Think I’m gonna just go home.
The phone rang. Shocker. I tapped accept and didn’t even have a chance to utter hello.
“What’s wrong?” he clipped, loud and angry.
“Um, nothing, I’m just tired.” I looked away from Sierra hoping she hadn’t heard. Who was I kidding? Her neighbor probably heard; he was so loud.
“Bullshit. Truth.”
There was no way in hell I was having this conservation now, or ever, for that matter. “Not now, Chase.” He pulled this card on me, now it was my turn. “Really, I’m fine. I just need to go home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Baby, just so you know, I’m so not okay with this. I don’t know what happened over the last four hours. If you’re not gonna talk about it, fine, but I’ll be at your place in an hour. Pete will pick you up from Sierra’s. Give me the address.”
“Chase-”
“Don’t.” He cut me off mid-sentence. “You don’t give me the address I’ll fucking Google it.”
“Fine. I’ll text it to you.”
“Baby, I want to sleep with you.” His voice softened. “This isn’t about sex. This is about sleeping ... with you ... in our bed, just sleeping, no talking. Just silence, me listening to your soft breaths. That’s truth.” And once again this man had completely disarmed me with words alone. “See you soon, baby.”
Silence filled my ear. I turned and dropped my phone on the bed.
“You’re not going to tell him, huh?” Sierra raised her eyebrows and frowned.
“I don’t know, but I’m definitely not ready tonight.”
“This thing with Dr. Hot-as-Balls is serious, isn’t it?”
I couldn’t help but nod. My gut told me she wasn’t wrong.
14
Clear skin
“Wow, it’s jammin’ in here.” Jackson entered the OR with his dripping wet arms held high. “Colton, you good with this?”
Chase’s discomfort with music was not lost on many. He was already scrubbed, gowned and gloved and fiddling with his instrument table. His back faced us so I couldn’t read his eyes. His eyes were always the words not spoken.
“Blame Lili.” Sam was prepping the sedated patient’s head. “She’s into rock now.”
“What—I can’t do something nice for my three favorite guys?” I defended my song choice.
“Three favorite guys?” Guy sauntered in, casually holding the mask over his mouth and nose, strings hanging loose at the side. He wasn’t scheduled for this case. “What, doll, I don’t count?”
“Guy, aren’t you one of the girls?” The room chuckled at Jackson.
“Whatever, Jack, that’s not what she said last night.” Guy was totally joking, but my breath caught watching Chase’s back tense in response. Chase definitely wasn’t laughing.
“Oh ha-ha, Guy, aren’t you funny?” Not sure why, but I wanted to quickly diffuse for Chase’s sake.
“Come on. You love me, doll. Admit it.”
“Why. Are. You. Here. Dr. Hunter?” Chase turned around to face the room. With just his eyes visible above the brim of his facemask, I saw he was burning.
“To see you.” Guy’s eyes widened, taking in Chase’s irritation. “A major head trauma is heading in on copter. ER chief needs your help with inducing hypothermia. Said something about using the new equipment.”
“Fuck. Are you kidding? He’s the one who postponed my damn inservice. Guess he’s getting a crash course today. What’s the ETA, Hunter? I need to get this surgery going, the patient’s already asleep.”
“Twenty minutes.”
“Carl,” Chase barked at his not-so-favorite anesthesiologist. “Dr. Jennings, we ready to start?”
“Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.” Dr. Jennings stared up at some green numbers on the little screen on his cart like he was watching the series finale of Lost, never looking at Chase.
“Go scrub, Hunter.” Chase wasn’t asking. “Not happy about this, but get your ass in here.” He turned to look at Jackson who was scrubbed and ready, standing at the unconscious patient’s head. “Jack, you waiting for a fucking red carpet? Make the incision.”
Jackson was totally grinning beneath his mask when he made the incision. Before Chase stole him to be his personal PA, Jackson was used to doing most of the lazier surgeon’s cases. But Chase was more territorial over his patients. One night while we were lying in bed talking about the demands of being a surgeon, he told me he preferred to stay in the operating room from the first incision to the last bandage being taped. “My patient, my responsibility.”
I loved that about him. From that first day with Kelly, I saw how committed he was. Not to the job, but to the patient. If Chase was stepping out of the room, whatever was going on in the ER must be really important. He was not thrilled.
“Jack, you and Hunter dissect down. That’s all I want you to do. Understand?”
“Yeah, yeah. Colton, I’m good. Done this procedure hundreds of times.”
“I know, Jack. But I don’t want anything done while I’m gone. Got me? No fucking heroics.”
I was no expert, but dissecting down sounded pretty heroic on its own. Jackson didn’t flinch and I considered giving him a heads up once Chase left. By the way, dude, avoid doing “anything” above and beyond whatever he just said or didn’t say, because my Dr. Sexy can turn into a psycho instrument tray-throwing lunatic. I glanced over at a nervous looking Sam standing next to Jackson, and he gave me an eye raise. Clearly, he hadn’t forgotten the tray-throwing episode either. Yeah, I definitely liked my spot on the other side of the short curtain.
“Yeah, I got ya,” Jackson replied, steady and focused while Guy backed through the door with dripping wet hands.
“So, Colton, what’s this hypothermia catheter unit everyone keeps talking about ... cute sales rep talk you into being spokesperson or something?” Guy wasted no time asking questions, oblivious to the tension in the room.
My nervous stomach awakened. Not that similar questions weren’t ruminating in my head. Minus the cute sales rep crap.
“I developed it a few years ago.” His grey gaze captured my attention, searching for my reaction.
As in, invented? So this was the company Asher mentioned in Boston, maybe. I must have had disappointment written all over my face. Seemed like an interesting tidbit of information one would tell someone they worked with and spent several hours a day naked with.
How much longer could I sit around and wait for him to open up? About anything. About everything. I knew so little about this man.
The man who a week ago held me tighter than I have ever been held, kissed my hair all night long, and never uttered a word because he knew that’s what I needed.
The man who didn’t push or ask what happened at Sierra’s that same night to turn me into a bitchy texter.
The man who arranged romantic lunches at different quaint restaurants all over Center City because he knew I wanted to be discreet until this rotation was over, while he made it perfectly clear he couldn’t care less who knew about us.
The man who added an evening run to his workout routine so I wouldn’t be alone—even though he woke up at four to hit the gym, leaving me to sleep in until my personal Starbucks delivery arrived.
The man who scheduled a full spa day for Sierra and me this past Saturday while he was on call, as long as I promised to spend the entire next day with him, naked. Hard bargain.
Not to mention he was the man who made me lose count somewhere after forty-something. Were my expectations really that high?
Maybe I needed to give the man a break. Not everyone held a dark secret. Not everyone was me.
He suffered a devastating loss that he wasn’t ready to talk about, or at least not with me. And he invented some crazy piece of medical equipment. No surprise there. He was exceptionally brilliant and insanely wealthy.
“Colton, that’s sweet.” Jackson’s enthusiasm drew me out of my head. “Had a patient hooked up last month, worked like a charm. Bitch of a machine to work
though.”
“How’s it work? You really invented it?” Guy followed, looking genuinely interested.
Chase, on the other hand, not so much. His eyes darkened while his chest rose and fell at a slightly faster rate. Long moments of silence filled the room before his authoritative teaching tone deteriorated to condescension. “It’s not a new fucking science, Hunter, just better equipment. This shouldn’t be news to you as a third year. It’s a metal-lined catheter and a control unit used to induce therapeutic hypothermia. Helps minimize brain damage after traumatic head injuries. You can also use it for cardiac arrest, strokes and newborns. Lowers body temperature, less chance of longterm injury. You obviously need a brush up.” I tensed and looked away cringing. He really was being mean to Guy. “I expect you at surgical grand rounds tomorrow morning for my inservice.”
The circulating nurse cut in, “Dr. Colton, sorry to interrupt, but the call just came in—the helicopter will be here in three minutes.”
“I’ll be back as soon as I can. Then we’ll finish the awake part of the case.” They both nodded in agreement. “Carl, do me a favor, if it’s not too much to ask, try and do your fucking job and make sure my patient stays asleep.”
I hated to say it, but Carl really was such a wet noodle. He kind of disappeared into the background. No wonder Chase was on edge. He made it perfectly clear he didn’t trust Carl’s judgment or like working with him. Chase basically banned him from all his cases. Obviously vacation schedules trumped surgeon’s requests.
Chase ripped his gown and gloves off and stormed out of the room without a glance back.
The last awake OR case I sat in on was the god-awful bloodbath almost two weeks ago. Who would have thought something so terrible that ended with the kiss of all kisses would lead to whatever the hell you would say we were doing. Secretly dating, fucking, semi-cohabitating. Keep telling yourself that’s all it is, Lil. Believe it or not, I looked forward to today after I saw an awake case on the schedule. Chase, in his element, was awesome. Intense, focused, and dominant. It reminded me of him in bed. I hoped the heat in my cheeks was hidden under the mask. Not the time or place for those thoughts.
Thankfully Guy snapped me out of my mental movie before it passed PG-13. “What the hell crawled up Colton’s ass? Dude, he’s like a chick with the mood swings. No offense, doll.”
It was crazy how surgeons had whole conversations without ever looking up. Eyes always on the field, hands moving meticulously while discussing pure nonsense.
“Hey!” I couldn’t think of anything else to say, but I wasn’t letting that little comment go.
“What? I didn’t mean you, Lili. Maybe Colton should take whatever pill you do, because he’s a fucking bear when he’s ragging it.” The men erupted with laughter. More like the boys. Minus the wet noodle, of course.
“Guy, you fucking kill me!” Jackson said. “I can’t believe you just said ragging it. I’ll take Colton’s PMS any day over what’s probably going on in Sam’s house. Pregnancy, man. Heard it’s like ragging it twenty-four, seven.”
“Really, man? Why’d you have to bring me into this? Remember—intern here. I’m having a hard enough time just standing here right now?” Sam was awesome. First intern in three years I adored from day one.
“Boys. In case you forgot, three women are in the room. And no—I’m not ragging it.” I glared at Jackson and Guy. “And Sam, ignore these Neanderthals. They have no clue about anything. My best friend is pregnant, too. Hormones can seriously suck.” I had to defend my half of the human race. Not to mention, my secret boyfriend who was no longer in the room. Wow, I liked the sound of that.
“Sorry, doll. Told you that you don’t count. You’re always awesome. Don’t ever change your pill. It works for you.”
What the hell?
“How do you even know I’m on the pill?” This conversation was getting seriously awkward.
“We’ve had like four rotations together, all day, every day. You haven’t had a bitchy day yet; you’re definitely on the pill.”
Well, that was sweet. Totally inappropriate, but sweet. That’s what I got for hanging with the boys.
“Well, my wife’s going back on whatever you’re on as soon as this baby is born.” Sam rejoined the conversation, but he was so full of it. He adored his wife, and I was sure he was just trying to hang with the boys.
“Sam, shut it. I also heard pregnancy sex is fucking hot. Suck it up. I’d take hormonal and bitchy if it came with hormonal and horny any day.”
Leave it to Jackson to take it to yet another level. I shook my head and looked over at the other women, figuring we would share in a how stupid are these boys eye roll, but nope. They perfected the art of blending in and tuning out.
“Maybe that’s what the Chief needs?” Guy just couldn’t let it go.
“What’s that?” Jackson asked.
“Laid. Colton could probably use a good lay, lighten him up a bit.”
OMG. I wanted to crawl under the table.
Jackson chuckled. “Dude. Hate to break it to you. It’s you. Colton’s actually been in a pretty good mood lately. My guess, he’s not having any problem getting laid.”
Shoot me. I blushed fuchsia.
“You walk in, man, you push his buttons.” Jackson finished shaking his head.
“What the fuck did I do?” Guy was so oblivious.
The OR door swung open. Chase backed in swiftly, his muscular biceps flexed, arms dripping wet. “Do tell, Dr. Hunter. What the fuck did you do?” Chase’s tone was more relaxed from when he stormed out. Three and a half weeks since we met, the sight of him still took my breath away.
“Um, nothing. We’re good. Just about done with the dissection.”
Hearing Guy stutter, I was embarrassed for him. Shit. I was embarrassed for me. After all, they were commenting on our sex life without even knowing it. If Sierra were here, she would have been rolling on the floor by now. Awkward.
Chase re-gowned, gloved, and then took position at the head of the table. His quiet confidence commanded the room. “Good. Glad to see you can follow directions.” Maybe that was a compliment, but it oozed sarcasm.
“Piece of cake, Chief.” Jackson knew he just earned a little more of Chase’s trust in the operating department. “How’d it go down in the ER?”
“Fine. Should have been a non-issue if the ER had done a damn inservice on the equipment weeks ago like they were supposed to. Like I told them to. Doesn’t matter now. Can’t change anything. Patient will hopefully be fine, only time will tell, we’ll have to wait and see.” His voice drifted ever so slightly, but something small changed. Chase closed his eyes tightly for several seconds like someone did when they were stressed or praying or remembering.
I wondered what it was like to depend on your skill day in and day out to save a life … and to accept that some things were out of your control despite your talent and hard work. How many times had Chase had to wait and see? How many patients died despite his best effort? I doubted the boys realized the enormity of the responsibility they were training for.
Chase opened his eyes and the switch flipped back on. “So tell me. What did I miss? Suction.” Like anyone in the room was stupid enough to answer that one.
“Just Guy teasing Lili,” Sam chimed in out of nowhere. I raised my brow and gave Chase an I have no idea look. “You know the double standard, a man has a condom in his wallet for only one reason, right? We have to own it, but girls ... ever notice they’re all on the pill for bad cramps or irregular periods these days?”
What the hell, Sam. This was the save he came up with? Guy better have appreciated his intern stepping up, but I was going to kill him. Usually I handled hanging with the boys, but this needed a fast-forward.
“And this has to do with Ms. Porter, how?” Dr. Possessive was not a fan of the conversation. Neither was I.
“Not our Lili. All about the clear skin, right, girl?” Jackson rescued me. Kind of.
Clear skin. Right. I wi
shed that was my impetus for starting birth control.
Chase glared over the short curtain. Those sexy stormy eyes yelled, Blue, I’m about to lose my fucking mind.
Crap, what if he had walked in on the real conversation.
The crazy talk came to an abrupt halt when an obnoxious beep echoed through the room, and seven sets of eyes turned toward the anesthesia cart.
“Carl. What the fuck’s your problem?” Chase growled as if he knew why the machines were beeping. He wasn’t alarmed this time, just angry. The blaring ominous tune brought back awful memories of the blood bath. “Silence the fucking alarm.”
Carl stared at the screen. Didn’t flinch. If looks killed, Wet Noodle needed CPR. Chase bordered on homicidal. In slow motion, Dr. Jennings finally reached up and hit a button, silencing the beep. “Just kinked IV tubing. Not a big deal.”
“Last time I checked, all the meds keeping my patient stable while I slice a huge tumor out of his brain are dripping through that tubing. It’s a huge fucking deal,” Chase roared then snapped over to my direction. “Blue, you ready?”
Shit, he just called me Blue. On a scale of one to ten, the tensity of the room was teetering on a twelve point five, so I doubted anyone noticed. Chase was so angry, his heavy breathing suctioned his mask to his face with each inhale. I kept his gaze, hoping to calm him. Wet Noodle was about five seconds from being tossed against a wall.
“I’m going to wake him up now. If Dr. Jennings thinks he can handle doing his fucking job.” Chase’s eyes bored into Wet Noodle before looking back at me. “Just keep him calm, Lili, but keep him talking. Just like you did in the other cases. You with me, Blue?” He softened, I loved that I did that for him.
“With you, Chase.” With you. For the first time I didn’t think twice about who was listening. I had no idea what we had or where it was going, but I needed him as much as he needed me right then.
The rest of the case went off without a hitch. The whole time the boys remained quiet and focused. I was thankful for small favors, no more talk of birth control or sexual frustrations.
Chase dismissed Jackson and Guy, while he took his time teaching Sam how to close. Or staple, or sew the patient’s head. Something crazy like that. Methodical and patient, he was an amazing teacher.
Beautifully Awake Page 17