Crooks and Straights

Home > Other > Crooks and Straights > Page 4
Crooks and Straights Page 4

by Masha du Toit


  Gia looked at the boxes of her clothes and books piled up in a corner. She’d have to cart those up the ladder tomorrow, and figure out a way to store her clothes neatly.

  “If all the men were one man.”

  “What-a-great-man-that-would-be.”

  She looked down at her brother. His eyes were closing.

  He was so sweet like this, all quiet and sleepy, that it was easy to forget how much trouble he could be. Although to be fair, things really were better now that he went to Mrs Winterbach.

  There had been so many others before that, doctors and therapists who’d insisted on this diagnosis or that, allergies, diets, even hypnosis. At least Mrs Winterbach was sensible. Her saccharine voice put Gia’s teeth on edge, but unlike the others, she seemed interested in Nico himself, rather than seeing him as some kind of experiment. Still, Nico would have to go to school soon. Strictly speaking he should have started already, but Saraswati had resisted, saying he was not ready yet.

  And these days, could they even afford to send him to school?

  “And if the great man took the great axe.”

  There was no reply.

  Nico’s eyes were closed, and his breathing slow.

  Asleep at last.

  Gia sat for a while, leaning back against the headboard, thinking about the events of the day. She was slipping into sleep, and the memories crowded back, in an almost dream. Granny, grinning at her from behind her counter. The charred leaf-bodies of the dead haarskeerders. Fatima, showing off her blood-red jacket. The scent of nutmeg, burnt rubber, and rosemary.

  Catching herself nodding, she shook herself awake and stood, careful not to wake Nico. She left softly, leaving the door just open enough so that she could hear if he woke.

  Brink and Moolman

  Gia chose a desk halfway down the classroom. Not too near the front, where she might be noticed, and not too close to the back where the troublemakers hung out. Her fellow students were noisier than usual, excited by the unfamiliar classroom and the prospect of starting on a new, and as yet unknown, subject.

  The teacher, a tall, skinny woman, ignored the giggles and scuffles. She stood with her back to the class writing a series of headings on the board.

  “Malifica (evil), comoinis (neutral), utilis (useful), bona (good).”

  She started a second line.

  “Ignis (fire), Aqua (water), Ventus (air), Terra (earth)".

  Although she had her back to the class, she had enough presence to intimidate the worst of the gigglers and whisperers, and the class soon settled down to watch her.

  “Birds, mammals, amphibians, reptiles, fish, insects.”

  By the time she reached the last word, the class had fallen completely silent, so that everyone could hear the grind and squeak of the chalk making the last mark. Dusting her hands, she stood back and regarded the board for a moment, gave a satisfied nod, and faced the class.

  She had a long, deeply wrinkled face, and heavy lidded eyes. Her hair was a pile of bright-auburn curls, and she wore hooped earrings, each with a tiny parrot perched inside, heavy enough to stretch her earlobes.

  “Good morning,” she said, in a voice that suggested a life of brandy and cigarettes. “I’m Miss Huisman.”

  “Good morning, Miss Huisman,” came the dutiful chorus.

  “I’m to be your supernatural studies teacher for the rest of the year. Who are the class monitors?”

  A boy and girl near the front put up their hands. Miss Huisman peered at their badges.

  “Themba, and Rachel, good. Hand these out.” She patted a pile of pale blue books on her desk.

  “While Themba and Rachel are doing that, there are some things that need to be noted.”

  The class was dead quiet.

  “As you are probably aware, this class has started a little later in the year than is usual. We have to make up the time. If everyone keeps up with their homework, and attends, all should be fine. Understood?”

  Everyone nodded, and there were a few shouts of “Yes, Miss!” from the back row.

  Soon everyone had a copy of the textbook, and the monitors were back at their desks. Gia looked at the book with interest. It was fairly thick, covered in pale blue paper. The title was Magical Creatures of Southern Africa with the authors’ names Brink and Moolman in smaller type below.

  “The book you have before you will be your textbook for this year. If you lose it, or if it is damaged while in your possession, you are liable for the cost of replacement. We will also be referring to other texts, both ancient and modern, as the course progresses. Now.”

  Miss Huisman picked up a pile of pictures, and held one of them up. “Under which of the headings that I’ve written there on the board should this go?”

  The picture showed a man-like creature, thin to the point of emaciation. It had a big, square jaw thrust forward in a pronounced overbite.

  There was a stir and murmur, but no one answered.

  “Come now. I know that some of you know this one. Anybody? Yes, you there in the back?”

  “That’s a crackbottle, Miss!”

  “And which heading does it go under?”

  But the boy had lost his confidence.

  “Anyone else? Is this creature evil, neutral, useful—”

  “Evil, Miss,” came the answer at last.

  Miss Huisman’s eyebrows went up.

  “Could be. Any other suggestions? How about you, girl. What heading?”

  She pointed at a plump girl, who sat pertly upright near the front of the class.

  “Earth?” she ventured.

  “Why earth?” asked a boy in the row behind her.

  “They live underground, don’t they?” said the girl. “And they make their babies out of mud.”

  “No, they don’t!”

  Miss Huisman’s raised hand instantly silenced the argument.

  “Crackbottles don’t make their babies out of mud. That’s an old wives' tale. But you are quite correct, they do live underground. And they're also extremely dangerous. Let’s put it under maleus then.”

  She stuck the picture on the board, and held up another. The answer came quickly now.

  “That’s a lacefester, Miss!”

  “And it’s an insect, isn’t it?”

  “And it flies. That makes it air!”

  “But they hunt moldpimps, so it should really go under useful, shouldn’t it?”

  Miss Huisman looked from one arguing student to the other, eyes bright with amusement.

  “Miss?”

  A skinny girl with white-blond hair had her hand up. Miss Huisman raised an eyebrow at her.

  “Couldn’t we rearrange the headings?”

  The girl’s voice was so soft that the teacher had to lean in to hear her.

  “What is your name, girl?”

  “Sonella Pretorius, Miss.”

  “Well, Sonella. How would you suggest we rearrange the headings?”

  Sonella pushed up her glasses, and peered at the board. “The most important ones should be at the top,” she said. “Then each of the others can be duplicated under them.”

  “Go on,” said Miss Huisman when she paused.

  “Like— I think—”

  Miss Huisman silently held out the chalk.

  Gia thought Sonella would be too shy to go up to the board, but she seemed focused only on the problem she was trying to solve.

  First, she copied out the headings malifica, comoinis, utilis and bona, spacing them widely apart. A girl giggled and there was some whispering, but Sonella did not seem to notice. She wrote air, earth, fire and water four times, under each of the first headings.

  She turned to Miss Huisman. “Like that,” she said. “Then, the crackbottle could go under ‘malifica - earth’ and the lacefester under ‘utilis - air’. And you could put in more headings lower down too.”

  “Good,” said Miss Huisman. “And why did you choose malefica and the rest as your first level heading? Why not ‘birds, mammals, insec
ts, reptiles’?”

  Sonella frowned, and blinked a bit, but Miss Huisman gave her time to answer.

  “Not all magicals fit into those categories, do they? Like, um, gloams, and goolies, and things like that? And ‘evil, good’ and the rest seemed the most general to me. Or maybe the most important?”

  “That depends on your purpose in making the categories,” said Miss Huisman. “Well done, Sonella. You can return to your desk. The point of this exercise,” she said, turning back to the rest of the class, “is to demonstrate that there are many different ways that one can categorise a creature. The categories you choose, and how you arrange them, all depend on what you are trying to achieve. Many, many years ago— in fact about two thousand years ago, the famous Greek philosopher and scientist Aristotle created a system by which all beings on earth could be classified. Aristotle’s system was called ‘the great chain of being’ and it listed things from the most to the least important. It started at the top, with God, then followed the angels, then came humans and so on down through the various kinds of animals, insects, and plants. Each thing in its place, unchanging.

  “The fascinating thing about Aristotle’s scheme is that he did not in any way separate magical beings from the non-magical. Weres, dragons, and the rest were simply placed in the list in among all the other creatures.

  “Things changed rather in the Middle Ages. You. What is your name?”

  Miss Huisman pointed at one of the boys who always sat at the back of the class. He was lounging so low in his seat that his chin was barely above the desk.

  “Charlie, Miss,” he said. “But they call me Soutie.” He grinned up at Miss Huisman, clearly not intimidated.

  “Charlie—?”

  “Wexton, Miss.”

  “Mr Wexton, sit up, and tell me what was the single most important influence in the Middle Ages.”

  After a pause to make it clear that he might have decided not to obey, Charlie pulled himself up to a more normal sitting position.

  “I don’t know, Miss? Money?”

  There was a rustle of laughter from the rest of the class.

  “You could make an argument for that, I suppose, Mr Wexton, but that’s not the answer I was looking for. Anyone else?”

  When no one else put up a hand, she continued.

  “In the Middle Ages it was the Church that dominated every aspect of society. Science, at that time, served the Church and scientists shaped their ideas to fit those espoused by the Church. In medieval times the books that listed all the living creatures were called ‘bestiaries’. But these bestiaries were far less rational, less scientific, than Aristotle’s lists. The purpose of a bestiary was not to act as a record of knowledge, but to teach moral lessons.

  “The bestiaries also made quite a point of indicating which creatures were magical, and which were not. Some of these distinctions are very different from those we might make today. For example, caterpillars and butterflies were classified as magical, because of the amazing metamorphosis that occurs in their life cycle. And some creatures that we now consider as being magical, were thought perfectly unmagical in those days. For example, whales were not thought magical at all. Maybe it was only when people started sailing into deeper seas, and encountered the songs of the humpback whale— But I’m getting off topic.

  “It is in the medieval bestiaries that we find, for the first time, the idea that magical creatures are in some way unnatural. Magical creatures, according to these books, were not part of God’s original creation, but were created by the Devil.

  “Which led, of course, to the notorious witch burnings, and the purges that swept over Europe in which magical creatures were exterminated, and people were tortured and executed for the crime of having magical talent. The terrible tormentas, that continue even in modern times.”

  “In the thirteenth and fourteenth centuries the Church lost much of its power and science came into its own. As travellers spread out across the world and encountered new cultures and creatures, scientists started finding ways to make sense of all of these discoveries. Instead of relying on existing wisdom, they began to base their theories on what they actually saw— on observation and rational deduction. This became the period we know as the Enlightenment.

  “From our point of view, in the subject of supernatural studies, the important individual here is a man called Carl Linnaeuss, who published an exhaustive taxonomy of the natural world. He based his classification, not on ideology, but on the observed attributes. Mammals, reptiles, and all the rest.

  “Now. How, would you guess, might Carl Linnaeuss have classified this creature?” She held up another of her pictures. It showed a pale woman with hair that ended in barbed hooks.

  Sonella had her hand up. “I think it’s a harionago, Miss.”

  “That is correct. Can anyone tell me its classification?”

  Pages rustled as everyone searched their books, but no answers came.

  “Nothing? Nobody? Of course, your textbooks only have the most common, local creatures. I have here Linnaeuss’s master work, The Complete Listing of Monsters and Magical Creatures.” She patted a fat book bound in red leather. “Would you like to come look for it here, Sonella?”

  But Sonella shook her head. “It won’t be in there, Miss. It’s Japanese. Carl Linnaeuss probably did not know about the Harionago.”

  Miss Huisman bowed and pantomimed ironic applause, clapping her hands soundlessly. “Very good indeed, Miss Pretorius. Linnaeuss’s Complete Listing is not complete at all. Many creatures are not included, including Chinese, Japanese, Indian, and even some of our own indigenous South African creatures. Can anyone tell me of such a one?”

  Charlie Wexton stuck his hand up as far as it could go.

  “Mr Wexton?”

  “The tokkelossie!” he shouted in triumph, and the class erupted in delighted giggles. Miss Huisman waited for silence as Charlie looked gleefully around, mugging at his friends.

  “Indeed, Mr Wexton. The tokkelossie, or tokelosh, as it is also called, is a good example of a South African creature that is not listed here. And what is the defining characteristic of the tokkelosh?”

  “Uh?” Charlie lost his smile. Gia was delighted to see a red flush creeping up his neck into his cheeks.

  “What, Mr Wexton, would you say is most noticeable about a tokkelosh? Although I hope that you yourself have not had the misfortune to actually see one.”

  Charlie looked desperately at his friends, and seeing no help there, swallowed.

  “He has very big— uh— testicles, Miss. That he slings around his—”

  But here his voice gave out, and he was reduced to gesture, patting his shoulders.

  “That is correct. Well done, Mr Wexton. So, class, you can see that although Linnaeuss’s work was essential in establishing a system that could be used for classification, it is not complete. Apart from the fact that not all creatures are included in his lists, many experts, even to this day, disagree with the way that creatures have been classified. And we have not even touched on the problem of humans with magical abilities. Where should they be classified? And then there is the problem of sentience.”

  A hand shot up near the front of the class. It was Rachel, class monitor and daughter of the school inspector.

  “Isn’t those things political, Miss?”

  “Indeed they are, Rachel. And what is the point of your question?”

  “I thought—” She faltered, then regained confidence. “We’re not supposed to talk politics in school, Miss.”

  “Oh, indeed? And how would you suggest we study magic and magical creatures, without talking about politics?”

  When the girl seemed unable to answer, Miss Huisman continued.

  “We will be discussing the Grey List, the ‘fairy problem’ and many other questions of a political nature this year.”

  As the lesson continued, Gia watched Miss Huisman stalking between the desks, or pacing back and forth in front of the board. She looked just li
ke a bird. Some kind of predatory bird, or maybe a hadeda. She had the same bright eyes and slightly jerky way of moving. Gia could picture her reaching with a long beak and snatching up a student, throwing her head back to gulp them down. She came out of her dream to find Miss Huisman looking down at her, painted eyebrows lifted.

  “Well?”

  Gia cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, Miss. I did not hear the question.”

  There was a rustle as the class turned to stare at her. Gia was still new enough to draw attention whenever she spoke.

  “My question,” said Miss Huisman, enunciating slowly, “was if you could suggest any magical creature that one might encounter here in South Africa?”

  “Uh, dust bunnies?” blurted Gia.

  The class exploded with laughter and Gia felt her cheeks burn. Still, she refused to be cowed and kept her gaze on Miss Huisman, who inclined her head and waited for silence.

  “A pertinent example,” she said when order was restored. “Dust bunnies is the vernacular, or popular name. You will find it listed in Brink and Moolman under ‘elementals, household’.”

  The bell rang. Miss Huisman raised her voice over the hubbub of everyone putting their books away and rising from their desks.

  “Class! I have some announcements to make before you rush out of here. Homework!”

  There was a general groan, and a few calls of “Oh, Miss!” which Miss Huisman ignored.

  “Each of you must find me at least two examples of a creature or entity that has been re-classified, or that has some controversy over its classification. Secondly, tomorrow a representative of Special Branch will be visiting the school to give a presentation.”

  This drew a buzz of interest from the class.

  “The presentation will take place in the school hall at first period, and the entire school will be in attendance. I expect you all to pay careful attention, and we will be discussing it in tomorrow’s lesson. Special Branch, after all, deal with magical creatures, and that is the topic of interest in this classroom. Thank you, that will be all.”

 

‹ Prev