A Blessing for Miriam

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Miriam groaned. “I don’t even want to think about that long trip again, Greyhound or otherwise.”

  Setting a steaming tray of bacon, eggs, and toast in front of Miriam, Aunt Fannie said, “I kept things warm. I didn’t want to ask too many questions at two o’clock in the morning when you came in, so start talking. Fill me in on the news while you eat.”

  Miriam smiled. “You didn’t have to make breakfast. I could have fasted this headache away.”

  “You’re doing nothing of the sort.” Aunt Fannie pulled up a chair. “I know you have all your schoolwork to plan for next week, and I’m sure Wayne will be by to see you soon. He’s working today in the greenhouse.”

  “He is?” Miriam caught her breath.

  Aunt Fannie’s face sobered. “If Wayne doesn’t talk with you, then speak with him. You need to. What you told me before you left, Miriam, well…well, you’d best talk with Wayne.”

  Miriam clutched the edge of table with both hands. “What do you mean? Has something happened?”

  Aunt Fannie shrugged. “I never thought the day would come when I’d say this, and I told William it might be all my imagination, which I hope it is, but still…”

  Miriam reached for her aunt’s arm. “Tell me, please! I have to know. I’ve been worried sick all the way home—and even before that. It’s true, isn’t it? What I feared is true?”

  “What’s true?” Aunt Fannie didn’t meet her gaze. “Maybe we’re not talking about the same thing.”

  “Oh, yah, we are. Wayne and Esther Swartz. You saw them together while I was gone, didn’t you? Talking and…”

  “Miriam, don’t imagine things.” Aunt Fannie stopped her. “Wayne’s true to you, I know he is. William told me the same thing. It’s just…I’m not used to how some girls act anymore. Esther’s a little outgoing, that’s all. But eat. Your food’s getting cold.”

  “Eat?” Miriam exclaimed. “How can I eat now?”

  Aunt Fannie got up from her chair.

  “What were they doing?” Miriam’s gaze followed her.

  “Nothing much.”

  “Don’t hide this from me, please,” Miriam begged. “The truth will hurt, but I have to know.”

  Aunt Fannie returned to her chair. “Smiles, mostly. And they disappeared outside together after the hymn singing. I don’t think Wayne took her home. He wouldn’t do that. And Wayne’s buggy was still there when William and I left the hymn singing a half-hour later.”

  Miriam’s head spun. “How bad was it? The smiles? Did everyone notice?”

  Aunt Fannie looked away. “Wayne seemed to like her smiles, and he gave plenty back.”

  “Then others also noticed?” There was little question in Miriam’s voice.

  “William didn’t.”

  Miriam didn’t move, and her food remained untouched.

  Aunt Fannie continued. “Of course, men wouldn’t. William’s blind as a bat when it comes to such things. Plus he likes Wayne. Of course, I do too. I thought with all my heart he was true to you. I still think he probably is.”

  “Oh, dear Lord, how can I take this?” Miriam laid her head in her hands and moaned. “So my fears weren’t just about nothing. Wayne likes Esther’s attentions. He couldn’t resist them while I was gone.”

  “At least he resists them when you’re here,” Aunt Fannie consoled, trying to sound cheerful.

  Miriam moaned again. “If this is true…Oh, I can’t think about it. And our wedding is planned for this fall. I sat up with Mamm most of two nights to get the details down.”

  “Your wedding is the least of your worries right now.” Aunt Fannie touched her hand. “And maybe there’s nothing to it.”

  “I’ve lost a man once,” Miriam groaned. “Wasn’t I just reminded of that back in Possum Valley? I might as well throw my heart out into the road and let every passerby drive over it.”

  Aunt Fannie wrapped Miriam in a tight hug. “You must never say that. And we mustn’t imagine too much until you’ve spoken with Wayne. He may have a perfectly gut explanation.”

  Miriam pushed away her plate. “I think I will fast and die by evening. I’ll never be well again. Not if another Swartz girl steals my boyfriend.” Miriam stood up and grabbed the edge of the table for balance.

  Aunt Fannie was by her side at once. “You have to eat, Miriam, even if I have to spoon-feed you. You need your strength.”

  Miriam resisted for another moment before she gave in. Grudgingly, she took a bite with Aunt Fannie watching closely. Miriam whimpered between each bite.

  Aunt Fannie stayed beside her. “We should get Wayne and William in right now and straighten this thing out.”

  Miriam shook her head.

  “But the problem has to be gotten to the bottom of,” Aunt Fannie insisted.

  “It’s already solved, and I’ve lost,” Miriam managed. “There’s nothing more to say.”

  Aunt Fannie took a deep breath. “Are you giving up that easy? Surely not!”

  Miriam groaned again. “All is lost. That’s the reality. Twice now, all is lost.”

  Aunt Fannie ignored her. “It’s exhaustion from your trip to talk like that. I should have kept my big mouth shut. At least you should talk with Wayne before you go off the deep end. There’s always hope.”

  “I’ll deal with this in my own way.” Miriam choked down one last bite before she got to her feet. “I haven’t even shared any news from home with you.”

  Aunt Fannie waved the comment away. “The news can be told later. There are more important things going on right now.”

  “You should have told me last night already, so I could have wept for hours.” Miriam paused by the kitchen table as the first gush of tears came. She held them up as she rushed up the stairs. Once there, Miriam collapsed on her bed. With her head in the pillow she muffled her sobs. She heard her aunt’s footsteps come up the stairs and stop by the bedroom door, only to leave again. Miriam knew she needed to work through this herself. But how? She had no idea where to begin. She didn’t want to speak with Wayne. She couldn’t bear the pain. She had given her whole heart to him and trusted him. How could he do this to her? He could at least have told her he wanted the relationship to cease, that he preferred Esther over her. Those things did happen to people. But instead he’d led her on—and probably still would. But why would he do that? What would it accomplish? And they had specific wedding plans now, although Wayne didn’t know about all of them.

  Miriam stopped her thoughts. This reaction was way out of proportion. She must control her emotions. Just because Ivan had reminded her of the past didn’t mean she should arrive back at her Oklahoma home and fly off the handle at the first sign of trouble. Hadn’t she expected Esther to increase her attentions toward Wayne once she was gone from the community? So what if Wayne had spoken with Esther beside his buggy. That might have happened, but it wasn’t the end of the world. What she should do is act as if Aunt Fannie had told her nothing and see what Wayne said when she met him. Wouldn’t that be the best course of action? Things never turned out well when a woman had suspicions—even if those suspicions were correct.

  Miriam sat up on the bed and dried her tears. She would do that. Where the strength would come from, she had no idea. Perhaps the Lord would have mercy and compassion on her and pour out further grace. Nothing else made much sense. She got off the bed and took the stairs with care, her hands on both sides of the wall for steadiness. Her head still swam, but Aunt Fannie had been wise to make her eat. She needed her strength.

  Aunt Fannie’s concerned face met her at the kitchen doorway. “Are you okay?”

  Miriam nodded. “Well enough to go out. I’m going on with the day, and I’ll start by helping you with the dishes.”

  Aunt Fannie touched her shoulder. “They’re done, dear. You can go to the schoolhouse if you want to. I’ll have William harness Sally for you.”

  Miriam shook her head. “Thank you, but I need the exercise.”

  Aunt Fannie hesitated. “If
you say so.”

  Miriam moved on to find her coat in the closet.

  Aunt Fannie’s voice followed her. “I’ll have a lunch packed for you by the time you have Sally hitched to the buggy.”

  She really didn’t care, Miriam thought, but Aunt Fannie’s gesture was kind. And Aunt Fannie had been right about breakfast. Maybe she would need food at lunch time…even if it probably would taste like plastic.

  She slipped out the washroom door and ran across the yard in a quick dash. The conversation with Wayne would come eventually, but she’d have more strength tomorrow. Maybe if Wayne didn’t see her until she was out the lane, he wouldn’t attempt to have words with her. And surely she had his guilty conscience on her side. The man must feel shame over whatever he’d done.

  Sally neighed when she walked in. Miriam stroked her face as tears stung her eyes again. At least her horse welcomed her home with an honest heart. But what terrible thoughts those were. She needed to contain herself until Wayne had his say, and even then she had to forgive him. From somewhere the grace would come. It had to. She couldn’t live with bitterness in her heart, whether it was against Wayne or Ivan or both. They had a right to choose the fraus they wanted to spend their lives with.

  “Gut morning. I see you’re finally up.”

  Miriam jumped and whirled around when Wayne’s voice greeted her from the barn door. She didn’t say anything.

  Wayne sounded cheerful. “I couldn’t wait to speak with you.”

  “Aren’t you needed at the greenhouse?” Miriam said steadily.

  “Your Uncle William understands.” Wayne chuckled.

  “I’ve not been gone that long,” Miriam managed to squeak out. She clung to Sally’s halter for a moment before she led the horse out of the stall. She had to act normally. But how? Wayne seemed his usual self. Surely he couldn’t pretend this well?

  “Surely you missed me?” His teasing voice was closer now.

  “I missed you a lot.” Miriam forced herself to face him. She didn’t have to make that emotion up. She had missed him terribly.

  “Same here. I couldn’t wait until each day had turned into the next one. They couldn’t go by fast enough. I love you a lot, Miriam. I want you to know that.”

  “Really?”

  “Of course.” He touched her face briefly. “Still beautiful as ever. I see no one stole that away in Possum Valley. Here, let me take Sally. I’ll get the harness on for you.”

  The man was guilty. Miriam was sure of it. Why didn’t he just say so? He had to notice how unresponsive she was. He had to notice she’d been weeping.

  “I’ll hold Sally,” she said instead.

  Wayne moved toward the harnesses on the wall and then had Sally’s on the horse’s back in no time. “How was the trip?” His smile was back.

  “Okay, I guess. I never like the bus, but Mamm and Daett were doing well when I arrived. Shirley, of course, is very troubled from the accident.”

  “I would expect so.” His voice sounded genuinely concerned.

  How could Wayne fake his emotions to this extent? Or were they faked? They felt like they always had…before. He was a little overeager, but what boyfriend wouldn’t be on the first morning his girlfriend returned from an extended trip?

  Miriam forced her thoughts back to Shirley. “She’ll have scars on her face for the rest of her life, probably. That’s difficult for Shirley to accept because she always thought her beauty was her best asset. But who can argue with the Lord’s will?”

  “That’s true,” Wayne concurred. “One must accept what is.” He gave her a gentle smile and led Sally out toward the buggy. “I’m so sorry about your family’s trial. I’m sure it’s difficult for everyone.”

  “Yah, it is,” Miriam agreed. She helped him fasten the tugs and climbed into the buggy.

  Wayne patted Sally on the neck before he gave Miriam the lines. “See you later,” he said. “I hope we have more time to talk soon.”

  Miriam tried to smile as she drove Sally out of the driveway. Wayne hadn’t asked about the wedding plans, but maybe he’d forgotten that was one of the reasons she went home. Yet what man would forget that kind of thing?

  Chapter Sixteen

  The early afternoon sunlight filtered in through the schoolhouse windows. Miriam pushed aside the lunch pail Aunt Fannie had packed and walked across the floor. Had a buggy driven in or had she imagined it? She paused when she caught sight of one in the schoolyard. She pulled in a sharp breath as Sarah Mullet, the substitute teacher for the time she’d been in Possum Valley, climbed out. Miriam went out and greeted her. “Gut afternoon! What a surprise for you to show up. And after you put in all that time taking care of things while I was gone.”

  “Did you find everything okay?” Sarah stepped inside. “I thought I’d come by and check.”

  “Of course.” Miriam didn’t hesitate. “You’re a teacher. I’m sure things were a much greater mess when you came than when you left.”

  “Thanks. You are more than kind.” A concerned look crossed Sarah’s face. “That’s not the only reason I came over.”

  Miriam let go of the door, and it swung shut. “Did you have to spank one of the children? I know I’m not the best disciplinarian in the world.”

  A trace of a smile filled Sarah’s face. “No. They all behaved themselves quite well. It’s about you and Wayne, or rather how Wayne and Esther acted while you were gone. I thought you should know.”

  Miriam put her hand against the wall for support. “I think I’d better sit down before you tell me more.”

  Sarah followed Miriam over to a student’s desk and watched as she sat down. “You don’t seem surprised. Do you already know?”

  Miriam tried to breathe evenly. “I know less than you do, I’m sure. Aunt Fannie told me this morning that she saw Wayne and Esther smiling at each other a lot. I’m so embarrassed, Sarah. Was there an awful display?”

  Sarah wrinkled her face. “I wouldn’t say it was awful, but Esther clearly has her intention set on Wayne. She spent all day at the services smiling at him and teasing him whenever they crossed paths, which she made sure was quite often.”

  “Did everyone else see it?”

  Sarah shook her head. “I don’t think so. But I did catch them alone behind the buggies after the hymn singing. Esther was in his arms, and…”

  Miriam’s voice trembled, “Were they kissing?”

  Sarah shrugged. “Maybe. I didn’t want to think that, and I was the only one who saw them. Which I wouldn’t have if our buggy hadn’t been parked right beside Wayne’s. He took her deeper into the shadows after he noticed me. Anyway, I felt you should know so you could at least ask Wayne about it. Maybe it’s all much ado about nothing.”

  “Maybe…” Miriam said, but tears were threatening to fall again.

  Sarah gave Miriam a quick hug. “I wish you the best. I just thought you should know. I would want to know if Wayne was my boyfriend. Wayne always turned down Esther’s attentions when the Swartz family lived here, so I don’t know why he would be showing any interest now. Wayne made an excellent choice when he began dating you. I wanted to tell you that and hopefully encourage you.”

  “Thank you, Sarah.” Miriam tried to smile. “And thank you too for teaching for me while I was gone.”

  Sarah nodded. “You’re welcome. And how is your sister doing—the one in the accident?”

  Miriam forced herself to think of faraway Possum Valley. The place seemed unreal right now. “Shirley’s going to go through a lot, I’m afraid. She was a beautiful girl—unlike me—and now she has a permanently scarred face.”

  “Don’t knock yourself.” Sarah patted Miriam’s arm. “You’ve captured Wayne’s heart. Take courage. You can keep his affections, I’m sure.”

  “Do you really think so?” Miriam half rose from the small desk.

  “All things are possible with the Lord. I’ll help you pray, okay?”

  “Oh, would you? That’s so kind of you.”

&nb
sp; “But you can’t pray well if you don’t know the truth.” Sarah smiled as if that settled it. She moved to leave. “I’ll help out again with the teaching anytime you need me.”

  “Oh, that’s so nice of you to offer.” Miriam followed Sarah to the door and watched while she left in her buggy. With a final wave, Sarah turned the buggy and headed up the road. Miriam sank to the floor and sobbed until her strength was gone.

  Finally, she rose to notice her half-eaten lunch still on her desk. Numbly she gathered up what was left, tucked it inside, and closed the lid on the pail. She wouldn’t be eating any more today. She just couldn’t. With another sob, she dropped to her knees. Choked words found their way out of her mouth. “Help me, dear Lord! How can this be happening? What am I supposed to do? How can I not ask Wayne if he still loves me? And why was Esther in his arms? And what if Wayne kissed her? Esther wouldn’t have missed an opportunity like that. And what does this mean for Wayne and me? Please answer, Lord! Otherwise, I don’t know if I can bear this. Not after Ivan…”

  Miriam lifted her head to look toward the window and the patch of sky that lay visible outside. How did the Lord speak to His people? Today God didn’t talk with a voice like He did with Abraham and Jacob. Then how? Her gaze lighted on the Bible sitting on her desk. With a trembling hand, Miriam reached up, grabbed it, and opened it. She read the first words she came across, which happened to be in Psalm 31: “I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities.”

  Miriam’s breathing slowed. The Lord thought of her. He knew the pain of her heart. Was that not enough? And if the Lord knew, then His mercies would not fail. She had His promise right here regardless of how her relationship with Wayne turned out. That she would lose Wayne was almost too much to contemplate, but the Lord’s mercies would not fail!

  Slowly she rose to her feet and determined to fix her hope on a positive outcome to all this. Perhaps by Monday Wayne would say something that would comfort her heart. He might apologize and promise he’d never smile at Esther again. Miriam’s heart would soar again and hope would return. Couldn’t this just be a bump in the road like many couples went through? And Sarah must have thought there was hope. Otherwise she wouldn’t have made the trip over to the schoolhouse. Sarah hadn’t come to spread gossip. Here the community people prayed more intensely and responded quicker, it seemed, than those in Possum Valley.