by Pamela Clare
“I know what happened. I know the whole story. I know about the decision you had to make. I know about the ambush and the medevac helo crash. JG isn’t the only one who’s called me. Pretty much every surviving member of the squad has either called or e-mailed asking about you.”
Javier did not want to go there.
“I can’t change what happened. I made the call, and I can’t do a damned thing about how it turned out. Sitting in some stuffy office crying to some therapist who’s never been in combat is not going to change things either.” Javier turned to face Nate. “I’ve been in and out of combat for fourteen years. I know what I can handle, man. I don’t need their help. I’m not some fucking pussy.”
“Are you saying that JG, Wilson, Ross, Zimmerman—all the guys who are getting treatment are pussies?”
“No.” ¡Carajo! That wasn’t what he’d meant. “They’re good operators, hard chargers, hard-core team guys. They get the job done.”
“What’s different about you? Why does it make you a pussy if you get help, but not the rest of the team? Oh, I get it. You’re the Cobra. You get within striking distance of the enemy, and it’s over. But if it all goes sideways and the wrong men die, you don’t need help like the rest of us mere mortals.”
“Knock it the fuck off, West.”
Nate came face-to-face with him. “I know something’s not right, and the fact that you won’t even talk about it with me scares the hell out of me. A bar fight, Corbray? Yeah, I know about that, too. You’re not facing charges only because the man you punched happened to be another operator. He had too much respect for you to turn your ass in.”
Okay, this shit needed to end now.
“You want to know what’s wrong, man? People keep getting in my face, pushing me, acting like I’m going to fall the fuck apart. But I haven’t. I won’t. They were talking about giving me a training job.”
“What’s wrong with that? Every kid who had the chance to learn from you would be lucky because he’d be learning from the best of the best. What you’d teach them would save lives, ensure the success of their missions.”
Nate didn’t get it. He just didn’t understand.
“Combat is what I do, man. It’s what I’ve done for fourteen years.”
“Maybe fourteen years is enough.” At the look on Javier’s face, Nate let out a frustrated gust of breath. “You know what this is really about? It’s about you believing that you have to be perfect just to be as good as everyone else.”
Javier let out a laugh. “Is that supposed to make sense?”
Nate jabbed a finger toward Javier’s chest. “Somewhere inside, you’re still the Puerto Rican gangbanger who’s still trying to prove to his parents and himself that he’s not the loser they thought he was.”
Javier took a step toward Nate. “Watch it, man.”
But there was only concern on Nate’s face. “Are you going to hit me now?”
Javier turned away from him, shocked at the sheer force of the rage surging through him, his heart a jackhammer in his chest, his face burning. He drew a deep breath, willed his fists to unclench. He grabbed his towel and headed for the door. “I think it’s time Laura and I headed back to Denver.”
“You just got here. You’re going to run away rather than talk to me?” There was no condemnation in Nate’s voice, just disappointment. “Laura’s in the stables with Megan, but give them some time. Megan knows more about what Laura has been through than the rest of us.”
Those words and the dark tone of Nate’s voice stopped Javier in his tracks. He turned to face his friend, some of his anger bleeding away.
“What are you telling me?”
* * *
LAURA PATTED THE mare’s velvety muzzle, fighting to hold back her tears. “I just want my life back. Some days I feel like this will never end, like the damage that bastard did will define my life forever.”
She was thinking not only of threats against her life, but of Klara, too—the little girl she’d been forced to bring into the world and wanted desperately to protect.
Megan reached out, put a hand on her shoulder. “I want to tell you something.”
As they walked to the next stall and the next, Megan told Laura how she’d been only fourteen and in juvenile detention for shoplifting when a group of guards started taking turns raping her. The assaults had happened almost daily and had gone on for weeks, until she’d told a member of the facility’s medical staff. But by then she’d been so broken that she’d spent the next decade fighting heroin addiction.
Laura felt sick for her—men brutalizing a child like that. Still, she would never have imagined that the polished young woman who walked beside her had been a victim of something so violent or a heroin addict. “I’m so sorry, Megan.”
“I was busted for heroin possession and went to prison, where I found out I was pregnant. They took Emily away from me an hour after she was born. I lost her to Child Protective Services. It took a long time and a lot of hard work to get her back.” Megan’s voice quavered. “But now I have Emily. I have Nate. I love my life. I’m happier than I ever thought I could be. And one day you’ll feel that way, too. They’ll catch these bastards, and you’ll be able to put all of this behind you.”
Megan couldn’t know she was treading on Laura’s deepest pain—giving birth to a baby in captivity and having it taken from her.
Tears blurred Laura’s vision, her throat tight. “Thank you. I hope you’re right. The men who hurt you . . . I need to know. Did they pay?”
“Yes. Three are dead. One is serving life in prison, and he won’t be raping anyone else. Marc shot him when he tried to kill Sophie, severed his spine.”
The same men had tried to kill Sophie?
Why did Laura know nothing about this?
You’ve never really taken time to get to know your coworkers. That’s why.
It was a mistake she intended to remedy—as soon as this nightmare was over.
“I know you must feel alone in this, but you’re not.” Megan smiled “Jack, Nate, and I want to be here for you. Your I-Team friends are here for you. They really care about you, Laura—Sophie, Kat, Joaquin, Matt, Alex. All of them.”
Laura felt touched to the core that Megan had trusted her with all of this. It couldn’t have been easy. “Thank you.”
They finished their tour of the stables, and then it was time for Megan to meet Emily’s bus at the gate.
Laura found her way back inside the house and headed up to her room, unable to take her mind off what Megan had told her, her head aching again, her body chilled from spending so much time in the stables. She was thinking about taking a hot bath when she remembered there was a sauna off the gym. She changed into her robe, grabbed a towel, and headed downstairs. She was passing the library when she heard it.
Guitar music.
She stopped, listened.
It sounded like classical Spanish guitar, the music darkly passionate with a melancholy feel that put an ache in her chest. It started slowly, then gathered momentum, notes spilling from the strings in a rich torrent, braced from beneath by deep, powerful chords that sounded like a pulse or a heartbeat. She pushed open the library door a crack—and saw Javier.
He sat on a sofa opposite a lit fireplace. His eyes were closed, his brow furrowed, his head bowed slightly, guitar in his arms. The fingers of his left hand moved over the frets, while those of his right moved over the strings, rich sound resonating from the polished wood. Then his hands fell still, and the music stopped.
He was looking at her. “Laura.”
Forgetting that she was wearing only her bathrobe, she walked over to sit on a plush sofa across from him. “I didn’t know you played guitar. Please. Don’t stop.”
His gaze fixed on hers, he began to play again from the beginning. Music filled the library’s two floors, its emotion drawing Laura in, holding her. How he could be responsible for all those notes, all that sound, she didn’t know. His eyes slowly drifted shut as the mu
sic began to build, his brow furrowing, the intensity on his handsome face growing as he gave himself over to his playing.
Laura had seen that naked passion on his face before, only then he’d been holding her, kissing her, making love to her. He’d been . . .
No. Don’t. Don’t do this to yourself.
Despite the music, or perhaps because of it, she couldn’t stop the flow of emotion within her. A lump in her throat, she found herself unable to take her gaze off him as the music reached its climax, the power of it sending a shiver up her spine, stirring something behind her breastbone. As he plucked the last few notes from the strings, the sound reverberating through the room, she found herself blinking back tears.
He opened his eyes, his gaze locking with hers.
“That was . . . beautiful.” She swallowed hard. “You have real talent. How long have you been playing?”
The same hands that had once worked magic on her body plucked idly at the strings, loosing strands of melody. “I started after graduating from BUD/S. I needed a way to kill time and clear my mind, something to do during downtime. I took a few lessons, played when I could, took the guitar with me on deployments when I was able. At one point, Nate threatened to break it over a rock.”
Laura couldn’t help but smile. “He wouldn’t say that if he heard you play now.”
Javier’s gaze traveled over her, a puzzled expression coming over his face. “You’re ready for bed already?”
“I thought I’d go sit in the sauna and warm up.”
“Pretty cold out in the stables?”
It was then Laura noticed the shadows in his eyes. “Is something wrong?”
He looked away, strummed the strings. “Nothing’s wrong. I just have a lot on my mind. Enjoy the sauna.”
The words were out before she realized it. “Why don’t you join me?”
CHAPTER
10
JAVIER STRIPPED DOWN to his skin, grabbed a towel from the shelf, and wrapped it around his hips, tucking the loose end in tightly, a sense of heightened excitement humming stupidly through his blood.
This isn’t about sex, pendejo. Think you can handle it?
By asking him to join her in the sauna, Laura wasn’t inviting him to make out. He needed to get that through both of his heads before he stepped out of the bathroom and joined her. For her, the sauna was just a social activity. In Dubai, she’d told him how her family—grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and even close friends—often sat together naked in the heat, a way of keeping warm and healthy during the long, dark Swedish winter. Knowing this had helped Javier understand why she’d been so comfortable with nudity, showing not a hint of shame.
She was probably naked now, lying back on the teak benches, utterly and beautifully bare, her hair fanned out around her, her arms stretched languidly over her head. A memory of silky, long legs, full breasts, and sweet curving hips sent a jolt of heat to his groin, threatening to turn his towel into a tent.
You might as well be her brother—or her grandpa.
And then like a nightmare it hit him—an image of his abuelos sitting naked in the sauna with the rest of his family, smiling at them all, their faces like wrinkled apples, their bodies . . .
¡Que mierda! Holy fuck!
A shudder ran down his spine.
He took a breath, blew it out, and opened the bathroom door, the heated floor warm against his feet as he crossed the room and stepped into the sauna.
Relief and disappointment hit him when he saw she wasn’t naked. She sat in one corner, a fluffy white towel wrapped around her body, concealing her from her breasts to her upper thighs, her legs stretched out on the teak bench, her ankles crossed, her hands lying relaxed in her lap. Her eyes were closed, her hair hanging in a single, pale mass over one creamy shoulder, steam making the ends curl.
He closed the door behind him, the bright scent of warmed wood filling his nostrils. He couldn’t help the way his pulse jumped at the sight of her, nor could he fight off a sinking sense of sadness. The Laura he’d imagined lying naked on the bench like some Nordic sex goddess had been the woman he’d met in Dubai. The Laura who sat there now, looking almost fragile by contrast, her back pressed into the corner, was the woman who’d survived eighteen months of brutality.
A woman who’s been hurt like she was hurt needs a lot of time and love to heal.
Nate’s words came back to him—not just words, Javier reminded himself, but insight based on experience. What Nate had told Javier about Megan had left Javier feeling like an asshole—for blowing up at Nate, for not knowing more about Megan, for getting too caught up in his own shit.
The whole world seemed to be wounded, broken, hurting.
Javier put that out of his mind and sat across from Laura, close enough to see her face clearly in the semidark, but not close enough for contact. He stretched out his legs as she had done, the wood warm and moist against his skin. “This reminds me of summertime in Humacao—hot and humid.”
She didn’t open her eyes but smiled. “What was the name of that frog you told me about, the one that used to sing you to sleep when you were a little boy?”
She looked completely tranquil, her words spoken in a sleepy voice, but Javier could see the rapid thrumming of her carotid and knew she was anything but relaxed.
“El coqui?” He did his best to whistle its call, so like a bird’s.
“Yeah, that one.” Her lips curved in a soft smile. “El coqui.”
Javier couldn’t help but grin. “I can’t believe you remember that.”
She smiled again, a sad smile this time. “I remember everything.”
* * *
LAURA COULDN’T IMAGINE why she’d asked Javier to join her. She’d been at an emotional edge after talking with Megan, and his guitar playing had touched her, confused her, made her remember things she wished she hadn’t. And when she’d seen the sadness in his eyes . . .
Regardless of why she’d done it, he was here now.
She kept her eyes closed, knowing what she’d see if she opened them, knowing that seeing him would bring back bittersweet memories. Just waking up beside him this morning had left her feeling desolate—and they’d both been clothed. It was better not to open her eyes, not to remember, not to see.
Maybe if she pretended to doze . . .
But even with her eyes closed, she could smell him—salt, musk, spice. And then it didn’t matter that her eyes were closed. Scents conjured memories, her mind filling with images. Dark eyes gone smoky soft. Full lips wet from kissing her. The beautiful brown skin of his nearly hairless chest. The broad expanse of his shoulders. The planes and ridges of his pecs and abdominal muscles. Big hands that knew how to please. Strong arms that had held her all night long.
Her throat grew tight, an ache filling the dark cavern inside her.
And her eyes opened.
He wasn’t watching her. His eyes were closed, his face turned toward the door, his features in profile, a day’s worth of stubble dark on his jaw. He wore a towel around his hips, his muscular chest bare, his arms . . .
She sucked in a breath.
Oh, God!
Scars.
Almost without realizing it, she was on her feet. She sat beside him, her gaze fixed on the angry, red lines that carved up the right side of his torso. “Oh, Javi.”
His eyes opened, his gaze following hers. “It’s all healing really well.”
She couldn’t imagine what it had looked like before.
He pointed. “I took a round to the liver. It shattered some ribs. I lost a lot of blood. Here’s where they got me in the lung. Took one to the shoulder, too—not much more than a graze. And then there was my leg. I came close to losing it.”
Laura glanced down, watched as he lifted the edge of the towel, and had to fight to hide her own shock. A deep valley was carved into his upper thigh, dark red scars showing where surgeons had tried to put him together again. It was clear a bullet had ripped through him at an angle, ru
pturing the muscle and blowing much of it away.
She wasn’t a doctor, but she knew he’d come terribly close to dying.
“You must have been in so much pain.” She ran her fingertips over the scars on his chest, saw the suture marks, the incision lines still raised and puckered in places. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” His voice was soft, deep. “I’m fine now.”
At those words, she looked up and found her face inches from his.
From there, it was so easy.
The light brush of lips over warm lips. The slow slide of his fingers into her hair. The hard press of his chest as he sat up straighter, turned her in his arms, and kissed her.
It was a sweet kiss, slow and tender, the heat of it sliding through Laura like honey, warming some empty, dark part of her. Her heart gave a hard kick, a rush of tangled emotions washing through her, filling her chest, making it hard to breathe—elation, nervousness, pleasure, alarm, raw need.
Taken aback by the force of her own reaction, she gave in to the moment, focusing only on him, letting herself feel. The press of lips against lips. The teasing flick of his tongue. The thrumming of her own pulse. Sweat-slick skin against skin. The soft mingling of breath, steam, pheromone.
Ignoring the warning in the back of her mind, she parted her lips, let him inside her mouth, his taste exploding across her tongue, his scent filling her mind. She caught his face between her palms, pressed her lips harder against his, needing more of him, the stubble of his beard rough, his heartbeat thudding against hers.
It seemed a lifetime since she’d been kissed. She’d forgotten what it felt like to be touched like this. She’d forgotten how gentle a strong man could be. She’d forgotten what it was to want a man. And it felt to her that she was being kissed for the first time.
But this was no sloppy kiss between teenagers. Laura knew this man, and he knew her. Everything about him was familiar to her, his scent, the feel of his skin, the way he touched her rousing memories.
She slid her hands down his neck to the hard curves of his shoulders, his lips moving to press kisses against the pulse at her throat, his muscles shifting as he slid a hand down her spine, the damp towel falling away from her skin.