But he’d fired her. Would he take that back? Or was this it? And which way did she prefer?
“Not going to listen, are you?” He reached for her waist to pick her up, but Lauren shifted out of his grasp and moved into the hall.
When the door slammed in her face, she felt a hot rush of tears stream down her cheeks.
What was she going to do now?
Lauren sat in shock for what felt like hours. She’d gone and ruined everything for everyone. There wasn’t any way around that.
But why did it matter so much to her? Why couldn’t she just leave Shane to his secrets and move on? And why did the thought of leaving rip her heart in two?
It’s the dogs, she told herself. I love those dogs. They need me, and I need them.
Maybe she could find a new position as handler for a different, more even-tempered racer. She doubted Shane would give her a good recommendation after tonight’s showdown—and she could hardly blame him.
Ridiculous or not, the man had his boundaries, and she’d tried far too many times to cross them. This was what she deserved, and if she was being honest with herself, it would have happened sooner or later anyway.
This was why Lauren had always found it difficult to figure out what she wanted from life. The things she felt most passionate about in one moment often ended up as flavor of the month rather than a lasting taste. It wasn’t healthy, and it wasn’t good for anybody—least of all herself.
Up here in the wilds of Alaska, she’d learned a hard lesson at the hands of Shane Ramsey, and now it was time to move on to the next thing… Whatever that was.
She wiped the last of the tears from her cheeks and dragged her suitcase onto the bed so that she could pack up what was left of her life.
A soft knock sounded on the door—so soft, she couldn’t be sure she heard anything at all.
The knock came again, louder, surer. “Can I come in?” Shane’s voice floated through the door, and Lauren felt the tears well up all over again.
“Okay,” she said with a shaky voice she hardly recognized as her own.
Shane stood awkwardly in the doorway, refusing to cross the threshold, a courtesy she had failed to give him.
“Well?” she asked when he said nothing.
He talked to a spot on the floor rather than to her, but his voice was soft and kind. “I’m sorry I lost my cool in there.”
“It is what it is.” She shrugged, trying to play it cool in case he looked up and saw her patchy cheeks and red eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to apologize again because, truth be told, they’d both done wrong. He was every bit as guilty as she was in this scenario.
“Maybe,” he offered, taking a small step into the room, almost as if he were afraid to enter. They’d both said sorry, so why was he still here? She hated that he was dragging this out. She just wanted to be done; it was the only way she’d ever begin to feel better about it.
His voice faltered. “I… I didn’t mean what I said.”
“But you said it.”
“You don’t have to go.”
“You fired me, remember?”
“I do.” He paused as if rehearsing his words first in his head. “Lauren…” he started, and she wondered if she’d actually ever heard him use her name before. She liked the way it sounded coming from his mouth and realized, in that moment, he had come to mean so much more to her than just an employer, just a grump.
“Lauren,” he repeated, “I shouldn’t have made those house rules. I shouldn’t have made you feel like a stranger in a place that is supposed to be your home. I shouldn’t have lost my temper, and I shouldn’t have fired you.”
“But you did. You did all those things. Why?” Her voice started shaking again, and she wondered if he would take her into his arms to comfort her. But, no, of course not. Whatever these feelings were, they were hers and hers alone. She wasn’t sure that Shane Ramsey had ever loved anyone or anything for a single day in his miserable life.
He took another step closer and hung his head, looking up at her from beneath dark lashes. “I can’t tell you that.”
Her frustration swelled. They’d come back to this again. Even if she decided to stay, could he ever fully let her in? “Why? Why not? Why do you keep so many secrets and then expect me not to go looking for answers?”
“That’s fair,” he said. “But please understand, I just… I can’t, Lauren.” He said her name again, a supplication, a prayer for understanding.
But would she answer it?
“I don’t know, Shane.” She shook her head and returned to packing her suitcase. “Every time I think we’re making progress, something like this happens. I’m sick of feeling like an outsider, like someone you put up with because you have no choice. I know if you had it your way, you’d be fully recovered tomorrow and I’d be shipped back to New York in a heartbeat.”
He groaned and leaned back against the wall as if he suddenly couldn’t support his own weight—not even with the help of the crutches. “What did you think this was? It’s a job, one you do well, but it’s still… it’s just a job.”
“Is that all I am to you? An employee?”
“It’s all you can ever be. Please understand. It’s not you. It’s me.”
“Okay, now I’m really confused. Are you breaking up with me or firing me?”
He laughed, and it sounded unnatural in that moment. “How about neither? Please stay. The dogs need you. I need you.”
She crossed her arms and sank onto the bed, already knowing in her heart that she would stay as long as he needed her, as long as he still wanted her. “You have a funny way of showing it.”
“I know… So you’ll stay?”
“Yes, but this can’t happen again, Shane. Any sane woman would have hightailed it the moment you lost your temper like that.”
He stood upright again and came closer, but did not join her on the bed. His words were gentle as he asked, “Then why didn’t you?”
She reached up and grabbed his hand, squeezing it inside her own. “Because you’re my friend.”
He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t return the pressure either. “How did that happen?”
“I honestly have no idea, but as your friend, I’m going to call you out when you’re being an irrational jerk.”
He gave her hand a quick squeeze before letting go. “I’d expect nothing less. Will you please stop packing now?”
She zipped her suitcase shut and placed it back in the corner of the room. “Now get out of my room before I lose my temper,” she joked, feeling like a million pounds had been lifted from her shoulders.
When Lauren woke up the next morning, Shane was already out and about—and full of energy, too.
“Good morning, sleepyhead!” he said as he hefted a giant pack onto the kitchen table. His crutches wobbled beneath his arms, but he stood strong.
“Sleepyhead?” Before she could stop it, her mouth stretched wide in an audible yawn. “Is that my new nickname?”
“It’s only fair with you calling me Mr. Grump all the time.” He rummaged through his supplies and turned to Lauren with a satisfied smirk. “Well, hurry up and grab some breakfast. We’ve got a busy day ahead.”
Lauren wasn’t sure what she had expected in the wake of their huge blowup and mutual apology last night, but this probably wasn’t it. She padded over to the refrigerator in her house slippers and grabbed a container of yogurt.
“You’ll need to wear something comfortable,” Shane added, searching back through his bag again. “And warm.”
“I always dress warm and comfortable.” She dipped her spoon into the yogurt and leaned back against the sink. “You gonna tell me what you have planned?”
“You’ll find out soon enough. Now get dressed and help me load up the truck.” He headed outside without her, which meant she needed to hurry through her morning routine if she were going to accompany him on whatever journey he had planned. And, oh, how she looked forward to this surprise!
Lauren had only ever seen Shane’s car, so she was startled to hear him talk about a truck. She was even more surprised to find it outfitted with traveling cages for the dogs built right in. They stood two rows high on each side, with six cubbies per row facing outward, each housing open flaps for the dogs to stick their heads through. She helped Shane get the sled tied to the top of the truck, then watched in awe as he effortlessly lifted the dogs into their cubbies, a feat that was all the more impressive given his injury.
“We only need ten dogs today. We’ll take the others on the next trip.”
“Can we bring Briar Rose?” Lauren asked as Shane helped Fred into one of the open kennels. “She’s my favorite.”
He laughed. “Fine, if you insist. She won’t do us much good, but we have Alice as a spare, I suppose.”
“Why not?” she asked, but Shane reached across her to open the passenger door without answering.
“Get in. You’re driving.”
In all her life, Lauren had never driven such a giant, hulking vehicle, but she was too excited about the mystery adventure to argue.
“Hope you can you drive a stick,” he said as they both buckled up.
“And if I can’t?”
He laughed and shook his head. “Then you’ll just have to figure it out. Not many folks on the road at this time anyway.”
“Well, it’s lucky I already know how then. I don’t want to be responsible for killing ten of your finest dogs.”
“Or me,” he added.
She shrugged and rolled her eyes. This felt good, like the way they were always meant to communicate with each other.
“Okay, killer. Take it easy,” Shane said, pointing out the window. “Take a right out of here and head toward Bay Road.”
“You going to tell me where we’re going?”
“I already told you, you’ll find out soon enough. It’s about an hour off.”
“So no talking until then?” She did her best to focus on the road ahead, but the image of Shane in her periphery distracted her more than once.
“We can talk.” He seemed relaxed this morning. Was he relaxed enough to open up? She had to try.
Only half joking, she turned to wink at him and said, “Okay, then tell me your mysterious secret, please.”
“Har har. I don’t think so, but now that you mention it, you haven’t exactly shared your life story either.”
She bit her upper lip, something she used to do all the time as a child before a retainer corrected her underbite. “That’s because there’s not much to tell.”
“That doesn’t really surprise me,” he quipped.
“Hey! Wasn’t part of being friends now making sure we’re nice to each other?”
“Who’s not being nice? I haven’t said a mean thing to you all day.”
She rolled her eyes again as they turned onto the highway. “Great job, considering it’s already seven AM.”
“You going to tell me your life story or what?”
“My entire life story? You really want to know the whole, long thing?”
“Okay, maybe not the whole thing, but you could start by telling me why you’re here.”
“Well...” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly to build the suspense. His eyes were glued to her now. Was he every bit as eager to learn about her as she was to learn about him? She might as well have a little fun with it by teasing him the way he so often teased her. “I’m here now because you told me I have to come with you to this mysterious destination. By the way, where are we going?”
“I don’t think so, Lauren.” A little shiver ran up her spine at the sound of her name on his lips yet again. “Really, why did you take this job with me?”
She confessed, “I’m trying to learn about my father, and this seemed like a good place to get started.”
“Is your father Edward Dalton? I thought it was just a coincidence, your name. Didn’t realize you actually have ice in your blood.”
“You knew my father?” This entire time she could have asked Shane. Did he hold the keys not only to his own secrets, but to hers as well?
“I knew of your father,” Shane clarified, and just as quickly as her hopes had risen toward the sky, they came plummeting back to earth—a sad, pathetic fallen star. “He was a great racer.”
She sighed and gripped the steering wheel tighter. “That’s what I hear, but I didn’t find out until he died earlier this year.”
“Earlier this year? It’s only February.”
“I know.” She took her eyes off the road a minute to look over at him.
“That explains a lot, actually.”
“Like?” Had he figured her out because he was interested in learning about her as well, or was it just that she was so plainly transparent?
He fiddled with the shoulder strap on his seat belt as he spoke, almost as if the topic of Lauren’s past made him nervous. “Why you showed up out of the blue with no experience. Why you insisted on staying when I tried to get rid of you. Why you seem sad sometimes.”
She felt the hot sting of tears but refused to let them fall. She’d shed so many for her father already, but she also knew he wouldn’t want her to be unhappy when remembering him. She forced a smile and said, “I miss him. Have you ever lost anyone you loved?”
Shane frowned. “I don’t love, remember? And, besides, we’re here.”
Lauren studied him for a moment, and when it was clear that he would reveal no more, she turned to study the scene before them. Several trucks like their own stood in the open field. Men hefted sleds and other supplies from their trucks, and dogs whined as they were tied to their gang lines. The entire scene buzzed with excitement, and Lauren buzzed, too, looking out at it, knowing that soon she’d be among them.
He’d brought her to a race, her first ever, and a fresh chance to prove herself.
“You really meant it,” Lauren whispered as they exited the truck and made their way back toward the cargo hold to get the dogs. “You weren’t just saying it to make Dr. Rockwell happy. You’ve brought me to an actual race.”
“When do I ever do anything with the express intention of making someone happy? Besides, this isn’t a race. It’s how mushers normally train. Welcome to the big leagues.” She felt his eyes roving over her as he tried to gauge her reaction. “You got this?”
“I sure do,” she answered on an exhale. “Thank you so much for this!” And before she could stop herself, she leapt into his arms and gave him a giant, enthusiastic hug.
He looked down at her. His face wore a mix of shock and pleasure. That was the moment Lauren knew for sure. Shane cared for her, too. His tough guy exterior wasn’t the real him. The real Shane was the man she’d seen occasional glimpses of between all the heavily guarded moments that made up their life together.
He brushed her off and forced a laugh. “That’s enough of that.”
She almost said sorry before realizing she had nothing to apologize for. Instead, she gave him a second, quick followup squeeze and said, “Thank you so much. I won’t let you down.”
His cheeks turned red behind his new beard, and she wondered if it was from the cold or for something else. Were her cheeks red, too?
“Well,” he said, kicking at a block of ice on the road. “Let’s get the dogs hooked in. Go too slow and you’ll be stuck out here all day. All night, too.”
Shane tied the sled to a bent metal pipe sticking out of the ground and pulled out the snow hook, setting that in the ground, too.
“Worried the sled will slide away?” Lauren laughed.
He just smiled, a bit of a gleam in his eyes.
They worked together to place the ten dogs into a formation before the sled. Fred and Wendy were the biggest, so they were stationed closest to the sled.
“Our wheel dogs pull the hardest,” Shane explained as each dog was tied into place. “These are the team dogs, the swing dogs, and finally the lead dogs. Your leads…” He pointed toward Lewis and Jack at the front of the lin
e. “Will take care of you if you tell them the way to go. Gee is right, and haw is left. Got it?”
“Yup.”
“Ready?”
She took a deep breath, and when she blew it out, tiny crystals formed in the air. “As I’ll ever be.” She glanced from the track back toward Shane, and he gave her a thumbs up.
Together, they guided the team toward the starting point. A few other racers lingered with their sleds, but it didn’t seem like enough to offer a proper race.
She looked toward Shane.
“This is a training run to get our blood pumping, but mostly for us to check in with the competition. Make sure you hang a left at every fork in the trail so that we can give these dogs a good run. That should make about twenty-two miles. On this track, I average about two-forty-five to three with ten dogs. That’s the time I want you to shoot for, too. These dogs can handle it. The question is, can you?” He pulled up the snow hook and placed it on the back of the basket.
Why did he keep asking her if she could do this? Hadn’t she made that obvious already? She nodded up at him, and he clapped her on the back.
“Great. Now, step onto the foot boards and hang on tight.”
The dogs whined and shifted in their harnesses, waiting for the command from Shane.
“By the way,” he said. “I’ll be at the tavern to catch up with some old friends. When you’re done, get some of the men here to help you load up the truck, then head home. I’ll see you there later tonight. Okay?”
He gave her another clap on the back, then untethered her sled from the starting pole. “Hike!” he shouted from behind her.
Just like that, the dogs, led by Jack and Lewis, pulled forward and the sled took off down the trail, picking up speed quickly as they approached the first bend in the trail. The wind whipped past her cheeks, blowing the little tendrils of hair that had escaped from beneath her knit cap. This was as close to flying as a person could get, she knew it—and loved it.
Let There Be Love: The Sled Dog Series, Book 1 Page 7