Most of the night I spent in the torture chamber, naked, beaten and bloody, curled up on dirty straw in my cell. The smell of piss, blood and death so strong it felt like reality. My tormenter telling me exactly what he was going to do to me over and over again. How he was going to rape me, beat me, rape me some more. Telling me I was a filthy whore, a harlot, a dark temptress. That he was going to save me from my ungodly ways one way or another, even if it meant killing me to offer my soul up to Christ for salvation. He was crazy, he always had been. We all knew that, all of his ‘special girls’ that he kept locked down here for his pleasures. Anything between eight and twenty depending on which he felt were deserving of the salvation of being offered up to Christ or in other words, killed.
There were days that the girl I was before had prayed for the death, to escape the tortures but I was his favorite little filthy witch to try and save. I wouldn’t be allowed such a freedom. He dragged her out and laid her on the table, strapping her down so she couldn’t escape although she was too weak by now to even try. He poured holy water on my no HER body, chanting Latin before pouring it down her throat so fast I choked, coughing it back up again. He took that as proof the devil was still strong inside of me, taking holy oil to mark the sign of the cross on my forehead. Telling the unclean spirits to vacate the body, to give it back up to the one true God’s care. I woke as he was about to bring the knife down to stab at her heart.
Next morning I felt exhausted, I had barely slept that was clear. My body felt like I'd taken the beatings myself that I had introduced onto Toby. Ghosts of bruises dotted across my body, this was the price of healing. Everything I healed I had to take into myself and then cure from my own flesh. It was possible to cure fatal illnesses that way, but I had to be strong enough to survive it myself. That was no easy task, I had healed someone of cancer once, and another was an HIV sufferer I had granted more time to. Both had taken me a very long time to recover from.
I dragged myself out of the bed; I was stiff, in pain and so tired. First things first: take a long bath to relax and recover. It helped a little, but not enough. I ate far too much food and went back to bed, all I could do was rest it off and hope I could heal up fast. That night I woke feeling a little better, but my cravings for booze were stronger. Too strong to ignore this time, it had been days since I had had a good hit. Withdrawal was digging its heels into the pit of my stomach driving me to satisfy my urge.
I ate quickly and dressed. I needed my escape quickly, I walked to the bar, knowing I'd be in no state to drive when I came out. Beer was no good, it took far too long. I took spirits for the shorter road to oblivion. My exhausted frame took little to get well started. I needed to stop my hands shaking, and needed to block away the talents I'd left hidden until I'd had to save the life of that man who hurt me. To stop seeing the visions that had plagued my dreams of my pasts.
For that I needed to dull my mind and not think about things beyond my control. All I needed was college, job and beer, beautiful foamy beer to dull my mind and keep me hidden. Always hiding, I was only safe when I was hidden. If anyone discovered my secret it could mean the end of me. After all witches weren't real, they couldn’t be.
Bottles flowed, such a wonderful lack of sobriety now in my veins. I decided that I'd dreamt the whole vampire thing; it was the result of a poisoned mind. Too much stress lately from the ex being back on the scene. Vampires weren't real, hell how could they be? A trick of the light, it had to be! The fangs, well anything is possible with today's dental advancements. The magic, hell I was drunk, high, delusional what was the difference. I thought of talking to my parents, but I know they would just lock me up again. Better just to forget it all, nothing had happened last night, honest. I was completely, impossibly normal, nothing to see, move it along, and I wasn’t a witch!
I staggered back to the bartender, a few more double rums, that felt better, my mind was nicely clouded now. Don’t think, just drink. It felt so good, just one more I thought and then I would leave. Yeah right, since when had I believed the drivel that came out my own mind? I would never leave here, and I knew it. I needed the drink, like other people needed air. I was damned, doomed to be an alcoholic for the rest of my life. However long or short that might be. Hopefully as short as my resolve to give up drinking had been! No one ever got out of this town; they just fell into drink and ended up as bottom feeders in society.
Several doubles later I was still no closer to leaving and was losing the ability to even use my legs. Even I knew I was way too drunk as I staggered to the toilet to pee. So drunk I took the wrong door out of the toilet and ended up in the street, wow cold air, drunk girl, bad combination! I was plastered.
Distantly I figured I'd better go home, but wasn't quite sure which way that was right now. I picked a direction and started walking, shame it wasn't the right way! I think I was walking three steps back for every one towards my goal or where I thought my goal should be; somehow I ended up on the main road walking out towards the distant end of town. The more dangerous end, even in that state I knew that wasn't a good idea. I tried to turn around, but three guys were blocking my way.
"Excuse me" I slurred and tried to pass.
"Excuse us darling!" one said and took hold of my arm. I blinked and it took a few moments to realize what was happening. "You need to pay the toll." another said. I looked at the group, young biker types. They looked rough as hell, refusing them would be a very bad idea.
But the amount of alcohol in my blood (or should I say the smattering of blood left in the alcohol that swam in my veins) told me differently. "Screw you!" I snapped and tried to push past them.
The leader laughed at me, "Come on slut, you know you want it!" Through his pants I could see the 'happy' mood he was in. One of the others was already unbuttoning his flies.
"If I did want it, then it wouldn't be from you!" I spat and tried again to walk away. The leader back handed me across my face, it stung. "Fuck you!" I replied kicking him between the legs.
I turned to run, but one of the others was there, drawing a knife. I panicked, they didn't want money or sex now, just wanted me dead. Suddenly I was being held and couldn't struggle the third man pulled my arms held back. I fought like a live wire, kicking and struggling. I tried to draw on my magic, but I had drunk far too much for that to work.
I was too far gone to even feel my magical spark of power. Cursing myself for drinking, cursing myself for needing the damn drugs to keep myself going, I bit the hand holding me. Fighting with all the strength I had left, I knew that I had to fight or die, all of a sudden dying didn't seem quite such a good idea as it had half an hour before.
The guy cursed and slapped me. I got a free leg out and kicked him hard in the shin. He dropped me and I ran as fast as I could. I needed to get away from them, I needed to be safe! I wasn't looking where I was going; I tripped and landed on the sidewalk hard enough to wind me. I tried to get to my feet, but they were on me in seconds.
The one with the knife came closer and put it to my throat. From somewhere the last of my power surfaced and I knocked the first guy away, trying to hold the other two at bay while I got back to my feet.
"Witch!" he muttered, "We know what to do with witches now don't we boys!" The others nodded, "A good dunking should do or maybe a burning!" He took out a lighter. From somewhere another got a small petrol can. I was on my feet by now, but my powers were exhausted. I could barely produce a spark of power; I knew I couldn't outrun them.
There was nothing left that I could do. I cowered up against the wall of the alley, and let them dose me in petrol. Two held me, while the third lit his lighter. "Sure you don't wanna have that ride?" he asked.
"In your dreams moron!" I retorted, trying to keep a brave face until the end.
He nodded, "Suits me fine, wouldn't know what I'd catch from the likes of you!" He spat on me and brought down the flame towards my soaked clothing.
The next second I felt a breeze across my face, my arms were
free. I opened my eyes; all three men were dead at my feet. Their necks broken, unseeing eyes staring at nothing. A scream started in my mouth, but a hand pressed across me and stopped it. That smell, I knew it. "Steve!" I mouthed, and he drew away that hand.
He wasn't happy at all, steaming mad I'd have said. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?" he demanded, "I'd have thought you knew better by now!"
I laughed, hysteria or booze I wasn't sure. It just seemed too surreal. Was I awake or dreaming? Sane or mad? I just didn't know anymore. "What do you care if I die?" I demanded.
His face crumpled, "You really don't know do you?" he asked. I shook my head, a kiss followed, one that stole the little of my mind that was left. He put his lips to my ear and whispered "I love you; I always have and always will! However stupid you are, however you try to destroy yourself. I’m always here for you, my wife. Even if I have to wait a thousand lifetimes to call you mine once more!"
He kissed my neck and coherent thoughts ended, I knew nothing now but passion. It felt so right, and I needed him so badly. I kissed him back with a fury, I couldn't stop. He had to break the contact for me. I tried to find his lips again, but he wouldn't let me. "You need to sleep." he commented.
"I need you." I insisted.
"Not like this, not when you are drunk and near hysterical." he turned away from me, "Go home please. I refuse to be your next rapist. I could never live with myself." One second he was there the next gone like he had never existed.
The bodies were still there, the sightless eyes looked at me. The sun was coming up it was that late, but I didn't feel like sleeping. Adrenaline and the booze would keep me going for a while yet. I walked back through the town slowly, watching people starting to get up for work and starting their days. Fetching papers in, making breakfast for them and the kids. It was Saturday I guessed by the lack of traffic on the roads. I had nowhere to go, but back to the bars but they weren't open for hours yet. I was still steaming from the last batch of rum, but I was shaking slightly and a good drink would set me right.
I headed back to my parents’ house; there was a bottle under my bed that would keep me going for a while yet. I fumbled with the lock on the front door, and staggered up the stairs to salvation of a kind. Throwing off my oil covered clothes; I dragged on my robe and searched under my bed. The bottle was there seal untouched; I broke the cork and smelt the poison within. If I drank I didn't know if I could stop myself.
I drank anyway; I had no reason to try to stop. I took a long drink and waited for the poison to get back into my bloodstream. I felt better quickly. My senses were too dulled for me to even realize I had been followed home, until Steve sat down on the bed with me. "Why must you do this to yourself Victoria?" he asked, "Why can you not just stop tearing yourself apart? I'm terrified constantly that I am going to lose you. I couldn't live without you my darling, I need you to breathe. I have only just found you again; do you want to run away so quickly from us?"
I looked at the bottle and took another swig, "To be normal, to fit in."
"Are you hiding from that child that hurt you, or the powers I saw you use to heal him?" he asked.
"Both, neither, I don't know anymore" I answered truthfully.
"What happened to you?" he asked.
"You don't need to know!" I answered swigging from the bottle again.
"But I want to" he asked.
I looked into his eyes, he stared back into mine. He took my hand; it wasn't at all sexual this time. His eyes glowed, and I could feel his stare right into my brain. He was trying to force me to talk, "NO!" I thought, and snapped him out of my head; I did it so powerfully it threw him across the room.
He shot to his feet, "What are you?" he demanded.
Even with the drink in my system I could feel the power growing inside me, I held out my hand and the heat in my body flowed into my hand creating a fireball glowing brightly. "I am a freak", I sighed closing my hand and extinguishing the flames.
"Witch!" he snarled the vampire side of him fully clear to me.
I stared at him and shook my head, "I thought you might understand." I vanished, a trick I had learnt a long time ago. I could walk where others couldn't. I was still in the room, but seconds ahead of the rest of the world, hiding me completely. Steve's superhuman speed kept him moving like a normal person in this shadow world, it was dark and grey and I hated being here. There were creatures in the darkness that wanted to capture you and would if you stayed too long. I concentrated on my bedroom door and made it change in my mind.
It was now a front door; I opened it and walked through dropping out of the shadow world, back into the real world. I was back at the old ladies house, where I felt more at home than anywhere else.
Exhausted from drinking heavily and using magic more than I had in years, mixed with the deep sorrow I felt in my soul. I fell into a deep slumber. Dreaming of the man I had so wanted to fall in love with, but that was over now. The last person who even understood me slightly, was gone. I was alone in eternity.
The Vampire Legacies Book One:
The Scarlet Drop
Chapter Six
The exhaustion claimed me, tears still fresh on my face. But even exhaustion could not shut my mind up. The old dream came to me, and I was back in the library. I couldn't face this again, not tonight, I knew who he was and what he wanted or at least I thought I did. Right now it seemed to be to kill me for the abilities I had hidden for so long. I could have kicked myself; I had frightened away the one person who meant the most to me. I looked at the two people in the dream, so in love. He bit her neck and she looked happy, glad to be with him forever.
I must have been wrong before, that girl wasn't me. I could never give myself that freely. I could never love, not now. I'd been burned, scarred too many times by men. My back catalogue was a stalker, a cheater, a coward who wouldn't try to make us work, a rapist pig, an obsessed stalking ex who had become a rapist pig, and that was that. I'd never had a happy relationship; I'd never truly been loved. And I sure as hell had never felt the way I felt when Steve looked into my eyes. I had actually started to hope there was a future for me other than a shallow grave, one where perhaps I could be happy.
And now even that was gone, I had lost the only tiny bit of goodness in this foul and disgusting life of mine. The shining light that had given me some hope in the universe once again. He had shattered the ice on my heart, made me want to try all this bohemian love bullshit again. To have the kind of fairytale romance that existed only in trash romance stories, or Hollywood low budget movies. The type that you could live for forever in a single day.
Sure enough it would have been a strange twisted romance, with cauldrons and fangs, but I'd been kinda okay with that. The thought of dating a vampire didn't scare me, because until today I had always instinctively trusted that he could never hurt me. I almost remembered so much about him, about us. When I was with him, the world started to make sense again, and seem such a perfect place. I'd started to want to live again, to heal and move on from my hellish life. I’d started to feel safe, protected. I’d wanted to give up everything just to be with him. My entire life to start again with him, there was nothing to keep me in this small town just my misery to trap me. I’d thought about running so many times, just throwing my stuff in a bag and leaving. With Steven I’d half hoped I wouldn’t be leaving alone.
Those dreams were in tatters now, destroyed like everything else I had ever touched. Everything, everyone I loved I always lost. That was just the way of the world, I was doomed to forever be alone and heart broken. To live on the edges of the world without ever being a part of it. To always watch everyone else living their lives, being happy, but never experience that for myself. To heal those who needed it, push them back into a happy life, guide them until they got their dreams and never be able to keep any of that back for myself.
Steven was a vampire, and I loved him with all my heart, but he wasn't mine to adore. He didn't, couldn't, accept my freak natur
e. I wished I had never met him, never learned what it was to feel, to only be slammed back into the darkness. This time though to have full knowledge of exactly what I was missing. The pain was unbearable, I wouldn’t survive this a second time. I’d tear my own still beating heart out of my chest to escape the pain if I had to.
One thing was for sure, I couldn't stay here in this pointless romantic dream. I opened the door that the two had walked through and found myself on the cliff I had nearly jumped off. I knew the way the dreamscape laid; I could walk from one place to another freely, although usually the booze kept me still so I couldn't dream. It shielded me from the powers and kept me normal. I wanted to be normal so badly, to love, to feel and to live happily with the man I was falling for so quickly.
But that wouldn't happen now. The one man I really had started to love had thrown me away carelessly. He didn't want me, couldn't stand the sight of me. I didn't want to live; I just wanted to not feel anything anymore. Everything that was good or kind that had remained inside of me after the ex, had died tonight. All I felt now was pain, misery, endless depression, loss, grief. The craving to cut myself, to relieve some of my pain as the blood trickled through my fingers to the ground was growing ever stronger by the moment.
I stood on top of the cliff and looked down, reality or not that was high! The river so far below me. "I could never love you!" I shouted, hearing my words echo around and fade away. Everything became still again in the end, I was sad, alone once more. I sat there and wept for the love I'd found and lost.
I finally found someone who cared for me and the second I showed him who I really was, the second I let someone in for the first time he was terrified and wanted to kill me. So much for him loving me! Men lie and cheat and destroy, its all they do!
The Scarlet Drop: The Vampire Legacies Book One Page 4