by Andi Bremner
“What the hell happened to you?” she asked, her eyes daring me. She always did this. It was a game we’d played over the years. She would ask me what had happened, daring me to tell the truth. I never did.
“I fell and hurt myself.”
She cursed. “God you are so useless.”
I nodded. Nodding was way better than arguing and besides she was right. I was useless. I was eighteen, what happened to me now was my own fault.
“I just need a few things,” I mumbled as I escaped down the hall. Quickly I grabbed a bag and stuffed it with a few clothes and personal items. I was an expert five minute packer. When I emerged she was still sitting at the kitchen table, cradling her coffee like it was something precious. She looked lost, like she was caught in a daydream and I decided I had time to have a quick shower.
I locked the door, checking it carefully to make sure she couldn’t barge in before stripping and climbing under the water whilst it was still cold. Quickly I washed my hair, getting rid of all the dried blood and then scrubbed my body, carefully avoided my ribs. A dark purple splotch covered them that I knew would get angrier and darker as time went by.
Then I dressed in my clothes for work and evacuated.
She still hadn’t moved and didn’t even acknowledge me as I deftly made my way out, carefully shutting the door behind me once more.
I had to get out. I had my money and in just a few weeks I would have double what I’d already saved. I would be able to get a place on my own. I just needed, more than anything else right now, to be on my own.
****
Luke
Trinity was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. I’d dreamed of her all night, dreams that left me feeling very unsatisfied when I opened my eyes. God, it had been too long. Since Melissa and I had broken up there had been a few one night stands but they’d soon lost their appeal.
When I opened the door I was surprised to find Gwen there again. She was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and Toby was in the kitchen, making eggs.
I blinked at the scene in front of me. This was not something I was used to seeing. The same girl twice. And Toby cooking breakfast for the girl.
“Oh. Hey,” I said, feeling very awkward.
The two of them though seemed completely relaxed. “Oh hey, want some eggs.”
I shook my head. “Uh, no. I thought I’d go out and grab a coffee.”
Gwen looked up. “The Bean opens in about fifteen minutes.”
“Oh right.” I didn’t say anything. Did she know I’d been out with Trinity? Had she said something? I wanted to know but I didn’t want to ask.
I left the two of them alone, shutting the door behind me and shaking my head. Very weird. I would have to ask Toby about that. It didn’t look like he was trying to get rid of Gwen, it looked like he actually wanted her to stay.
Whistling to myself, I made my way down the stairs and out to my car. Then I paused. The Bean wasn’t that far away and I could probably walk. The sun was bright and the air brisk. It was a beautiful day and I’d missed my morning run.
Fuck, I thought grinning to myself, what did I sound like noticing the weather? Snow White?
Even still I didn’t stop smiling all the way to The Bean. Trinity. I would get to see Trinity again. Sure she would be working but I would still get to see her pretty face. And then tonight, in a mere twelve hours, I could see her properly. I’d take her out for dinner, and then maybe invite her back to mine…
My grin reached my ears by the time I pushed open the door.
Then I stopped, the blood immediately rushing to my feet.
What the fuck?
Trinity was behind the counter, pouring someone a coffee. She was dressed in the normal Bean attire of a black logo t-shirt and jeans. She was concentrating on what she was doing, her face puckered, and she hadn’t tucked her hair behind her ears but instead let it fall freely, covering some of her face.
And I could see why.
A dark, purple welt traced up her pale skin into her forehead. And there was a bandage on her forehead.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I was so enraged by what I saw that I just stood there, the bloody pulsing hot through my body. I pinched the bridge of my nose to get a grip because I felt as if I could kill someone right now, the only thing being, I didn’t know who to kill. Who was doing this to her? And I was pretty sure that someone was doing this because she couldn’t possibly have hurt herself twice in just a few days.
Just at that moment she looked up and saw me. She somehow managed a small smile and I could have kissed her for it. It was a smile for me, to make me know that she was okay. Only she wasn’t. She wasn’t okay and I wanted to fix it.
Snapping a lid on a coffee she’d just made she pushed it across to the customer and then wiped her hands on a towel. Turning she spoke to the other guy behind the counter with her who looked my way, nodded, and then kept working. Trinity let herself out and came over to me.
I hadn’t moved a muscle, although I had stopped pinching the bridge of my nose. Now my hands were curled into tight fists by my side.
“Hey,” she said, smiling and keeping her voice light. “How are you?”
“How am I?” I growled out. “How are you? What the fuck happened to your head?” Every time I swore she seemed to bounce a little but I was too wound up to even find that remotely adorable.
“Oh,” she waved her hand dismissively, “just a minor accident that’s all. I’m a bit clumsy.”
“Trinity—”
“I’m actually glad you came in here this morning,” she began, swallowing hard and dropping her eyes, “I was going to call you later anyhow.”
“You were?”
“Yes,” she paused and licked her lips. I watched, wanting to do the same even though I knew it wasn’t the right moment to be thinking about kissing her. “You see, well, I had a really nice time last night.”
I didn’t say anything. She was jostling between her feet and avoiding direct eye contact. I had a feeling I knew where she was going with this and I didn’t want to make it easy for her. I didn’t want her to say it and I wasn’t going to make it easy.
“Well, it’s just that I forgot we have rehearsal tonight.”
“You told me about rehearsal,” I reminded her, “and we’d go out after.”
“It’s a long rehearsal. We have to learn a whole pile of new songs for the gig we have in a few weeks—they want Mariah and Celine and stuff and well, I don’t really know that music and I really need to learn the lyrics.”
I shook my head. No. Don’t do this. I pleaded with her with my eyes, but she wasn’t looking. There was something way more interesting than me on the floor apparently.
“So I’m sorry but I won’t be able to see you tonight,” she concluded, still not looking at me.
“Okay,” I said my eyes searching her face. Why was she doing this? Was it because of the bandage on her head? Was it because I had said something about it? Was it because of whoever had done that to her? Was there another guy? “Well, what about tomorrow?”
She kept her eyes on the floor. “Luke, you are a really nice guy—”
“Don’t do that Trinity,” I whispered, “don’t say it.”
“But I don’t think that we should see each other again,” she finished in a rush.
I felt as if she had punched me. That this tiny creature, the one that was hurt and so fragile, had actually punched me in the gut. Figuratively.
“You don’t mean that.”
She nodded. “I do. I just think that, well, I am so busy with the band and work right now.”
“You have no time for a boyfriend.”
She shook her head. “Look you are a really—”
“Nice guy,” I finished for her, “save it. I know I’m a nice guy. I don’t need a rehearsed speech from you to tell me that. What I need is the truth. Why won’t you see me? And who the fuck is hurting you?”
“No one is hurting me,�
�� she hissed, dropping her voice, “that is not what this is about. I just don’t think we should see each other again. Last night was fun but I’m sorry.”
Oh hell no, she was not turning this around on me.
I stared at her hard and she met my steady gaze this time. The purple cradled her face and I hated, hated whoever had done this to her. And I hated that she didn’t trust me enough to share with me what was going on. Was there another guy? I doubted it. Was it her dad? Who the hell was hitting her?
And why wouldn’t she let me protect her? I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms and hold her and have her trust me implicitly. Then I wanted to find out who was putting their hands on her face and tear them apart. But if she wasn’t going to trust me, if she didn’t want to see me then what could I do? I was powerless. Trinity didn’t want me, as much as I wanted her, she didn’t want me.
Eventually I nodded, conceding for the moment. “Right,” I said, my voice tight, “well. Thanks and bye.”
I turned on my heel and walked out.
She might think that this is over but there was no way, no way was I giving up on her that easy.
Chapter Nine
Luke
“What do you know about Trinity?” I asked Toby two days later.
I had spent the past couple of days brooding like a pathetic broken hearted schoolboy. One date. We’d had one date, a couple of kisses, and I couldn’t get that girl out of my fucking head.
Toby commented a few times on my sullenness and tried to get me to go out and pick up but that wasn’t what I needed.
I needed to know about Trinity. On our date she’d given little away about herself. I had her cell number but no idea where she lived. I knew she played in the band and knew her friends but knew nothing about her family.
Now, it was Friday and I had finally given in and gone with Toby and the guys to Houdini’s, the local bar that we’d been frequenting for years. It wasn’t like The Silver Den. It was on the other side of town, near campus, and was popular with most of the college crowd.
“I know she’s one fucked up chick,” Toby said and then sipped his beer.
He’d said that before and I’d warned him not to talk about her like that. I didn’t want to hear that about her, but now… I just wanted to know.
“Tell me what you know.” I asked, taking my own long swig of beer to ready myself.
“Well for one, it’s just her and her mom,” he told me, “they live across town on Gloria Street.”
I knew Gloria Street. It wasn’t that far from The Silver Den. I also knew it wasn’t one of the better streets in town. But I’d also known that Trinity wasn’t living down the road from the mayor and his family either.
“What about her dad?” I asked.
Toby pursed his lips. “Not around. Never been around as far as I know. Her mom is a bit of a skank though—she definitely has been around.”
I nodded, growing thoughtful. “She doesn’t want to see me anymore.” I said after a while.
“Tough.”
“What about boyfriends?” I asked over the lump in my throat.
Toby eyed me square. “None. As far as I know, and I don’t know much. But I’ve known Gwen for years, before she and Trinity were in the band, and Gwen told me Trinity doesn’t date. Like ever. She’s as pure as snow according to Gwen, although by the way she dances and performs on stage you’d never pick it.”
I’d picked it. But I didn’t share that with Toby.
The other guys arrived and we got busy drinking. They all asked me about my date with Trinity, seeing as they were there the other night when I left, but I managed to brush off their interest with casual comments. We had a date, it was fun, probably won’t see her again. Even then the words stuck in my throat.
The evening wore on and the guys started chatting up girls. Troy ended up leaving at about ten o’clock with two girls draped over each arm. A blonde and a brunette. I shook my head at him as he wandered out the door. Troy had girls gagging for him. But like Toby he’d never spent more than a few hours with any girl.
Toby’s phone lay on the table and at almost midnight it beeped with a text. I glimpsed at it before he snatch it up and noted that it was Gwen. Interesting.
Without looking at me Toby read the text before quickly texting her back. Pulling my phone out of my back pocket I checked it. A couple from Melissa, which was disappointing. I was seriously going to have to do something about that but I wasn’t quite sure what. I’d been pretty clear the other day but she was still texting and calling. I shoved the phone back in my pocket, not even bothering to read Melissa’s messages, trying not to feel disappointed that Trinity hadn’t text. Not that I had expected to hear from her; she’d made herself perfectly clear the other day.
“So I’m outta here,” Toby said abruptly, standing up and scraping his chair back.
We all looked up at in surprise. “Booty call?” Dylan asked.
“Nah,” he told us, “not quite. Gwen’s at a party said I should come check it out. They’re playing.”
He had my interest. “Where?”
Toby snickered, reading my thoughts. “Across town. You can come if you want. I’m guessing she’ll be there.”
I was already on my feet. Trinity had pushed me away but I wasn’t giving in that easy. The other guys were on their feet too.
“None of you can drive,” Dylan said, “so I guess I’ll go too.”
We slapped him on the back, although I would’ve crawled on my belly if it meant I got to see Trinity again.
****
The party was at a house and there were only a few cars out the front. It was dark, right across town near the industrial area and there were few streetlights that worked. Dylan parked the car out the front and we all clambered out following Toby up the path.
“Whose party is this again?” Harry asked, eying the house warily.
“She didn’t say,” Toby shrugged, “but said it was okay to just show up.”
I hoped Trinity didn’t mind me just showing up. Already my skin prickled at the idea of seeing her again.
We didn’t go through the front door but instead followed the sound of music around to the back yard. The lawn was scrappy and there were no plants in the garden. A discarded kid’s bike lay sprawled on the front lawn. Out back there were a group of people all sitting around on blankets and drinking. It was mellow and chilled out, hardly what I would describe as a party although there were quite a lot of people there.
My eyes scanned the crowd until they found Trinity. She caught my breath away. Fuck, she was making me poetic.
She sat on a stool in front of the crowd and someone had lit about a hundred candles and they were scattered around her, flickering in the slight breeze. She wore denim cut off shorts and a floral blouse knotted at her stomach. On her feet were thick, black boots. The tattoos were back, although there were just a couple this time and they traced delicately around her bicep. That made me smile. Fake tattoos to portray an image that wasn’t entirely her. Her face was more made up than the last time I’d seen it, with that black stuff around her eyes and her lips stained a dark red color. Her hair was styled differently too, in an attempt to hide the bandage on her forehead that made my gut twist.
But it was still her.
Music started playing and someone gestured at us to sit so we did, choosing a shadowed spot at the back. The drummer girl – Shawna I think her name was - kept a slow and steady beat before the others joined in. This wasn’t a rock song, it was something slow and simple but I recognized the tune as something familiar.
Trinity sat at the front of the band, her eyes closed, swaying slightly to the music. She didn’t have a microphone in front of her and there were no speakers set up for them either. They were playing acoustic.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of her and she hadn’t even done anything yet. She was mesmerizing and I desperately wanted to know what was going through her mind right now.
Then she st
arted to sing. The first words fell out of her mouth before she opened her eyes and sang the rest of the song. Only then did I recognize the song. It was “Gypsy” by Fleetwood Mac. An oldie but a goodie. Trinity had a voice completely different to Stevie Nicks and yet she sang it beautifully, the words flowing smoothly and whimsically from her. She moved to the music as she sang, smiling lightly to herself at some of the lyrics, lyrics that made my throat catch.
She was just a wish. She was just-a-wish.
And her memory is all that is left for you now. You see your gypsy.
I couldn’t fucking breathe.
I watched her mouth move. I watched her hand rest on her leg and then go up to touch her neck and I wanted to touch her too, to trace my fingers over her smooth soft skin. My whole insides burned as I listened to her sing and all I could think about was how much I wanted her, and how much she didn’t want me.
When the song ended people applauded. It wasn’t like the club though where people wolf whistled and clapped, high, drunk and full of adrenaline. This was different. Here people clapped slowly and with appreciation and Trinity smiled, ducking her head a little as she giggled. I wished I was close enough to hear her giggle properly and to see the little blush that probably stained her cheeks right now.
“Any more requests?” Gwen called from side where she sat with her guitar propped against her knees.
People yelled out a few songs, more folk songs than what the girls normally played and I was surprised by some of their suggestions.
“What about Kate Bush?” I called out before I could stop myself. From the moment I’d first heard Trinity sing I knew she could sing Kate Bush better than anybody. I wanted to hear her hit those high notes.
Everyone turned to look at me at the same time Trinity’s eyes met mine. Her chin jutted out and her eyes went round but otherwise she didn’t react to my presence here. Did she know I was coming? Had she expected it? Was she pleased? I wish I was closer so I could read her better, touch her even.