“We’re getting off point here,” I said, holding up my hands for peace. “Fighting each other isn’t solving our problems. It’s just wasting time we really don’t have.”
Margaret’s eyes went to rake the ground, annoyed I was right. Jackson eyed me differently, something impressing him. Perhaps, it was the fact that I had stepped between two angry Watchers…or maybe, he liked my shoes. It was hard to tell with him.
Daniel looked at me in apology. “Sorry…I’m just trying to understand. Why your mom? Why you?”
“Does there have to be a point?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe, they think I have something. Maybe, they think I’m different. Maybe, they don’t like the way I look.” I shrugged. “It all boils down to the fact that they’re after me.”
“Most things do have a point, though,” Daniel contested. “I feel like this does. Everything just fits together too perfectly.”
“You’re probably right.” I looked past him towards the cabin that was ominously empty. I pointed at it, focusing on a question we could actually answer. “But where are they? What happened to them?”
“I don’t know. They left on foot, but I didn’t have time to track them.”
Jackson rolled his shoulders. “I’m on it.”
He grabbed Margaret, and kissed her with gusto. When he released her, she put her hand to his cheek, and I knew they were communicating. Jackson smiled at her in parting then ran swiftly into the forest.
“What do you want me to do?” she asked in a carefully neutral voice.
“Track the Seekers. See if you can’t find out where they’ve made their headquarters, but don’t engage. Reconnaissance only. Keep in contact…I’ll come help you later.” Daniel’s voice was just as politely calm.
She nodded and went over to her motorcycle. With a deft move she spun around, throwing dirt and rocks behind her, and was gone. I looked at Daniel, awed and a little confused.
“What?” he asked.
I pursed my lips. “And what do you want me to do?”
He stared at me for a moment. The command melted from his face. I could see him resisting a smile. “Was I acting all superior again?”
“Not really,” I said as I wrapped my hands around his neck. “I was just wondering why everyone seems to defer to you and all of a sudden you have this…It’s like you’re a general in battle or something.”
He gave a funny little cough and said, “What I want you to do is figure out how Amanda might be connected to this. Maybe you and Alex can figure something out.”
“I think you’re trying to distract me, but I accept your challenge.” I stared into his eyes. “I’m worried about her, Daniel. You didn’t see Amanda when we came here yesterday. She was terrified. Even more than that, she was defeated…like she had given up on something.”
His voice was soothing. “We’ll make sure nothing happens to her. I promise.”
I nodded, trusting his promise. We turned back to the car knowing there was nothing else left to do here. Daniel tapped on the steering wheel in restless thoughtfulness as we started away from the lifeless cabin. He was silent, lending his thoughts to the mysteries surrounding us, instead of conversation.
Not able to handle silence, I asked, “Did you say something to Mark today?” The flashes of Mark’s thoughts I’d caught today had been angry, and he’d refused to talk to me.
Daniel’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “He thought it would be a good idea to ask me if we were screwing around. He was looking for a fight, because he resents me being with you. He’s been thinking a lot about luring you to the King’s party this Friday to try to get you drunk for some very ungentlemanly reasons. I suggested if he even thought about coming close to you I would show him a world of pain.” Daniel saw the rising anger on my face. Holding up his fingers and measuring out a tiny distance, he quickly added, “Just a little. A Pluto sized world of pain.”
I could feel waves of anger turning my face red. “How dare he! How dare he act like I’m cheap entertainment! How dare he assume, even drunk, I would sleep with him!”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have told you.”
“I’m glad you did!” I raged. “I think I should have a talk with Jennifer. She’d be a little shy about dating him if I told her he has an incurable, transmittable disease. ”
Daniel laughed, his eyes alight with happiness. “You wouldn’t!”
I looked at him, one eyebrow raised. Anger at Mark had me contemplating retribution in ways Daniel would never start to believe. Daniel touched my pursed lips, and I relaxed. Retribution could wait. “Pluto isn’t a planet,” I told him at his touch. “Not anymore. They downgraded it.”
“I think I said that for comedic effect.”
“I must have missed the humor,” I teased.
“Ah, well, you can’t win them all…”
I looked down the dirt road we were driving on feeling upset for a different reason. I was back to the reason we had come. “How could he endanger Amanda like that? How could he drag her into their world? She’s his daughter! He has to care about her!”
“Are we talking about Amanda’s dad or yours?” he asked quietly.
I groaned. “Not everything is a Freudian slip.” Daniel’s skeptical look spoke volumes. “All right, I might relate to her just a little bit. I know how empty it can feel not having a parent around.”
“I know.” He took my hand. “There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t either curse my father for never claiming me, or curse my mother for abandoning me. But, I’ve always had this longing to meet them…just once.”
“I can understand that only…”
“Ellen didn’t abandon you,” he finished.
“Yes.”
His eyes went distant. “You have no idea how lucky you are to have her. Most of us are abandoned by the time we are eight or nine.” Bitterness filled his voice. “Our mothers can’t handle the stress of having us around. Self-preservation kicks in, I guess.”
I hadn’t known it was typical for Watchers to be abandoned. I touched his face. “I don’t see how anyone could just leave you. You’re such a good person and to just leave you alone at such a young age…”
“I wish you would quit saying that,” he said.
“Saying what?”
“That I’m a good person. I’m not.”
His shoulders hunched over and tired lines appeared on his face as forbidden memories surfaced in his brain. I took my hand away and looked up at the sky searching for a way to get him to believe me when I said he wasn’t bad, hating the hatred he had for himself. Dusk was kissing the landscape with pinks and oranges, casting a thin pallor of sleepiness over the world. Yet, amongst that sleepy slumber there were signs of re-growth. The world was impatient to start growing again after such a long winter. The wind was brisk, but it reminded me of sitting outdoors on spring days. I looked past the dusk, affected by its beauty, and saw that the moon was starting to appear. It was a beautiful, glowing pendant in the sky. The wind and the feeling of the moon being so close made me realize there was always a balance. We weren’t good or evil one, we were both. And that made us more.
“Do you ever think about what’s on the dark side of the moon?” I asked.
“No…no I don’t.” He eyed me funny, obviously trying to figure out where I was going with my question.
“We always look at its surface, the part that the sun lets us see, but we never think about what’s on the other side. It’s dark and probably riddled with ugly bits, but because of its darkness, the side that isn’t lit, we appreciate the beauty of her light. If we didn’t have the darkness, we couldn’t see the light so clearly. That’s the secret everyone overlooks about the moon. She’s always balanced between light and dark, night and day. She accepts that balance, knowing she can be both.”
We pulled up to my house. I started to get out thinking Daniel was considering what I had said, but he stopped me with a hand on my ar
m. “Clare, you’re more than just beautiful. You…you are the bright side of the moon I see so clearly.”
“Thanks,” I said softly, smiling.
“Can you do me a favor?”
“Sure.” I agreed easily. Now wasn’t the time to argue; I could see that much on his face.
“I can’t come over tonight. I’m going to help track down the other Seekers.” He silenced my interruption with a finger to my lip. “And no, you can’t come. It’s too dangerous. My favor is that you call Alex to stay with you, so you’re not left alone.”
“Okay, but…”
I wanted to experience again what we’d had last night. We had talked about everything, arguing, and poking fun of each other, but mostly getting lost in each other’s ideas and personal truths. I had fallen asleep in his arms, and when I woke up, he’d been there. It had been amazing. I definitely wanted an encore.
Daniel touched my face. “I know.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, as I started to get out. “Be careful.”
He kissed me in reply. His kiss told me he would be more than careful. “Alex will drive you to school in the morning, so I’ll see you in gym.”
“Could…could you call me? You know later. To let me know you’re okay?”
“Tell you what, you can have this.” Reaching across me, he pulled a cell phone out of the glove box. “I’m the only one who has this number, so you’ll know it’s me calling.”
“I think you’re just trying to give me a cell phone, because it irritates you that I don’t have one.”
“Partly.” He kissed me again. “Goodnight.”
“Night.”
I got out of the car and shouldered my bag. As I stood with my back to the car, something in the pit of my stomach told me his goodnight had been a goodbye. I turned back and tapped on the window. He lowered it again and leaned towards me.
“I love you,” I said.
Daniel looked surprised, but happy. “I love you, too.”
I stepped back and waved at him as he pulled away. Daniel drove away very quickly, like a ghost into twilight. He was gone before I had caught up to the reality of his absence. As I watched, I felt as if someone, or something, was trying to tell me something important. The feeling told me that things would start blowing up again if I didn’t listen. It didn’t help that the hairs on my neck were standing on end with preternatural alertness. The bad feelings got worse as I walked to the door. The feeling in the pit of my stomach was so acute, I felt as if I was going to be sick.
I went inside, hoping it was just fear for his safety that had me feeling this way, and stopped in the foyer to get my thoughts working straight. After a moment of struggling, the feeling not leaving despite my best efforts, I went to the kitchen.
Ellen was already home. She was munching absently on a sandwich – the only thing she could make without burning the house down – and reading at our kitchen table. When I saw her looking so perfect and so Ellen-like, reading her horror novel and eating the one thing she could cook, I felt calm around the worry. I bent down and wrapped my arms around her neck. She hadn’t abandoned me like so many others had. I’d always felt grateful she had stuck around when it would have been easier to leave, but now it felt like more. She had loved me enough to stay. She loved me enough to risk her own neck for mine. That’s what a family was.
She was startled at my greeting but didn’t comment. She simply set her stuff down and patted my arms, the only part of me she could reach. She sensed I needed her touch more than her words. I released her and walked over to the phone, so I could call and invite Alex over as promised.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
Was my conversation with Daniel showing on my face? Was the feeling I had in my gut – that we were all teetering on the edge of a precipice – that evident in my expression?
“I just never realized how amazing you are.”
“Well, I’ve known!” She laughed, her bubbly laughter filling the kitchen with sound, making my heart lift a couple of inches. “But…did everything go okay?”
I shook my head. “Nobody was home. We think they took off.” I took a deep breath. “Daniel met with one of the Seekers. They’ve decided to be honest about why they’re here and that’s definitely not a good sign. They gave Daniel an ultimatum…back off or else.”
“Oh.” Her eyes were round with terror, but she kept her voice calm. “That could be a good thing, though.”
“How so?”
“Their plan, whatever it is, might not be working. If they have to resort to threats, then maybe they’re growing desperate.”
“That’s all I need – desperate super humans. I have a feeling their kind of desperation is a lot more destructive then our kind.”
Ellen bit her lip. “I didn’t think of that…Is that all that happened?”
“All that you need to know,” I said and picked up the phone.
“Did you and Daniel get in a fight?”
“No.” I put the phone down and sank wearily into the chair next to her.
She stared at me, trying to understand my weirdness. “Are you going to call Alex?” she asked quietly.
“Daniel thought she might be able to help me figure out where they could have gone or how Amanda is involved. If Amanda was taken against her will, I’m going to do everything I can to get her back. Even if she wasn’t taken, I’m going to make sure she’s okay, and knows what she’s gotten herself into.”
Ellen was smiling. “Sometimes, you sound so much like your father it’s scary. He had that same kind of dedication to helping people.” She paused, and I could hear her going over the reasons why talking about him didn’t hurt as much.
“It’s because of Sam,” I told her.
“What is?” She started twisting her fingers into knots.
“You can talk about my father, because Sam is making it hurt less. He’s reminded you not all love is painful.”
“Stupid mind reader,” she grumbled looking embarrassed.
“It’s kind of funny isn’t?” I said thoughtfully. “We go all these years managing to stay hidden. Then: Bam!” I bashed my hands together. “Moving here was like a catalyst. We both find friends, Daniel and Sam, and we encounter these Seekers. Kind of weird, huh?”
“Maybe, it’s fate.”
“Or maybe, it’s random chance.”
“Or maybe, it’s fate,” she replied stubbornly.
“Or…not.”
“I’ll take that to mean you agree it’s a possibility.” She put her dish in the sink then grabbed her book off the table. “I’m going to go take a bath and finish this chapter.”
“Okay.”
“Are you good?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
She walked out, her mind funneling through everything I had just told her. She hoped she was doing the right thing in staying. She hoped it wasn’t selfishness keeping us here. At the stairs, she paused.
“Your bath salts are in the shoe box at the top of your closet,” I called as she tried to figure out where she had put them.
“Thanks!” she called back.
She started humming, a slow, sad song about regret that her grandmother used to sing. It was a song that always calmed her. It was a song I associated with coming change; she had always hummed it when contemplating a move.
I picked up the phone and called Alex, knowing that despite having her here I would be in for a long night of worrying. Another night of sitting on my window seat, counting seconds.
Chapter 17
Fifteen minutes after calling Alex, I heard the door open, and she called my name. Blinking in an attempt to clear away my conversation with Daniel, I looked up then smiled as she appeared around the door. “Thanks for coming.”
“Did you expect me to say ‘no’? You’re my friend.”
“I know. I’m just glad you came…glad you’re so freaking awesome to care like you do.” I took her bag from her and started toward the stairs. “We don’t hav
e to spend all night working on this. I don’t want you to feel like…”
“You’re using me for my knowledge? That you only call when you need a favor?”
“Yes.”
“I know you better than that, Clare. Finding Amanda is important.”
“It is…very.”
She followed me upstairs and down the hall. “Clare? What’s really going on? There’s more going on here…I can tell.”
I stopped walking. We were at the foot of my bedroom stairs. I could hear Ellen in the bathroom humming along to a different song, earphones blocking out our voices. I was alone in this. I couldn’t blatantly lie to Alex, but could I trust her with the truth? I couldn’t help wanting to protect Daniel, and I knew if I told her the truth it would put him at risk…it would put us all at risk.
“I can’t tell you,” I said honestly.
“Is it because you don’t trust me?”
“I trust you. It’s just that not everything in this world falls into the realm of simple. Some things are just…complicated. Telling you is complicated.”
“That is the most ridiculous thing I think anyone has said to me all year,” she said walking around me and starting up the narrow stairs.
“It’s the most honest thing anyone has said to you all year,” I retorted, following her.
She spun around, her eyes bright with emotion. I tried to listen to what she was thinking but it was going by too fast. “What would it take for you to tell me?” she asked.
“Um.”
“I just want to understand and help find Amanda. Is that so wrong?”
“You don’t understand…” I sighed. “It could get you killed.”
She tensed at the warning in my voice. “You mean by Daniel?”
“No. He would never hurt you. But there are…others.” I shook my head. “I shouldn’t even be saying that. You could be found and killed for knowing. Knowledge is deadly in my world.”
Her face transformed in slight fear. Whatever she was thinking – and she’d carefully not thought about it around me – must have been a lot nicer than the truth. Controlling her panic, she stared me down in a typical Alex expression that meant she was trying to understand everything in the universe all at once.
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