Jace leans against the counter, watching me eat with a frown. “I hate seeing you sick.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him, smiling. “It’ll be worth it when we have our baby in the end.”
“Did you get this sick with Greyson?” he inquires.
I shake my head and take another bite of toast. “Initially yes, but not this far into the pregnancy.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, seriously. A little sickness is worth our baby.”
He pulls out the stool beside me and sits down. “You’re a fucking warrior.”
I laugh, spraying some toast crumbs on the counter. “Hardly.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t see what I see.”
“And what’s that?”
“That you’re a fucking warrior,” he repeats with a grin. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
My hair falls forward, hiding my face. “I don’t think so.”
He pushes the hair behind my ear. “Trust me, I’d never lie to you, in fact I think I’m considered brutally honest at times.”
“How’d I get so lucky with you?” I breathe.
“Lucky? I’m a fucking handful. I’d say you were cursed.”
I laugh. “Cursed. Blessed. Same thing.”
I finish my toast and clean up. I stifle a yawn and Jace grabs my hand. “Come on, let’s get you in bed.”
He drags me over to our bedroom and rifles through the dresser drawers, pulling out a pair of pajamas. I’m not surprised when he pulls out a tight t-shirt and shorts. He loves seeing my belly.
“Arms up,” he demands.
I do as he says and let him strip me of my clothes before he helps me into the pajamas he picked.
“You. Bed. Now. And no hanky panky so don’t get any ideas,” he warns.
“Me? Ideas? Never?” I gasp as he pulls back the covers and all but pushes me into the bed before covering me back up.
He takes off his shirt and kicks off his jeans, climbing into bed beside me and curling his body around mine. He presses his lips to the skin where my neck meets my shoulders and his hand goes to my belly.
I sigh contently. Right here, I finally have everything I’ve ever wanted.
A family of my own.
Jace
When you want life to move slow so you can enjoy and embrace every moment, that’s when it decides to speed the fuck up, everything passing by in a blur.
Nova’s hand squeezes mine as we ride up in the elevator to her doctor’s office. She bounces on the balls of her feet with nervous excitement.
She bites her lip and looks up at me. “What do you think the baby is?”
“Girl,” I answer resolute. “I’m positive.”
“Really?” She raises a brow.
“What?” I probe. “You don’t think so?”
She shakes her head. “I honestly don’t have a gut feeling for either. I guess since I already had a boy I see myself more with a son than a daughter, but I’d be happy either way.”
The elevator dings happily and we step out. Nova goes to sign in and I take a seat.
The room is full of women in all stages of pregnancy, a few spouses and partners, and even a couple of kids running around.
Nova comes and sits down beside me. I immediately put my hand on her belly. I can’t help it. I haven’t felt the baby move yet, but Nova is beginning to feel flutters, just no big kicks yet.
Nova looks up at me, her brown eyes bright and happy. “We’re going to find out if we’re having a son or daughter, it’s … crazy.”
“Life’s crazy,” I reply.
Life is a series of ups and downs, goods and bads, epic fucking moments, and ones that shatter you to pieces. This is an epic fucking moment. It’s one of those moments that changes your life and there are very few moments like that.
“Novalee Clarke,” they call thirty minutes later—because doctor’s offices like to make you arrive fifteen minutes early and wait double the time.
Nova grabs my hand and we follow the nurse back.
Nova gets checked over and then we’re left to wait for the doctor.
The room is thick with our anticipation. Nova reaches for my hand and I place it in hers. Her skin is slightly clammy and she gives me a nervous smile.
Finally, after five hundred fucking years, her doctor makes it into the room.
“Hi, Nova, how are you?” she asks, washing her hands in the sink in the room.
“I’m doing good. Feeling the baby move some, but nothing big yet.”
Dr. Illias smiles kindly. “That’s great. You’ll probably feel bigger movements soon.”
She sits down on her stool and rolls it over to the ultrasound monitor.
She places a piece of paper into the band of Nova’s pants to keep the goo from getting on her clothes.
She squirts the goo on her stomach next and pulls out the wand.
The baby pops up on the screen and I feel my heart clench knowing that’s my son or daughter. The baby kicks its legs around wildly, like it can’t sit still. Dr. Illias takes some measurements before getting down to business.
“All right, Mom and Dad, are you ready to know the gender?”
“Yes, please.” Nova nods enthusiastically.
“Ready,” I declare, leaning forward, Nova’s hand still clasped in mine.
She points to the screen. “That right there tells me without a doubt you’re having a boy.”
Nova bursts into tears. “We’re having a son.”
I don’t have words, so I do what I do best.
I kiss the shit out of her.
I stand back and appraise my handiwork.
“What do you think?” I ask Nova.
“It’s perfect.” She smiles, looking around the small nursery.
It’s been two weeks since we found out we’re having a son. It took Nova that long to decide on a paint color for the nursery. Not wanting to do a traditional blue, she decided on a gray color.
“I want to paint a mural,” she muses, looking around. “Maybe a mountain or …” she trails off.
“Wait a fucking minute, you paint?” Considering we’ve been together for a long fucking time now, there isn’t much I don’t know, so I’m shocked.
“I used to when I was in high school and middle school. I’m sure it’s like riding a bike, it has to come back to you, right?”
I shrug. “How the fuck would I know?”
“Let’s go shop for the nursery and pick up some paint for the mural while we’re out.”
“Whatever you say, you’re the boss.”
I change my clothes since they’re covered in paint and wash up as best I can, but some paint still speckles my arms and it’s caked under my nails. Fuck, it’s even splattered in my hair. Whatever.
I drive my truck to the store, since we have more room to haul stuff if we decide to buy anything.
We arrive at the store and I follow Nova inside. She heads straight for the cribs.
“I don’t want to do gray,” she tells me. “That’d be too matchy-matchy with the walls.”
She walks around, appraising them all. She makes another round and finally stops in front of one.
“What do you think?” she asks.
The crib is what I would describe as modern, or maybe it’s contemporary, fuck if I know. It’s white with clean lines and angled feet on the bottom.
“I like it.”
“Do you like it? Or love it?”
“If you love it then I love it. It’s cool. This isn’t really my forte.” I motion to all the baby stuff around us. “So go with your gut.”
She laughs. “But I want you to love it too.”
“I do,” I assure her.
“Okay, this crib. We’ll get a matching changing table, let’s go look at the bedding.,” she rambles.
I let her drag me to another part of the store and we begin going through all the bedding.
I give little “mhmms” and “ehs” now
and then.
Finally, she settles on one with a gray and white simple design.
Nova’s never been a big shopper, but when it comes to baby stuff, apparently she’s a fiend. We’ve held off, waiting to find out the gender, and now the beast has been unleashed.
She tosses the sheets she’s picked into the cart I’m pushing and then we move on to blankets and then clothes.
The cart is overflowing by the time she’s done.
God help me.
We check out and the staff helps us load the furniture, including a white rocker she picks at the last minute.
I want to argue white’s going to get really fucking dirty with a kid, but I decide to keep my mouth shut.
We stop at the hardware store on the way home and Nova picks out her paints, careful to get ones which are safe for pregnant women.
When we get home I’m tasked with carrying everything into the apartment while she immediately gets to down painting.
It takes me six trips to get everything and I have to con a neighbor into helping me carry the heavy items.
Once it’s done I collapse on the couch and drape my arm over my eyes—telling the world I’m closed for fucking business at the moment.
I’m about to doze off when Nova screams.
I sit straight up. “What? What’s wrong?”
“The baby kicked! Like a big kick. I think you can feel it.” She comes running toward me, a slight waddle altering her steps. She grabs my hand and presses it to her stomach. “Just wait,” she whispers, like a raised voice might cause the baby not to kick.
I hold my breath, like that might make a difference too, and wait.
A moment later I feel it.
I laugh and my eyes meet Nova’s. “Amazing.” I feel another kick against my palm and I shake my head. “He’s real,” I whisper.
It’s not like I didn’t know he was real, but it didn’t feel real to me.
Nova places her hand over mine and she has a wistful look on her face.
I know this must be so different for her, compared to her first pregnancy.
She sits down beside me, leaning her head on my shoulder, and I keep my hand on her stomach.
I’ve never felt like I had the whole world at my fingertips, that I was worth anything, or could be anything, but this, right here, is more than I could’ve ever hoped for.
A love.
A life.
A forever.
Nova
I sit in the rocker in the nursery, looking around with a wistful smile. We still have things we need to get for the baby, lots of things, but for the most part the nursery is complete. The mural I painted turned out amazing. I ended up going with a moon and stars motif. I love the way it turned out, it brings a wistfulness to the room without being cutesy.
The crib is put together—Jace bitched the entire time, because apparently the crib was designed by people from NASA, according to him. It didn’t look difficult to me, but I didn’t actually try to help.
The bedding I picked matches the décor perfectly, and I added a few pillows and stuffed animals to the crib for the time being since it looked so bare. But once the baby is using it those will have to come out.
The dresser is full of clothes ranging from newborn to twenty-four months since I seem to have no self-control when it comes to baby things.
With Greyson, I wasn’t allowed to be happy that I was pregnant. I didn’t look forward to his birth, instead I dreaded it, because I knew he’d no longer be with me. At least when he was inside me he was there.
There’s a soft round gray rug in the center of the floor. I currently have my shoes kicked off and my toes curled into it. It’ll be a perfect spot for the baby to lie and play.
Jace pokes his head in the door and smiles when he sees me. “Ready to go?”
I nod. “Yeah.” I put my shoes back on and stand.
We head to Xander and Thea’s house for Xael’s first birthday party.
I can’t believe she’s one. So much has happened. It feels like five years have passed.
When we get to their house I can’t help but laugh. The snow-covered lawn is decorated with pink confetti, and pink balloons are tied near the front door.
Jace parks and we let ourselves into an explosion of even more pink.
I shouldn’t be surprised. Pink is Thea’s favorite color.
Pink streamers hang from the ceiling in an arch, and there’s more pink confetti on the floor. Someone’s going to have fun cleaning all of it up.
In the kitchen there’s a two-tier round cake that’s, shocker, pink. There’s some kind of shimmery dust on the icing so the cake shimmers in the light. Beside the cake is an even smaller cake, just for Xael. Food and snacks are laid out on the counter so people can eat as they please and mingle.
I spot Xander and Thea, near the fireplace, Thea holding Xael while they speak to his parents. Thea’s mom and boyfriend stand by the counter, munching on some pretzels, and offer a polite hello when they spot the two of us.
I don’t see Cade or Rae and assume they haven’t gotten here yet.
For once, we’re not the last ones.
I place our gifts with the others and then grab some snacks, hoping I can keep them down. This week so far has been better in regard to the nausea. I’m still playing it safe, though, not wanting to anger the beast.
Jace pulls out one of the counter stools and sits down.
Thea makes her way over to us, Xael no longer on her hip. When I look over I see Xander’s parents playing with her while Xander laughs at something his dad says.
“Jacen,” Thea greets.
“She-devil,” he replies, not missing a beat.
I shake my head. “You two act like brother and sister.”
Jace glares at me with narrowed eyes. “Are you saying we’re alike?”
“Um, yeah.”
He makes a face. “I’m seriously going to have to reconsider the status of our relationship if you think that.”
My jaw drops.
“Kidding … sort of.” He laughs and I smack his arm.
“How are you feeling?” Thea asks me.
“Fucking amazing, thanks for asking, darling,” Jace replies before I can.
Thea rolls her eyes and looks at me waiting for an answer. “Much better. This little guy is treating me better lately.”
“Hey, guys!” Rae calls, breezing through the door with Cade behind her carrying a few pink wrapped gifts.
Rae joins us and Cade goes to the refrigerator, muttering something about, “needing a beer to get through this girly pink shimmer fest.”
“Get me one too,” Jace pleads.
I shake my head.
Boys.
Thea bumps my arm, getting my attention. “So,” she says as she grins, “have you guys picked a name yet?”
Jace and I have talked about names exhaustively. Naming a kid is really freaking hard. You want something unique but not weird, something you like, but isn’t used all the time.
I glance at Jace. “Want to tell them?”
He cracks open his beer and uses it to point at me. “Go ahead.”
I smile at Thea and Rae, and I notice everyone else is paying attention too.
“We’ve decided to name him Beckett Clarke Kensington.”
“Aw, I love Beckett. It’s a great name.” Thea claps her hands and does a little happy dance.
“Wait.” Rae’s brow’s furrow. “Are you hyphenating Clarke Kensington, or is Clarke actually his middle name?”
“Clarke will be his middle name,” I reply, touching my stomach.
“So many babies.” Thea claps again. “I’m telling you, Rae, you need to get to work.”
Rae looks horror stricken. “Not yet, thank you very much.”
Thea rolls her eyes and mutters to me. “Our kids will be teenagers before this one decides to have her first kid.” She tosses a thumb over her shoulder at Rae.
Rae sighs. “Trust me, it’ll be sooner than that, but
not yet.”
“But why,” Thea whines. “If you get pregnant our kids could be the three amigos.”
Jace interjects, “But would they have to wear sombreros?”
Thea glares at him. She’s mastered the perfect glare, but of course nothing fazes Jace. I’m pretty sure a bomb could go off beside him and he’d carry on as he was.
“Nobody needs your sarcasm, Jacen.”
“Did you know sarcasm makes you live longer?” Jace jokes.
“Then you must be a fucking vampire,” Thea replies, a hand on her hip.
Jace grins widely. “Yes. Yes, I am. So when you’re a withered gray-haired woman, I’ll still look like this.” He motions to himself.
“And then I’ll stake your cold dead heart with a rolling pin.”
Xander comes over and puts his hand on Thea’s shoulder. “Down, tiger.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” she argues.
Rae clears her throat, desperate to change the subject. Cade’s in the corner downing his second beer. I have a feeling a lot of his anxiety has nothing to do with the party itself and more to do with babies. His mom currently has him cornered and he looks like he’d prefer to melt into the floor.
“So,” Rae starts with me, “how’s the business going with Joel?”
“Slow, but okay, I guess. We’re getting maybe one paid shoot a month each, sometimes two.” I shrug. “I feel bad for Joel, though, because I’ve been focused on the baby I haven’t been putting as much time and energy into the business as I should have. Right now, we both still have our other jobs. I think it’ll take us a year or two to be where we can do this full time.”
“Well, you have to start somewhere,” Rae replies.
I know it’s true, but sometimes it sucks. Joel and I have such a big vision for what we want to do, and not getting there sucks. I keep reminding myself one day.
One day, we’ll have all we’ve dreamed of.
“Have you heard anything at all from your parents?” Rae asks softly.
I shake my head. “No. It doesn’t matter, though. They are who they are and I have to accept it. So I can either try to have them in my life as they are or let them go, and I’m choosing to let them go. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life, and definitely not in my son’s.”
Broken Hearts (Light in the Dark Book 5) Page 12