Jack entered the room first and I followed, still holding his hand until Terry directed Jack to stand on the right side of Heide’s bed. There was more space to maneuver there, and he took his assigned spot while I opted to stand at the corner of the bed. I took a gentle hold of her foot as I tried to absorb the sight of the small and broken body before me. It was the first good look I’d had of Heide following the accident, and what I saw was jolting.
She was unconscious and still on a ventilator connected to the tracheostomy in her neck. Machines were breathing for her and their loud and precise efforts were haunting. The monitors stationed on the left side of her bed tracked both her heart rate and blood pressure while a bag of IV fluids constantly dripped fluids into a tube connected to Heide’s arm.
These things were somewhat expected, but what upset me most was seeing her naked chest. An angry red scar ran down the middle with staples holding it shut. Her incision was significant, and there was no doubt that it, along with the hole in her neck, would form impressive scars. Whatever Heide remembered later on, these marks would forever be reminders of this horrible day.
I watched Jack as he took careful hold of Heide’s hand while stroking her limp blond hair. Having become accustomed to Heide’s near-constant animation and boundless energy, I had a difficult time watching her inert form.
“Sweetheart,” Jack spoke with an elevated voice over noise of the machines. “Mom doesn’t want you to worry about missing your plane. She’s on her way here, and she’s decided to spend the whole summer with us.”
I blinked several times at this revelation, but did nothing more.
“By this time tomorrow night, Mom will be here with us. I’m hoping you’ll open your gorgeous blue eyes and let her know you can see her. Mom loves you so much. And I love you, too. We’re both going to help you get well.”
Jack looked over his daughter’s still figure, lifted up her arm and kissed her hand.
“Kathleen is here, too. She’s spent all afternoon telling me how strong you are and how you’re going to come back from this. She’s absolutely right. We can see how much you’ve been fighting today and you’re doing great.”
I squeezed Heide’s foot as he spoke. Even if she was unable to respond, perhaps she could hear us or feel our touch.
“Today is going to be the most difficult day of them all. Every day will be a little easier than the one before, and soon you’ll be back home and ready to play soccer again.”
Jack paused and cleared his throat before continuing.
“You’re strong and sweet, and I’m never going to let another day go by without telling you how much you mean to me. You’re the best part of my life. I love being your dad. I’m so proud of you, and I know you’re going to impress everyone here at this hospital with your recovery.”
Jack gazed at his daughter, displaying every bit of strength and sweetness he had just credited her with possessing. She was every bit her father’s daughter.
In that one precious moment I realized I loved her just as much as I adored Jack.
Terry finished her various tasks and stopped across from Jack. “I’m sorry you missed the doctor, but he’ll back in the morning to check on her progress.”
“Is she likely to wake up tonight?” Jack asked.
“There are no guarantees, but my guess is probably not. It may be tomorrow, but it may be longer. Every patient is different.”
Jack glanced to me and then back to his daughter, and I understood he was trying to decide between remaining at the hospital or taking me back to the hotel for the evening.
“You don’t need to choose,” I said. “If you want to stay, then you should. I can look after myself.”
Terry pointed behind Jack to a cushioned window seat. “Parents often choose to sleep here, and that’s fine if you want to do that. Personally, it’s a fine spot for a nap, but I prefer a real bed for a good night’s rest. Your daughter is going to be in the ICU for a while yet. Keep that in mind as much as possible.”
“Try to stick to the routine,” Jack remarked, quoting Terry’s words from earlier. He watched his daughter for several more minutes before rubbing his eyes.
“What if she wakes up and I’m not here? She’s not going to know where she is or what’s happened to her.”
“She’s injured and also on heavy medication. When she wakes up, she’ll do it slowly. We’ll keep her calm and call you immediately. In the few minutes it will take for you to get here, she’ll still be trying to figure out if she’s even awake.”
Jack nodded. He leaned over and lightly stroked Heide’s cheek. “You seem to be getting a good rest right now, so I’m going to go lie down, too. But the nurse will call me if you wake up, and I can come back here in just a couple of minutes. Tomorrow you’ll see Mom. All right?”
I glanced at Heide, looking for any sign that she could hear her father’s voice. Other than the rising and falling of her bruised chest, there was no movement at all. Tears flooded my eyes, and I looked away from everyone else in the room to wipe them away.
“I love you, sweetheart.” Jack’s voice quaked with strong emotion. “You keep sleeping well tonight, and I’ll do the same. Kathleen and I will come back first thing in the morning, and we’re going to spend the whole day with you. You’ll get tired of hearing me talk.”
Jack set Heide’s hand back down on the bed and kissed her forehead. When he straightened back up, he turned to me. “Let’s go.”
I nodded and gave Heide’s foot one last squeeze before walking to the door.
“You both rest well,” Terry said. Heide is in good hands here.”
“Thank you,” Jack replied. “I’ll sleep better knowing she’s receiving superb care.”
As we stepped back into the corridor and made our way to the exit, Jack’s hand drifted down to the small of my back. Nevertheless, he looked over his shoulder at Heide’s room.
“Are you sure you want to leave?” I asked after pressing the button for the elevator.
He turned to me. “The night Heide was born, our nurse came to the birthing suite and offered to take her to the nursery so we could both get some sleep. At first we refused, but the nurse just gave us both this look. And then she reminded us we wouldn’t be getting much sleep at all once we took her home. The nurses looked after her and after us. She convinced us not to feel guilty about letting them perform their job, and so we let her go to the nursery. Other than a couple of feedings, we slept pretty well that night.”
I smiled as the elevator doors opened.
“Do I want to leave her?” he continued as we stepped inside the elevator car. “No, but Terry is right. She’s not going to wake up tonight, and she’s not going home tomorrow or by the end of the weekend. Exhausting ourselves won’t be helpful to anyone. I told Allison to rest, and now Terry has told me to do the same. I know someone will call if there’s a change in her condition.”
When we returned to the parking garage, Jack asked to drive back to the hotel so he could also find his way back to our base camp. When we returned to our suite, he stepped out onto the terrace to call Allison one last time before she left Baltimore. It was after midnight on her end of the line, but she answered almost as soon as Jack pressed the call button.
The next time they would speak to one another, they would be in the same room. It was at this point I wondered how wise it would be for me to remain in Portland. I knew I should speak to Jack about it, but far too much had happened during the long day. The conversation could wait until the morning. Instead, I turned on the television to offer Jack and Allison another few moments of privacy.
I undressed for bed without ceremony, tossing my clothes onto a nearby chair before crawling into the sheets, naked. I stretched out on the king-sized mattress and was overcome by how good it was to lie down. My muscles ached and I considered taking a hot bath, but I managed to doze off while Jack was still outside on the patio.
A short time later, I awakened flat on my back with Jack be
nt over my chest. My nipple was in his mouth and his hand was caressing me gently between my legs. I stirred beneath him in surprise and when I did, he brought his lips to mine. He was naked and hard against my leg.
“I should let you sleep,” he murmured. “I know you’re as exhausted as I am. I didn’t mean to start anything, but I just reached over and found you were already wet. I shouldn’t want this, but I can’t resist you when I know you’re ready for me.”
“I’m always ready for you,” I said, opening my legs wider. Encouraged, he glided into me, and yet we both froze once he was fully inside me. We were both hesitant to proceed, but we were also both hesitant to break the connection. We explored one another’s bodies with our hands as we contemplated our next moves.
“Sex should be the last thing I’m thinking about tonight,” he mumbled as he ducked his head against the side of my neck.
I tightened my hold on his back. “Don’t feel guilty about what you want,” I said. “Today has been a terrible day and sex is a comfort, not to mention a distraction. I’ll leave it up to you. I’m here for you, Jack. In any way you need me to be.”
He raised himself up on his elbows and stared into my eyes with gentle desire. I kept my hands still on his back as I awaited his decision. After a moment, he lowered his head to mine and we kissed. As we did so, he moved his hips back and forward. Back and forward again. Back and forward once more. I scratched his back and ran my hands from his back to his chest and rested them over his heart. Unlike previous encounters where I had reveled in Jack’s ability to push my physical limits, we made love this time with delicacy.
This moment wasn’t about making Jack come, it was about offering all my love to him. Our bodies melded into one another, and we rocked together within our new home away from home. I held him as closely as I could, and he continued to thrust into me with tender insistence for several minutes. We were both hushed except for the occasional soft sigh, and I held my hands to his heart the entire time. Eventually, his movements wound down, slower and slower. He pressed back into me one final time before wrapping his arms around my shoulders and drawing me up to his chest.
We held on to one another for several long moments before he withdrew from me and rolled back to his side of the bed. Before he could roam too far, I drew him back to me, inviting him to rest his head on my breast. Our legs entwined and my fingers drifted into his wavy hair as he stretched a lazy but large hand to cover my other breast. I massaged his scalp even as I began to drift off to sleep.
“You know what this moment needs?” I asked him, dreamily.
“What?”
“Orange slices. I want some.”
He chuckled.
“I mean it. I’m going to pick up a few oranges from Safeway tomorrow.”
“That does sound good.”
“Oranges are our thing,” I declared. “We need to keep some in our room.”
“That can be our thing, but I need you more than the oranges. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” I whispered as his body relaxed against mine.
THE REST of our night was dominated by power naps. Jack would doze for a short while before stirring back awake. His constant movements disturbed my own light sleep. Each time he turned to the bedside table, grabbed his phone and looked for messages only to discover there were none. After several such checks, he gave in and called the ICU for an update.
The night shift nurse informed him that Heide was still unconscious and her vitals were holding stable. This proved to be among the first good bits of news we’d heard since the accident. After ending his call, Jack sent Allison a text message. She replied within seconds and Jack acknowledged her answer before setting his phone back down.
“Allison’s at the airport,” he said. “She’s sitting at the gate waiting to board her flight.”
“I hope her trip goes well.” I yawned. “It’s going to be another long day for her.”
Jack attempted to settle in the bed and spooned up behind me. I reached back and caressed his hip, and he kissed my shoulder.
“I don’t mean to keep you awake. I just can’t seem to relax.”
“Do you want to go back to the hospital?”
He tightened his hold on me and nestled his chin on my shoulder. “Let’s try to get some more sleep. We’ll be there all day, and I want to be ready for Allison’s arrival. You’re right. She’s going to need support.”
I opened my eyes and rolled over to face Jack. “Maybe I shouldn’t go to the hospital.”
His response was immediate and harsh. “What do you mean by that?”
My hand searched for his. “I don’t want things to be stressful for you. Or her.”
Jack shook his head. “You should be there.”
I sighed. “It’s asking a lot of Allison. Does she even know I’m here with you?”
Jack’s eyes closed for several moments. “It didn’t exactly come up,” he admitted.
I pulled my hand back in surprise. “She’s about to get on a plane thinking about her injured daughter,” I scolded him. “I don’t think blindsiding her with us is the way to go.”
“You’re right, but let me handle her.”
I rolled back to my original position, and Jack tightened his grip around my waist.
“Are you upset with me?” he asked. His voice was quiet and cautious.
I was upset, but given everything he was going through, I opted to spare Jack the reality of my disappointment.
“You know her and I don’t,” I responded. “I’m sure you’ll figure out what to say.” I patted his hip once again. “We both need to rest.”
Satisfied with this answer, Jack drifted into another doze. Long after Jack had fallen back asleep, I lay in his embrace with my eyes wide open and my mind racing. Knowing Allison was unprepared for my presence at the hospital, I prepared for the endless potential outcomes the moment I came face to face with Jack’s ex-wife.
Jack and I spent the morning at Heide’s bedside, sitting in chairs provided by the nursing staff. At times, we occupied ourselves with light talk about the office or by discussing a show playing on the television. Other times, we silently watched Heide, hoping to spot one indication she was regaining consciousness. The ventilator continued to breathe for her and provided the only sign of movement from her.
An hour after our arrival, a middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair and smooth features walked into the room. He was dressed in a white doctor’s coat and dark brown trousers.
“Hello, Mr. Evans,” he greeted Jack. “I’m Dr. Avery. I treated Heide yesterday.”
Jack rose from his seat and shook the doctor’s hand. “Hello. Please call me Jack, and thank you for everything you’ve done for her.”
“Your daughter is strong, but she has a long recovery ahead of her.”
“How long do you think she’ll be here?” Jack asked, getting to the point.
“I would plan on her remaining in the hospital for a while. Probably three or four weeks, and then we’ll have to make a decision about whether she’ll return home or transition into a rehabilitation center.”
“Can you tell me more about her surgery?”
“We don’t know when she stopped breathing, but it was before the EMTs arrived at the scene. From the time of the accident until Heide arrived here, her lungs were compromised. Her tests revealed that a portion of her right lung tissue was permanently damaged. That’s why she was rushed to surgery.”
Jack gave Dr. Avery a worried look. “What does that mean—permanent damage?”
“The lung tissue was dead, and we had no other choice but to remove it.”
“She lost part of her lung?” Jack looked horrified by this discovery.
“I’m afraid so. To be specific, she lost a quarter of her right lung.”
Upon hearing this news, I reached out and massaged Heide’s foot.
“What does that mean for her long term?” The fear in Jack’s voice elevated.
“She can recover from the injury and go on to live a mostly normal life.”
“Mostly normal?”
“There will be some limitations. For example, is she athletic?”
“She likes to play soccer.”
“That will be difficult for her in the short run. It will take several months for her lungs to recover and for her ribs to mend. Even when she does feel better, she’ll become winded more easily. Her endurance for physical activities may be somewhat limited.”
“What about her other injuries?”
“Everything looks good there. I don’t predict any long-term damage to her other organs. They will all heal well before her ribs do.”
“Should I be concerned that she hasn’t woken up yet?”
“Not at this point. She’s been through a lot, and we’re managing her pain with morphine. Based on my experience, she’ll most likely wake up within the next day or two. Let’s see where things are Monday morning.”
“What can I expect from this point on?”
“Once she comes off the ventilator, breathing will be uncomfortable. She’ll be weak for a while, but her energy and strength will grow by the day.” Dr. Avery pointed toward Heide’s chest, while maintaining eye contact with Jack. “This incision also needs time to heal. We need to make sure she doesn’t contract an infection, and her activity cannot put any stress on the incision for about eight weeks.”
Jack turned his full attention back to Heide, and I watched as his face expressed apprehension and vulnerability. A new level of reality had been layered into the situation, and the impending complications would not be resolved any time soon. It would take months, possibly even years, for her to recover from this one mistake.
Dr. Avery stepped closer to Heide’s bed, recapturing Jack’s attention. “I’m sure it doesn’t seem like it now, but all things considered, your daughter is fortunate. Frankly speaking, everything I’ve heard from the flight crew was incredible. Being crushed beneath that backstop should have killed her.”
The doctor allowed Jack to process these words for a few moments before moving forward. “Do you mind if I look her over for a minute or two?”
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