I accepted Ryan’s compliment with my thanks and nothing more. I felt guilty for not telling Ryan the whole truth about Jack, even though doing so meant maintaining my loyalty to my company and my lover.
“How long are you in town?” I asked, changing the subject.
“All week. I fly back next Friday.”
“You must be really interested in the Portland market,” I prodded, knowing Robert would be seeking the same information if he were sitting here.
“Yes and no.” Ryan copied my answer from a few moments before. “My biggest client relocated to Portland, but his company remains headquartered in Denver. The big ad firms here are chomping at the bit to get his business, so I work a little bit harder to keep it. I’m out here almost every other month.”
Ryan took a sip of his coffee, and his blue eyes locked onto mine. “What about you? Are you just here for the weekend?”
“Longer, actually.”
Ryan paused for a moment, before he said, “Maybe we could meet up for dinner before you go back to Bend. I’m dying to check out Departure.”
“You should,” I said without making a commitment. “That’s a great place.”
Ryan leveled a determined gaze at me. “A great place is made even greater with pleasant company.”
I blushed at Ryan’s compliment. I couldn’t help it.
“I’m not really in a work frame of mind right now. It’d be a waste of your time. I wouldn’t be able to contribute much.”
Ryan set his coffee cup down on our table. “The last thing I talk about at dinner is work.”
This comment intrigued me, and before I could stop to think, I retorted, “What do you talk about?”
“Anything else.”
I smiled, hoping to regain my self-control. “I like speaking with you, and I am always interested in dinner at Departure, but I don’t know how things are going to play out. I’ve made promises, and I can’t really make any new plans.”
Ryan accepted my answer. “I’m staying in room two oh five,” he revealed, not giving up entirely. “If an opportunity comes up, call me there. I’ll move forward with my week, but I’ll save Departure for you. Just in case.”
I agreed, certain there was no conceivable scenario in which this dinner plan would be solidified. I stood up, deciding to make my exit before Ryan and I could find anything else to discuss. “I’m glad we ran into each other.”
“Me, too.”
“I’d stay longer, but I have some errands to run this afternoon and then I’m going back to the hospital.”
“I’ll keep the little girl and her family in my thoughts.”
“Thank you. I know they would appreciate that.”
Ryan rose, leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “Bye, Kathleen.”
I stepped back and waved before making my way back to the hotel lobby.
I strolled to the elevators and pressed the up button, intending to freshen up before leaving for the store. While I waited, I checked my phone for messages.
A text from Robert had arrived. “I’m in Portland. At the Sentinel. Call me when you have a moment.”
“Holy shit,” I said just as the elevator door opened. Embarrassed, I turned away from the other hotel guests as they disembarked. I stepped away from the open door and walked toward the main lobby as I called my father. Robert picked up on the second ring.
“Kathleen, how is everyone?” Robert’s voice contained a mixture of concern and relief.
I fumbled my way through my response. “Hi. Yes. We’re fine. I’m sorry I didn’t call last night. We didn’t get back to the hotel until late in the evening.”
“That’s okay.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “You’re here?”
“Yes. I’m sitting in Jake’s right now.”
I glanced to my left. Robert was only a few steps away, sitting on the Tenth Avenue side of the building.
“I’m in the lobby. I’ll walk over.”
“You’re not at the hospital?” This time Robert’s concern was tinged with admonishment.
Patience, Kathleen. Strength, Kathleen.
“I’ll see you in a minute. I’ll explain everything.”
“Okay.”
“Bye.” I disconnected the call before he could respond.
The walk to Jake’s was meandering, but I promptly found Robert, sitting on a stool at the wooden bar, sipping a beer and staring at the various specimens of taxidermy placed near the ceiling. I walked over, undetected, and took the seat next to his.
“Hey,” I began.
“Hey yourself.” Robert leaned slightly forward as though to offer me a hug, but then retreated back into his own personal space. I considered leaning toward him, but couldn’t quite bring myself to do so.
All in due time.
We sat for a couple of moments, each struggling to find a place to begin.
“Do you want a drink?” Robert began to raise his arm for the bartender.
“No, thanks.” I smiled, hoping to show him I appreciated the offer. “I just left Starbucks.”
Robert lowered his arm and twisted his body in my direction. “I thought about going to the hospital first. But I didn’t want to intrude.”
I attempted to mirror Robert’s casual stance and stretched my arm out on the bar as my fingers drifted along its shiny surface. “I’m surprised you’re here, but I’m glad I can thank you in person for getting us the suite. That was really nice of you.”
“You’re welcome. I’ve always liked that floor.”
“I didn’t know that,” I said. “Are you staying in one of those tonight?”
“Not this time.” Robert took a swift sip of his beer before plodding onward. “How’s Heide?” The concern had returned to Robert’s voice.
“She’s in critical condition, but she’s a strong girl. I think she’ll live, but she’s got a long recovery ahead of her. I don’t know if she’ll be able to return to school on time.”
Robert sat and listened as I updated him on everything Heide had been through. I also explained that Allison had arrived from Baltimore and I had left the hospital to let her spend time with Heide and Jack.
Robert nodded in understanding, but didn’t elaborate.
“I’d like to speak to Jack while I’m here. Can you help me find a good time to do that?”
Although I was working on improving my relationship with Robert, I couldn’t stop my initial suspicion of his request. I stilled and processed his mood. He was quiet and unusually patient. He had also asked for my help rather than expect it. In return, I decided to help him, not punish him.
“We have plans to meet up for dinner tonight. Why don’t you join us?”
“If you’re both up for it, I’d like that.”
“Sure. We haven’t figured it all out yet, but I’ll keep you in the loop.”
“Good.”
I nodded and rose from the barstool. “I need to go pick up a few groceries, and then I was going to take a small nap. What room are you in?”
“Three ten. Do you want me to take you to the store?”
I shook my head and offered another smile. “I could use the walk and the fresh air.”
“Sure.” Robert turned his body back toward the bar. I placed my hand between his shoulder blades. It wasn’t a hug, but it was the first time we’d made such contact since our afternoon at Widgi Creek. My father turned his head and looked me in the eyes.
“Thank you, anyway,” I said. “I’ll call you just as soon I know what’s going on for dinner.”
Robert grinned, and we left one another’s company on a good note.
AFTER MY trek to the store, I returned to our suite, unpacked the groceries and turned my attention to emptying our suitcases. Once all our clothes and other items were put away, I stretched out on the bed for a brief nap. Consumed by the physical and emotional fatigue of the past day, I soon fell into a deep sleep, bereft of dreams.
I only awoke when a sudden tilt of the mattress alerted me
to someone’s presence. Jack had returned from the hospital and was sitting on the side of the bed with his back to me and removing his shoes. I waited in silence until he reclined beside me and then I drew close to him for a kiss hello. His arms wrapped around my back but he held me loosely and kissed me much too passively. I pulled back from his mouth and ran my fingers through his hair. His brown eyes drifted shut in response.
“Do you want to talk?” I asked, watching his face with interest. “Or do you just want to sleep?”
“Both,” he mumbled.
“How’s Heide doing?”
Jack’s eyes remained shut while he answered, “She’s still unconscious. I’m trying to stay calm, but it’s getting harder.”
I sympathized. “I know.”
“I’m scared,” he whispered.
“What can I do for you?”
“Just lie here with me for now.”
“Okay.”
We rested for a time, listening to one another breathe. Jack began to return some of my affectionate caresses, and I moved forward with more conversation.
“How did things go with Allison?”
“Fine, I guess. We didn’t talk much. I think we’re both too tired. We mostly just sat there with Heide and waited for anything to happen.”
I kissed Jack’s forehead. “I have to tell you something.”
Jack opened his eyes. “What’s that?”
“Robert’s here. He drove up this morning.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yep.”
“Did you see him?”
I nodded. “He’s staying here. I met him in Jake’s for a few minutes.”
“How did that go?”
“A little awkward, but fine.”
Jack brought his hand from my back to my face and cupped my cheek.
I couldn’t help but relax under his touch. “He wants to see you, but he didn’t want to approach you at the wrong time. I invited him to dinner with us tonight. I hope you don’t mind.”
“I don’t, except I was going to ask to stay in.”
“Room service is turning into our thing,” I kidded.
“Yeah,” he responded without indulging my joke.
I rubbed a thumb underneath Jack’s eye. “You’re so tired. I can explain that to Robert. I’ll make him understand and ask for a rain check.”
“No. That’s fine. We need to eat either way.”
“I haven’t had the chance to talk with you about him since you’ve been away from work but something is changing between him and me. We’ve both been trying to do the right thing. Now more than ever, I need to give him that chance.”
“I agree.” Jack opened his mouth to say more but hesitated and took my hand in his while he thought about what to say next. “I want to help you with him however I can. I just don’t know what I can promise right now.”
“Heide is the priority no matter what. Even my father would agree with that.”
“Thank you, Kathleen.”
“You need to rest. I’ll tell Robert we’ll eat at Jake’s tonight. We’ll keep it short and casual.”
Jack nodded. “Afterward, I want to go back to the hospital and say good night to Heide. I told Allison that she could come along when I go back, but that I intended to bring you with me.”
“I don’t know Jack—” I began.
“Please, don’t argue with me about this,” he interrupted. “I’ve already worked it out with Allison.”
Jack sounded agitated once again, so I backed down. “Okay.”
We both fell silent, the atmosphere tingling with increasing tension.
“I would like to see Heide again,” I told him as I dropped my hand to pull on a wrinkle of Jack’s tee shirt. “I got a present for her this afternoon. I’m saving it for when she wakes up.”
Jack pulled me to him while I was still talking and kissed me just as I finished my sentence, this time with more intensity. Although surprised, I grabbed on to him and was happy when he did the same in return. Our clothed bodies pressed together, and Jack rolled me onto my back to deepen our kiss. During our brief romance, I’d come to realize how much he expressed his emotions in this way and so I found myself paying particular attention to whatever he was saying now. His movements were not frenzied or aggressive. He was not offering himself to me or trying to end our conversation. I only perceived close intimacy and profound connection.
Unity.
I’d been close to telling Jack I was in love with him several times, and as I lay underneath him, receiving his devotion I wanted to say it more than ever before. I wanted to tell him I loved him so much that when he ended the kiss, I swore I felt his honest love in our embrace and was convinced I could see this same love in his eyes as we looked at one another.
I’d never been in love with a man before. I never understood anything about love until Jack and Heide had come into my life. What made me worthy of them? I didn’t know, and I also comprehended that I might never know the answer to that question. Jack held himself above me, and gazed at me as if waiting for something. I grasped him by the waist, at a total loss for words.
“It’s all right,” he whispered. “Take all the time you need.”
“I’ve never said it,” I confessed. “I’ve never felt it until you.”
“Never?”
I shook my head.
“When did you first feel it?” he asked me. “What was the moment?”
“It was our first night together. At your house. In your bedroom, actually.”
“Tell me,” he encouraged.
“On your bedside table was a photo of you holding Heide when she was a baby.”
“That was taken on her first birthday.”
“Your foreheads are pressed together and your eyes are locked on hers for eternity.” Tears fell from both of my eyes, but I did nothing to wipe them away or break my contact with Jack. “I looked at that one photo, and I thought about how there are no pictures like that of me and Robert.”
“Is that why you cried that night? Because you were sad about your family?”
“No, I was crying because I saw how much you love your daughter and how much she loves you back. I saw your unconditional love for your daughter, and I fell in love with you that night because of it.”
Jack swallowed as his eyes grew watery. I waited, not knowing what to do or say next. We both held our breath, our eyes locked on one another, as Jack lowered his head.
When his forehead rested against mine, he said, “I love you, Kathleen. I love you because you went through hell as a child, and instead of allowing tragedy to destroy you, you turned into an extraordinary woman. You are intelligent. Strong. Passionate. Brave. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes for even just one minute so that you would never doubt yourself again. There is no one I want with me right now more than you. With you at my side, at Heide’s side, I know we’ll get through this. I know my daughter will be whole again.”
“I love you, Jack. I love Heide, too. And I’ll do whatever it takes to see you both happy.”
THAT EVENING, Jack and I left our suite to meet my father for dinner. We held hands as we made our way down the corridor. Sadness and worry for Heide still dominated our moods, but we’d declared our love to one another and there was a powerful comfort in that.
When the elevator doors opened, we stepped inside the empty car, and I pressed against Jack’s side as he pushed the button for the lobby.
“Should we see if Allison wants to join us?” I asked. “Do we need to make sure she eats?”
Jack looked down at me and smiled. “She told me she was going to Clyde Common after she had some rest. I’ll give her a call when our meal is winding down and see when she’ll be ready to go back to the hospital.”
“Okay.”
Jack leaned down and kissed me with modesty. “I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, too.”
He held my gaze and caressed my cheek as he spoke once again. “I know thi
ngs didn’t go well the last time we tried this with Robert. Tonight will be better.”
“I think you’re right.”
The elevator door opened and we continued to Jake’s with our hands intertwined.
When we entered the lounge, Robert was sitting at a table next to the window but close to the bar.
He stood up and shook hands with Jack. “Thanks for coming,” he said. “I won’t keep you here any longer than need be.” As if to prove his point, Robert waved to our server and pointed to our table.
“Thank you, Robert. I’m trying to follow sage advice and keep to a schedule as much as possible. I’m looking forward to a good dinner.”
We occupied ourselves with updates on Heide’s condition until our drinks were served and our meal was ordered.
As soon as our waitress left the table, Robert turned to Jack. “I’ve been thinking about a lot of things since Kathleen told me about your daughter. For instance, you’d just used all your vacation time before this accident.”
Jack nodded with a somber face. “I need to take family leave, possibly the full twelve weeks. I apologize for leaving you in a lurch like that.”
Robert shook his head. “The last thing I want you to worry about is how to juggle everything else while you’re up here looking after your daughter. I want you to take as much family leave as you need. If you need more than the twelve weeks, we’ll work that out. And the firm will continue to pay your salary in full during your leave of absence.”
If Jack was stunned by this news, I was flabbergasted. Although our company had a good reputation of taking care of its own, I’d never heard of Robert being quite so generous.
“That’s incredible, Robert.” Jack sat back in astonishment, his eyes growing wide. “Saying thank you seems wholly inadequate.”
Robert looked at me when he said, “Years ago, we lost Kathleen’s mother. And once I almost lost Kathleen.” Robert turned back to Jack. “Heide’s care is what’s most important. I can’t do much to heal your daughter, but I want to give you the opportunity to focus on her recovery.”
As I listened to my father, I realized he was seizing an opportunity of his own. We had done wrong by each other over the course of my life, and now my father had the chance to begin making up for some of his less than stellar behavior. By offering Jack reassurance and removing multiple obstacles from our path, he was also easing my mind and reducing my stress.
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