T.J. averted his eyes. “Kinda.”
“Kinda?” Homecoming night. Everyone was always dancing around it, and Meg always let it go because the thought of that night made her physically ill. But suddenly she wanted to know more than anything what happened.
There was still one entry left. Maybe it would have the answers. Meg picked up the journal and flipped to the last entry.
“What are you doing?” T.J. asked. He sounded alarmed.
“There’s one more,” Meg said, holding the journal down by the light. “I need to know what happened.”
“Meg …,” T.J. started.
“Yeah?”
His eyes met hers for a moment. His face was tight, almost as if he was in pain.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said. He wiped his brow with the back of his hand. “Read it out loud.”
This is the end.
And I’m ready now.
I can deal with their ridicule, their snobbery, their cliques. I can deal with being the outsider. I never wanted their friendship. I was only at the bonfire to stake my claim on T.J. Meg Pritchard needs to understand that.
I never even saw her there. She must have been hiding, because she sent her blonde pit bull to attack me. She humiliated me in front of him and he
Meg turned the page, but there was nothing else. No more words. Only a jagged fringe near the spine.
The last page of Claire’s diary had been torn out.
“Dammit!” Meg said.
T.J. slumped his head against his hands. “We don’t need it. I can tell you exactly what happened.”
Meg’s hands shook as she flipped back a page and reread the last line. Blonde pit bull. It could only be one person.
“That was Minnie, wasn’t it?”
T.J. nodded. “She’d basically had a whole six-pack by that point. And you know how she gets when she drinks.”
“Tell me about it.”
“But …” T.J. stood suddenly. He paced back and forth in front of the wall of gas cans. “Look, it’s not Minnie’s fault. We were all pretty drunk, Minnie, Gunner, and me for sure. I was really pissed off, trying to forget you. And Minnie, after the first three or four beers, started hitting on me again. Right in front of Gunner.”
Meg winced. She wasn’t sure who she felt more sorry for, Minnie or Gunner.
“And I’d told her off. Kind of dragged her away from the crowd so no one heard, but I told her I was never going to date her and whatever the hell she thought was going on between us was all in her head.”
“You told her that?”
“Yeah.” T.J. stopped pacing. “Only I think that made it worse.”
Meg could almost see Minnie’s face as T.J. informed her that they would never, ever be a couple. A mix of disbelief and defiance.
“That’s when Claire showed up. She marched right across the beach to me and everything got real quiet. She looked like a ghost or something, with her black hair flying in the wind. I don’t even think she saw Minnie there with me. Just walked right up and said ‘I want you to know I love you and I think you feel the same way.’”
Meg groaned. She knew what was coming next. When Minnie was hurt she lashed out at whoever and whatever was within arm’s reach. “And Minnie went after her.”
“Like those lions in the zoo at feeding time. It was ugly. Minnie laughed, then told Claire what a freak she was and how no one would ever love her. Gunner and I pulled her away, but it was too late. And everyone stood around watching. I think half the school was there. Claire’s face turned bright red. I was going to say something, try and calm her down, but she just turned and ran.” T.J. swallowed. “She was dead the next morning.”
“Shit.”
“But, Meg.” T.J. knelt down next to her. “I’m the one to blame. I should have stopped her. Gone after her. But I didn’t. I just stood there and stared like everyone else.” T.J. hung his head. “So this, all of this, is my fault.”
“It’s not your fault.” Meg reached up and caressed his cheek. “It’s not your fault,” she repeated. “Claire was depressed, and what happened to make her that way started long before she met you. This journal proves that. If it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else.”
“You think?”
“She fell in love with Nathan first. That alone would make me question her sanity.”
T.J. laughed and grasped her hand. “No, I mean, do you think it could have been anyone?”
“Yeah. It was because you were nice to her. You noticed her. That’s just …” Meg paused, searching for the right word. “Human. You didn’t know she was going to make Prince Charming out of you.”
“I guess not.” T.J. fell silent for a moment, then took a sharp breath. “I can’t believe it’s one of us.”
“I know.” Meg had been mulling the list of survivors over in her mind. Five people, four of whom she’d known for years. It just didn’t seem possible.
“I mean,” T.J. continued. “I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was Nathan. I know you’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but the dude was an asshole.”
Meg laughed despite herself.
“Kenny had an angry side to him.”
Meg nodded. “And Vivian had the cold-bloodedness.”
“But they’re all …”
“Dead.”
“Yeah.” T.J. looked her straight in the eye. “So I guess all we really know is that we’re innocent. We’ve been together almost the whole time.”
Meg smiled, but something inside her twitched. Not quite the whole time. After Nathan and Kenny left, she hadn’t seen him until Minnie screamed.
T.J. squeezed her hand and smiled back. If there was one person on the island she could trust, it was T.J.
They sat on the floor of the boathouse, hand in hand, staring at the journal in the fading light of the lantern. Meg wanted to say something, a word of comfort or hope, but she didn’t really have either at her disposal. Instead she leaned her body into him. His arms crept around her waist and pulled her to his chest. She could hear the steady, strong beat of his heart as he held her, something normal, something alive. He rested his head against hers and they sat there, holding each other.
Meg closed her eyes and pretended they were somewhere else. A beach. Her bedroom. Smack dab on the fifty-yard line at the Kamiak High football field. Anywhere but the boathouse below White Rock House. She could almost imagine it all away. But not quite.
“They’ll be waiting for us,” she said.
T.J. took a deep breath. “I know.”
“Do we tell them?”
“We have to.”
“Then what?”
T.J. pulled away. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t. But whatever happens, I’m not leaving your side, okay? I’m going to be attached to you until the ferry arrives tomorrow.”
“Promise?” Meg asked, using one of Minnie’s favorite phrases.
He smiled. “You’ll have to shoot me to get rid of me.”
“Lucky for you I don’t have a gun,” Meg laughed.
“Isn’t it?”
She picked up the journal and handed the waning lantern to T.J. “Okay, Prince Charming. After you.”
THIRTY
“THE WAY I SEE IT,” T.J. SAID. HE SWALLOWED hard and gripped Meg’s hand tightly under the table. “The way we see it, whoever wrote the diary is behind everything.”
They’d decided on the walk back up to the house not to mention that the journal might have belonged to a dead girl. Meg was worried that the news might put Minnie over the edge, but in the end, it wasn’t like it really mattered.
What they had to do now was figure out a way to survive until morning.
No one reacted, just continued to stare at the diary, which sat in the middle of the table. It was as if the shock of all the deaths had numbed their senses, slowed down their reactions. Meg felt it herself. When she and T.J. finally returned to the house, the two additional red slashes on the wall somehow didn’t hold the
same terror they had earlier in the day. Meg distinctly remembered staring at them, marveling at the fifth slash with complete concentration, like it was a Picasso she needed to interpret. It perfectly cut through the other four on the diagonal, centered and without a single drip of red paint to mar its symmetry. It had been made carefully. Precisely. Whoever did it wasn’t concerned about getting caught. They’d taken their time.
T.J. called Gunner, Minnie, and Kumiko downstairs to the foyer and they each reacted much the same. No hysterics. No panic. Meg could see the same dull look in their eyes as they marched through the foyer. Acceptance.
Death was the new normal.
Kumiko was the first to break the silence. “Really?” She folded her arms across her chest and narrowed her eyes. “Isn’t the most logical explanation that one of us is the killer?”
Meg flinched. Well, of course it was the logical explanation. The first thought that popped into everyone’s mind. But considering the five individuals who were currently huddled around a dining room table, lit only by a battery-operated lantern and a half-dozen candles, the idea sounded ludicrous.
T.J. remained calm. “We’ve been over this.”
“Doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
“Who then?” T.J. asked. “My best friend? Meg’s best friend? You?”
Kumiko didn’t answer.
“I’ve known Gunner since I was ten. Meg, when did you and Minnie meet?”
“Seventh grade.” Meg smiled at Minnie, but she wasn’t looking.
Kumiko pursed her lips. She clearly wasn’t buying T.J’s argument. “Just for kicks, I want to point out that any of us could have committed these murders.” She glanced around the table, taking in each person. “Any of us.”
“But I was with you,” Gunner said. “For, um, most of them.”
Meg caught a slight roll of Kumiko’s eyes. “Yeah, but logically speaking, no one else can confirm that.”
“Well, Meg and I were together when Vivian was killed,” T.J. said. He squeezed Meg’s knee under the table. “You may not believe us, but I know for a fact we didn’t do it.”
Meg opened her mouth to back up T.J., then paused. Yeah, they’d been together most of that morning. The perilous trek down to the boathouse in the storm of the century and all. But there had been a moment. Just a few minutes when T.J. had run back up to the house to get the flashlights. It would have been enough time....
T.J. caught Meg staring at him. His eyes were so trusting, so soft. Meg shook off her doubts. She was being ridiculous. The stress of the day had made her paranoid.
“Bottom line,” T.J. said, still looking at Meg, “we all trust each other.”
“Speak for yourself.”
It took Meg a few seconds to realize that it wasn’t Kumiko who had spoken.
It was Minnie.
Gunner was the first to react. “Huh?”
“You heard me, Gun Show.” Minnie’s voice was razor-sharp. “I trust you about as far as I can throw you. And that goes for the rest of you, too.” Minnie pushed her chair away from the table and stood up.
“Minnie!” Meg said.
“What?” Minnie laughed. It was cold and barking. “You think I trust you?”
Meg straightened herself. “Yes, of course.”
Minnie looked unconvinced. “Why?”
Gee, I don’t know. Maybe because I’m the only one who knows your secrets? “I’m your best friend.”
“Really? You’re my best friend?”
“Of course.”
Minnie leaned across the table. “Then why have you been trying to steal my boyfriend?”
Had Minnie lost her mind?
Kumiko leaned into Gunner. “She’s into you too?” she muttered.
Gunner slipped his arm around her back. “Um … er … Wait, are you?”
“No,” Meg said. She may not be sure about many things in her life anymore, but her disinterest in the Gun Show was not one of them. “No, I’m not.”
“Not that one,” Minnie said. She pointed to T.J. without looking at him. “That one.”
Meg felt the color drain out of her face. She thought of the make-out session she and T.J. had just shared and felt a pang of guilt. She’d known for years that Minnie was in love with T.J. She’d pushed him away. Without any luck.
“Boyfriend?” T.J. asked.
“Yeah,” Minnie said.
“Minnie, I was never your boyfriend.”
Minnie crossed behind the table and caressed his shoulder with the tips of her fingers. “You should have been.”
T.J. flinched away from her touch. “Minnie, I was never going to be your boyfriend.” His voice was harsh. “Ever.”
“See?” Minnie said. “You’re angry. That means you care.” She laid a hand on his chest.
“Get away from me,” T.J. said. He pushed her arm away. “You’re fucking crazy.”
“She’s not crazy.” Meg said it on reflex. She was so used to defending Minnie she didn’t even realize she’d done it again.
“Don’t defend her!” T.J. barked. “Why are you always defending her? She does nothing but treat you like dirt.”
“It’s not her fault, okay?” There she was, sticking up for Minnie again. Why was it never the other way around?
T.J. stormed across the room. “For chrissakes.” He leaned his back against the wall and folded his arms across his chest.
Minnie mimicked his stance, folding her arms across her chest as well. “She was only nice to me so she could steal you. She sabotaged me.”
T.J. laughed. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Is it?” Minnie said, her voice shrill and tense. “Then why did she start a rumor saying that you asked her to the Homecoming dance?”
“Hey!” Meg said. “I didn’t start any rumor.”
T.J. looked straight at Minnie. “Maybe because I did ask her to the Homecoming dance?”
Minnie’s eyes grew wide. She swung around and faced Meg. “I knew it. I knew you were lying to me. You told me he didn’t ask you.”
Now all the blood rushed back into Meg’s face with a vengeance. Turning T.J. down was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, but Minnie would never have forgiven her.
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Meg said lamely.
Minnie glared at her. “You should have told me the truth.”
“She canceled on me that morning,” T.J. said.
“Yeah, but she didn’t want to.” Minnie’s eyes never left Meg’s face. “She wanted to go with you. She cried her eyes out over that.”
T.J. turned to Meg. “You did?”
“How did you …” Meg froze. She hadn’t told Minnie that. She hadn’t told anyone. She only wrote about it in her …
“Oh, no.” Meg felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. She was dizzy as reality dawned on her. “Minnie, you didn’t.”
THIRTY ONE
MINNIE JUTTED OUT HER CHIN. “SO WHAT IF I did?”
“Did what?” T.J. asked.
Meg exploded. “YOU READ MY DIARY???”
“Oh, shit,” Kumiko whispered.
Meg had spent years of her life taking care of Minnie. Protecting her. Sacrificing for her. Writing was the only escape she really had, the only thing she did for herself. Minnie knew exactly what Meg’s journals meant to her.
“How could you, Minnie? How could you?”
A flash of shame and regret passed over Minnie’s face and for a moment, her eyes faltered. Then she caught sight of T.J. standing just behind Meg and it seemed to harden her.
“You’ve always been jealous of me,” Minnie said, spitting out every word as fast as she could. “Always. Boys, clothes—you always had to have what was mine.”
T.J. threw up his hands. “I was never yours!”
“And you tried to bring me down, to undermine my confidence. I was fine before I met you. I wasn’t depressed. I didn’t have to take all these medications.” Minnie was on a roll now. “That was you. Tha
t was all your fault. You did this to me. But you didn’t break me, Meg Pritchard. You will never break me.”
“You’re crazy.” Meg couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Minnie sounded almost delusional, like some of the entries in Claire’s diary. So similar it was almost spooky.
“I’m crazy?” Minnie screeched. “I’m crazy? Who’s the one who has to sing Pink songs to herself in the mirror just to psych herself up to go to dances? Who’s the one who copies lines of old poems in her diary and dedicates them to boys she doesn’t even have the guts to talk to? It’s pathetic.”
Meg’s face burned. Her most intimate secrets, feelings and fears and desires she’d shared with no one, were now on display. She wanted to tell Minnie that she hated her, but the words choked off in her throat. All she could feel were the tears welling up in her eyes. She desperately hoped no one noticed.
Minnie certainly didn’t. “All you ever do is remind me to take my meds. ‘Mins, did you take your meds? Did you remember your pills? You have to take them every day, remember?’ Yeah. I remember. I remember that I was happy before I met you. I was normal. I was popular. The pills made me think I was crazy. You made me think that I wasn’t normal when really it was just you being—”
“Stop it, Minnie.” T.J. stepped between them. “Just stop it. You need to calm down, okay?”
Meg sunk her head against his back and gulped for air as if she was drowning.
“Calm down?” Minnie said. Her voice cracked. “Calm down? This is calm, Thomas Jefferson Fletcher. THIS IS CALM!”
Meg felt T.J.’s body flinch. “Look, I just meant—”
“I think I’ve been totally calm while she tried to steal you from me.” Minnie turned her back and stomped around the table. “I think I’ve been perfectly calm while my best friend tried to steal my boyfriend.”
“I AM NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!”
T.J.’s yell echoed through the room. It caught everyone off guard, judging from the gasps that came from Gunner and Kumiko. Meg slowly backed away from T.J. He grabbed Minnie by the shoulders and shook her.
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