by Cari Quinn
But Mike was easy to love. Him? Not so much. If she’d ever been able to truly look past his issues, that time had come and gone. She was no longer married to his father.
But if this whatever-the-hell-it-was with Ricki went somewhere, she’d be in his life again beyond her role as his pseudo boss. She’d be in it in a whole new dynamic as well. He damn well wasn’t going to screw up the good thing he had going with Ricki just because he wasn’t in the market for another mommy.
“What is she to you?” Lila asked. “That’s all I need to know. The rest of it is between you and not my business, unless it affects the band.”
He was pretty sure he did a slow blink like they did in cartoons. “Did my hearing just fail me or did you just say it isn’t your business?”
Her lips twitched. “Not everything that happens needs to be in my purview.” She shrugged. “Just most things.”
Mal cast a quick look at the closed door, then shrugged too. What the fuck. She could hear it too. She would, soon enough. “Other than Mike, she’s the most important person in my life.”
He wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d questioned the timeframe. It was too soon. Too fast. Tragedy had brought them together, so it probably wasn’t real. Any number of objections in that arena would’ve made sense.
Lila didn’t know it had been building on his side for a while now. Yes, the accident had sped everything up. It was hard to live through something like that and not swiftly realize the value of not wasting time.
Still, he’d needed a push. A Ricki-style one.
“You love her.” Lila’s voice was low, and she didn’t give him time to confirm or deny.
Not that he would have, because if the time came to say those words, he’d be saying them to Ricki first. She could decide what—if anything—she wanted to do with them.
“That’s something we share then. I love her, just as I would if she was my own flesh and blood. For all intents and purposes, she is. If anything ever happened to her—” She broke off, staring out into the field of Christmas decorations, gaily waving in the cold breeze.
“It’s not going to. Not while there’s breath in my body.”
She nodded. “I know that. I think I knew that the first night, when you got your ass all beat to hell to get her out of there.”
“Strong words,” he muttered, though not untrue. What had happened after he’d pushed Ricki out that window wasn’t something he relished going over even now. But he’d made it through.
She’d made it through, and that made it all worth it.
He hadn’t been sure she wouldn’t return. Why would she listen to a stranger? But to his knowledge, she’d never returned to that apartment—or that man. Or if she had, she hadn’t stayed long. She was stronger than any of them gave her credit for.
“Then the night of the concert—”
“Don’t,” he said gruffly as Lila’s eyes dampened once again. “No fucking crying from you today either.”
“I know you never believed this about me, but loving someone isn’t easy for me. Once I do, I’m all in. I don’t always make the best choices, maybe, but my intentions are good.”
“I know you called me to see if I could get her out of there because you love her and Nick. I got that.”
“What you didn’t get was that I love you too.”
He said nothing. Could say nothing, because he would’ve sworn a pair of fists were twisting his chest, pulling in opposite directions. Wrenching until nothing was left, not even air.
But she wasn’t waiting for him to speak. That was Lila. She was a bulldozer in a dress, and at that moment, he was grateful to her for that—and for a few other things as well. Like introducing him to Ricki, as fucked up a meeting as it was.
Story for the grandchildren. Once they’re fifty and members of AARP.
“You were always loyal. I admired that. You decided when you were young you weren’t going to bend and be on any side but your mother’s. Ricki understands that, and she obviously got there faster than I did because all I could see was that I couldn’t reach you. Not that it surprised me.” She let out a dry laugh. “I was no more than a child myself.”
“No. You weren’t. What was put on your shoulders was more than you should’ve had to deal with.”
“My choice,” she said lightly. “I just want you to know I get it. I understand why you always hated me for coming between them. It didn’t matter if that was actually how it was or not. I would’ve hated me too. There were times I did anyway.” She fumbled for the end of her scarf, pulling it tighter. “I didn’t know the situation I was coming into. I should have.”
“You were no more than a kid yourself and he preyed on you. I didn’t understand that then. I do now.”
The corners of her mouth lifted. “Is this where this turns into a movie of the week?”
He didn’t expect to laugh. Not with her, of all people. “Nah. I’m no Cameron whatever-the-hell-his-name-is. That pretty dude who used to be on the soaps.” At her surprised glance, he shrugged. “Live with a bunch of women. You learn shit.”
They were both quiet for a few moments while the wind whistled through the thicket of trees and nighttime crept closer, making the twinkle lights in the pasture shine that much more brightly.
“I owe you for being there for her at the apartment and at the show. And this week, when we were back home and you were here. Keeping her safe.” She met his gaze unflinchingly. “You gave her something we couldn’t.”
As touched as he was, he couldn’t help letting out a snort. Hey, Malachi wasn’t built in a day. “I should say so.”
“Not that, you jerk.” Lila smacked him. “You didn’t coddle her. You treated her as if she’s strong because she is strong. Maybe I haven’t acknowledged that enough. I won’t make that mistake again.”
“Love makes us all weak. Why it fundamentally sucks.”
“Same reason it’s amazing.” She took a shaky breath. “Can I have a hug?”
That twisting feeling was back in his chest. “You for real right now?”
“Very much so.”
Swallowing deeply, he stepped forward and wrapped her in his arms. Didn’t even wait for her to make the first move.
She was smaller than he’d expected. Her personality was such a force, that it was a shock there could be delicacy under the steel. Even the tears he’d just witnessed didn’t diminish her Dragon Lady persona—and he hadn’t even come up with that name. Her husband had, long before he’d been her husband.
Which probably said a lot right there.
“Thank you.” She gave Mal a good, long squeeze then stepped back. “I’m not going to tell Nick about this yet, but I can’t keep the secret for long. I don’t want to cause waves, it’s just—”
“You’ll be couching it for twenty years if he finds out you knew and didn’t say anything.” Mal rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I get it.”
“You may get it sooner than any of us realized, even you.” Her smile helped mitigate the buzz of nerves that statement caused. Only slightly.
She turned to open the door and leaned in. “All clear,” she called. “You can come back now.”
Ricki appeared in the doorway a moment later and glanced warily between them. “Everything all good?”
“Yeah. Except for one thing.” Lila motioned for her to step outside, and Ricki did so, bracing against the cold air.
Or maybe she expected the sharp slap of reprisal Lila gave better than anybody.
“Donovan knows the investigators who contacted you. They’ll be here by morning.” Lila cleared her throat and gripped Ricki’s bare hand. “We’d prefer if you both weren’t. The jet is fueled and waiting.”
A wrinkle formed between Ricki’s eyes. “Why don’t you want us talking to the cops? Not that I even understand why we have to. It was an accident.” When Lila didn’t respond, she pressed, “Right?”
“They have some concerns. When something of that magnitude occurs, especial
ly with loss of life involved,” Lila cleared her throat again, “they want to make sure they dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s. Add in the security breaches we had at Ripper leading up to the event, and it only makes sense they’d want to ensure everything was on the up and up.”
“So why don’t you want us to speak to them?”
“It’s not that we don’t want to cooperate with the authorities. Of course we do. Donovan just would like his own team of investigators to question you both first, before you speak to the police. It’s just routine.”
Mal finally pulled his other glove off. Didn’t sound like he’d need them where they were headed, but he’d liked holding on to the warmth from Ricki’s hand a few minutes longer. “That doesn’t sound routine.”
He didn’t want to worry Ricki, but he also didn’t intend to shield her any more than necessary going forward. She didn’t want that from him. As much as he wished he could wrap her up and keep her safe, she wanted to know the people she cared about believed she was capable of handling whatever came her way.
“It’s routine until they—or we—find anything to say otherwise. If it’s there, we will. In the meantime, if you wouldn’t mind speaking to our investigators, that would be a big help. We realize you likely don’t know much, but even the smallest kernel can sometimes produce more than you expect.” Lila smiled thinly. “Once we have your statements, feel free to talk to the officials. We just want to control what’s released to the media and sometimes the information that’s disseminated isn’t helpful.”
Spin. It always came down to spin.
“Okay.” Ricki moved closer to Mal and slipped her arm through his. “We’ll come back with you. But I hate leaving so soon.” She glanced out toward the pasture. “Even though it didn’t really snow.”
“Maybe we can come back for Christmas.” He wasn’t fully aware of the words leaving his mouth, or even thinking them. Once they were out, and delight raced over Ricki’s face, he couldn’t regret them. He wouldn’t have anyway. Being with his grandparents was never a hardship. And hell, if it had to be the holidays, better to spend them with his grandparents than on his own, watching shit TV and brooding.
Much better all around to spend them with Ricki.
But that was a bit in the future. Not quite six weeks, which was a lifetime when it came to relationships. She might be all in now, but whether she would be by then was anyone’s guess.
“Really?” Ricki asked. “You’d be cool with that?”
“Sure, if you would.” Now he was sounding like an insecure douche. Lovely. Better to get on the plane before he slipped and called her buttercup or something.
“I know my parents would love to see you both, since it turns out you’ve been a frequent visitor here for years.” Lila tipped her head at him with a brief smile before reaching for the door. “I’ll just be inside getting as many hugs as I can cram into a few minutes. Take your time.”
As soon as the door shut behind Lila, Ricki wound herself around him, pressing her face into his chest. “I texted a little with Jules earlier. The services are now this upcoming weekend for sure. With the holidays coming up, she doesn’t want it to be hard for anyone.”
Nodding, he stroked her hair. There wasn’t much to say. There weren’t words to describe how rough this was going to be on all of them. Especially on Jules and Tristan and Randy’s sister Harper and her husband Deacon and Randy’s parents. They had to be wrecked.
And Mal had been afraid to face all that emotion. After what Jules had said in the hospital, he’d been glad he didn’t have to go back right away. Not that he blamed her for lashing out at him, even a little bit. He just didn’t know what to say or do. Still didn’t, but he needed to be home.
It was where he belonged.
Ricki glanced up at him and swallowed hard. “Let’s go home.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Elle awakened against something warm and hard. She breathed in. Her lips parted as peppermint and spice filled her lungs.
Mal.
She slowly opened her eyes. A soot-colored blanket of stars came into focus. Home.
It felt so wrong and right at the same time.
Their little bubble had popped and part of her wanted to get back on the plane and go right back to New York. The farm or the city, it didn’t matter. It wasn’t possible. She knew it on every level. She wasn’t proud of hiding, but it sure was easier.
She sighed as the stars faded from sight and they got deeper into the city. The car was far too plush to be an Uber or Lyft, so it had to be one of Donovan’s rides.
“Back with us, lazy?”
She smiled against his shoulder and peered up at him. “How long was I out?”
“Since the flight. You and a plane equals narcolepsy.”
He wasn’t wrong. There was something about the hum of a plane engine that knocked her out faster than a blanket fresh out of the dryer. Though that worked too. She sat up and rolled her neck. “Did you put me in the car?”
“More like led you like a cranky baby.”
She vaguely remembered that. Getting between her and sleep wasn’t the best course of action. Especially since sleep was not her friend lately. Originally, her insomnia had been due to guilt and pain, and now it was due to that and a lot of naked-time with a very hungry man.
Mal’s sexual appetites actually matched hers once she finally got him on board with the idea. It had been like moving an iceberg in the dead of winter, but once he’d been unleashed…
Her cheeks and chest flushed.
Mal’s eyes glittered in the dark. “Put those thoughts away, little Ricki.”
She slid her hand between his thighs. When he clamped them shut, she laughed. “What?”
His jaw did that click-muscle-jump thingie and she tried to move higher. Too bad it was her right hand. Considering her muscles were about as strong as overcooked spaghetti, she didn’t get far.
“You know what.” His voice was a rumble.
She took a moment to take in her surroundings. The dark, plush seats and luxe scent of leather and filtered air. Definitely a Donovan setup. He loved those black Cadillacs. No limo for the uber-rich mogul, but he did like to drive in style.
And he had a fleet of them at his disposal—at least it felt like he did. But it wasn’t like Lila was in the backseat with them. They were alone. “I’m sure the driver has seen much worse in the back of this car.”
“Yeah, well, he’s not seeing you.”
The growl should have made her sparring instinct kick in. It was always close to the surface when she was with him, but just then… Well, she shouldn’t enjoy the proprietary edge to his tone, and yet hello.
She so did.
Before she could push the subject, she recognized the dented dumpster hanging off the sidewalk. Her street. Said dumpster had been hauled out of the alleyway by a few neighborhood kids as a prank. Too bad no one actually cared about this end of South Los Angeles. Her place was close enough to the college that rent was cheap, but that was about the only redeeming quality.
Ah, home sweet hell.
She slid her hand away as Mal’s already pronounced brow furrowed deeper.
As the driver slowed, Mal gave her an incredulous look. “Seriously?”
She shrugged and slid across the seat to get out.
“Hold up.”
She ignored him and climbed out of the car onto the cracked sidewalk. She met the driver at the back of the car. “You better head out before you lose a hubcap.”
The driver’s lips twitched a little, but he simply pulled their two bags out of the trunk. “Shall I bring them up?”
Mal took them both. “I got it.”
She patted Mal’s arm. “He means thank you.”
“No, I don’t. In fact, we should get back in the fucking car and go to my place.”
“Nope.” She shoved Mal toward her apartment building.
“Have a great night,” she said and waved at the driver, who was already
headed back to the driver’s seat.
She glanced at Mal. He hadn’t spoken or moved any further. Shocker.
“Do you have to be rude twenty-four-seven?”
“Yes.”
She rolled her eyes. “Just go.”
He scanned the street and transferred the bags to one hand as he palmed her lower back. He growled something unintelligible as they got to the front door. The crack in the window was now more of a spider web.
Hmm. Jose must have been here again. He was never gentle on the door when coming home after his late shift at the club. Then again, the hydraulic on the door had been busted since she moved in. She swung it open before Mal could step in front of her. She didn’t hold it open for him.
Most of the time, where she lived didn’t bother her. She didn’t spend any real time there. Either they were on tour or she was in the studio. Sometimes she was at Nick’s and then the rest of the time, she usually visited with the girls.
Her apartment was literally a place to hold her crap.
She headed for the elevator, but a large out-of-order sign was taped across the doors. Wonderful. She headed for the stairs with a huff. Mal stomped up behind her, mumbling the whole time.
Okay, so it wasn’t the best apartment building, but it was her place. She was going to upgrade eventually, but it seemed stupid to waste money when she barely stayed there to begin with. Besides, she’d rather spend her money on a guitar or her nieces.
“Fuck, Ricki.”
She folded her arm against her chest as she strode down the hall. “You’re not required to stick around,” she called over her shoulder.
“Dammit.” He caught up with her and gripped her good arm. “Where you go, I go.”
She stopped in the middle of the hall, two doors away from her own. A screaming kid echoed down the hallway and a half-dozen televisions screeched out a series of canned laughter, game show voices, and apartment 323’s endless loop of The Golden Girls episodes.
“Why?”
His eyebrows snapped down. “What the hell kind of question is that?”