I had answered the door and he had leaned inside, kissing me softly on the mouth. “Morning baby,” he had whispered against my lips, making me smile. There was no awkwardness in the endearment. No strangeness at the new greeting. It was natural. It was perfect.
Even though we quickly progressed in the physical side our relationship, we didn't flaunt it at school. Even if it was really hard to resist mauling his face when that was all I had wanted to do for most of my life. But we held hands and touched each other discreetly. But, as with most things, we were on the same page and both agreed that launching into full on coupledom might make it harder on certain people.
Well, certain people being Maggie.
Because even though Danny and I were blissfully happy, things weren't going so great for her and Clay. In fact, after our trip to the cabin and her subsequent grounding (thanks Mom!), their relationship seemed to spiral downward pretty quickly.
Daniel and I were at my house one day after school a few weeks later, making a pretense of doing our homework but instead spent most of the time exploring each other's mouths.
“Danny, we've got to get our work done.” I laughed as his hand moved up my shirt. He cupped my breast, making me moan. I had never done more than kiss another guy before. But this felt right. Daniel trailed hot kisses down the side of my neck as I pressed into his body.
I knew that my mom and Kaitlyn would be home at any moment, but it was impossible to tear myself away. My hands gripped the back of his head as he pulled the collar of my shirt down and started to trace his mouth along the upper edge of my bra.
“You are so fucking gorgeous,” he breathed as his tongue started to taste the sensitive flesh the piece of fabric was covering. I probably would have gotten both of us naked in ten point two seconds if we hadn't heard my mother and Kaitlin walking through the kitchen door at that exact moment.
Danny and I jumped apart so fast we both started laughing.
“What's so funny?” my mom asked as she poked her head into the room. She arched her eyebrow and giving us a knowing look. Daniel and I glanced at each other again, barely able to wipe the ridiculous grins from our faces.
“Nothing, Mom,” I said unconvincingly.
“Hmm,” my mom said, still looking between us. I noticed that Daniel had placed his Chemistry book strategically over the crotch of his pants and I tried to discreetly rearrange my shirt under my mother's eagle eye. She finally just shook her head and started to head back into the kitchen.
“Get in here and help unload the groceries, you two.” she called out. I groaned and Daniel let out a deep breath.
I leaned over and kissed the side of his neck and he growled low in his throat. “Stop that shit. I don't want to walk in there with a tent in my pants. I'd probably poke your mom's eye out.” His lips stretched into a self-satisfied grin and I smacked his arm.
“Wow, someone is a little confident in their endowments, I see.” Danny grabbed me under the arms and pulled me into his lap, making me squeal.
“We can play show and tell with my endowments later, if you wanna.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I laughed. I jumped off his lap and started to make my way into the kitchen, calling over my shoulder.
“I'll give you a minute...you know, so there aren't any eye poking accidents.” Daniel flipped me the middle finger and I laughed again before rounding the corner.
My mom pointed to the bags by the refrigerator and I started to unload them. “So, I ran into Laura at the store.” I looked over at my mom wondering why she was sharing that particular story. It wasn't unusual for her to bump into Maggie's mom. We did live in the same town.
“Okay,” I said slowly, waiting for her to continue.
My mom walked over and pulled a frozen lasagna from the bag in my hands and took it out of its packaging. “She looked a wreck. I don't think I've ever seen Laura look like that.” I could hear my mom's worry for her old friend and that in turn made me worry.
“Really? Why? Is everything okay?” I asked turning to watch Mom as she put the oven on and placed the lasagna inside. Daniel came in at that moment and pulled out a chair at the kitchen table, sitting down beside Kaitlin who beamed up at him with a megawatt smile.
He ruffled her hair in a brotherly way, much to her chagrin, before turning his attention to us. “Is what okay?” he asked, leaning backwards in his chair.
My mom pushed the back of his chair so that it sat on the floor. “A chair has four legs for a reason, Daniel,” she said sternly but with a barely concealed smile. Everyone loved Danny. It was that ridiculous charm of his.
After unloading the bags, I turned on the coffee pot and made a cup for my mom. I handed her the steaming mug and she thanked me before finishing her story. “She mentioned that things weren't good with Maggie,” my mom said, looking between Daniel and me.
“Maggie? What do you mean?” I asked, shooting glance in Daniel's direction. He met my gaze and we shared an unspoken communication. We had a damn good idea what this was about. Maggie had been slowly pulling inward. We had cornered her last week and demanded to know what was going on. She finally admitted that she and Clay had broken up.
I hate to admit how relieved I was. Did that make me a bad friend? That I'd rather see her miserable than with the guy she loved? Daniel and I talked a lot about it and he felt the exact same way. We had tried. Honest and truly tried to get behind their relationship. But witnessing the slow deterioration of your best friend was a hard thing to stomach.
Watching Maggie's love for Clay tear her apart, I couldn't help but draw comparisons to my own new and blossoming relationship. Sure, it had taken us a long time to get here, with our fair share of hurt feelings and tears. But now that we had found our way to each other, the miscommunication, insecurities and doubts had disappeared. Daniel and I were sure in the feelings we had for each other and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't know how much he cared about me.
I wanted that for Maggie so desperately. I wanted her to have that lighter than air feeling when she and Clay were together. Instead, she felt nothing but the weight of their dysfunction. Because that's what they were; dysfunctional. I wasn't sure why. Maggie would never say what Clay's deal was. Why he was so hot and cold, up and down. I had my theories but not ones that I shared with her. If she wanted to tell me, she would. Until then, Danny and I supported her as best we could. Even as she pushed us away.
Since that day we had cornered her, Maggie seemed to be trying. But her “trying” was really kind of pathetic. Because her heart wasn't in it. And she was still half of the person she used to be.
My mom stirred some more sugar into her coffee before taking a drink. “Laura says she's depressed. That ever since she and that boy she was dating broke up, she barely talks to either her or Marty. She stays in her room most of the time, and is barely eating. She's apparently having these nightmares where she wakes up screaming. Laura was a complete mess. I think it would be good if you guys try to get Maggie out of the house more often.”
Daniel and I traded glances again. My mom had no idea how much we badgered our friend. “Sure Mom,” I agreed, feeling like maybe we did need to step up our game a bit. After my mom finished her coffee, she went to go get changed for work.
Daniel stayed in the kitchen to help Kaitlin with her homework and I went back to my room to get my English notes for the essay I had to work on. I was rooting through my book bag when my mom stopped in my doorway, already changed into her scrubs.
“How late is Danny planning to stay?” she asked. I looked at her in surprise. His being at the house had never been an issue before. My mom rolled her eyes. “Please, Rach. I'm not an idiot. I can see you guys are dating. So, of course that changes how late he can stay. I don't need to be a grandmother before forty, thank you very much.”
I made a choking noise and my mom let out a gruff laugh. “I'm glad the two of you got everything figured out. And he's being good to you, right?” she asked, watching me closely. I felt
a burst of warmth in the center of my chest. My mom loved me. Even though she had a hard time expressing it, she really did. And that made me feel extremely lucky.
I nodded. “Yeah, Mom. Everything's sort of great,” I told her, grinning. My mother gave me her own small smile.
“Good. I'm happy to hear it.” She turned to go then looked at me over her shoulder. “Eleven o'clock, Rachel Marie. And then he needs to go home. I'll see you in the morning.” With that, she turned and left.
After Mom was gone and Kaitlin was in bed, Daniel and I snuggled down on the couch to watch TV. Daniel's fingers traced circles up and down my arm and I never thought I would tire of the way I felt as he held me. I couldn't believe we were finally here. At this point. I truly never thought we would.
And the beautiful thing was I hadn't lost my best friend. In fact I felt as though that part of our relationship had only grown stronger.
“What are we going to do about Maggie?” I asked, laying my head on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart beneath my ear. It was a comforting sound. One that made me feel completely safe.
Daniel took a deep breath, causing my head to rise and fall with the motion. His arms came around me, holding me tight. He kissed the top of my head, his nose buried in my hair. He did that a lot - smell my hair, my neck. I had joked one of the first times I had noticed it, that I hoped he wasn't giving me a subtle hint that I needed to take a shower. He had only kissed me and explained that my scent was calming. He admitted with embarrassment that when we were kids, I had left a stocking cap at his house after playing in the snow one afternoon. He had kept the hat because it smelled like me. That there was something about the way I smelled that made him feel better.
After admitting that, Daniel had worried that I would think him a freaky stalker or something. But to me, that just proved that he had loved him as long as I had loved him. It just took him longer to realize that was what he was feeling.
“I'm not sure. I, uh...well...I talked to Clay the other day,” Daniel admitted. I looked up at him, my eyebrows raised.
“Really? When? I haven't seen him around in weeks.” I could only imagine how that conversation went. Daniel wasn't Clay Reed's biggest fan.
Daniel squeezed the back of his neck before returning his hand to my back. He started to rub the skin under my shirt and I relaxed into him again. “I waited for him in the parking lot at lunch. You know, because he's been cutting out of school so early. Figured it was time he and I had a little chat.”
“Ah, so you didn't have a lunch tutorial,” I said, pinching him in the side. Daniel squirmed.
“Yeah, well I didn't think you'd let me go if I told you what I was planning to do.” Daniel reasoned. And, of course, he was right. I knew that his feelings about Clay were volatile and the slightest provocation could lead to an all-out explosion. I stilled.
“What happened?” I asked nervously.
Daniel moved his hand up the back of my shirt, his fingers trailing lightly between my shoulder blades, making me shiver. “Well, at first I really thought we were going to have a conversation with our fists. I was pissed. He was pissed. He kept telling me to back the fuck off and mind my own business. You know I don't take shit like that very well. Particularly when it has something to do with my girls,” Daniel said, and I could hear the anger in his voice.
I kissed the place over his heart through his shirt. “I know, baby,” I said soothingly. It had the desired affect and Daniel's body relaxed.
“I asked him why he was putting Maggie through hell. I asked him if he knew she wasn't talking to anyone. That she was barely eating and sleeping. I asked him if he felt good about hurting her the way he was. And yeah, I was up in his face. And yeah, maybe I had grabbed his shirt.”
“Danny,” I chastised softly.
“I know, I know. But I was so angry. I hate seeing her like that, Rach. It kills me,” he said in an agonized whisper. I squeezed him. I understood completely. I felt the same way. It was horrible watching someone you loved lose themselves so completely.
“But then, it was like a light switch. It was freaking weird, Rach. One minute, Clay looked like he was about to take my head off for getting into his business and the next, he had crumpled onto the ground. Scared the shit out of me.”
I sat up and looked at Daniel. His eyes were drawn and I could see how bothered he was. “He did what?” I asked, needing to hear more.
Daniel rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand. “He fucking fell to the ground. And then he just put his head down on his knees and started crying. Rachel, the dude was full on sobbing. I have never seen anything like it in my life. I didn't know what the hell to do. It was like he was falling apart right in front of me.”
Well, damn. “What did you do?” I asked him.
“Well, I couldn't just leave the guy like that, now could I? So I sat down on the ground beside him and waited for him to calm down. It took awhile, let me tell you. But finally, he pulled it together. And all he said was 'she's better off.' I asked him what the hell he was talking about but he wouldn't say. Then he thanked me for looking after Maggie. To keep looking after Maggie. And I let him know in no uncertain terms that he didn't need to thank me for that. That you and I would always be there for her. And that seemed to do the trick, because he snapped out of whatever freak out he was having. He didn't say anything else to me. Just got in his car and left. Rachel, the whole thing was really bizarre. And it made me late for Geometry. So I got afterschool detention, which sucks.”
My mind was going a million miles a minute. “So he just left? After having a full on melt down like that?” I asked. I was getting a very bad feeling about all of this. Clay's behavior was erratic and out of control and hit way too close to home for my liking. I had seen all of this once before and it was something I had never wanted to see again.
“Yeah. And I haven't seen the dude since. I tell you, I'm really glad he's away from our girl. She doesn't need that drama. No one does. I do think he's a good guy underneath all of that angst. But he's just a little too much, you know. And obviously, he's not good for Maggie. They self-destruct when they're together. I told you, love shouldn't make you feel like shit. It should make you feel like this.” He indicated between the two of us.
Did he just say what I thought he said? I watched as Daniel's face turned red with the realization of what had come out of his mouth. He suddenly pulled me to him and held me tightly against his chest. His arms were a vice around me. His breathing was deep and heavy and I could tell he was struggling with something.
I leaned up and kissed the base of his throat, just below his Adam's apple. His skin was slightly salty and warm under my lips. Daniel ran his hand down my back before it rested on my hip, squeezing my flesh.
“I love you, Rachel,” he whispered into my hair. My heart sputtered and I swear it stopped. I leaned back and looked up into his blue eyes.
“What?” I asked in a whisper, still not sure I heard him correctly.
Daniel smiled softly, his fingers running down the side of my face. His fingertips trailing across my skin, leaving prickles of awareness in their wake. His hand cupped my cheek and I leaned into him, closing my eyes for a brief moment with the overwhelming onslaught of emotion churning inside me.
“Rachel,” he said quietly. I opened my eyes and he leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on my mouth. “I love you. So damn much. I thank God every single day that we found our way to this place together. There is nowhere in this world I'd rather be than right here, right now. With you.”
Wow, Daniel Lowe, the poet. I never thought I'd see the day.
“I love you too, Danny,” I said just as quietly. His entire face lit up and his grin was infectious. I couldn't give one of my own because he had crushed his mouth to mine, his fingers tangling in my hair, our chests pressed together.
He devoured me. From the inside out. He had taken a hold of every tiny piece of my heart, my soul, my life. And I never wanted him to give it b
ack. This is what love was supposed to feel like. This perfect immersion of two people who were ready and willing to become a part of each other.
I pulled back and kissed his chin. Standing up, I pulled him by the hand. He looked at me questioningly. I picked up the remote and turned off the television, then motioning with my head toward the hallway, I headed in the direction of my bedroom.
Daniel finally got the hint and followed me. He hesitated before going inside, looking pointedly at my sister's closed door. “She'd sleep through a nuclear bomb. Stop being so paranoid,” I teased, lacing my fingers with his and giving him a tug as he followed me into my bedroom.
Chapter Twelve
~ Daniel~
Rachel pulled me into her room and closed the door softly behind her. The only light was from the street lamp outside. I could barely make her out in the darkness. I reached down and flicked on the bedside lamp. I needed to see her.
Cloud Walking (A Find You in the Dark novella) Page 9