by Ana Newfolk
“When you told me about Max after you came back from New York I was so worried about you. I wasn’t sure those feelings you described could be real. You’d just met him. But you were so happy. More than I’ve ever seen you. Then you went into this dark mood, like you’d lost everything.” Alex made a pattern with the condensation on the outside of his now-empty glass, like he was trying to find the right words before he carried on.
“Every morning I wake up a few minutes before Joana, and every morning I look at her face as she sleeps. Even after feeding Sofia in the night, or getting up if she cries, Joana is still the most beautiful, generous, loving human being I’ve ever seen. She’s completely unaware that I selfishly steal those moments each morning. When she wakes up, I close my eyes, and pretend to sleep. She always moves closer and gives me a kiss on each eyelid to wake me up. Then we both go to Sofia’s room and stand over her crib, looking at her soft pink cheeks, and admiring how she can sleep in that weird position she likes with her butt up in the air and her knees pulled up to her chest.”
“Joana is the best thing that’s happened to you, Alex. You have the perfect family.”
“No, big brother, we’re not perfect, but we’re perfect for each other in our own special way.”
I didn’t understand why Alex was telling me all this. I knew how much he loved Joana. I’d been there since the very beginning, watching their attraction grow into love, and how they somehow made us all into a family.
“Isaac, I saw how Max looked at you. How you looked at him. It was like there was no one else around.”
I got up and stood facing the balcony doors. “It doesn’t matter.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. It is all that matters. You can work everything else out. But what you two have? That’s special. Don’t throw it away. Don’t make it less significant than it is in a bid to protect your heart.”
“How?”
“You know how.”
And with that last statement Alex left me to muddled thoughts and a broken heart.
Did I have the guts to risk everything I cared about to follow my heart? I had a feeling I already knew the answer even before the question had formed in my head.
Chapter Eleven
Max
Hamptons, October
Twice I’d been the one who’d been left behind. I thought that had been hard, but leaving Isaac at Lisbon airport was like my heart was ripped apart, sewn back together only to be torn again in an endless cycle of pain.
I’d been back in New York for four weeks, and each day felt heavier than the one before.
I’d done my usual: back-to-back shifts at the hospital and spending time with Joel and David. I’d also been visiting Diogo, making sure he was okay until his uncle moved to New York to live with him, which had happened a few days ago.
The only place I had not been to was Liberty Center. Dorian had called several times saying the young guys and girls had asked about me. I calculated it would have been nearly six weeks since my last visit to the Center but I just couldn’t do it.
I knew it would be too painful because everything there would remind me of the time I’d spent with Isaac.
After a week of non-stop calls from well-intentioned friends, I escaped to Jojo’s house in the Hamptons for the weekend. I was intending to eat my bodyweight in cookie dough and do nothing more than cozying up by the fire or walking on the beach.
My plans were unceremoniously crashed by Joel and David, who decided they needed to spend this weekend with me because they were due to fly back to Portugal in two weeks.
They’d arrived a couple of hours after me, and in the same evening Dorian and Jean-Paul, who were flying to France in a week to spend the next two months with Jean-Paul’s mom in Paris, also turned up. Apparently Halloween was a thing this year and I couldn’t miss it.
I was angry with all of them for crashing my pity party. I wasn’t in the mood to socialize, especially not around two loved-up couples. Joel and David couldn’t keep their hands off each other, and even Dorian and Jean-Paul who’d been together for years had kicked the PDA up a notch. They’d been acting very secretive over this trip to France. They visited Jean-Paul’s mom at least twice a year but never for this long. Normally I’d poke and prod until I got the truth out of them, but I didn’t have the energy right now.
Our usual arrangement was that I kept an eye on the Center while they were away but this time I hadn’t been asked.
After a morning of grocery shopping, brunching, and generally pretending to be happy, I’d finally found solace in the sunroom. The happy couples had disappeared, either for a walk on the beach or up to their room, so I had retreated to my favorite place in the house.
I loved the floor-to-ceiling glass windows that covered the round shape of the room. The only part connecting to the house was the door, so it felt like I was sitting right on the beach but with the benefit of keeping out of the chilly fall breeze.
The view wasn’t much different to what I’d observed weeks ago when I’d been here last. I wondered if it was always like this, families or couples walking on the beach, people walking dogs, kids playing on the sand.
Jojo would know the answer since she’d lived in the house for over fifty years.
The photo of a much-younger Jojo with her husband and son, Joel’s dad, grabbed my attention. I picked it up, looking at the detail. They were on the beach, with the house in the background, looking so happy. I missed her. She always had good advice regardless of whether someone requested it.
I placed the frame back on the side table and looked again at the choppy waters in front of me.
What is your plan, Max? I thought to myself. I needed something to keep me busy in the coming months. Maybe I could ask Dorian if there was anything I could do in the Center. Since they’d be away over Christmas, I was sure I could at least help with the usual activities.
Or maybe I could do something that would occupy me for much longer than the next few months.
With all my friends away I would have plenty of time, and I definitely didn’t want to focus on the lack of people around me.
Before Sílvia had died, I’d talked to her about training to be a pediatric nurse. She’d encouraged me to go for it, saying the ER would become too tiresome at some point and that I had a talent working with the younger patients. It had been a while since I’d thought about going back to school.
I made a mental note to check out colleges and funding when I got home tomorrow evening.
My heart skipped a beat when I saw a slim curly-haired guy in the distance, but as soon as I caught my breath I remembered the guy from last time. Maybe he was a local, or someone who had friends nearby, or maybe he just enjoyed visiting.
I laughed. If I was going to come here more often to relax while Joel was in Portugal, I was going to have to get used to seeing the guy around. I figured the only way to stop confusing him with Isaac would be to introduce myself. Maybe if I saw him close-up my brain would realize he was nothing like Isaac and stop skipping a beat every time he walked on the beach.
I got up and left toward the beach through the external door and the set of steps that led right onto the sand.
The wind was much cooler than I was expecting and I felt the chill all the way down to my bones. I sped up toward the guy, tucking my face in the collar of my shirt to keep the wind from hitting as hard.
While I was walking toward not-Isaac, I wasn’t looking up, so with my increased speed to keep warm I nearly bumped into him.
“Shit, I’m so—” I froze. Not-Isaac was not not-Isaac. Not-Isaac was, “Isaac!”
I shook my head and closed my eyes. Maybe the shift in temperature from the warmth of the sunroom to the cold outdoors had me seeing things.
“Max.”
That voice. It sounded so real I opened my eyes again.
“It’s really you?”
He was nodding fiercely, tears running down his cheeks. I made my legs move and in a second I had proof that Isaac was real
ly there when I had my arms around him and could smell his familiar aftershave.
“You’re really here.”
“I’m really here. God, Max, I missed you so much.”
“Me too, baby, me too.”
I let go of him only long enough to place my hands on his face and kiss him.
I was like a starved man. His warm, soft lips moved against mine, opening to allow me to taste him. Our tongues dueled for control and his ragged breath was warm against my skin. I didn’t want to stop the kiss for fear my mind was still playing tricks on me.
Oh crap, what if my mind really was playing tricks, and I’d been kissing the other guy?
I drew back, still with my hands on either side of his face.
“Jesus, Max, you’re going to make me come in my pants in the middle of the beach.” He laughed and then put his arms around me again, resting his head in the crook of my neck, and inhaling deeply.
I lifted him up by the waist and let out a loud whoop as I turned around and around until I felt dizzy and had to stop and let Isaac’s feet back on the sand.
“Come on,” I said, “let’s head in. I need to get you naked.” I placed a soft kiss on his lips and pulled him toward the house.
“Wait.” I stopped, suddenly realizing he was traveling too light. “You haven’t got bags.” Panic settled in my stomach; what if he had nothing because he was going back to Portugal? No, he couldn’t go, not yet.
“Max.”
“What?”
“Look.” He pointed toward the house where, sure enough, Joel, David, Dorian, and Jean-Paul were standing on the deck high-fiving each other.
“My bags are inside. Joel picked me up from the train station.”
The whoops and whistles became louder as we approached the steps of the deck leading to the house.
They all came around us for a massive group hug.
“Hey, hands off!” Isaac shouted.
“Sorry, baby,” I whispered in his ear, “that was me.”
“Sweetheart,” Joel said to David, “don’t we have to go back to the supermarket to get the ingredients for that thing you were making?”
“Oh er the thing, yes.” David grabbed Joel’s hand and pulled him away without even looking back.
“We’re coming too,” Jean-Paul said.
“Yes, there are a few things we need to get for our trip,” Dorian added.
I pulled Isaac closer but said to the guys, “I love you all. Thank you.”
“Just remember that at Christmas,” Dorian said.
We went up to my room via the kitchen where I made us hot chocolate with marshmallows and prepared something light for us to eat.
I placed the drinks and food on the bedside table and walked around Isaac to lock the bedroom door. Then, I walked toward him and put my hands on his waist, grabbing the hem of his sweater to take it off. I couldn’t wait to feel Isaac’s soft, warm skin against mine.
He held my wrists to stop me but didn’t remove my hands.
“Max, we need to talk first.”
“Can’t we talk naked?” I pouted.
He smiled but shook his head while he pulled me toward the two chairs facing the window on the other side of the room.
I sighed. This conversation wasn‘t going to happen in bed then.
“We need to talk because I turned up out of the blue, and if we don’t talk properly, we’ll end up in bed before we have a chance to figure out if we’re on the same page.”
“Baby, if we’re naked in bed we’re on the same page. Hell, we’re on the same book.” I tried to give him my best puppy eyes, but I knew he was right, we needed to talk.
We’d virtually ended our relationship at Lisbon airport, agreeing to be just friends. But the moment I saw him on the beach I’d forgotten all that and attacked his mouth like I hadn’t spent the last month trying to come to terms that I wouldn’t be with Isaac in the way I wanted.
“How long are you staying?” I asked.
“Until Dorian and Jean-Paul come back from France. I’m covering the running operations of Liberty Center while they’re away.”
It made sense now. That was the reason they had kept all details of their absence under wraps and hadn’t asked for my help. Which also meant they’d known Isaac was coming and kept quiet about it.
“That’s it. They’re off my Christmas card list,” I said. “Wait, you’re here for two months?” My brain had just caught up with that part of the conversation. “Where are you going to stay?”
Isaac blushed and looked down at where our hands were interlinked.
“That’s why we needed to talk. I was er, hoping I’d be able to stay with you, you know, try the relationship thing, and figure out what to do when the two months are up. I want to stay here, Max. With you.”
I was so sure I’d heard it wrong I didn’t say anything.
“Oh,” he said. “I… we don’t have to. I mean, Joel and David are going back so I can stay—”
“Fuck no, you’re staying with me.” I pulled him off his chair toward me so he didn’t have a choice but to straddle me.
“Are you sure?” He seemed uncertain.
“Of course, baby. I’m sorry. I’m just trying to get my brain to catch up. I’ve spent all day trying to come up with some kind of strategy to keep busy so I’d stop thinking about you so much. And now you’re here, you’re staying and—”
His lips were on mine before I could finish my thought.
“We can get naked now,” he said breathlessly between kisses.
All I could think was fucking finally. I resumed where I’d stopped earlier by ridding him of his sweater and then grabbed mine by the back of my neck and took it off too.
His position made him the perfect height for me to lick and suck on his nipples so I did just that. He cursed but didn’t tell me to stop.
We were both hard and grinding against each other, trying to find some kind of friction despite the two layers of underwear and jeans between us.
“Too. Many. Clothes.” I put my hands on his ass and got up, carrying him with me to the bed.
The rest of our clothes went flying across the room as we removed them as fast as we could before we settled with me on top of him fully naked.
“Show me how much you missed me,” Isaac said.
“We’ll be here a long time.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Twelve
Isaac
I woke up surrounded by Max. Literally. He had one arm under my head serving as a very uncomfortable pillow with the other arm around me, keeping my back against his broad chest. One of his legs was wrapped around my leg and the other was stretched out with his foot under mine.
He couldn’t have been comfortable but since he was fast asleep there wasn’t much I could do without waking him up and there was no way I was ready for that yet.
I was still coming to terms with everything that had happened in the last four weeks since I’d seen Max go through the airport departure gates.
Alex had been the one to suggest calling Dorian for advice.
Before I’d even had a chance to ask Dorian for advice, he jumped in to say he needed my help running Liberty Center while he and Jean-Paul went to Paris. He’d sounded so relieved, like I was doing him the biggest favor in the world. It was only when he’d caught his breath that he’d asked why I was coming to New York.
I’d been honest and said I was in love with Max and wanted to be with him, hoping to get the sympathy vote.
“I fucking knew it. Jean-Paul owes me a whole month of naked weekends.”
“What? How did you know?”
“First of all, there was the day after the fire. I got that he wanted to make sure you were okay, but even Max isn’t nice enough to follow up with a tour of New York for just anyone. He also told me you’d bumped into each other in Lisbon in the summer and it didn’t go well, although he didn’t give me any details. Then he comes back this time, and he’s refusing to tal
k to us. I knew something had happened while he was with you. I just hoped it was a good thing.”
“It was a good thing, Dorian. Really good.”
“I’m thrilled for you guys. Jean-Paul is going to flip, and he’s going to want to make this into a thing.”
Jean-Paul had advised me against telling Max I was coming until I was absolutely sure that my green card would come through. Then he’d found out from Joel that Max was coming to his grandmother’s house this weekend and planned the rest.
Max stirred slightly behind me. His breath was warm against the back of my neck. He inhaled deeply, so I thought he was waking up, but all he did was tighten his grip on my chest, and call my name softly.
I really could’ve got used to this for the rest of my life. It felt so right to be here in Max’s arms. He’d come through on his promise to be here for a long time. Here meaning in bed, and a long time meaning the whole weekend.
We’d gone out to join the others for meals but as soon as everyone settled in watching TV or relaxing he’d pulled me back to the room so we could have time alone.
Last night Dorian and Jean-Paul had told everyone why they were going to Paris for such a long time. They’d been trying to adopt for a while and were on waiting lists both in New York and in Paris, where Jean-Paul was originally from, hoping it would increase the chances of having their own family soon.
The agency had found them a baby daughter named Stephanie, so they were going to meet her, and once the adoption went through they were going to stay in Paris for a few weeks so Jean-Paul’s mom had a chance to spend time with Stephanie.
Lying here in Max’s arms, I couldn’t help wondering if we’d be as lucky one day, to start our own family.
As soon as I’d had the thought, I realized I didn’t even know if Max wanted children. I dawned on me that I didn’t know much about Max. I wanted children, and I wanted to get married one day. What if Max didn’t want that? What if we didn’t agree on the important things?
My bladder demanded attention, and I also needed some fresh air. I was overthinking things as per usual but my thoughts left me unsettled. Disentangling myself from Max wasn’t easy but I managed to not wake him. I looked at him as I was putting on my jogging bottoms and saw him cuddling my pillow. We’d been up until very late last night talking so I wasn’t surprised he was still in a deep sleep.