“So do I, buddy. So do I.” I reply holding my sister and nephew close wishing they weren’t hurting like they are right now.
Thoughts of Kyle’s unit coming are gone as we sit together on the floor of my sister’s kitchen crying and wishing things were different. When we’re all cried out, Keegan is the first to get up, then me, and together we help Lindsey get to her feet and finish the pies.
Quietly we eat a small dinner together each of us caught up in our own emotions. We change into pajamas before Lindsey lays down with Keegan for bed. I told her to stay with him and I would handle getting presents out. Since Keegan was born, I’ve always spent Christmas Eve at my sister’s house to help her with presents and to be here to take pictures and have the experience with Keegan as he wakes up to find all his gifts.
There will be a time all too soon where Keegan won’t believe in the magic of Christmas and the man in the red suit bringing presents and wishes for a good year ahead. Until then, I will get the gifts out and let my sister have a night holding her son close and not carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.
I get the stockings filled, including my sisters with a special gift from me to her. Time passes and I find myself dozing on the couch. There is a knock at the door a little later. Looking at the clock it scares me to see it’s after ten. It takes a few seconds for me to realize Lindsey’s phone is plugged into the charger in the kitchen and she was expecting Gunny Causely.
Rushing to the door, I open it to find the man from the dress blues to be standing in front of me with a giant red sack tossed over his shoulder.
He’s tall, his hair is super short on the sides and barely spikes in the front. It’s dark like his eyes. He is wearing a black hoodie with USMC in red letters across the chest and jeans with black boots. I step back letting him enter.
“Sorry to come so late, when Mrs. Miller didn’t reply, I didn’t want to wake anyone but I didn’t want to leave a sack on the front door for anyone to come by and take.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him. “They are out cold. My sister isn’t a light sleeper, that was always Kyle.”
He laughs and butterflies flutter in my stomach. “Miller said you were funny. He said you were pretty, but he didn’t get close to explaining your sheer beauty.”
I have never been good at taking compliments so I do what I do best – make jokes. It’s my turn to laugh. “Better watch out Marine, you keep complimenting me and Keegan won’t see Mommy kissin’ Santa Claus but rather Aunt Tins.”
“Gorgeous, funny, loyal, hardworking, damn,” he mutters more to himself than to me. “Miller, you really were on point.”
“Huh?” I ask as I close the door behind him after he steps down the entryway.
“Miller, he wanted to fix us up. Always askin’ me to come home with him on leave to meet his spunky sister-in-law.”
Locking the door behind him, I don’t know what to say. When I turn around to move down the small hallway in the entrance, I stop looking up at him.
“Not trying to upset you, or make you nervous.” He tells me.
I don’t know what to say. He seems to read this in me. “You don’t upset me.” He does make me nervous but not for the reasons he thinks. I can’t tell him, I’m nervous because I would love nothing more than to press my lips to his.
“Tinsley, I heard a lot about you from Miller. The life I live as a Marine is hard. It’s lonely. Miller always said I needed to not be married to my career because I would find my time up and I would find it alone. Kyle wasn’t just one of my Marines. He was my friend. Meeting you, something inside me came alive that’s been dead for as long as I can remember. Miller, he asked me to look out for his family including you.”
“We were close, Kyle and I.” I explain as I feel so many emotions. “Kyle respected you, Gunny Causely. He also spoke of you and considered you a friend.” We unpack the gifts while continuing to talk.
“Means a lot you would say that. Thank you. My name is Ryan. I’m only Gunny if you got a high and tight hair cut, or as a female with long hair, pulled back in a bun, and some combat boots.”
“Well, Merry Christmas Eve, Ryan.” I smile and he smiles. The moment he does his face softens and lightens in a way that has my heart thumping wildly.
It feels like some crazy thing out of one of my romance novels because with all the things going on and the fact that this man is a perfect stranger, I find myself wanting to kiss him.
Looking up at the ceiling, I think about Kyle watching over us. Then I look back to his friend as he unpacks one wrapped gift after another.
I wish Kyle was here instead of these gifts. He died training to serve his country. He died for duty. Everything happens for a reason.
Kyle can’t make new memories with us, but he’ll never be forgotten.
I don’t know Ryan Causely, but he will never be forgotten by our family either. So while the stranger finishes I go to the kitchen and make him some coffee.
With a hot mug of coffee in one hand and cookies in the other, I come back to find him standing in front of the tree.
“Alright Santa, gotta have your snack.” I let out a small laugh as I hand him the cookies and coffee. “Make sure you eat them all, but one bite, and leave the crumbs please.”
Ryan Causely smiles at me a full out, show off those pearly whites, smile. He does as instructed before sitting on the couch.
There is this comfort in being around him I have never had before. “We can’t thank you enough,” I say sitting on the couch beside him.
“Tell me about you,” he asks and I feel the rumble of his voice deep in my belly.
“Not much to tell.”
“You love animals,” he begins. “You style their hair, Kyle said.”
I laugh. “He makes it sound so glamorous. Yes, I have a few clients where they want their dog’s hair colored and styled, but mostly I spend the day wearing water and flea soap.”
“What made you go into pet grooming?”
“Growing up, Lindsey and I had this neighbor. They had a Golden Retriever. Honestly, the neighbors weren’t friendly and I still don’t know what the dog’s real name was. Lindsey and I named it Mittens because from far away it looked like the dog were gloves.”
He studies me, giving his full attention to my every word.
“Well, Mittens didn’t have on dog gloves. She was left outside all the time. No bath and in a dirt patch, her paws were covered in black mud. Lindsey and I would sneak over while they were at work and pet Mittens. Her fur was always matted. Eventually, we would take turns with school kid scissors cutting out the tangled clumps. In the winter, we snuck a blanket into her dog house so she would have something to keep her a little warmer in the snow. Mittens kind of grew up with us. In the summers we would take buckets of water and mom’s dish soap to clean her. When Lindsey and I earned money, we would split the cost of a bottle of flea shampoo when we were old enough to understand the dog had a serious problem.”
“It’s nice to see someone who wants to make a difference in the world.”
His words are genuine and I don’t know how to take the praise. “I don’t think cleaning scruffy counts as making a difference in the world.”
Ryan leans forward cupping my chin in his hands to make me look at him. “Anyone who can see any living thing in need, make whatever sacrifice they can to better the situation is making a difference. Do not devalue what you do, Tinsley. Do not lesson the impact you have on everyone around you.”
I melt.
On Christmas Eve, in my sister’s living room, I fall for a man who ties up boots, straps on a weapon, and faces danger every day, but has a smile that gives life, warmth, and happiness in a pit of sorrow we have been living in.
Yes, I melt.
December 25th
Christmas wishes do come true, even the drunk ones.
“Aunt Tinsley!” Keegan screeches waking me up. “You have a man on our couch!”
Blinking my eyes, I feel a rock ha
rd body under me. My first instinct hits and I laugh.
Lindsey comes running into the living room not far behind Keegan. Her hair is up in a messy bun on the very top of her head and she has strays flying around framing her face.
“Ryan,” she says looking between the two of us.
“Mornin’ Lindsey,” he says with his baritone voice sending a rumble straight through my belly.
“Tinsley, kitchen,” she orders in that mom tone that tells me I’m going to be grounded.
“Merry Christmas, Keegan.” Ryan says as I slide off him. Ryan sits up and looks directly to my nephew. “We met a few weeks ago. I worked with your dad.”
“Gunny!” Keegan connects the dots and relaxes about the man on the couch. “Merry Christmas.”
My body cools as I stand making me want to crawl back on top of him like we apparently fell asleep on the couch after hours of just talking.
Keegan’s shock quickly wears off as his eyes hit the presents under the tree. The fact that I was curled up on the couch with a man is forgotten as my nephew hits the floor and immediately tears at the paper. I turn to grab my phone as two hands reach out to grab my hips pulling me back to the couch beside him.
With Ryan’s arm around my back casually resting his fingers on my hip, I take picture after picture of Keegan and Lindsey as they open presents.
“Okay Keegan,” Lindsey says, but looks at me. “You play with your gifts. I need Aunt Tins in the kitchen to help with some coffee before we do stockings.”
Getting up, I don’t feel anxious about telling my sister why there is a man on her couch. We round the corner into the kitchen and her eyes immediately go wide.
“Why?” She whisper yells, “Why is Ryan Causely asleep with you in his arms on my couch?”
“We spent the night talking.” I feel the smile fill my face before I can even try to stop it.
“Well, what else?” She searches my eyes for more. “Please tell me you did not hook up with Kyle’s friend on my couch.”
“No!” I gasp. “We talked, got to know each other. That’s it. We talked. We connected.”
She shakes her head. “I want you to be happy, Tins. I just … I just … I’m shocked that’s all.”
“I have you, Keegan, and my business. I’m happy Lindsey even without a man.”
“Life is better when you have love, companionship, and sex.” She whispers and laughs at the same time.
Ryan rounds the corner before I can reply. He searches the countertop and cabinets. “While I understand the need for explanation about last night. Your son is rather excited. I need a trash bag for the boxes as I open the toys.”
Lindsey gives Ryan a glare. “I like you Ryan. I know Kyle wanted you to meet Tins. You mess up, buddy, you have a sister to deal with. An angry, unpredictable, strength of a mother, sister to face!” She threatens and I can’t help but giggle.
“Last night, I shouldn’t have stayed. It wasn’t the gentlemen thing to do. We talked until early morning, then relaxed and fell asleep. My apologies for any disrespect. I was just getting to know Tinsley.”
Lindsey moves and at first I think it’s to the pantry to get a trash bag, but instead she wraps her arms around Ryan and hugs him.
“Thank you will never say enough for what you have done for my son. Thank you will never say enough for the friendship, leadership, and mentorship you gave my husband. Thank you just will never be enough Ryan, but it’s all I have. So thank you. And about last night, if you gave my sister a night to be herself and not worry about me, then thank you for that. There isn’t a gift I can give my sister greater than the chance to worry about herself for once instead of me and my son.”
The tears fall even as I try to hold them back. Ryan looks at me, his eyes are intense as he wraps one arm around my sister in comfort and takes the other to reach out and pull me to him. In his embrace, I relax. I let my emotions out while holding my sister and this man who has come from left field into our lives at just the right time.
For a few moments, Ryan lets us get it out. For a few moments, he is our strength so we can be weak. For a few moments, Lindsey and I allow him to shelter us from the storm and hold the weight of our world on his broad shoulders.
Lindsey is the first to step back. “Trash bag, on it.” She wipes her tears and rolls her shoulders back.
“Never met two women any stronger than the two in this room in my life.” Ryan says and I wrap both my arms around him and squeeze.
Pulling back, I look up to him. “Marine, you haven’t seen anything yet.” Releasing him, I flex both arms, “you should see us at the gym. We do yoga!”
The three of us laugh before Lindsey hands him a trash bag. She and I take an extra moment to dry our eyes, get some coffee, and simply breathe.
“We have some treasures from Santa left to handle, sister!” I tell Lindsey taking her by the hand back to the living room.
“I have it on good authority, one of the elves came and moved my gift to your mom into her stocking.” I look to my nephew, “so what do ya say we give her the giant sock to dig into?”
He smiles and jumps up to grab them. Stockings are always last, it’s family tradition. When Lindsey gets to the bottom of her stocking, she pulls out the box. On card stock, I printed a note to explain what she will find inside.
She reads it out loud as Keegan waits patiently to see what’s inside. “Every time a bell rings an angel gets their wings. May your special angel always be with you as you spread your unique love to everyone around you. I am honored to be your sister, Lindsey. I am blessed to call you my friend. While the loss will always last, beside you the world is a better place because of the woman you are.” Tears fall down her face and my own.
Lindsey comes over and I stand to hug her. After a few moments, we break apart and she lifts the necklace asking me to put it on her. Before I do, I take the angel pendant in my hand and turn it over to show her the details she no doubt missed.
“Mom and Dad’s initials are on each wing. Kyle’s are across the chest and the skirt flows out into a bell so that you make give angels their wings every time you jingle it and think of those we lost.” My voice cracks as my emotions are too much.
“Thank you, Tins,” my sister whispers before going to get my stocking for me to open my gifts.
Ryan pulls me to him on the couch and I find comfort in his embrace. “The Parker women were raised with heart, loyalty, beauty, and love. Tinsley, you are a treasure and a gift all your own.”
I look up to the man I barely know but yet I feel so connected to him it’s like we have been together our whole lives.
“Been to war, baby. Done shit. Unspeakable things. Know what Kyle had with Lindsey and Keegan. See something here in you I’ve never had before. Just gonna keep it real, I have no intention on letting go.”
I can only swallow down the lump building from such an emotional morning and nod my head. He releases me but stays with his body close and the heat is comforting.
Lindsey hands me my stocking. I get to the bottom it to find a small box from Lindsey.
The note on top has me eyeing her sternly. “Don’t be mad?” I ask reading her words out loud. “You wanna explain before I open the box?”
“No, I think you should definitely open the box and follow the instructions,” Lindsey smiles big but not at me, instead at Ryan.
Curious, I open the box to find instructions to text a phone number before going to the guest bedroom and changing into the clothing on the bed.
“Tins, don’t think … just do,” she pleads. “For me, this once go with it.”
“What did you do?” I ask before Ryan leans down to whisper in my ear.
His breath sends chills down my body as it hits my neck. “Go with it, Tins. I promise it will be worth the surprise.”
We spent the night talking about childhoods, hopes, dreams, and everything in between. What surprise could my sister have that Ryan can be so confident about?
Deciding to g
o for it, I pick up my phone and send the text. I don’t wait as I go to the guest bedroom. Lindsey follows.
“How did Ryan end up sleeping on the couch?” She questions before I can even look at the box on the bed.
“You were asleep and I let him in to bring the gifts for Keegan. We talked about this in the kitchen already.”
“Did he tell you?”
I shake my head not sure what she’s talking about. “Again, Lindsey, we just talked regular stuff. We have a lot in common. Just spent the night getting to know each other. He was close with Kyle.”
“Yeah, they were very close. Six deployments together, well it tends to create a unique trust between people.”
“What was he not supposed to tell me?”
She laughs. It’s been so long since she’s easily let go, I hold onto this moment. “He’s your gift Tins.”
“What!” I shriek wondering if last night was some obligation for him.
“Calm down. When we went to Toys for Tots, Keegan grabbed the wrong list from my purse.”
Embarrassment floods me. “No, Lindsey, tell me this is a joke.”
“Kyle always talked about you. He always told me Ryan would be perfect for you. Yes, he’s older but he is a man who doesn’t settle in life just like you. When you want something you go for it – fearless.”
I sit on the bed and open the box. Inside are jeans, a long sleeve shirt, black leather boots, and one kick ass black leather jacket.
“Ryan saw the letter for a biker. Since he was already coming here for Keegan, he said he would give you a ride on his motorcycle if I made sure you had the right clothes. I never expected him to spend the night. The number you text was his.”
“I don’t know if I want to enjoy the ride or throttle you!”
“He trailered his Harley up here. Let’s not let it be a waste, sister.”
When I don’t move to get ready Lindsey pulls out the big guns. “Look, Kyle and I always talked about what we wanted for you in a partner. Ryan fits it. He has three years left in the Marines, then he will retire. He told Kyle it was time to focus on life outside of the military. He’s not some manwhore. He’s a good man who would be perfect for you. At least take the ride. Let this be about wishes granted and not opportunities lost. Don’t you think we’ve lost enough already?”
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