by Tyra Lynn
My dad put his arm around me. “Well, Jessie, I think we should thank our fine hosts and let them get on to their evening.”
“Umm, yes.” I looked at Gabriel and his father. “Thank you so much for inviting us. I enjoyed getting to help, and the meal was wonderful.”
Mr. Knight stepped forward first. “You know you are welcome any time, Miss Jessie. We greatly enjoyed your company.” He kissed the back of my hand, a brief, courteous peck. “It has been a delight.”
He stepped back and shook my dad’s free hand as Gabriel stepped forward to take mine. “It has been a pleasure.” Gabriel said softly. “Thank you so much for your assistance. Perhaps we can do this again sometime, soon.” He kissed my hand just long enough to make my stomach flutter and catch my dad’s attention. He released it reluctantly, eyes locked on mine.
If Gabriel was still trying to hide anything from my dad, he was doing a poor job. His father made a throat-clearing sound and snapped him out of it. I just stood there, saying nothing else. I didn’t trust my voice.
They both walked with us to the vestibule and outside. My dad’s car looked so out of place in the driveway that I cringed when I saw it. Gabriel sensed my unease and walked to stand near me when we stopped. I could feel his energy reach out and give me some comfort as he opened the door for me.
“You’ll come back to visit us again, yes? Both of you?” Mr. Knight smiled.
“Of course!” Said my dad, a little too enthusiastically.
As I slid into the seat, Gabriel whispered. “Until we meet again.” It was so soft; I knew my dad didn’t hear. My heart hammered. I reached out with my ‘invisible blue lightning,’ and caressed his cheek. His quivering smile proved it worked. He shut the door.
We waved goodbye as dad pulled the car around to head down the driveway. I tried to stare straight ahead, instead of turning to look back, like I wanted to. I could still feel Gabriel pulling me slightly, but it began to dissipate as the distance increased, until it was gone entirely. I sighed.
CHAPTER XXVII
My heart alone records my days and hours.
—Madison J. Cawein
“So.” My dad said, eyes on the road as we pulled out to head home.
“Yes?” I asked. Please don’t let him ask about Gabriel.
“So, you and Gabriel seem to get along really well.”
Oh, god. Not this. Nope. Please don’t. “Yeah, he’s nice.”
“I’m not as dumb as you thought, am I?” He chuckled a little.
I turned my head and blinked at him. “What?”
“When I said to keep your options open. Not as dumb an idea as you thought, huh?”
“W-what do you mean?” Oh, dear.
“I’m not blind, Jessie. Not yet, at least. There were sparks flying all over the place back there.” He laughed again.
That was a more appropriate way to describe it than he knew. What the heck was I supposed to say to that? “Well, I guess I’m not blind either.” I tried to keep my voice even.
“Neither is he, from the looks of it.” Dad was smiling, and it annoyed me. He knew I was very uncomfortable right now. I wondered for an instant if I could zap him.
“Dad, seriously.”
“I’m just saying, Jessie, that’s all. I’m not trying to say you should do anything—or not do anything—I’m just saying it was more than obvious, in case you wanted to know if it was more than obvious. That knowledge could come in handy.”
Oh, great. I got it. He meant Steve. I scooted down in my seat a little. I was supposed to call Steve. We had an entire day planned tomorrow. I couldn’t cancel at the last minute, but my heart was no longer in it. There was no way to get out of it, though, was there? No, there wasn’t.
“Penny for your thoughts.” He said.
Seriously?
“If you want to talk about it, whatever you’re thinking just let me know. I know it’s not the same as having Mom,” that catch in his throat, “but I’m a good listener, and I’ve been around the block. I’m not as stupid as I look.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid, Dad, I’ve never thought that.”
“I guess I know that, Jessie. I just wish I could be there for you the way you need. It has to be confusing.” He took a quick look at the side of my face.
“What’s confusing?” I knew what he meant.
“I know you. You’re my little girl.” I cringed. “My young woman.” He corrected for my benefit. “I also know how picky you can be. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”
Great.
“Now here are these two great guys. One you’ve known forever, and I remember how… anyway, I know what the history is there.”
I scooted even deeper into my seat.
“Then along comes this other young man. As I said, I’m not blind. He’s not a bad looking kid, not at all. Seems nice, polite, a lot in common with you. Obviously interested.” He stole another quick glance. “Now, what do you do?”
“I don’t know, Dad.”
“Keep your options open.” He said it as if that solved everything.
“And exactly how do you propose I do that?” I didn’t mean it to sound as sarcastic as it did.
“Go out with both of them; see which one you like better.” He said it so matter-of-factly.
“Dad! Think about it.” It wasn’t that easy.
“What? You already told me Steve wasn’t your boyfriend.”
“I know that, but, well, you hired Gabriel at the store. You don’t think it would be a little weird for me to go out with your two employees, who will work together, who will see me at the same time at the store. Duh!” Hello? How did he not get that?
“I could fire one of them.” He offered.
“Dad!”
“Well, I could fire Gabriel. He hasn’t even started yet.”
Why was Gabriel working there? He obviously didn’t need the money. They were here for ‘research,’ after all. No, his dad was here for research, Gabriel was here for me. “Humph. That doesn’t seem right.”
Dad smiled, but tried to keep it small. “The time it took you to say anything gives me more of a hint than you know. Has he asked you out already?”
We were way past the ‘asking out’ stage, more to the ‘making out’ stage. “Not exactly, but…”
“But he wants to? He will?”
I just nodded my head. I might need Dad’s help after all, as much as I hated it. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Short of a natural disaster or some other catastrophic event, I would be with Steve tomorrow, and thinking about Gabriel. I was an awful person.
A thought occurred to me. “Steve won’t go anywhere. He’s from here. His family is here. Gabriel moved here, and he could move away just as fast.” That wasn’t exactly what I meant, but I couldn’t tell him what I really meant.
“You telling me that, or yourself?” He asked.
“Both.”
We pulled into the driveway and Dad shut off the lights. The porch light was on, and a million bugs were flying around. I opened my door and climbed out, trudging up the stairs to the door. I waited for Dad to catch up and open it. I didn’t feel like digging for my keys.
As the door swung open, Dad said, “Have a seat honey, for just a minute. I want to talk to you.”
I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to go upstairs and wait until nine-thirty and cross my fingers and pray for a miracle. Instead, I pulled out my chair and plopped down in it with a pronounced thud, crossing my arms.
My dad laughed, pulled out his chair, turned it around backwards, and sat down. “Sweetheart, I know you know how your Mom and I met.” I nodded. “But you’ve never heard the whole story. I won’t bore you with the entire thing, just the important stuff, if you’ll hear me out.”
“Fine.” I muttered, leaning forward, putting my elbows on the table and my face in my hands.
“It was my last year of college. I had dated this girl on and off the whole time I was there. I had moments I wondered if she
might be ‘the one,’ but every time I thought that, something would happen, and we’d go our separate ways for a while. I thought since we always got back together, that had to mean something.” He glanced to make sure I was listening.
“Well, what I later found out it meant was that we were just used to each other. It wasn’t much more than that. It wasn’t until I met your mom that I figured that out.” He smiled a wistful smile.
“I was coming around one corner; your mom was coming around the opposite corner carrying a stack of books and BAM! Books flew everywhere.” He laughed at the memory. “We were both in shock for a second, and then started laughing. I apologized and helped her pick them up. Of course I offered to carry them for her.”
“Anyway, I carried her books to her dorm and took them inside. We introduced ourselves. She was absolutely beautiful, stunning. There was something about her eyes; I could hardly look away from them. It was like a magnetic pull.” Magnetic pull. “When I turned to leave, I could have sworn I felt something pulling me back.” His eyes were distant, longing.
“I turned around and asked for her number. I never in a million years thought she would give it to me, but she did. That was only the beginning.” He smiled slightly. “I never lost that feeling. It was always as if something pulled me to her. It was something I could physically feel. For me, that’s what I believe it’s like when you find the right one. It’s more than just liking the way they look, or having things in common, or knowing them for a long time. There’s something else there to let you know.”
My eyes watered and I blinked trying to clear them. I knew exactly what he meant. I reached across the table for his hand. I squeezed it, and for a second allowed myself to try to give him that comfort I got from Gabriel. Dad’s eyes suddenly widened, so I stopped. He shook his head, trying to clear it.
“You are your mother’s daughter.” He said it with both a hint of joy and sorrow.
I felt closer to my dad at that moment than ever in my entire life. I completely understood him, his joy, and pain, his love, and how special he was. I didn’t know if I dared to tell him, but if ever there was a time to, it was now.
“Dad, I know what you mean.”
“What’s that, sweetheart?”
“That magnetic pull. The first time I saw Gabriel, at the store. That’s what it felt like.”
He scrutinized my face, looking into my still watery eyes. “Well, I don’t have to ask about today then. As I said, it was more than obvious. Not sure what to think about that. Seventeen is a little young to say you found ‘the one,’ but…” he squinted his eyes at mine, “I can’t say he isn’t.”
I did not just hear that. Not from my overprotective dad. Not from my ‘keep your options open’ dad. Not from my ‘you’re only seventeen years old’ dad. “What?”
“All I can say is that I know what I felt with your mom. I would have felt it at seventeen the same as twenty-five, I have no doubt about it. I may not be sure of everything, but I’m sure of that.”
I got up out my chair, walked around the table and threw my arms around him. “I love you, Dad.”
“I love you, too, Jessie, more than you’ll ever know.”
“I don’t know what to do now, though.” I removed my arms and sat back down, squeezing my hands together and rocking forward and back in the chair. “I wouldn’t hurt Steve for anything, and I do like him, a lot. It’s just not the same, though. If I already know that, then he can’t possibly be the one, and if he’s not the one, even if Gabriel isn’t, then…”
“I know, sweetheart. I can be the bad guy, if you want. I’ll tell him I’m sorry, I made a mistake, he’s too old, or something.”
“You’d do that for me? No. No, that’s not right. Don’t do that. It’s my responsibility to think of something. I owe him that. He’s too good a guy.” Heaven help me, I didn’t know what to do, though.
“You know I will help you any way I can, even if that means I keep my nose out of it.”
“I think I need to think. I was supposed to call him. If it’s okay, I’m going up to my room.”
“Sure, honey, you know where to find me if you need me.”
I had to go hug him again. “Thank you, Dad. You’re the best ever.”
“I try.”
I didn’t rush up the stairs this time. As much as I still hated the surroundings, I felt like I understood a little better. What do you do when you lose something like…?
Wow. I was going to. It was coming, and I didn’t know when. It wasn’t the same as dad losing mom, sudden and without warning. They had all those years together, been part of each other’s lives for so long—and Dad could remember. I might not.
Did any decision I make now even matter? If I called Steve right now and said ‘sorry, I can’t see you anymore, I fell in love with a guy from the past I barely remember,’ would it matter? I was going to lose Gabriel. I was going to lose the best conversation I ever had with my dad. I was even going to lose my phone. What an idiotic thought.
What if there was karma? I couldn’t do anything wrong. I couldn’t hurt anyone or be reckless. Gabriel said it was like a tape, recorded over, the original still underneath. I didn’t want the underneath to be bad. Now I was back where I started—what was I going to do?
My feet felt extra heavy and I felt like I was walking upstairs to the gallows. There was still no right answer. Why, Steve? Why now? Why, Gabriel, why did you wait? Why did you make him wait, Mr. Thomas Knight? Thanks. Thanks a whole freaking lot!
I wanted to zap something.
I pulled out my phone when I got to my room. It was off. I didn’t remember turning it off. I tried to turn it on, but it wouldn’t come on. I hoped only the battery died, that I didn’t kill it trying to zap Gabriel. I plugged it in and the little light came on, showing it was charging. That was a good sign, I thought.
I flopped face down on my bed, grabbed two fistfuls of my quilt, and squeezed the crap out of it. If it could feel, it would scream. I could feel, and I wanted to scream. I had a bit of a fit. I rolled around on my bed, thrashed and kicked and cussed, then jumped up and ripped the whole quilt off, throwing it in a pile on the floor.
It accomplished nothing, but made me feel the slightest bit better. No, it didn’t. There was absolutely nothing to take out my frustration on. I flopped back down on my bed and pounded the mattress with my fists, hoping that would work, trying to spend some energy.
I concluded nothing was going to work. I looked at my watch. I just needed to survive for thirty more minutes. Just thirty. I could do that.
I turned on my phone and within seconds I was getting alert after alert. There were both voice messages and text messages, so I held the phone and waited for it to stop making noise before trying to scan the messages. Julie, Julie, Julie, Steve, Julie, Steve, Julie, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Julie, Steve. Good Freaking grief!
I started opening them, one by one.
Julie, Found a plate 4u! That was at seven p.m.
Julie, I’ll call you soon. That was sent at seven-fifteen p.m.
Julie, Hey. A minute later.
Steve, Hi beautiful, hope your day is good. Seven-twenty.
Julie, Going to the store. Seven-thirty-five.
Steve, Call if you can. Seven-thirty-eight p.m.
Julie, Tried to call you. Your phone must be off. Seven forty-two.
Steve, On the way to parents. My elbows are mad. That one made me laugh. Seven forty-five.
Steve, call and save me! Eight p.m.
Steve, tried to call, guess your phone is off. Eight thirty.
Steve, Hello? Eight thirty-five.
Steve, call me, please. Nine p.m.
Julie, Steve called me, where r u? Nine p.m.
Steve, Called Julie. You’re not in trouble. Haha. Five after nine.
I didn’t even know what that last message was supposed to mean. I checked my voice messages and it was pretty much the same thing. I skipped through most of them until I got to the last
one. It was Steve.
‘Hey. It’s Steve. Umm, missed ya tonight. Dinner was miserable. Umm, call me when you get your messages, please. Hope we’re still on for tomorrow. Umm, okay, well, let me know. Talk to you later.’
Poor Steve! I felt so guilty. I took several deep breaths and listened to the message again. I could do this. I could talk to Steve and make everything okay, at least for now. I dialed the number.
“Jessie!”
“How do you always do that?” I exclaimed. I never heard a ring.
He laughed. “Had the phone in my hand, willing it to ring. Pretty pathetic, huh?”
“You are insane.” Insane. “Sorry. My phone died and I didn’t even know it until Dad and I got home.”
“Ah. I figured that had to be it. See, if your dad had one too, I could have called him and not been worried all night.” His tone was light, but I could tell he meant it.
“I’ll make sure to tell him.” I laughed a little, but it sounded off to me.
“So, we are still on for tomorrow, right?” His voice sounded hopeful and worried at the same time.
“Of course we are!” Almost too enthusiastic, did he notice?
“Great! Dad dropped off the trailer and Moms’ four-wheeler earlier. I figure I’ll drive the Toyota to work tomorrow, pick you up after I leave the store, then we’ll come here. I’ve already got the Monster all hooked up. Don’t really want to drive with the trailer to work.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I said.
“So, did you have a good day?” He asked.
“Yeah, it was all right. Went out to eat with Dad tonight, and that was nice. We sat in the kitchen and talked a long time after we got home. It was kinda weird but cool. I think he’s freaking out because it’s my last year of high school, you know?” Way to direct the conversation, Jessie!
“I know. He’s talked about it a lot all week. Guess we don’t really know what it’s like. It’s got to be hard, especially for your dad.”
“What? Why especially for my dad?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Parents worry about their kids, well, most of them do, but you’re all he has. I imagine that must make it twice as hard, seeing you grow up, knowing you’ll leave eventually.”