She felt that Lord Colwall must have forgotten the condition of her clothes and that Ellen would be curious.
“I’ve never heard of such a thing, M’Lady!” Ellen ejaculated angrily.
“Do not speak of it to ... the others,” Natalia begged. “His Lordship would not like it known that anyone has been ... rough with me.”
“No, of course not, M’Lady” Ellen agreed.
Natalia’s voice was very low and hoarse and she knew it was the shock of Captain Swing’s attempt to ravish her which still made it difficult for her to speak.
She realised she had not said a word to Lord Colwall as he brought her home. She wished now she had been able to thank him.
‘He saved me!’ she said to herself, ‘just as ... my Knight would have ... done.’
Lord Colwall, returning to the Castle the following day just after noon, thought with satisfaction of what he had to relate to Natalia.
It was a cold day but fine, and Lord Colwall riding his big black stallion looked strikingly handsome as he entered the court-yard and glanced up at the great grey stone building that was part of his heritage.
He had intended to see Natalia the previous evening before she went to sleep.
He had in fact gone upstairs after his own lonely dinner in the great Dining-Room and had knocked on her bed-room door. Ellen opened it and slipped outside to speak to him.
“Her Ladyship is sleeping, M’Lord.”
“Did she have something to eat?”
“Yes, M’Lord, and a little of the wine to drink.”
“I think Her Ladyship’s clothes were in a rather unusual state—” Lord Colwall began.
“Her Ladyship told me, M’Lord, that the men who imprisoned her treated her somewhat roughly. She asked me not to speak of it, feeling Your Lordship would not wish it known amongst the other staff.”
“No, and I am sure I can trust you, Ellen.”
“I would do anything for Her Ladyship, M’Lord, and that’s the truth!”
“I am glad to hear that,” Lord Colwall said. “Do you think you should sit up with her?”
“I did suggest it, M’Lord, but Her Ladyship said it would disturb her to have someone in the room. She is sleeping quite peacefully at the moment and is very glad to be home.”
“That is all I wanted to know,” Lord Colwall said. “There is of course a bell which Her Ladyship can pull if she needs you.”
“It rings in my bed-room, M’Lord, and I could be with Her Ladyship within a few seconds of her wanting me.”
“Have you made up the fire?”
“Yes, M’Lord.”
Ellen looked at Lord Colwall wonderingly.
It was very unlike His Lordship to be so solicitous, and yet, she told herself, he had always been one for planning things down to the smallest detail.
“I think I have thought of everything, M’Lord, and as I said, Her Ladyship has only to pull the bell and I will be with her before it even stops ringing.”
“Thank you, Ellen.”
Lord Colwall went downstairs again and Ellen, watching him go, thought how handsome he was and how proudly he carried himself.
‘If only they could be really happy,’ she sighed.
And then something told her there had been a new kindness and consideration in Lord Colwall’s voice.
She wondered as she went to her own part of the Castle what had occurred the night before to make her Lady seem so distressed that morning.
She had served Natalia long enough to know when she was unhappy, and it had been impossible for her mistress to disguise the misery in her eyes or the droop of her lips.
Then as she watched Lord Colwall across the Park, it had seemed to Ellen as if her mood had changed completely. She had been eager and excited at the thought of hurrying after him.
‘She deserves happiness,’ Ellen said to herself. ‘And so does he—after all he has been through!’
Before he left the Castle after breakfast Lord Colwall had enquired if Natalia had enjoyed a good night. The Butler had gone in search of Ellen and returned to say:
“Ellen has asked me to inform Your Lordship that, not having been summoned by Her Ladyship at the usual hour, she peeped into her bed-room a short while ago, and Her Ladyship was still asleep.”
“Then do not awaken her,” Lord Colwall had commanded. “The longer Her Ladyship sleeps, the better.”
“Yes indeed, M’Lord. There’s nothing like it,” the Butler agreed. “And I’ll give Ellen Your Lordship’s instructions.”
Now on his return at mid-day Lord Colwall hoped that Natalia would be awake; for he had much to tell her.
A groom was waiting at the front door to take his horse. He swung himself from the saddle, patted the stallion on its shining black neck and walked up the steps.
He handed his hat to the Butler.
“Has Her Ladyship come downstairs yet?”
“No, M’Lord, but Ellen asked if Your Lordship would step upstairs for a moment.”
Lord Colwall looked at the servant in surprise. He seemed about to say something and then changed his mind. Instead he turned towards the stair-case and walked up it slowly.
Ellen was waiting for him on the landing.
She curtsied and said:
‘Will you come into Her Ladyship’s bed-room, M’Lord?”
She opened the door and Lord Colwall preceded her into the room.
He looked at the bed as if he expected to see Natalia lying against the lace-edged pillow under the great four-poster. But it was empty!
He turned sharply with a look of enquiry in his eyes towards Ellen.
“Where is Her Ladyship?”
“That is what I don’t know, M’Lord.”
“What do you mean, you do not know?”
“She is not here, M’Lord.”
Lord Colwall stared at her as if she had taken leave of her senses. “What are you trying to say to me?” he asked.
“It’s like this, M’Lord,” Ellen said in a nervous voice. “I received your orders to let Her Ladyship sleep on. I didn’t go into her room until about twenty minutes ago.”
She glanced at Lord Colwall as if she feared she had done wrong.
“I thought Her Ladyship might be needing me and perhaps something had prevented the bell from ringing,” she said in explanation. “I opened the door very quietly thinking that, if Her Ladyship was still asleep, I could creep out again. Then I stood and waited to hear her breathing. I could not hear her and so I pulled back the curtains.”
“She was not there?” Lord Colwall asked.
“No, M’Lord. The bed was ruffled in such a way that it looked from the door as though there was someone in it, but Her Ladyship had disappeared.”
“She must have gone downstairs.”
“No, M’Lord, the footmen in the Hall would have seen her.”
“She must be somewhere in the Castle—in the Nursery perhaps?”
“No, M’Lord, no-one has seen her.”
“I cannot understand it!”
“Neither could I, M’Lord, but I went to the wardrobe to see if any of Her Ladyship’s gowns were missing.”
“And were any?”
“Look at this, M’Lord.”
Ellen crossed the bed-room to the wardrobe which stood on the far wall.
She pulled open the door and Lord Colwall saw the rows and rows of beautiful and elaborate gowns that had so entranced Natalia when she first arrived at the Castle.
But Ellen did not concern herself with them.
Instead she pointed to something lying on the floor.
“Look at that, M’Lord!”
“What is it?” Lord Colwall asked in bewilderment.
He saw a heap of what appeared to be black ribbon and bows of velvet.
“They come from a black gown belonging to Her Ladyship,” Ellen explained. “She had only one black gown amongst those which came from London, and it was a rather elaborate one. Almost too elaborate, I thought, for a funer
al or if Her Ladyship was forced to wear mourning.”
She paused and then as Lord Colwall made no comment went on:
“Her Ladyship has taken off all the trimmings. There they are, M’Lord, for you to see—the taffeta frills, the velvet bows. She must have cut them away leaving the gown very plain without them.”
“Why ever should she do that?” Lord Colwall demanded.
“I cannot understand it, M’Lord. There is something else, too.” Ellen opened another door, and now, following the direction of her finger, Lord Colwall saw that lying on the floor was a heap of white fur.
He looked at Ellen for explanation.
“It’s the ermine lining, M’Lord, of Her Ladyship’s travelling cape.”
“Her travelling cape!” Lord Colwall exclaimed.
“Yes, M’Lord. There’s nothing else gone as far as I can ascertain, except for a few of Her Ladyship’s intimate garments. Just enough, I should say, to fill a small bag that one could carry in one’s hand.”
“And is there a bag missing?” Lord Colwall asked.
“Yes, M’Lord. The smallest baggage was kept in a cupboard next door to this room. The trunks were taken upstairs.”
“And one is missing?”
“ ’Twas only a small bag, M’Lord, rather a rough one, not as smart as the others, but it was useful for last-minute objects when we were travelling.”
Lord Colwall walked across the room.
“You think, Ellen, that Her Ladyship has left the Castle?”
“She must have, M’Lord. There is no sign of her.”
“Have you spoken of this to anyone?”
“No, M’Lord. I merely asked the footmen if they had seen Her Ladyship come downstairs. They replied they had been on duty since early this morning, and there has been no-one about except Your Lordship.”
“You did not tell them why you asked?”
“No, M’Lord.”
‘Then if Her Ladyship left the Castle, she could not have gone by way of the front door.”
“No, M’Lord. It’d be easy though to get out any other way. There are half a dozen doors into the garden, and three or four in the kitchen quarters.”
“Her Ladyship must have walked,” Lord Colwall remarked as if he spoke to himself. “If she had ordered a carriage from the stable it would have come to the front door.”
“Of course, M’Lord.”
“I cannot understand it!” Lord Colwall exclaimed. “And where could she have gone?”
There was a knock at the door.
“See who it is,” Lord Colwall said sharply, “and do not let anyone come in.”
“Very good, M’Lord.”
Ellen went to the door and passed through it, partly closing it behind her.
Lord Colwall could hear her voice speaking and one of the footmen answering her. Then she returned and there was a letter in her hand.
“It appears, M’Lord,” she said, “that there was a note addressed to you, downstairs by the entrance to the Dairy. The boot-boy found it earlier this morning, but he thought it was only a bill left by one of the tradesmen.”
Ellen saw the frown on Lord Colwall’s face.
“He did not take it to the pantry until a few minutes ago,” she went on, “and now, in case it may be urgent, it has been brought upstairs.”
She handed the letter to Lord Colwall as she spoke, and he took it from her with an expression in his eyes which she could not fathom.
It would be difficult for anyone, he thought, except for some nitwitted scullery boy, not to realise that the envelope was of the thick, expensive vellum used only by himself and Natalia.
He sat looking at the note as if he was afraid to open it.
Ellen moved tactfully away to another part of the room, ostensibly to pat up a cushion and put straight an ornament on a side-table that needed no adjustment.
Lord Colwall walked across to the window.
He knew the note was from Natalia and he longed to know its contents, yet at the same time he was afraid.
Why should she have gone away? Why should she have left the Castle?
He thought last night that he had re-assured her and that after she had cried so bitterly against his shoulder the horror of what she had passed through had been expunged.
Now he could not understand why she had disappeared without any warning. If she had wished to return to her parents, surely she would have told him so?
Besides, why should she go on foot? Stage-Coaches stopped in the village once or twice a day, but why would Natalia, with a stable full of every type of carriage at her command, wish to travel by Stage-Coach?
She had been unpredictable, he thought, as he turned the envelope over in his hand, ever since he had married her. He had not realised that he could find any woman so incomprehensible.
He had imagined it would be so easy to manage a young girl, and yet Natalia had defied and confounded him from the first moment of their marriage.
He thought of how he had raged at her the night before last in the Library.
He could see now the startled surprise in her large eyes, the sudden tremble of her lips, and he had known even as the words poured from his lips that she had not understood the reason for his fury.
She had looked so lovely sitting there with her arms around Herald.
She had looked somehow unsubstantial, and yet, as he well knew, she had a will almost equal to his own and a determination that he had been unable to break.
Everything had gone wrong!
His plans had mis-fired. The scheme which he had devised more than three years ago had been completely disrupted by one unsophisticated and inexperienced girl.
And now he knew that she had left him and he was afraid to learn the reason.
It was somehow incredible that he, so decisive, so autocratic, so unbending, should stand with her note in his hand, unable to bring himself to open it and read what it contained!
He was aware that Ellen was waiting and her curiosity was understandable.
Yet he knew it was not curiosity that he himself felt, but an apprehension that was almost like the anticipation of a physical blow.
Slowly, very slowly, he slit open the envelope and drew out its contents.
He had never seen Natalia’s hand-writing before, but he thought he would have known it was hers even if it had lain amongst a hundred others!
There was something beautiful in the way she wrote; in the way she formed her letters. There was an imagination in the curves of the S’s, the tails of the G’s and the Y’s, as well as something upright and a little proud in the T’s and the L’s.
Because he was looking at her hand-writing, for a moment Lord Colwall found it impossible to understand what Natalia had written.
There just seemed lines and lines of words that had no meaning, until with an effort he forced himself to read:
“My Lord, I know now I was wrong not to obey Your wishes and become, as You begged of me, Your Wife. I was so foolish that I did not realise until yesterday that my Love would have been enough for us both. Later you might have grown a little fond of Me, but I think I would have been content if I could make You happy.
But now it is too late: when I overheard what Your Lordship said to Sir James, You stressed that your Wife must be “pure and untouched”. I could not stay, loving You as I do, and know that You looked at me with disgust because I can no longer fulfil the second of these Conditions. So, My Lord, I am going away.
I shall not go home and You will not be able to find me. Also I think that where I am going I shall not live very long. Then You will be free again to find Someone who will not fail You as I have done, and who, I pray, will give you happiness and a Son.
Please forgive me, My Lord, for all my faults and failings and thank You for saving me last night. I love You, as I have always loved You, so please sometimes think kindly of Your most reprehensible but penitent
Natalia.”
Lord Colwall read the note through and t
hen, as if the sense of it could not penetrate his mind, he read it again.
Holding the letter in his hand he moved nearer to the window to stare sightlessly out over the great expanse of garden and Park.
He stood there so long without speaking that Ellen, embarrassed, moved towards the door thinking she should leave him alone.
As she reached it, Lord Colwall said in a voice she hardly recognised:
“Her Ladyship has gone away for a short visit—but she will return. You can be certain of that!”
“Yes, M’Lord. Thank you, M’Lord.”
Ellen curtsied.
She looked at him, his head and shoulders silhouetted against the brightness of the sky. There was something very strange about the look of him.
She had the remarkable feeling that he was a man bewildered and lost in an unfamiliar world.
Then she told herself she was imagining things and she left the room closing the door softly behind her. Lord Colwall was alone.
CHAPTER NINE
Nanny was sitting by the Nursery fire. She was not crocheting nor was she sleeping.
She was waiting.
Every evening for the last week she had sat late after the rest of the household had gone to bed, expecting Lord Colwall to visit her. Now at last she heard his footsteps coming along the passage.
She looked into the fire, her face compassionate, her eyes wise with the knowledge of grown-up people who still remain children in their hearts.
Lord Colwall opened the Nursery door and. crossed the room without speaking to seat himself in the arm-chair on the other side of the hearth.
Nanny made no attempt to rise; she merely looked at him and waited.
After a moment he said:
“Where can Her Ladyship be? I went as far as the Orphanage in Gloucester today, but there was no sign of her there.”
Nanny did not reply and after a moment he went on:
“I have visited every Orphanage in every adjacent town. I was so certain that she would go somewhere where there were children.”
“I also should have expected that, M’Lord,” Nanny murmured almost beneath her breath.
She realised that Lord Colwall had grown thinner in the last ten days.
Sword to the Heart (Bantam Series No. 13) Page 16