Doors slammed upstairs, and seconds later Lee and Mark burst into the kitchen. Both skidded to a stop at the sight of her.
Lee spoke first. “This is not gut.”
“I agree,” Mark seconded his brother.
“We need to take her with us,” Lee said as if Miriam wasn’t there.
Miriam chuckled. “I’m not going out with the two of you. My rumspringa days are long over.”
“Oh, come on!” Mark urged. “You need to stop moping and get out of the house.”
“I’m not moping,” Miriam protested.
“Have it your way,” Mark said.
The boys turned and raced out the door. Lee called over his shoulder, “Have fun then!”
Miriam smiled and waved from the kitchen window. Their joy did lift her spirits. They were young yet and hadn’t been through many sorrows. She didn’t wish suffering on either of them. That would come soon enough. But maybe they were right. Maybe she should go somewhere. But where? Well, there was one place where she would be welcome, and where her presence would make perfect sense. Ivan’s place. Maybe she could cook supper for him. They could see if their relationship could grow again—even return to what it once had been. She’d never been this bold with a man, but Daett and Mamm would likely approve. If they didn’t, Naomi might agree to accompany her. Miriam finished the last dish and entered the living room. Mamm looked up from the rocker where she was knitting.
Miriam came right out with it. “What would you think about me going over to Ivan’s place to make supper for him?”
A pleased look crossed Mamm’s face. Even Daett looked up. “I like that idea.”
Mamm hesitated for a moment. “Did Ivan invite you?”
Miriam shrugged. “No. He’s being patient with me—and with himself. Let’s put it that way. And I can ask Naomi if she wants to go along, if…”
Mamm seemed to ponder the question, but Daett spoke first. “You can go by yourself. Just be back before ten or so.”
“Okay.” Miriam turned to go.
Daett’s voice stopped her. “I’ll get Mindy ready while you change.”
She’d planned to go in her everyday dress, but perhaps Daett’s idea was better. Without protest Miriam went upstairs to change. She was outside before Daett had Mindy out of the barn. Miriam waited beside the buggy and lifted the shafts when Daett brought Mindy up. Once the hitching was done, Miriam climbed into the buggy. Daett patted Mindy’s neck and she was off.
“Cook him a big supper now!” Daett called after her.
She didn’t love Ivan, Miriam told herself. Those long-ago feelings from her schooldays had been lost in the love she’d felt for Wayne. But that marriage was not to be. Maybe love could come again—it its own time. After all, she didn’t find Ivan disagreeable. He was a decent man, and Daett liked him. Her heart might come around. And if not, what would be wrong with a relationship based on what was right—with or without fuzzy feelings? Miriam guided Mindy at the correct turns, and the miles passed quickly beneath the buggy. All the while, Miriam tried to conceive why it might work out with Ivan. If he still hurt as much as she did, then they had that much in common. They could be two hurting hearts clinging together through their pain. Would such a thing not be right?
Yah, it could be right, Miriam decided as she approached Ivan’s small house. An equally small garden choked with weeds filled the backyard. Ivan must not be able to care for the plot or he didn’t have the interest with Laura gone. Would she be able to fill Laura’s shoes…if something came of this? Miriam pushed the thought away as she pulled Mindy to a stop by the hitching post.
Ivan came out of the barn. “Miriam!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t expect you. What brings you here?”
Miriam climbed down to meet him. She allowed a smile to spread over her face. “You could use a good supper, could you not?”
“Supper?” His face lit up. “You can say that again. Did you bring supper with you?”
She wrinkled her nose. “No, I thought I’d make supper here. Is that all right?”
“Oh, of course.” He grinned. “My, I’m still trying to get over my shock that you’re really here. You are so welcome anytime.”
“My horse?” She pointed toward Mindy. “Should I put her in the barn?”
“Oh, yah.” Ivan moved quickly as he unhitched. “Sorry, I’m a little slow catching on here. I’ll take care of her.”
“Daett said I have to be back by ten,” Miriam offered. “That should leave plenty of time to cook a little supper and have a good visit.”
“I can help with supper,” Ivan offered as he took the reins from Miriam.
Miriam smiled skeptically. “We’ll have to see about that.”
He grinned. “Wait right here. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Ivan was all smiles when he returned from the barn. He began chattering away. “You have no idea how a man suffers who has to make his own meals. Of course Mamm and my sisters help out, but they have only so much time, what with all their other duties back home.”
They reached the front door, and Ivan held it open for her. The inside was surprisingly clean, which was like Ivan, now that Miriam thought about it. When he’d eaten lunch at his school desk, he’d always brushed the crumbs carefully back into his lunch bucket. Most boys left them alone or pushed the particles over the side onto the floor.
Ivan followed her gaze. “It doesn’t have a woman’s touch, but I try.”
“It looks fine,” Miriam assured him.
“So,” Ivan waved his hand toward the kitchen, “what can I do to help?”
“I don’t know yet.” She entered the kitchen. Here things were also clean and neat. She looked around for a moment. “What shall I make? Soup maybe? Would that be okay?”
“Sure.” Ivan’s face glowed as he moved toward the cellar door. “What vegetables do you want?”
“I’m not really sure yet. Mind if I look around?”
“Come with me then.” Ivan lit a small lantern and led the way downstairs.
A small shelf of jars awaited them at the bottom—all the food Laura had prepared earlier in the spring or that had been brought in as wedding gifts.
“Not much here,” Ivan said apologetically. He was ready to say something more but changed his mind.
“Oh, there’s plenty here,” Miriam said. She lifted a jar of tomatoes and carrots from the shelf, followed by a jar of green beans. Ivan took them from her as Miriam bent down to pick up a smaller jar of beef from a bottom shelf.
With a smile, Ivan led the way upstairs. He shut the lantern off and hung it on a nail. He moved to the counter and opened all the lids. As he worked, he asked, “So tell me the truth. Does your Daett and Mamm approve of this outing?”
“Yah, of course,” Miriam said with a warm smile.
“That’s nice of them, and it’s nice of you to come.”
Miriam found the measuring cups in the cupboard. Breaking the silence, she said, “Tell me about Laura, Ivan. I’d like to know about her.”
A sigh escaped Ivan’s lips. “I miss her, that’s for sure. Who would have thought that something so sudden would happen? And that I’d be spared?”
She stopped him with a quick shake of her head. “Do not our people believe that the Lord does all things well?”
“Yah,” he agreed. “But it’s still hard to understand. Surely you know what I mean, what with the loss of Wayne.”
Pain ran through her. “Yah, of course. But no matter how we feel about it, we have to get our thinking in line with what’s right.”
“I guess so.” Ivan sighed again. “I think I needed to hear that. You’ve come apparently to feed the soul as well as the body.”
Miriam didn’t look at Ivan. “I don’t know about that. Maybe my soul needs feeding too.”
“We all need it from time to time.” Ivan stood again and came closer to her. “Are you sure I can’t help with the food?”
Miriam thought for a moment. “Let’s see. Measure this
into the larger pot, while I look for what spices I can find.” Miriam ticked off the amounts by memory.
Ivan followed her instructions. When the last ingredient was added, he looked with satisfaction at the large pot. “So how’d I do?”
Miriam looked inside the pot. “I’m impressed.”
“Ah, I’ve done well.” Ivan patted himself on the back.
Miriam laughed and added the spices. As Ivan took his seat at the kitchen table, she turned on the stove and set the pot over the open flame. A comfortable silence settled over them as she stirred the liquid. She glanced at Ivan and saw a smile creep over his face. She was glad she’d come. This was one small step, but a right one. Where the Lord might lead, she wasn’t sure, but her heart would heal eventually. Already faith bubbled up inside of her.
She stopped stirring and moved to the cupboard, getting down two bowls. She set them on the table. “I’m not sure where everything else is. The soup will take a while.”
“We could talk then,” Ivan said. “You can sit down, and I’ll finish setting the table. The house gets mighty quiet these days. Too quiet.”
Miriam sat at the table while the soup simmered and Ivan bustled about. Soon he too sat down. He looked happy—and she felt a small tingle of joy herself. Was this not a woman’s place? Why should she complain if the Lord should supply the needs of her heart in a way she hadn’t expected—even if the feelings of love weren’t there?
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Miriam was upstairs cleaning her room when she heard the sound of a buggy approaching. She peered out her window and caught a glimpse of a buggy that looked like Ivan’s. Was it? She set down her cleaning supplies and hurried downstairs. Saturday afternoons didn’t bring many visitors, so who else could it be but Ivan…or maybe Glen? Another look out the living room window confirmed her hunch. Yah, it was Ivan. She rushed out on the porch, aware that she looked like an overeager teenager.
Even Shirley noticed. She stuck her head out of an upstairs window and teased, “You sure have fallen for the man.”
Protest died on Miriam’s lips. She was teetering on the edge about Ivan and their informal relationship, but she certainly wasn’t in love yet. Shirley wouldn’t believe her though, which was just as gut. Shirley thought she’d given in completely to Daett’s approval of Ivan, and she’d taken that as direction for her relationship with Glen. As always, Miriam was the example for the family.
After she’d ventured over that night to make supper for him, Miriam had returned once more—at Ivan’s request—to make supper again. But Ivan had said nothing about where their relationship would go from there. He’d helped her hitch Mindy into the buggy shafts and given her a simple goodbye and a smile as a send-off.
She would not go over again, Miriam had decided on the way home, until Ivan made some move other than give her invitations to cook for him. Not that she minded the work or his company, but a woman had her dignity. She’d be the laughingstock of the community if this continued for long.
Miriam stayed on the porch as Ivan tied his horse to the hitching post. Not until he was halfway across the lawn did she step off the porch to greet him.
“What brings you this way?” she asked, knowing she was the answer to the question.
“I came to ask ‘when’s supper’?” he said with a grin.
“Well,” Miriam motioned toward the front porch, “not yet, but do you want to sit until then?”
“I was kidding, of course,” Ivan said, taking a chair facing Miriam. “I hope this isn’t an intrusion. I didn’t plan the visit until the last minute.”
“I have some time to visit,” Miriam said. “We’re almost done with the Saturday cleaning. The girls and Mamm can handle supper. You can stay if you want. We have enough.”
Ivan settled back into the chair. “I really want to thank you for the two times you’ve already provided my supper. It’s been a great comfort to my heart.”
“I didn’t mind. I understand you still miss Laura.” Miriam reached over to touch Ivan’s hand.
Ivan seemed lost in thought for a moment before he asked, “Have you heard anything from Oklahoma lately?”
Miriam nodded. “Aunt Fannie wrote a nice, breezy letter last week. Baby Jonathon’s growing fat and chubby, and the greenhouse is up and operating the best Uncle William can with most of his stock damaged—and without Wayne.” At the mention of Wayne, Miriam looked down.
Silence settled on the porch.
Ivan finally grunted. He leaned forward. “I shouldn’t have brought up the subject. It’s just that you’ve been so kind to me, and I wish there was something I could do for you.”
“There’s not much that can be done.” Miriam smile tiredly.
“I guess not.” Ivan settled in his chair again. Seconds later he sat up again. “But maybe this was all the Lord’s will—what happened to Laura and Wayne? Do you think so?”
Miriam took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t argue with the Lord, although it does hurt.”
Ivan didn’t look satisfied. “But, I mean, the Lord must have wanted this to happen. All of it.”
Miriam met his gaze. “I don’t know the answer. Isn’t it enough that we deal with what the Lord gives us? Must we must speak of what He wants? Who can know His mind?”
“I suppose so.” Ivan rubbed his hand over his eyes. “I guess I shouldn’t try to think so deeply, but since Laura’s gone…”
“You can talk all you want about your loss.” Miriam gave him an encouraging smile.
Ivan’s gaze was steady on Miriam’s face. “You’re a wunderbah person. Do you know that?”
Miriam searched her thoughts but could find nothing to say.
Ivan didn’t seem to notice her silence. “We need to talk about us,” he said.
“Yah,” Miriam allowed. “I suppose we do.”
Ivan straightened in his chair. “You’ve been over to my house for supper twice now, which I really appreciate. And your daett has given his permission to…” Ivan waved his hand around. “At least to seeing you, and you seem agreeable. But perhaps we should speak more…” Ivan stopped as if he didn’t know how to continue.
Miriam broke in. “It’s okay, Ivan. I understand. Maybe we don’t have to decide anything now. Maybe we can just go on like this.”
“I don’t know about that.” He glanced at her. “We used to be sweet on each other—once upon a time.”
“But a lot has changed since then.”
“Yah.” He hesitated. “I want to tell you something, Miriam. I admit now that I shouldn’t have allowed the news of your inheritance to make me uncertain after I was already seeing Laura. Thankfully Laura wasn’t offended, and she loved me through that time. She was who I needed her to be. I guess what I’m saying is that my marriage to Laura was no mistake.”
“I never thought it was.” Miriam kept her gaze away from him.
“Nor was your engagement to Wayne.” Ivan hurried on. “We just weren’t meant to be. The Lord had other plans at that time.”
Miriam looked at him, her eyes tear-filled. “I wish I could understand the Lord’s ways, but I can’t. Daett thinks a blessing could yet be made out of the tragedy we’ve suffered. Do you agree with him?”
“I don’t know.” Ivan looked away. “That’s too deep for me, but isn’t it enough that we’re here now and have another chance at love?”
“Do you love me?” Miriam studied his face.
Ivan met her gaze. “I’m not going to lie, Miriam. I admire you greatly, and you’ll make a wunderbah frau. But I haven’t forgotten Laura yet.”
“Nor have I forgotten Wayne.”
“Thanks for understanding.” Ivan’s gaze settled over the fields where the shadows had begun to lengthen.
After a few moments of silence, Miriam said, “On a lighter note, now how about that supper? Will you stay?”
Ivan appeared grateful as he nodded. “A man’s own cooking gets awful dreary. My family can only help out so much.”
Mi
riam stood. “I’ll check on the progress and be right back.”
A broad smile spread over Ivan’s face.
Shirley and Naomi’s questioning gaze greeted Miriam in the kitchen. “What’s up with the two of you? It looked like a heavy discussion you were having,” Naomi asked.
Miriam smiled. “Never mind that. He would like to stay for supper. How long till it’s ready?”
“Half an hour if you’ll help us,” Shirley said. “Mamm’s in the bedroom with baby Anna at the moment. That slowed supper down.”
“I’ll tell Ivan,” Naomi offered, her face a tease. “He can entertain himself with Daett and the boys in the barn until then.”
“You do that,” Miriam agreed.
“You just want to flirt with him.” Shirley made a face at her sister.
Naomi giggled and dashed out of the kitchen.
“How’s it going really?” Shirley asked once Naomi was gone.
“Okay, I think. We’re getting there slowly.”
Shirley gave Miriam a quick hug before she turned back to the stove. “But you’re trying to do the right thing. That’s gut.”
And that was gut, Miriam told herself. She took the bread out of the cupboard and began to slice it. They would take things a day at a time until both of their hearts had begun to heal. Love would come when the Lord willed it.
Chapter Forty
Shirley slipped out of the washroom door and into the darkness of the summer night. Behind her the chatter of girls in the living room after the Sunday-evening hymn singing died away. She was now one of the dating girls, Shirley told herself as she searched the darkness for Glen’s buggy. She felt downright old and ready to settle down—a thought that made her giggle behind her hand. To be truthful, this was more fun than she’d imagined. Not as thrilling as a ride in Jonas Beachy’s convertible or an evening spent in a fancy restaurant, but certainly more wholesome. She might actually get to like this. And she’d almost forgotten about the scars on her face. She thought less about them with each hour she spent with Glen.
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