I watch Jemma walk over to the sink and pick up the test. “Okay so how many lines is pregnant?” she asks seriously.
“Two,” I answer shaking. “How many are there Jemma?” I beg her to tell me.
“There's only one Rox, you're not pregnant woohoo!” she cheers and runs up to me hugging me tight.
“Oh my god I'm so freaking happy about that chicky, damn. Thank god,” I say happily.
“Wow that scare totally aged me ten years Jem,” I remark now laughing, feeling like a weight is lifted off my shoulders.
“More than anything I'm grateful for not having to tell Kade he was going to be a dad, he would have freaked out severely. Thank christ that’s over,” I tell her so relieved.
“So are you going to mention this to Kade?” Jemma asks me in a serious tone.
“I have no idea,” I answer totally clueless on what to do.
“Honesty is the best policy babe,” she adds and I know how true that phrase is.
“Damn, damn, damn you are right, Kade will just freak. He needs to know, I'll just have to find a good time,” I reply to her with dread and horror about how he’s going to react.
I wish we could erase the last few days, Kade is so shut down and angry constantly with his parents splitting, and so I am definitely not going to add to that at the moment.
“I’m not coming over today Rox, I’m going home to be with dad. He is there all alone now so he needs someone to keep him company,” he tells me sounding agitated.
“No problem, I will find something to do,” I reply teasing.
“You still haven’t spoken to your mum?” I ask him trying to step on egg shells but he never mentions her, it’s not normal.
“No way, I’m on dad’s side he’s done nothing wrong, it’s all her fault,” he responds angrily.
“Okay baby, but are you really just disregarding her all together? Maybe we should still give her the benefit of the doubt,” I tell him softly trying to help him to see there may be another side to the whole affair. “There’s always two sides to every story and maybe seeing it through her eyes might make it easier,” I continue but instantly regret it when Kade yells into the phone.
“Shit Rox! Just fucking keep out of it, you know nothing!” Then he hangs up on me.
Well shit, way to go Kade! Now I'm super pissed off and hurt!
The kind of pissed off where steam comes out of your ears and nostrils.
I find myself stomping my feet around, slamming doors and cleaning like a freak.
Why do women do that when angry is beyond me, but we do.
Who does he think he is? I'm allowed to have an opinion and well tough titties if you don't want to hear it. I think you need to!
Life is full of pain, change, mistakes, human error, and yes the rainbows and whiskers on kittens stuff too, but the hard stuff is what separates the men from the boys!
Yes your mother cheated, betrayed and lied!
But if she was miserable, unhappy and just couldn't deal with being in a destructive marriage anymore it's her god given right to leave. I totally agree that she should have ended it long before anything started with Malcolm but I've learnt over the years you can't choose who you fall in love with.
I'm not a callous bitch. I've been giving him sympathy, lots of extra cuddles, being understanding with his mood swings, and his distance. But I'm not a machine and can only take so much whining and bitching. It's been three weeks! Get the fuck over it!
So maybe I shouldn't have said as much as I did. Kade ended up drowning his sorrows enormously. His text telling me just how bitter he was and how he would never speak to his mother ever again, showed it.
I get a phone call from Ebony. “Hey Roxy, my mum called me and apparently Kade texted Malcolm,” she tells me anxiously.
“Oh shit, that can’t have gone down too well, what did he say?” I interrogate her gaging the level of destruction Kade is causing.
“He told him he is a low life home wrecker, a piece of scum and a disgusting piece of work,” Ebony replies to me unimpressed. “It is all true Roxy, I just wish Kade left it alone, and that’s not the worst of it,” she adds to the already burning fire.
“Malcolm texted him back something like ‘I love your mother, I didn't mean to cause pain, very sorry but maybe you should grow up and stop wearing rose coloured glasses!” Ebony remarks sounding disheartened.
“Fucking hell,” I respond fuming.
“So Roxy, the police may call you as Kade got in a taxi and turned up at Malcolm’s house. Of course our mother was there too. Kade was screaming at Malcolm calling him a fucking arsehole. Then he threw a rock through the window and when Malcolm came out he punched him twice in the face breaking his nose!” Ebony screams now crying into the phone.
“Oh my god Ebony he is out of control!” I reply a bit shaky from hearing all of this, and knowing Kade smashed their window and broke Malcolm’s nose. Shit there’s that temper again.
“Thanks for calling Ebony I will deal with the ramifications,” I retort back less than impressed.
Sure enough I get a call from the police around thirty minutes later apparently a neighbour had called them and they hauled Kade’s butt down to the cop station.
That's where I am now...
Breathe Roxy, breathe. You don't want to set him off again or make it worse, I tell myself.
I see him, my gorgeous tanned, muscular, brown eyed man looking somewhat broken and ashamed... and still half drunk.
Releasing him to me, I throw my arms around him and hug him close. “Oh baby,” I tell him intensely. “I love you, it's okay I'm here. Let's go home,” I say with every ounce of my heart.
I even surprise myself at how mature I'm being. There's a time and a place I tell myself.
“What no lecture?” Kade asks me sarcastically.
“Not tonight baby,” I answer smirking. Giving him the look that tells him tomorrow is another story!
Chapter 29
Everything’s Changing
Just like the Missy Higgins’ song, everything is definitely changing.
Everything has been so different lately, ever since the arrest.
Kade is on self-destruct mode and I’m tiring of it. We are both snapping at each other, lots of disagreements and we are on opposite pages constantly.
If only he would talk to his mother it may help him understand and get some closure.
It's Saturday night and Kade wants to go to the club to get blind drunk and I want to stay home. Never ends well, not in those situations anyway.
We end up getting all dressed up and meeting up with his
friends; me not being in the mood I'm probably bitchier than usual.
I’ve never been the type of chick that says yes sir, no sir and does what I'm told. Stubborn yes! But who wants to be forced to do something they are not in the mood for? Seriously. I tag along more to keep him out of trouble than for any other reason.
Now looking back I should have stayed home and just let him go, it might not have ended in a huge fight that would end up being our last.
I wear my coral coloured halter top and black pants. Knowing I look hot, but still not wanting to fucking be here.
I have a couple of drinks and it just makes me feel tired and maybe from all the arguing lately I’m more run down and have my guard up more than usual.
A friend of Kade’s I haven’t met, Aiden comes up to him with a scrag hanging off his arm. Oh boy here we go I think to myself.
“Yo Aiden man I haven’t see you in what two years you think?” Kade says, shaking hands with the shady character walking past. My first impressions of this guy is do you own a washing machine, what is that huge sore on your lip and how much did you pay for the hooker on your side. Shit.
Yep I told you I was in a mood.
“This is Roxy my girlfriend,” Kade introduces us slurring from the numerous drinks he has sculled.
“Hi Roxy, I’m Aiden,” he replies and shakes my hand. Yuck, he rea
lly is gross. I am still nice as pie though.
“Nice to meet you Aiden, we were actually planning on leaving soon though,” I reply in my arguable tone.
“No way Rox, we are staying,” Kade says to me annoyed. I give him the ‘don’t think you’re the boss of me’ look.
“Well you can stay, I’ll get a cab,” I answer him back rudely.
“Fine, I’ll see you later,” he responds and keeps talking to his mate.
“Don’t bother,” I respond and storm off to get a taxi, damn he infuriates me!
It’s Sunday and I haven’t heard from Kade and just don’t care to either, so I head over to mums.
Is there a full moon at the moment or something?
As mum decides to drop a bomb shell on me, like there’s not enough going on at the moment.
“Roxy, I need to be honest with you. I can see how Kade’s parents separating might bring up memories of when your father left and I need to show you something,” she tells me impatiently.
She hands me a card that has my full name and her address on it.
“What’s this? My birthday was over a month ago?” I ask her puzzled.
“It is a birthday card and letter for you from your father,” she tells me softly trying to gage how I may react.
“What do you mean from my father?” I comeback with a sarcastic tone.
“I have not heard you talk about that arsehole since he took off all those years ago mother,” I say to her with reservations.
“Have you known where he was this whole time?” I ask her being judgemental. “Were you protecting me? Or being selfish keeping me all to yourself?” I ask her spitefully and regret it when I see her face. “Sorry mum, this is a sore subject for me,” I add feeling dejected about the way I spoke to her.
“So did he just show up on your doorstep? I bet Phil is super impressed about this unfolding event,” I say ambiguously.
“He is fine; we just want what's best for you Roxy,” My mother tells me honestly.
“Your father is five years clean and regularly attends AA meetings Roxy, he has a four year old daughter with his fiancée and he’s looking to meet up with you. He wasn't always a bad guy Roxy. It was the booze, it changed him, made him aggressive and violent,” she confesses to me with emotion.
“Stuff him, twenty years is a long fucking time to disappear for. Why come back now?” I say to her feeling enraged and uncertain about everything.
“Roxy watch your language,” mum says sternly to me.
“If he hadn't lost his job things would have been different, he wouldn’t have turned to drinking and have felt like such a failure,” she says, obviously she has forgiven and forgotten but I haven’t.
“But they weren't mother! He was a drunk, an angry and destructive man. He hurt you, and then deserted the three of us without so much as a card, visit or acknowledgment until now!” I yell at her feeling confused.
I bet the shit needs money, I think to myself. That's where
Jeremy gets it from I'm sure.
“I need time to wrap my head around things, but at this stage I don’t want to see him or even speak to him and you should probably do the same,” I tell her quite abrasively.
“What has he ever done to show his worth or that he deserves to be a father? Absolutely nothing,” I tell her and I walk out of her house.
So now I feel even worse; I’m angry, raging like a bull, my heart is racing and I want to scream.
Hell has no fury like Roxy Thorne angry!
Deep breaths.
Why does this make me so mad. The annoying, teeth gritting kind of pissed off.
Go away! Go the fuck away! Why come back now!
Chapter 30
Breaking Her Heart
Kade
How does my life go from perfect to a fucking a car crash in a few freaking weeks?
I love Roxy. I love her so much it hurts.
I hate my mother.
I hate her for hurting my father, hurting me and my sister, for the lies she has told.
If someone who is my blood can treat me like this, how can I trust others?
I am pushing Roxy away. I don't want to be without her, I can't and won't survive without her.
But I'm not capable of giving her what she needs or deserves right now. I feel broken.
The family I once had is now divided, split and separated.
My father needs me. We will start fresh away from this fucking disaster.
I will help him through this and he will help me. We will surely drive each other mad, but at least he will have someone.
I will focus on dad and surfing, I can’t desert him when he is destroyed.
My heart bleeds thinking of saying goodbye. I told her I wouldn't hurt her, I wouldn't be that guy.
But how was I to know my life would be twisted, messed up and totally take an unexpected detour.
I could ask her for space. Just a month or two...
That is not fair.
How do I know it won't take longer?
What if her feelings change, she meets someone else?
I couldn't bear it.
I need to end it, set her free. Make a clean break.
She deserves the phenomenal love and affection that I can't provide right now. She is an angel from above and worthy of a king to treat her like a queen.
Maybe we will meet again later in life.
If she still wants me maybe it will work in another few years.
But I can't ask her to wait.
How do I tell her the promise I made her to stay forever has to be broken.
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I will need to lie through my teeth.
I am not better off without her; I will be without my first real love.
I can't sleep, I can't eat.
I don't know who I hate more the woman who gave me life, now unworthy of the title mum.
Or the scumbag Malcolm, who seduced her and ripped apart our family. Who the hell does that?
Off limits, don't go there, not available no matter how hard is it.
My father has no colour in his face; his voice is lifeless and dull.
She has killed his spirit and any beliefs he had in the law of marriage.
It's called fucking respect! To your partner, your husband, the father of your children.
End it and then move on. Don't cheat, lie and destroy other people in search of your own happiness. Greedy motherfuckers.
I feel so angry, destroyed and bitter. This is not what Roxy needs.
Chapter 31
Breaking My Heart
Roxy
Last night ended terribly, but maybe it all had to come to a head, I’m not sure just yet.
I’m about to head over to Kade’s when I get a text from him.
I’ll be over in thirty mins Rox.
He writes. What no baby, shit I’m in trouble with that tone.
Kade comes in looking miserable. I need to say my bit first. “Hi baby look I am so sorry about last night, I was tired and well the last few weeks have been hell. You and me are always arguing, things are so different,” I tell him and grab his hand. He doesn’t look at me.
His head stays down, he is silent and gloomy.
“Kade talk to me!” I demand angrily. He looks up at me and his beautiful brown eyes are lifeless, sad and forlorn.
“Roxy I can’t do this anymore. I can’t continue this, it’s over. You and I are growing apart, it’s all too hard,” he tells me with such a crackly voice, it’s almost unrecognisable.
“What? Don’t be silly, we are fine baby,” I declare wondering when he is going to say that he is joking. ”You are just upset about your parents, we will get through this Kade” I add.
He looks at me with so much sorrow, pain, darkness and emptiness that I realise he means it.
“You don’t get to fucking decide this!” I yell furiously at him.
“Remember your words that you said to me Kade! I won�
��t let us be over!” I scream at him and hit him, I am so angry.
“Roxy I am sorry, I do still love you, but it’s the wrong time for us. Maybe we will meet again later in life,” Kade tells me sweetly but it stings.
“You still love me then stay with me, why are you leaving? Please stay we can work it out. I'll give you all the space you need. If you love me than that's enough, that's all we need it's all anyone needs,” I beg him crying and distraught.
“You told me you would never leave, and now you are breaking my heart just like the others! How can you do this to me? After all we have been through? After all you know about my past, I have opened up to you more than I have with anyone ever!” I demand he tell me why.
“Please don’t do this.” I realise I'm begging but I can't stop I'm all choked up feeling nauseous.
He can't leave me, he's all I've known for the last twelve months. He’s all I've needed to cuddle, talk too, smile with, and make love too. My friends are in the distance, I will be alone, abandoned. My mind is racing.
“What did I do wrong?” I desperately ask him. “I will change, I'll try harder. Please, please!” I beg again.
His eyes are dark; I can tell he's upset. A lump in his throat too.
All he can say is, “I'm sorry, so sorry.” He hugs me, then a kiss on the lips, I try to deepen it but he just kisses me. This is the last thing he tells me, “Sometimes when things are broken, no amount of fixing, adjusting or even heart melting passionate love for that person can keep a relationship together. I am so sorry but I can't go back. I need to move forward and that means letting go. I'm ripping my own heart out baby but I have too, it's the only way. Just let me go.” Kade walks away and doesn’t look back.
“No it's not goodbye!” I'm screaming now. Tears streaming down my face like a waterfall. I'm shaking. He walks out the door. I fall to my knees screaming, crying, howling horrible curdling screams. I can't stop and it's getting worse. How can my lover, my best friend, the one I've trusted, the one I’ve given my heart and soul too just shatter my heart like I'm nothing?
Now I'm angry, disgruntled and pissed off. Who does he think he is?
Friggen immature boy, good luck finding someone else.
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