to let him in.
Before Nate takes a step inside the door, Liv squeezes past him and charges into my arms.
‘EMMA!’ she squeals, wrapping her arms around me in a death grip. ‘I’ve missed you girl!’ her voice is still a few octaves too high and her hug is squeezing all the air out of my lungs. I look over the top of her head towards Liam and Nate, both smiling and shaking their heads slightly as if to say ‘Bloody girls!’
‘Calm down Liv and relax with the hug would you or you might crack a rib, it’s only been two months!’
I try and prise her arms from their super human grip around my waist, with no avail.
‘She’s been hard work with you gone.’ Nate calls from the doorway, still observing our reunion with a smile on his face.
‘Seriously Liv, you are going to do some damage if you don’t let go.’ My words come out breathlessly, my lungs starting to struggle for air. Liv relaxes her hold and looks up at me, tears pooling in her eyes.
‘I was just worried about you that’s all, can’t a girl worry about her best mate?’ she lowers her voice to a whisper while flicking her eyes behind ‘And who the hell is that hot guy?’
Nate and Liam have now come up behind her and Liv has never been any good at whispering so I laugh when Nate questions ‘You thinking of trading me in for my little squirt of a brother darling?’
Liv drops me from her hold immediately and spins towards Nate.
‘You’re Liam? What the….. How did…… Why are you in Emma’s apartment?’
Liam and I both laugh at a loss for words Liv.
‘Well…..’ Liam smiles his shit eating grin. ‘Let me tell you a story of ponies, gelato and a girl named Jules.’ He puts his arms around Liv and walks her to the terrace.
‘Liam I’m warning you.’ I say in the sternest voice I can muster, trying to channel my mother.
He looks over his shoulder and smirks. ‘Get the beers in Jules, I think we all have some catching up to do.’
Ibiza – The White Island, where players play, partier’s party and I have just landed.
H is waiting for me at the airport, his flight landed thirty minutes before mine.
He text me to say he is in arrivals and so I battle my way through the crowds trying to look as inconspicuous as possible in my aviator sunglasses.
I keep my head down, my feet moving as fast as possible through the throngs of holiday makers and it takes me only a few seconds to locate him.
Standing alone, surrounded by a crowd of tour reps and taxi drivers who are all holding up cards with the names of travel companies or visitors they are there to collect, is H.
High above his head he holds a large white card with the words ‘Man Whore’ scrawled in bold black letters. Very fucking funny!
‘H you are fucking hilarious man, now put the fucking card down before I get shit loads of fans after my blood.’ I snarl at him.
‘Easy tiger, where’s your sense of humour or have you left it behind with your humility in Canada?’ he pats me on the back before pulling me in for a man hug.
‘I’ve still got a sense of humour H but that shit is not funny when I’ve already been splashed across every tabloid’s front page in the UK.’
‘Ah build a bridge and get over it J, this is me you’re talking to and I’ve gotta say, I’ve missed your sulky arse since you’ve turned into a megastar.’ He gives me a lopsided grin and I can do nothing but smile back.
‘Come on idiot, I’ve booked us into Ushuaia, it’s supposed to be right up your street. If you thought Acquiesce was luxurious, you ain’t seen nothing yet.’
His eyes turn as big as saucers.
‘I love you J, have I told you that lately? Not in a gay way, before you go getting any ideas, I know you’d like a piece of this an all but I mean you are like a brother to me and I know you have enough brothers of your own . . . ‘ I hold up my hand to stop him rambling. H always rambles when nervous or excited, like a 12 year old boy.
‘H calm down man, stop with the lovin’ talk, I’ve got a reputation as a man whore to protect.’
He laughs and we head out to the line of waiting taxis. H looking like a kid who’s been taken to Disney World when a gaggle of scantily clad, pale skinned, party girls hop into the shuttle bus in front of us.
‘Shit J, I can’t believe Bella let me come here, it’s like porn in HD but better because it’s live.’
I push him into the open cab door, shaking my head and laughing out loud. God it’s good to be with H, no drama, just lots and lots of laughs.
I have a feeling I will have plenty of drama coming my way when VB hits the small screen, so I’m going to make the most of the next few days.
The taxi pulls out
into traffic and my phone buzzes in my pocket.
Hey Bro let me know when u get 2 ur hotel & I can swing by and pick u up. I want u to see the club before it opens 2moro
I fire off a reply quickly
Just leaving airport will txt once we r in the room. Can’t wait to c club. Proud of u Bro
‘Nate is going to swing by and pick us up once we’ve settled in at the hotel, he wants us to see Accede before it opens, that OK with you?’ H grins and just nods, I think he’s gone into shock, I love how easily pleased he is.
Ushuaia is everything the website said it would be. Hot, exclusive, luxurious and filled to the brim with fit, pretty, little things just ripe for the picking.
I chose this hotel for H but be damned if I didn’t make a good choice for myself too.
We walk up to the reception desk and a stunning, dark skinned girl, with big chocolate eyes and lips that begged to be bitten, greets us. Her gaze lingers on me for far longer than is just friendly.
I haven’t got laid for a few days and my dick starts to wake up in my jeans in utter appreciation of the way she strokes her tongue across that full, bottom lip.
H nudges me ‘Don’t forget Nate is coming for us shortly, I am not going without you man, enough with the eye fucking.’
Never taking my eyes from Miss Chocolate I reply ‘Don’t go turning into a girl on me H, I’m not eye fucking, I’m making friends.’
‘Yeah yeah, I know exactly how you make friends J, I’m just hoping we have separate rooms.’
With that he walks away from the desk towards the elevators. I give Miss Chocolate a lascivious grin, pick up our keycards and follow my stroppy friend.
‘If you’re going to cock block me for the next few days H you’d just as well fuck off back home to Bella.’
He says nothing and walks through the now open doors of the elevator.
‘C’mon H, I know you’re not single anymore but fucking hell man, a guy has gotta have some fun.’
He looks over at me before pressing the button for our floor and the doors close.
‘I’m not sulking J, I just thought I’d at least get a few hours with you before you’d be off fucking the first thing that moves, it’s been ages since we had any time together man. I love being with Bella but it’s not the same as being with you, I just don’t want to spend the next few days like a recovering alcoholic locked in a brewery, trying to refrain from downing the lot, while my best mate is getting pissed on the finest whiskey, that’s all.’
Well doesn’t that put me in my place.
‘OK H, I get it, I’ll lay off the women until night time OK? And to answer your previous question, yes we have separate rooms, I don’t do private shows, even if you are my best mate.’ I hand him his keycard as the doors slide open.
‘Look H, let’s just have some laughs like old times before you go back home to Princess Bella and I enter an alternate universe where I won’t be able to take a shit without it being photographed or noted somewhere. Deal?’ I reach my hand out towards him.
‘Fuck Yes it’s a deal.’ H takes my hand and pulls me in for another man hug.
‘Alright, alright, enough with the PDA’s. Unpack your shit and meet me downstairs in 10 so we can go drool over Nate’s new baby.’
H releases me, his enthusiastic grin re-instated on his face before he turns towards his room and slides his card to unlock the door.
‘Fucking hell, this place is A-Mazing!’ I can hear him shouting as his door closes behind him.
Ten minutes later we are back down in the foyer of the hotel, waiting on Nate to arrive.
H has a cold Peroni in front of him and another waiting for me on the other side of the table as I approach.
‘Cheers H, I could do with a cold one.’ I sit on the stool opposite him, looking out over the entrance to the hotel.
‘Nate’s got Liv with him, he’s as loved up as you by all accounts, so it looks like I’m flying solo this weekend.’ I take a long draw of Peroni from the bottle and lean back to check out Miss Chocolate, who is still manning the front desk.
‘Yeah I know Liv is here, Nate called me yesterday to fill me in on a few things, he said your parents and other brothers were flying over too, even Liam is stopping off on his way home from wherever the fuck he’s been for the last 12 months. I think it’s great how you guys all pull together when you need each other. I’m glad I could be part of it too.’
‘Well you know more than me, Nate mentioned Liv was here, I didn’t know my parents were coming too and that’s the first I’ve heard about Liam, Isaac and Josh coming over. Bloody hell it’s like a full blown Fox-Williams reunion. Talking of which, I wonder if Josh is bringing that tasty morsel who goes by the name of Laura?’ I wink at H and take another drink from my bottle.
‘For Fucks sake J, that shit isn’t funny, that’s your brother’s wife you are talking about. Not cool man, not cool.’
I choke on my beer before laughing. ‘Chill H, I’m teasing.’ I smile over at him waiting for the fireworks to come.
‘Yeah yeah, teasing be fucked.’ H pouts like a woman and stares out over the impressive hotel driveway.
Then words I never expected, spill from his mouth.
‘Emma is here too, she works for Nate now.’
My heart skips a beat, the air in my lungs seems to solidify.
H looks over at me, a slight look of worry across his face.
‘I’ve not seen her since that night J, do you think she’ll recognise me? Fucking hell man, I still have nightmares about what I saw in that alley.’
The air around us turns frigid, while my lungs still struggle to inhale oxygen.
Emma is here? Not just here, she works for Nate? What the hell? Why the fuck hasn’t he told me?
Reality crashes down around me as I finally suck in a deep breath and exhale loudly.
He didn’t tell me because he knew I wouldn’t come.
Even though I’ve hardly said a word about it, he knows that what happened to Emma affected me deeply. He just doesn’t know everything else.
He doesn’t know how I still dream of her almost every night, how I have stayed away from every woman that even bares a passing resemblance to her. How I still desperately want, no need, to get in contact with her again, just to commit her voice, her smell, her taste to memory.
I should not be feeling these things.
I do not understand this shit in my head, plus I am not the right man for her.
I can never be more than what I already am and I’m happy with that. I am happy being Jake Fox, Man Whore.
How the fuck am I going to get through seeing her again?
Accede; to agree to or consent.
Walking through the doors of Accede makes me feel so grateful that I swallowed my nerves and agreed to take the job that Nate, had so generously, offered me.
Having never managed anything before, let alone anything on this scale, he was really putting a lot of faith in me and I have no doubt that Liv has a lot to do with it.
Before I set off on my travels around Europe, I shadowed Rhian, the manager of one of his smaller clubs in the UK, to get some experience of what exactly my role would require of me.
She is also going to be in Ibiza for the first month, helping me ease into my new role and providing me much needed support before I have to go it alone.
Nate is staying out here too, overseeing the busy party season and Liv is going to stay for as long as she can until she has to return to University, so I have plenty of familiar faces around me, another thing I am grateful for.
‘Jesus Jules, this place is beyond amazing. My brother has certainly pulled off something special.’ Liam wraps his arm around my shoulder, walking casually with me through the almost deserted club.
Everything is already set up, a few workers here and there are finishing off small details but Liam is right, this place has success written all over it and I’m lucky enough to be part of it. I feel like pinching myself.
‘So what do you think Emma? Think you’re going to enjoy working here?’ Nate looks over at me, the pride of his accomplishment written all over his face.
‘Nate it’s just incredible. Just completely WOW! In fact I’m a little lost for words, this place is going to be packed every single night.’ His face lights up at my words of praise.
‘Let me show you my favourite part before I take you to your new office.’ He wraps his arm around Liv’s waist and she looks up at him in complete adoration before he places a small kiss to her forehead.
The intimate gesture has me looking away, a pang of jealousy ripples through my chest. Not jealousy over Liv, just at what I have never experienced myself.
Liam, as if understanding my feelings, gives my shoulder a tight squeeze and we follow Nate & Liv through the main club.
Heavy blinds currently cover what looks like a vast expanse of wall, Nate reaches into his pocket and hits some kind of remote control and the blinds lift, revealing huge sets of wall to ceiling glass doors. Another press of the remote and the doors begin to open and fold in on themselves until it feels like the outside is now the inside. Above the now opened doors, etched into a magnificent, bronzed sunrise, is the word Aurora.
‘This will be your baby Emma, I hope it makes up for all the early morning starts you’re going to have.’ Nate looks over at me, a small tinge of worry on his face that he is trying to conceal with a smile.
I have no words. The pictures Liv emailed me failed to show the true beauty of the space before me.
Beyond the glass doors is a huge outdoor terrace, with white marble floors, surrounded by a high glass balcony, affording you the full, panoramic view of the Mediterranean Sea.
It is a breath taking vista that appears to be laid out before you, for your own personal viewing pleasure.
Sumptuous day beds that could easily fit 4 people, with overhead canopies to shield from the sun, are placed between comfy couches and low tables. Everything is upholstered in white, with the frames made from a solid, dark wood.